Got Frustrated

[mushroom]

One of my neighbors hosted a neighbourhood get together for drinks and snacks on Monday evening for Christmas. This is a group pf people who get together once a month for elevenses at alternating hosts' homes. They are all well aware of our gluten free status and needs. Our hostess has grandchildren who have multiple food intolerances for whom she cooks often. Granted their intolerances are different from ours, but similar and certainly include gluten.

Anyway, it was pot luck so I took along stuffed mushrooms which were promptly gobbled up by all and we got to eat only one each. We did have the foresight to take some Sakata rice crackers, so that we could partake of the cheese balls and slab cheeses (risking the cc) and noted that not one person thought to provide rice crackers although they are commonly used by the general population here and not even kept with the gluten free foods. Our hostess did not provide anything we could eat, and none of the others intentionally provided some gluten free food. Some of it we did partake of (sliced strawberries marinated in cointreau, yum!!, an occasional grape or strawberry used as decoration--but not even a vegetable platter). One of my immediate neighbours cooked some zucchini fritters which everyone loved, and she was giving the recipe (only half a cup of flour!) and before I could stop myself out popped "Yes, and if it had been gluten free flour we could have had some too " And she is familiar with gluten free cooking

Was I being unreasonable to think at least one person (maybe our hostess?) could have made something for us? Our hostess kept coming by offering food and saying when she got to us "Oh sorry!" I felt really bummed

[YoloGx]

One of my neighbors hosted a neighbourhood get together for drinks and snacks on Monday evening for Christmas. This is a group pf people who get together once a month for elevenses at alternating hosts' homes. They are all well aware of our gluten free status and needs. Our hostess has grandchildren who have multiple food intolerances for whom she cooks often. Granted their intolerances are different from ours, but similar and certainly include gluten.

Anyway, it was pot luck so I took along stuffed mushrooms which were promptly gobbled up by all and we got to eat only one each. We did have the foresight to take some Sakata rice crackers, so that we could partake of the cheese balls and slab cheeses (risking the cc) and noted that not one person thought to provide rice crackers although they are commonly used by the general population here and not even kept with the gluten free foods. Our hostess did not provide anything we could eat, and none of the others intentionally provided some gluten free food. Some of it we did partake of (sliced strawberries marinated in cointreau, yum!!, an occasional grape or strawberry used as decoration--but not even a vegetable platter). One of my immediate neighbours cooked some zucchini fritters which everyone loved, and she was giving the recipe (only half a cup of flour!) and before I could stop myself out popped "Yes, and if it had been gluten free flour we could have had some too " And she is familiar with gluten free cooking

Was I being unreasonable to think at least one person (maybe our hostess?) could have made something for us? Our hostess kept coming by offering food and saying when she got to us "Oh sorry!" I felt really bummed

That does sound like a bummer--though honestly I wouldn't trust those foods even if they were gluten-free simply because those who have an "allergy" don't react to CC like we do--and thus generally are not as careful. We have to be "neurotic; they don't. Rice cakes can easily be CC'd. Just have to shrug it off. And next time, load up your plate with your own gluten-free preparations before allowing anyone else to touch it (or them)!

Nevertheless, given everything, I agree it was rather callous of them.

Bea

[ciavyn]

Oy - that is frustrating - and I'm experiencing the same thing this Christmas. Some of my friends are uber-sensitive, and others are absolutely dunces.

However - I highly doubt it was intentional. People just don't think about it. I can remember when I was a bit younger, and being totally clueless about the vegetarian lifestyle. It would never occur to me that the same spoon couldn't be used in both a regular dish and a vegetarian/vegan dish.

Have you ever tried to explain to someone what they would need to do to make food for you? The complications are impossible unless your price tag is misery. A friend of mine just insisted that she would make something everything would have, and I just had to tell her what I needed...by the time I was done, she just stared with me. And I laughed. It's tough, and I don't expect it. I'm happy bringing my own food.

People are just goofy, and they probably didn't mean any harm. Make them some gluten-free cookies, and enjoy your holiday eating your own healthy, yummy food.

[Roda]

We just had a "pot luck" at work. I did participate and asked ahead of time what the ingredients were in some of the things the others were making. One girl made pimento chese spread and all the ingredients were safe. I had the cheese dip that was velveta/rotel and some tortilla chips (brand I eat all the time). I made a cherry desert, apples with fruit dip and a cranberry/wild rice/buckwheat salad to share. Earlier in the week one of the guys said he was going to deep fry a turkey. I thought it would be safe but asked him anyway how he was going to prepare it. Good thing I asked, because he injects it with beer! . I simply said that I would be happy to bring something else for me. Well I get to work tonight and he made a turkey breast that I could eat. He said he cooked that one first. However, he had all three wrapped up in foil in a crock pot together to keep them warm and the one he made for me was on the bottom. All the juices from the other ones leaked into it. I didn't have the heart to tell him I couldn't eat it because he went through all that trouble. I politley took a big piece and carried it over to my department. I told a fib to him when he asked if I liked it and I said I did (I did not eat it). I was impressed that the girl that was slicing the turkey asked if I could eat it because of it being in with the other ones and I told her no. She thought that I wouldn't be able to and agreed not to say anything to him. Eventually if we have another food frenzy I will have to explain more to him. He is fairly new on nights and has not been around me as long as the others.

