Dating And Celiac

[hermitgirl]

I am just wondering, as I am still fairly new to the Celiac lifestyle, (diagnosed in Sept)if anyone has had experience with the whole dating thing. I am single, would like to start dating again, but am feeling like this is really going to cause havoc even trying to meet someone. I am a member of the local support group, but I seem to be the only one who isn't a teenager or a grandparent. I am in my 30's and am kind of feeling like I am the only one in my age bracket (I know I am not, it just feels like it)l.... Any ideas? Much appreciated.

[MySuicidalTurtle]

I dated a few guys after being diagnosed. It wasn't such a big deal since the guys I was with were caring. If they hadn't been, it wouldn't have gone much further. Just be prepared with a few places to eat so you don't have to end up with no where to go. Good luck and have fun!

[caek-is-a-lie]

Well, I'm in your age bracket, but I was already with my life parter when I started eating gluten-free. However, I had my neurological problems before I met him, so what I can tell you is this. And trust me because I've been in some baaaad relationships in the past.

If you start dating and they aren't accepting and tolerant of your needs and won't eat at places that will accommodate you, then dump their sorry butt like a rotten turkey.

You need to be picky and find someone who is accepting of your condition but sees past it and likes you for you no matter what you can or can't eat. Celiac should be a non-issue. Otherwise you will be miserable. Now, most people might put up with it at first, but you have to find that person that won't think twice about it every single time.

That happens if you're honest and up-front about it right from the beginning and let them know exactly what you need. Don't apologize for anything. This is just how you are. Let them know they can take it or leave it. That's what I did and it turned out amazingly well.

[MELINE]

I really don't see the problem. You just have to explain that you cannot eat everything and that sometimes you may feel sick if you get glutened ( and that shouldn't be more than 10 times / year.)

How difficult is that? is that a disability? You are not a sick disabled person. You just can't eat gluten!!!!! Don't think you are ill or something.

You said you are 30 years old.Me too. I don't know many 30 year old people who don't have their own needs. Someone maybe allergic to dust, or another may be on a diet to lose weight, or someone else may be a vegetarian. My boyfriend is trying to quit smoking, so we are not going in parties now just to keep him away from temptation. And you are not eating gluten. So what?????????

I am sorry if I sound like I am yelling at you, but it is really wierd to see that you are afraid you are going to have a problem with dating. Don't make things hard ,cause they just aren't. You are a totally normal person who has some needs, like everyone has.

Please don't be offended. But I am not going to tell you things like "yes I understand your problem" cause there is no problem.

People will treat you like an ill disabled person, only if you keep on having these thoughts. For god's sake, there is nothing wrong with you!!!!! go on live a totally normal life,just don't eat gluten!!!!!!!!!!!

Meline

[hermitgirl]

Ok so maybe my post sounded a wee bit whiney. Not quite what I was aiming for, but now rereading it and ouch. I do deserve to get yelled at for that one. More than anything I was just wanting to find out what kind of experiences people have been having. I am still pretty new at the whole thing and do have my moments.

[MELINE]

Now you are talking!!!

So lets see ...experiences....well It is a way to check your new boyfriend!

one experience that I had was totally great. he was really trying to make things easy for me, (i met him when i first found out). He would go and buy gluten-free snacks for me, just to surprise me on a date, or he would search the net just to find facts for the disease. He was really very romantic. He was always asking me if I am ok when we were together and he was eating something non gluten free (he was feeling guilty !! he thought I was jealous)

so I think it is a way to see some things about your date's character!!

My new boyfriend is not so romantic, but he is treating me like I am a totally normal person.I like the fact that he never told me that he feels sorry for me I also like that he is always very careful not to gluten me by accident and he is happy for me that I am feeling ok. He says that he wishes he had the same thing, since I follow a really healthy diet and he just doesn't have the strength to do that. And he is very proud of me that I am living my life in a total happiness and I am not feeling like something is wrong with me. .

So, people may react in a different way. Or in a way that you don't like. But it is very important how YOU will present the facts. If you start venting all the time about it (I am not saying that you are doing that) they will treat you as someone who has a big problem.

