Need Opinion Frm Men Over 50 Years Old

[debmidge]

Without going into detail why I am interested.....I guess I am looking at this as a sociological question as

I am not interested so much in what this woman is doing but more so would like to know how men allow

this to happen...

This being said My question:How do men weed out gold diggers (women who want to be with you only for your money ? What test do you make to determine if a woman is using you for your money? How do you stay away from women like her? Do your grown children tell you when you are dating a woman like this? Do you believe them?

Has the dating scene changed that much in the last 20-30 years that a woman over 50 has a good as shot as woman under 50 to find a man with money - I thought not...?

And why do men of any age, like "witches" (trying not to use the "B" word) ?

I have a frenemy who is a "gold digger" and has been using a man for his money for over 30+ years and cheating on him at least a dozen times or so over the past 30+ years. He is decent & hard working.

She feels that if he got sick and could not work, she'd leave him for another man pronto

(she is over 55 years old - no children) Is it possible for her to get another man that quickly, if at all?

Or is she - as I am thinking - delusional and totally in her own world?

[MollyBeth]

I'm not a man over 50 years old. So I'm not sure if this is the advice you want but this woman is definitely off her rocker. I'm 25, single and a very hard worker. I have a terribly hard time finding someone to date. But finding someone to date when you have no standards and only care about finding a person to support you rather than love you maybe it is easy... but I would think someone could see through thos intentions.

People like that always get theirs in the end...what goes around comes around!!

[debmidge]

I'm not a man over 50 years old. So I'm not sure if this is the advice you want but this woman is definitely off her rocker. I'm 25, single and a very hard worker. I have a terribly hard time finding someone to date. But finding someone to date when you have no standards and only care about finding a person to support you rather than love you maybe it is easy... but I would think someone could see through thos intentions.

People like that always get theirs in the end...what goes around comes around!!

You're a female; so she'd be your competition (if you want older man). I am just

amazed over her attitude but more amazed to think that there are men out there

who'd go for this type of woman knowingly....she seems to find boyfriends on

the side, but for some reason or another they fizzle out. But what are the "tests" that

logical men use? For example, do men reject women who do not work? Are men

assuming that if one man puts up with this krud, she must be "special" and they

have to have her? that she's the prize - just by the mere fact that another man

is fawning over her? Gee, it must be true!

[ShayFL]

I have given this advice to MANY men. I Internet dated for years. I am not a gold-digger, but I can spot a victim on an online dating site a mile away. So I would tell these men (some I became friends with), if you do not want a woman going after your money, do not "put it out there" for her to see you have it. Dont put up a profile picture of you leaning against your Mercedes. Dont put a picture of yourself in front of your McMansion. Display a simple picture of yourself with no props. Do not try to "impress" a girl by taking her to the most expensive restaurants, buying lavish gifts and taking her on pricey trips. Just be yourself. Take her to moderate restaurants. Do things that are FREE. If she is a great catch, she will be impressed with YOU. It was no surprise to me that the men that complained about women just wanting them for their money did these things I have mentioned. Many are unaware of how they present themselves. We attract certain people for a reason. Your frenemy's partner might be the most wonderful person in the world, but there was something about him that attracted the likes of her. You can stop attracting the wrong kinds of people, but it takes a lot of inner work. And possibly even a therapist.

[Tim-n-VA]

I'm 50 and married 26 years so screening out women is not an issue. In a future, hypothetical situation I think similar to what ShayFL has said. If she only wants expensive entertainment that would be a clue.

[debmidge]

I'm 50 and married 26 years so screening out women is not an issue. In a future, hypothetical situation I think similar to what ShayFL has said. If she only wants expensive entertainment that would be a clue.

This chick didn't do that ....but she did make him give her two diamond engagement rings - the one he

picked out wasn't good enough for her......so she designed her own and had it made and he paid for

it. That was after he paid for her to get all her front teeth capped......

[codetalker]

And why do men of any age, like "witches" (trying not to use the "B" word) ?

I think it is fairly common knowledge that guys can potentially think with three things. Two of those are their brain and heart. When it comes to women, those two are the least used.

I'm 57 YO and find it very easy to identify the classic gold-digger. Fortunately of me, factors like celiac disease, a non-consumer life style and choice of intrests on one hand make me less of a target and on the other create enough of a contrast to highlight that something is amiss.

If this topic is a sociological question, then it might be worth considering the social factors that might push women in the gold-digger direction. I say this because although there are are some gold-diggers, there are also many very nice women who are simply economically needy in their 40's and 50's. In our society, happiness is all about "having". For women, this can translate to having a new outfit, having new shoes, having a man in their life, having jewelry, having a Vegas vacation. For a man, all that is needed is beer and viagra. Women are more deeply ensnared in social norms and may not have much more of an option than to leverage their wares before they expire. Hence the gold-digger.

[debmidge]

I think it is fairly common knowledge that guys can potentially think with three things. Two of those are their brain and heart. When it comes to women, those two are the least used.

I'm 57 YO and find it very easy to identify the classic gold-digger. Fortunately of me, factors like celiac disease, a non-consumer life style and choice of intrests on one hand make me less of a target and on the other create enough of a contrast to highlight that something is amiss.

If this topic is a sociological question, then it might be worth considering the social factors that might push women in the gold-digger direction. I say this because although there are are some gold-diggers, there are also many very nice women who are simply economically needy in their 40's and 50's. In our society, happiness is all about "having". For women, this can translate to having a new outfit, having new shoes, having a man in their life, having jewelry, having a Vegas vacation. For a man, all that is needed is beer and viagra. Women are more deeply ensnared in social norms and may not have much more of an option than to leverage their wares before they expire. Hence the gold-digger.

