Husband Trying To Quit Smoking

[Roda]

My husband has been a smoker since he was 16 and before we lived together he was in a house where his parents smoked all of his life. He has decided that he wants to quit smoking. I want to be supportive but I have witnessed his attempts to quit smoking for over eight years now. He has chronic sinus problems that finely got bad enought that he had sinus surgery last April. I know he has allergies but to what I am not certain. His new approach is an E-ciggarette. He has it in his mind if he smokes the e-ciggarette that he can quit. I have to admit that he is now off regular cigarretts and just smoking this. It has an atomizer in it and it transformes the liquid nicotine mixture into a fine mist that you inhale. He has been very "irratible" the last few days since he quit all the regular cigs. He told me tonight that he did not think he was getting enough nicotine so he started a higher strength. I told him that he was going to experience withdrawl to some extent when he lowers the nicotine strength and he should just hang in there with the one he was on. He got mad at me and said that I just don't get it and I was being negative and not supportive. I told him that when he thinks he is ready to lower the dose again that the same thing would probably happen. He tells me that for some quiting smoking is easy but it wasn't for him because he likes it. I got mad at him said I may not know about the addiction, but I did know what it was like to give up things I like. It is not easy for me to sit there and watch him eat bread, etc but I do because I know that I am better off for not eating gluten things. We ended up just hanging up the phone and I probably won't get the chance to talk to him until morning(I'm at work). I'm sorry I just needed a place to vent.

[Jestgar]

Yeah, my mom liked it too. Right up until the week before her quadruple bypass when the surgeon told her he wouldn't do the surgery if she didn't commit to quitting because she'd be dead within a year and he wasn't going to waste his time.

Pretty harsh. But the heart surgery was no picnic either.

Neither was the second one.

My mom had smoked for so long that she has pretty much destroyed all her blood vessels.

I'm sure withdrawal sucks, but I'm guessing it's a lot easier than trying to live with permanent pain and swelling in your legs because the veins have been stripped out to try to keep you alive.

There are no easy deaths from smoking. Lung cancer is a horrible way to die. The heart attacks probably won't kill you, you'll just spend years in pain.

[curlyfries]

He tells me that for some quiting smoking is easy but it wasn't for him because he likes it.

My husband finally quit smoking about 7 years ago. He had tried at different times ever since we started dating, 33 years ago........filters, gum, patches....you name it. Problem was, he was doing it for me, our asthmatic son, but not because he really wanted to. He also liked it too much. The time it worked was because he truly didn't want to smoke anymore....and he did it cold turkey. I expected the usual irritability that I had seen before. I was so sure it was going to be h*** living with him......but it never happened. After he had been smoke free for a while, he realized that smoking wasn't relaxing as many people think....it made him more irritable. Always anxious for that next cigarette.

So my point is.....maybe he's really not ready to quit. It's frustrating, I know. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

[mushroom]

No, quitting smoking is really, really hard. It was without doubt the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but also the best thing for myself I ever did. I had smoked for twelve years, two packs a day, and was totally addicted. And I quit cold turkey, back before the days when they had patches, nicorette gum, or e-cigarettes. And I did it while my husband was still smoking! I used to leave a pack of cigarettes on the coffee table always, because I knew I was going to have to constantly resist. And I couldn't sleep at night from the withdrawal--every muscle in my body was totally rigid and there was no such thing as relaxation. I finally told my doc, I've quit but if I'm gonna stay quit you're going to have to help me get some sleep. So he gave me a relaxant. But the hardest part I found out was figuring out what to do with your hands. They suddenly seemed like these nonperforming appendages on the ends of my arms. Fortunately, at work there was keyboarding and other stuff to keep them busy, but every time the phone rang I started to reach for a cigarette. So be prepared that when he quits smoking his e-cigarette he may have the same problem.

I used to be able to happily eat in a restaurant by myself, but for a year afterwards could not even consider it because I didn't know what to do with myself, even with a book. It was just too hard.

But the worst part went away after six months. Hubby quit after having a bad cold for weeks and never did start again. It didn't seem to bother him at all. I guess for some it is worse than others.

Tell your hubby I sympathize

[purple]

Its tuff. My mom smoked for 35 years, way before I was born. She quit about the time I moved out of the house. Wherever I went, I smelled like smoke. I wish she would have quit when I was a kid. She says now she feels so much better. My sister quit when my mom did. They pretty much both quit cold turkey. I think it helped with the support. My FIL quit when his smoking friend died of a heart attack about age 60. Keep supporting him, he needs you.

[psawyer]

They say that there is no zealot like a convert, so here comes the view of a former smoker.

Nicotine is addictive. Some say that is is more so than heroin.

I quit for good in 1990. The cravings lasted for at least two years, but are gone. I will never go back.

I made up my mind, and went through the withdrawal cold turkey. Lots of people had told me that I should quit, but the decision was mine, and that is what made it stick. I didn't do it for anybody else, I did it for me.

Keep positive thoughts about it. If he really wants to succeed, he will.

[mushroom]

Some further thoughts, looking back. I had "tried" to quit many times. The only way I did it was to wake up one morning and say to myself, "You have already smoked your last cigarette." It sounds to me like your husband is committed; I think you should let him do it his way. Nobody told me how to quit. When you are ready, you just do it, whatever it take.

I sure hope he makes it, because, like Peter, I would never go back. It's just like the gluten nightmares; I used to wake up having dreamed that I had smoked a cigarette, and I never knew if i was a smoker or a non-smoker when I woke up. You husband needs your help--give it to him as much as you can.