Isn't it better for example if you could say "Hey, you know I would like to let you know some facts about my diet, just to make sure that I don't get a cross contamination. Also we can go to good restaurants that will help me with that. ", then they will treat you like a healthy woman who is taking care of her special diet. Nothing more, nothing less.

Feel special. You are now taking care of your health more than your friends. You learn to read labels, you are strong enough to say no to many temptations, you are listening to your body, you are in control of your celiac. you eat extremely healthier than most of the people you know. Feel proud and never let anyone tell you that they feel sorry for you.

The whole thing depends on you. Be proud and be happy. Focus on the good news! You finally know what was wrong with you and now you will be healthier every day that goes by! Isn't that great?

Just to let you know something else. I am on a candida diet too. If you google candida diet, you will not believe how hard this is. I am taking tones of supplements, I am eating only meat and salads, I am carrying a water filter in my bag all the time, I am having dying off symptoms with nausea and vomiting and D and I never see my self as ill. So, no one else will see me that way. People will see in you the way you see yourself.

And just to make things clear. I am not saying that I am perfect. I am having my moments with less important things, that if you knew them you would say I am a fool. BUT, for some reason I never had my moments with celiac or candida, so since I can manage at least that I am trying to help as much as I can.

I am sure you will do perfect. I really mean that. I never wanted to make you feel bad, on the contrary I wish I could send you a big smile and tell you that EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE!!!

Have a great day

Meline

[spicenator3000]

Hey, I'm single in my mid 20's and dating non celiacs and doing alright. The date and I usually go to the grocery store and pick out somthing to make back at either persons apartment ONLY afte we both feel comfortable enough to invit the other over without feeling our boundaries would be disrespected. That's definantly not on the first date. Activities like ice skating, movies, walking, going to events in town, the zoo, hiking, blah blah blah is usually the beginning dates. But I definantly stick to my GLUTEN FREE LACTOSE GUNS! I don't budge, I just suggest my ideas in a better light like....I can make a pretty mean spaghetti sauce or chip dip with all natural ingredients just in a blender or frying pan. Not a poblem.

And that's how it goes from there.

Hope this sounds helpful to some. Any Arizonians out there??? Phoenix area? Any Christians (most importantly) out there???

I am just wondering, as I am still fairly new to the Celiac lifestyle, (diagnosed in Sept)if anyone has had experience with the whole dating thing. I am single, would like to start dating again, but am feeling like this is really going to cause havoc even trying to meet someone. I am a member of the local support group, but I seem to be the only one who isn't a teenager or a grandparent. I am in my 30's and am kind of feeling like I am the only one in my age bracket (I know I am not, it just feels like it)l.... Any ideas? Much appreciated.

[jenrn]

I am in my late twenties and have dated two guys since going gluten free. The first guy had never heard of gluten but he was great about making sure we went out to places where I could eat. He even bought gluten free pasta and cooked for me and baked me gluten free cookies once with my guidance about how not to contaminate them!

My current boyfriend is also great about me being gluten free. He actually has multiple food allergies but he can eat gluten. Feeding the two of us is a challenge! But since he has his own food allergies he and his family are very understanding of my food restrictions.

[spanish-road]

Its best to find places you can go and so that its not awkward ordering food, a few of the dates I have been on went well but most of them didn't understand. That is right on confidence in your lifestyle and don't think or say I wish I didn't have this, heck I'm happy that I'm one of the few.

I don't date much but I do want to date a celiac and that would mean no more accidental poisonings for the time being!

[hermitgirl]

There is a site for people living a gluten free lifestyle, glutenfreedate, but unforunately not very many people seem to be on it. It is free, looks to have potential. I have seen posts on here from a while back about the site.

[spanish-road]

well one has a 1 in 133 chance thats some good odds to bet on.

[codetalker]

well one has a 1 in 133 chance thats some good odds to bet on.

So, 1 in 133 sounds good? Let

[curlyfries]

So, 1 in 133 sounds good? Let

[Tallforagirl]

So, 1 in 133 sounds good? Let

[spanish-road]

wow that is all i have to say is wow.