That is interesting... I am just trying to understand it all. I am in my low 50's and have always been economically independent. The person I would be referring to in my description had been this way since she was in her in her late teens, before her wares would be considered even close to expiring. She's of the opinion that she can just "snap" her fingers, even though she's 57/58 now, and another man will show up to support her 100% just like a man always has done for her - no questions asked. She's been living with someone since she was about 20 and had been "looking around to trade up" ever since. She has told me she had gone out with other men over the years. I thought she stopped doing this because she had stopped going out alone on Saturday nights. Last weekend we were talking about my husband's illness and she told me she'd never stay with a man with an illness and would never go to work if he could not work. So I asked her what then would she do if her (now he's her husband) got ill and could not work? She said she'd find another man to support her.

So I wanted to put the question out there and put it to the test sociologically - especially in light of women's movement, career women, etc.

I guess my next question is: do men in their 50's prefer women who are dependent in this way? Is it

the "knight in shining armor" syndrome? Or is she delusional?

[codetalker]

I guess my next question is: do men in their 50's prefer women who are dependent in this way? Is it

the "knight in shining armor" syndrome? Or is she delusional?

I would not consider her delusional for thinking that she can simply snap her fingers and have a man support her. The fact that she apparently has been doing this for nearly 40 years testifies that it is doable. There is a plentiful supply of men who are willing to go this route. There will always be a willing candidate and there always will be greener pastures.

In regard to men being attracted to women like this, consider a paraphrase of a well-known saying:

There is no such thing as a freebie.

Women do not provide what men seek for free. Conversely, men always pay for the thing they seek. It is a barter situation.

Most women take in trade love, romance as well as nurturing for themselves and their children. Women working the streets take cash money. Some women take diamond rings and dental work.

Men pay according to the type of women they choose to associate with. There are some men who for whatever reason either will not or cannot provide love, romance and nurturing. For them, a woman who wants diamonds and dental work represents a simpler and easier barter exchange. It is obviously easier to exchange material goods for what is wanted than to commit to a relationship built on love, romance and nurturing. Keep in mind too that for a committed relationship like this to work, the woman must also be willing and able to provide love and nurturing. Many women cannot. Speaking on behalf of men, I think there are many men who have been duped by a woman who appeared loving and nurturing until the ring was slipped on her finger. In fishing lingo, this is called setting the hook. It is only after it is too late that these men realize their mistake.

What is delusional is when one or both parties enter into this quid pro quo arrangement and begin to think there is more going on than there is. You touched on this in the comment about the man being dropped if he became sick and/or unresponsive to a snap of the fingers. As long as people are getting what they want, they ignore that there is no permanent foundation to the relationship. Then, when hard times happen and they need the safety net of a emotionally strong relationship, they discover it is not there. That is when things turn ugly.

[debmidge]

Wow...I guess I am naive about these things. You do make sense and I've never

considered these things before. I've always been a romantic

[ShayFL]

And it is not gender specific either. I have known the converse to be true as well. I personally dated a guy for nearly a year who was in Law School. I fell in love with him. Things went well for that time until I realized I was spending some 50.00 more a week on groceries. That my electric bills had went up. That he always seemed to have not brought his wallet when we ate out. Now I am no fool. It didnt take me long. One morning as he was toasting some of my waffles for breakfast, I asked him to contribute to my grocery bill. He said he couldnt because his grant had run out 2 months ago. He had been "mooching" off of me that whole time without letting me know. His Mom didnt like me....she thought I was a "gold digger". Yet, he was the one digging off of me. I broke it off with him because, deception is NOT my forte. Had he come clean and explained his situation to me and offered to help around my house or something in exchange it might have been different. He was also lazy.

But that relationship taught me what I DONT want in a relationship.

My DH and I are equally yoked. We both work. I am in sales, so there are times when I make 4 times what he makes a month. But he has the steady govt job with benefits. Overall we support each other. We both do housework. We both take care of the child and the dogs. Equal. If one is sick, the other takes over and doesnt get bitter or resentful. It is a "team" effort. But I know I am blessed, so few find this type of marriage.

[debmidge]

I guess what I am confused about is that I can see how woman at age 20 could get

someone to be the "fool" for years - especially when her eyes are bright and skin is glowing and men's

senses are picking up the "youth dew" in her cheeks, but 57/58- who considers sex as a 'chore' (I had to

add that because it is true & it could change the responses) as barterable? Wouldn't a man

with that kind of money look for younger pastures? Forgive me for sounding like I am

stereotyping men with money, but from how I hear upper middle aged women complain

I get the picture that there's not many men in 50's available as it is, let alone one who would

consider an economically disadvantaged upper middle-aged woman over a younger

economically disadvantaged woman. I guess I am learning something new every day and I'll

have to sit back and watch the drama unfold.

[ianm]

Deb,

This is probably difficult for you to understand because you are very much the exception rather than the rule. Most women are conditioned to live wasteful, extravagent and consumerist lifestyles. Achieving social status is the #1 goal for most women. As a man who makes a very large income and back in the dating scene the gold diggers have come out of the woodwork and I have absolutely no clue as to how they know becase I don't advertise my financial status. They all get very angry when they find out that I have a really small house and drive a reliable but non-descript car. Because of this I have voluntarily pulled myself out of the "meat market" because I am just appalled and dismayed at the behavior of women of all ages. Given the current state of the economy all of my money goes to my son's education and retirement savings.

As to why men put up with gold diggers I have no clue because I don't tolerate them at all. It could be that most men are clueless about women. I know I was at one time. Good women are out there but there doesn't seem to be very many of them.

Ian