[Roda]

I know it is hard for him. And I have been very supportive of him in his past endevors and now. He asks for my thoughts and I am a person who does not sugar coat things (he is aware of this character flaw). We have been through so much together in the past 3.5 years that if I was not a supportive spouse we would be having marriage problems now. He has a lot of health issues that started when my youngest son was 6 months old. He had a vasectomy gone really bad and to make a long story short aside from the vasectomy he has had two additional surgeries to correct the "problem" and now lives in constant pain. He takes neurotin, amitriptyline, and tramadol to manage his post vasectomy pain syndrome. He has been bounced around by so many doctors because they don't want to get involved and because they feel he is a walking lawsuit. We did not sue because he did not think it would help and the statute of limitations is way up. He finely is seeing the doctor for his high blood pressure and they have been tinkering with it for about 5 months now. It still is not low enough yet. He is the type that gets very anxious and stressed about every little thing. He takes the amitriptyline for pain but it definatly leveled out his mood. He has a sister that is bipolar and on his dad's side a strong history of mental problems. He and I have wondered if he has a tendency in this direction also. That could expain his such strong need/addiction to nicotine. I understand that it has to be his decision and he has to want it for himself not anyone else. I just need to sit back and keep my mouth shut!

He knows that I would do anything for him and after the past 3.5 years of dealing with the post vasectomy pain syndrome, our relationship is stronger for it.

[mushroom]

I am sorry your husband is having so many other problems, and I am sure you will help him through this one too Good luck to you both. I was, if you found my post critical in any way, merely trying to point out that the smoking addiction can be very strong; giving up gluten was a breeze in comparison.

Give him a hug and a kiss, and one from me too , and tell him to hang in there--he will never regret it.

[Roda]

Mushroom: I did not in any way take your post as negative. I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. Maybe it will help me understand better. On the flip side though when he was having so many of his other health issues, he got depressed. I was very patient with him, but I had to finally (finally spelled it right) call him out on the problem because it was negatively impacting the whole family. This was around the same time I was experiencing some of my own pre celiac diagnosis symptoms and I was stressed because I did not what was wrong with me. He acknowledged he had a problem and he and I together found the urologist that put him on those meds. The amitriptyline made a huge impact on the moodiness and depression. That lasted for about a year and then he started falling into the same rut again. We talked about it again and things turned around on their own back last fall. He is a creature of habit and does not like certain things to change. He checks his email every morning when he wakes up. I sent him a brief email here from work and I will be seeing him at his work to pick up our oldest son to take him to school. So I can appoligize to him and clear the air before I go to bed. It's been bothering me all night.

[Roda]

Well we kissed and made up. I saw him this morning and everything is ok. I guess I can look at the positives: with him not smoking regular cigs he does not stink anymore, with his e-cigarrette the nicotine stuff comes in a variety of flavors, so I never know what I get to smell and taste, and the flavors are gluten free to boot!

[Roda]

Well here is a little update. After a minor set back with smoking some regular cigarettes, my husband has finally quit. He is pretty happy. He said that his chest does not feel as heavy any more. He is still on the e-cigarette and probably will be for awhile. He plans to cycle down when he feels the time is right. I am starting to get optimistic about him being nicotine free too in the future. I told him that I know he can accomplish anything he wants to when he makes up his mind and if he was serious, I had no doubt he would acomplish it. It's nice to get close to him and not smell the cigarettes!

[Jestgar]

I'm glad this is working out so far.

I hope he finds that this method is a permanent way for him to quit.

[swalker]

I smoked for twenty-five years and couldn't quit for good regardless to how hard, or what I tried, until I bought "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking" by Alan Carr.

Everyone I've given the book to has successfully quit as well.

I had been successful for 9 months on the patch and 3 months on the pill but always went back before I found that book.

[Roda]

Well here is a follow up on the e-cigarette.... He likes it and it does give him the nicotine he craves without smoking regular cigarettes. The down side he didn't stick with it. He is back to smoking as much as he was. He said that it worked but does not know why he "fell off the wagon". I was really hoping it would work for him. It was really nice to be able to kiss him and not taste cigaretts and he did not stink. I'll just keep on accepting him for who he is (I sure love this man). Oh well, it was great while it lasted.

[Jestgar]

Maybe he'll be willing to try quitting again. Don't give up hope of getting sweet kisses!

[Mskedi]

I smoked for twenty-five years and couldn't quit for good regardless to how hard, or what I tried, until I bought "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking" by Alan Carr.

Everyone I've given the book to has successfully quit as well.

I had been successful for 9 months on the patch and 3 months on the pill but always went back before I found that book.

I've had several friends quit after reading that same book. Apparently, it's a miracle worker -- you can read the reviews here: http://www.(Company Name Removed - They Spammed This Forum and are Banned)/Easy-Way-Stop-Smokin...rBy=addFiveStar. Maybe your husband should read it, Roda.

Good luck.

[msmini14]

Morning Roda,

You are more than welcome to join our non smokers forum to vent and to read what we all go through on a daily basis or what we are going through now.

Your husband has to want this for himself, it wont work any other way. Dont pressure him, it will only cause him to smoke more. Maybe tell him what you had said, it was so nice kissing him and he smelled good while he wasnt smoking.

There is a website he might want to join, it is a support group for non smokers and they are very nice there. quitnet.com is the site and to me it is very helpful.

Not smoking is so hard, it has been a part of our daily lives for years. It was so hard for me to imagine not having a smoke after dinner, while driving, in the morning, etc.

I quit on March 20th this year and fell off the wagon on May 18th and just stuck the patch back on yesterday.

Please join us on this forum it is not just for non smokers, we are all here to support eachother. =)

Jen