[Crystal795]

Hahahahahahaahaha!!! I was thinking the same thing! I think I went cross-eyed for a moment! Wow, I have to say, that was impressive =)

GAAAHHHH!!!!!......Danger!....Brain overload! .....Make it stop!!!!!

Ummmmm.........put much thought into this, have you??

....0.82 of a person on life support in ICU.......

[C.S. Blogsmith]

So, 1 in 133 sounds good? Let

[Lau3turtle]

I think there is more to the whole dating thing than where to eat and expecting to be respected and appreciated.

So you want to kiss your date? Does he/she have gluten residue in their mouth from their last drink/meal or their toothpaste or breath mints? Does their lotion contain gluten? What about lip balm/lipstick? I'm very sensitive to even trace amounts of gluten, so I have to know these things before I kiss someone.

Even if you can find someone who has the exact same dietary requirements as you, and you actually like each other, not everyone on a gluten free diet is really knowledgeable about what has gluten in it and what doesn't. To further complicate the matter, not everyone on a gluten free diet wants to hear about how what they eat isn't actually gluten free. That kind of person is an unsuitable partner for me since they could gluten me. So add that to the equation.

I'm holding out hope that someone will be a good match someday, but I'm also not getting my hopes up anymore when I meet someone new. Usually they bail before the first kiss. Nothing ruins the mood quite like asking to read someone's toothpaste label. :-/

I think part of it is maturity level. People my age (mid-twenties) generally want to drink and party and live care-free. They tend to be selfish and more interested in instant gratification than long-term rewards. So dating me is beyond their capacity right now. It's not just age though, there are people a lot older than me who are just as immature as most of the people my age. So dating older isn't a great option for me, since in my limited experience, older people who want to date younger women tend to be a little immature.

I'm glad that I haven't gotten involved with the people who can't deal with me having Celiac. They weren't the quality of company I want anyways. Celiac disease is my own litmus test/chastity belt. :-/

[codetalker]

Even if you can find someone who has the exact same dietary requirements as you, and you actually like each other, not everyone on a gluten free diet is really knowledgeable about what has gluten in it and what doesn't. To further complicate the matter, not everyone on a gluten free diet wants to hear about how what they eat isn't actually gluten free. That kind of person is an unsuitable partner for me since they could gluten me. So add that to the equation.

Another element in the equation is how celiacs react to mistakes by others. Someone who launches into a rant (no matter how justified) when someone makes a mistake could be a liability (at least in my view).

For example, before my additional food allergies I was going on SCUBA trips with my friends. We usually booked trips on live-aboards (you stayed on the boat rather than in a hotel). My philosophy with the cook was always that, if he/she could simply do their best preparing what they thought would be gluten-free (with my help, of course), I would take full responsibility for what I put in my mouth and therefore for any accidental glutenings. That went a long way to reduce the anxiety of the cook and the liability concerns of the boat owner/operator. Keep in mind that these are tiny operations, not cruise ships. As a result, I was always a welcome guest.

I would have a concern traveling with someone who launched into a rant whenever someone made a mistake. At a minimum, that could and probably would put an end to the goodwill I've built up. It quite possibly could also result in the operators deciding not to accomodate celiac dietary restrictions.

This is just my opinion. For what it may be worth, please note that I have had my share of accidental glutenings (although never while traveling).

[hermitgirl]

I very much agree with the age part. Being in my early 30's the guys that that I have met in the last few years that are single seem to have regressed back to their party days. I live in an area where the dating pool is pretty sad to start with, so I think for me to find someone with a similar issue in that pool isn't too likely. I think the key is to find someone who is understanding. Sometimes it is just a bit more work to find that person.

[Lau3turtle]

Another element in the equation is how celiacs react to mistakes by others. Someone who launches into a rant (no matter how justified) when someone makes a mistake could be a liability (at least in my view).

Even the most mild mannered statement of fact can be too much for some people. A local guy who is on a gluten free diet and I were talking about restaurants, and he mentioned one that I hadn't been to, and he recommended the tabbouleh. Tabbouleh is almost always made with wheat. When I mentioned that and inquired further about the ingredients, he got really defensive.

