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Relationships With Someone Without Celiac

nickjc055

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nickjc055 Rookie
nickjc055
Posted

I am fairly newly diagnosed at 27 and has hit me like a brick wall. My frustration level with having to deal with this is like all of you out there who has gone thru same thing. It just seems to me like I need to date (serious relationship) someone who has celiac in a perfect world but in reality its hard to find. So I would appreciate any tips from celiacs who are married too or dating someone where it has worked out. any help on this issue(s) would be much appreciated because I am defininitely having hard time seeing light at end of tunnel on this one

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debmidge Rising Star
debmidge
Posted
I am fairly newly diagnosed at 27 and has hit me like a brick wall. My frustration level with having to deal with this is like all of you out there who has gone thru same thing. It just seems to me like I need to date (serious relationship) someone who has celiac in a perfect world but in reality its hard to find. So I would appreciate any tips from celiacs who are married too or dating someone where it has worked out. any help on this issue(s) would be much appreciated because I am defininitely having hard time seeing light at end of tunnel on this one

Nick

We've been married for 29 years....my husband was not diagnosed until 5 years ago but had been very, very ill for over 29 years.

As the non-celiac, I have great compassion for him and am always there for him.

You have to be very selective of whom you chose to share your life with you - after a couple of dates you should know if the person has a strong, good-enough character and heart to deal with a "different food lifestyle." If the person isn't right FOR YOU, then get out of the relationship asap before it gets any further. You have to date the person in the begining like it was a "job interview" and you were going to hire her/him. Don't make it obvious, but you need to know up front if that person is going to be on your side.

For instance, my husband's sister has said to me that she feels my life is miserable (married to someone who his unable to go out to eat just anywhere, unable to work, chronic illnesses, etc.) that if she were me she would have had affairs over the past 29 years. She also would leave her own husband if he came down with a disability. So you see, that's the kind of person you have to reject before she rejects you. You have to ferret out this about her character before you learn the hard way. Her husband does not know she feels this way (she has had affairs over the past 30 years herself, he has not - he's not that type of person but he's certainly permanently attracted to this witch). Anyway, you have to steer clear of this type of person with bad character; but she has a charming personality on the surface. No one would ever know she's like this. That's why you have to dig to find out of there's "gold" underneath or "rot."

Feel free to PM me should you like to discuss further. I welcome the message

D.

ShayFL Enthusiast
ShayFL
Posted

My husband has been wonderful through all of this. He gladly wen gluten-free in our house for me. He just wanted me to get better. And the "right" person for you will be the same. They will love you and just want you to be healthy. I know it can be hard, but try to keep a positive attitude whilst dating. We all have secrets. ALL of us. Confessing to your date that you have Celiac disease has got to be better than telling her you have Herpes or HIV right? And you might just get a response you wouldnt believe. You might find a mate that will be happy to help you, learn how to cook gluten-free and have fun doing it!!

ang1e0251 Contributor
ang1e0251
Posted

I agree with the other posters; the right person will be compassionate with you and won't think it a burden to support you. Just as you would support him if he were sick or disabled. You are not a monkey on someone's back. You are a great person who eats a certain way. Would you judge a potential date the way you feel they will judge you?

I have been married for 31 years and seen my husband through some challenging times with back surgeries and other things. Now he is healthy and couldn't be more supportive of me. He's always been protective but I'm a rather strong personality so he didn't need those instincts much. Now he is very nurturing, shopping, reading labels ( a challenge as his first language is Spanish), and even reminding me if he sees me reaching for food mindlessly. There are good people out there, you'll find the right one when the time is right.

missy'smom Collaborator
missy'smom
Posted

Good advice from all. I know someone who figured out that they had celiac disease while they were dating someone. They met when she was at her lowest and because he is a man of substance, he stood by her side in sickness and now in much improved health. They live together and he went gluten-free and converted his kitchen gluten-free with her. He saw past her issues and saw the real value in her. She is very lucky to have met him. He's a gem. They lived in different towns and were initially introduced by mutual friends who thought they would be good for each other. You never know how you will meet someone.

home-based-mom Contributor
home-based-mom
Posted

What all the others said.

In addition, as I'm sure you realize or you would not have posted in the first place, being with the wrong person is infinitely worse than being unattached. Don't lose sight of that.

I'm not in your shoes, but if you are so inclined, I believe some of the online dating match-up programs have areas or places that you list special interests/needs. You might not get very many matches, but the ones you get would already be aware of your situation and should be better able to handle it.

Just a thought - - - - :)

ATC-BS-MS Apprentice
ATC-BS-MS
Posted

Nick-

I was diagnosed last year, while I was dating someone. It took him a little bit to get over the inital shock and frustration, just like I did. However, we are now engaged and getting married in 6 months. I am very glad to have found someone that was supportive and understanding through out the process.

At least you have already found out and are looking for someone to share that with you, better than finding out in the middle of it all. I agree with the online dating, at least to make some friends in your area with celiac. My fiance, is going to be totally gluten-free after we are married (since we don't live together now).

Good luck with everything, and remember to live one day at a time!

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leadmeastray88 Contributor
leadmeastray88
Posted

Nick,

I have been dating the same guy for 6 years now, and I was diagnosed just this summer. I can tell you that not one thing has changed between us. He was actually really happy because he didn't want to see me suffer anymore. And he knows what happens when I accidently eat it and tries really hard to keep me safe. The only thing that HAS changed is now we don't go to the university cafeteria to eat, or go to the same restaurants. It actually turns out that our favorite has gluten free alternatives and are happy to cater to my needs.

We have talked about what will happen when we get married, and he understands that our house needs to be completely gluten-free but he is welcome to eat it outside the house (at lunch on a work day) and whatnot. He actually really enjoys my gluten free cooking so food isn't an issue. When we go to friends' houses for parties I bring goodies that I can eat as well.

If the right person comes along, they will understand and will be willing to make the change for you.

Good luck! :)

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