I wouldn't want to be in the company of someone who goes off on a rant, but I'm equally turned off by someone who doesn't care enough to want to learn. Especially when it's their own health issue too. Planning and thoughtfulness is too much to ask of a lot of people. I think in order to find someone who is willing to put in extra effort and learn and be patient, I'm going to have to put in extra effort and learn and be patient too.

(btw, I checked later and yeah, the tabbouleh at that restaurant has wheat in it :-P )

[UnhappyCoeliac]

Hey my experience is I dont even tell people im coeliac unless its a girl I reall like or trust

and when I do they are normally fine with it.

Seriously girls are on diets all the time... im on a permanent one lol.

I have never for a moment thought this disease could have any impact on dating

[hermitgirl]

Hey my experience is I dont even tell people im coeliac unless its a girl I reall like or trust

and when I do they are normally fine with it.

Seriously girls are on diets all the time... im on a permanent one lol.

I have never for a moment thought this disease could have any impact on dating

The whole eating out in a restuarant can be uncomfortable. Particularly as the ones out here will accomidate, as long as you call ahead and do not dine during busy times. I spent many hours contacting local restaurants for the local gluten free dining guide, and the two things that they all requested where that you call ahead and no dining during busy times. I am still learning a lot, so my confidence in ordering in restaurants still lacks. That and I have already been glutened by a couple of restaurants, due to me trying to eat out with a group of friends at 8pm on a Friday night and during the lunch hour.

[jparsick84]

I think there is more to the whole dating thing than where to eat and expecting to be respected and appreciated.

So you want to kiss your date? Does he/she have gluten residue in their mouth from their last drink/meal or their toothpaste or breath mints? Does their lotion contain gluten? What about lip balm/lipstick? I'm very sensitive to even trace amounts of gluten, so I have to know these things before I kiss someone.

Even if you can find someone who has the exact same dietary requirements as you, and you actually like each other, not everyone on a gluten free diet is really knowledgeable about what has gluten in it and what doesn't. To further complicate the matter, not everyone on a gluten free diet wants to hear about how what they eat isn't actually gluten free. That kind of person is an unsuitable partner for me since they could gluten me. So add that to the equation.

I'm holding out hope that someone will be a good match someday, but I'm also not getting my hopes up anymore when I meet someone new. Usually they bail before the first kiss. Nothing ruins the mood quite like asking to read someone's toothpaste label. :-/

I think part of it is maturity level. People my age (mid-twenties) generally want to drink and party and live care-free. They tend to be selfish and more interested in instant gratification than long-term rewards. So dating me is beyond their capacity right now. It's not just age though, there are people a lot older than me who are just as immature as most of the people my age. So dating older isn't a great option for me, since in my limited experience, older people who want to date younger women tend to be a little immature.

I'm glad that I haven't gotten involved with the people who can't deal with me having Celiac. They weren't the quality of company I want anyways. Celiac disease is my own litmus test/chastity belt. :-/

All I can say is O-M-G, YES! This sounded so much like me I actually had to double check the poster to make sure it wasn't me!

On the bright side, at least you're getting out there - every time I make plans with a guy, he bails before we even get together and then I never hear from him again. Talk about mega hits to your self-esteem! :/

[jparsick84]

... no dining during busy times.

This is unacceptable. I've never had a restaurant tell me this, and if they did, I would inform them that not only have they lost my business FOR LIFE, but I would also be discouraging all my friends and family from frequenting an establishment that could not make accomodations for me. I don't know, maybe that's selfish of me, but there are plenty of places now that offer gluten-free menus and can make those accomodations for me. I went out just this past Saturday night to the busiest upscale Mexican food place at dinnertime with friends and had no problems (or course, I chose to order foods that would naturally compliment my gluten-free diet - corn enchiladas, rather than flour shell tacos)

Maybe it depends on the cuisine too - I wouldn't expect a sandwich place to make the same effort as a Mexican place due to the nature of the food served. You shouldn't have to eat dinner at 10 p.m. because the restaurant is being difficult.