If the get togethers are something that you do on a regular basis I don't think that having something you could eat is unreasonable. In the future just make sure you take extra stuff for yourself.

[Jestgar]

And I would add - take something extraordinarily yummy for yourself. When asked about sharing simply say that normally people don't provide gluten-free food, so you need to bring a dish for yourself.

[Ahorsesoul]

I feel I can not expect others to cook gluten free. Friends or Family. It is way to hard and they will not be able to avoid the cross contamination. I dropped the 'poor me, I can't eat that' syndrome awhile back. I decided to enjoy and focus on the friendship and not the food. I bring something I can eat and always travel with crackers.

I'm a foodie so this was really had for me to do. I decided to learn to make those items of food that I miss the most. There really isn't much that I can't duplicate into a gluten free recipe.

I have holiday gatherings at my house. Everyone eats gluten free, no one has ever spit anything out saying it tastes funny. Most time people ask for recipes instead and are surprised they are all gluten free.

[WW340]

Personally, I would not be trusting others to make gluten free food for me. There are very few people - 2 that I can think of, that I would trust cooking for me.

Other people have tried, and managed to make me sick in the process. Even if they get the recipe right, they often cook in contaminated pans/bakeware. It took me months to learn the gluten free diet. How can I expect a host or hostess to get it down for a dinner party.

I usually call ahead to see what is being served, and then I try to bring myself something similar. Sometimes that call will prompt the host/hostess to think about what they are serving that would be gluten free. I then can determine if there is anything there I could eat that might need something special, like gluten free crackers to go with the cheese plate. Or tortilla chips to go with a certain dip, etc. Or cornbread to go with the chili, etc.

I will generally bring my own food, plus something to share.

Don't take it personally. People often just don't think about it. Besides, I always feel worse if someone went to a lot of trouble making me something special and then I get sick from it.

[Welda Johnson]

Hi! Congratulations for sticking with your gluten-free diet. Your being diligent with your own food means you are well on the way to good health. I've been on a diet of meats, fruits & vegetables for years no grains, milk or dairy, egg whites, yeast, casein, whey, msg etc., and long ago gave up on the thought that someone else would create foods that I could eat. Instead, I've worked hard to create recipes that I CAN eat, and take them with me wherever I go. For Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and Mother's Day get-togethers with family, I look forward to eating the turkey or ham, along with a salad or vegetables that I've brought. By now everyone knows that I'm usually better off to stick with just fruits & vegetables, so it really is an occasion when I indulge even in the protein.

Last weekend one of my best friends learned that her grandson has Celiac. I've been able to share recipes and information to make their lives easier, and that feels SO GOOD! It makes all the suffereing worthwhile, to be able to help one other person.

I think that as time goes by, you'll feel more and more confident that you can deal with being gluten-free no matter what the occasion or get-together. We're really here to help educate others. That's how I look at it, as I enjoy my newfound freedom from illness. Merry Christmas. I hope the day is wonderful for you & your family. Welda

[halfrunner]

Neither of our families is really aware of what DH can and cannot eat with now being gluten free. Everybody forgets what he can & can't have. ("He can eat the cake. It's angel food.", "um, no, the first ingredient is wheat flour.", "Oh, right.")

We just deliberately ask ahead, I suggest options for him and dh picks what he wants me to make for him. We have three family get togethers this week, and I've been calling and emailing a ton just to make sure he gets actual meals.

My other "survival" tip is to eat before hand and just pick at what's there. I do this because DH's family likes to eat really late (8 or 9pm) and that will throw off my thyroid meds and my system the next day.

We both have decided being miserable because of other people's cooking and eating habits isn't worth it.

As for expecting more gluten-free friendly foods, there is only one person that I would trust for DH to eat at her house, because she stays gluten free as well. But I can certainly understand where you would have thought that there should be more provided that you could have eaten given the hostess' family's food sensitivities. Even I've not thought and passed dh regular pretzels out of habit. She probably just didn't think about it. At least that is the benefit of doubt I'd give her, if she was someone I knew well. (And is better than thinking she deliberately left you out.)

[mushroom]

Thanks for your responses. I think the part that really got to me is that our hostess has these grandchildren that she constantly tells us about preparing special food for, she knows how difficult it is for them not to eat the regular stuff, she has all the gluten free flours on hand, and I thought if she had any concerns about any additional needs we had she could have at least provided a vegetable platter or a fruit platter, something she could be sure we could eat. By the end of the evening the "Oh sorry"s were getting to sound a bit false and forced.--and really getting on my nerves. I am not normally one to bemoan my glutenless state, but this one night got to me. (By the way, the gal who made the zucchini fritters is one of those "in your face" vegetarians

Definitely in the future we will take something to share and something not to share--thanks Jestgar for the idea. And we will make sure it is exceptionally delicious.

[camprunner]

With friends, I worry more about offending them or getting uninvited when I mention my special diet (and thus the need to possibly bring my own food). With family, I am more frustrated. My mother wouldn't allow me to bring my own food for Thanksgiving and offered me only Turkey (which I'm thinking wasn't safe) and brocoli. Great Thanksgiving meal! Not..

My in laws don't have a menu plan and at the last minute decided to serve lasagne. Let me tell you, there is no place to get rice lasagne noodles anywhere near there house . Infact, I went out to get food and there wasn't a lot of easy to cook stuff at the grocery store. I ended up with rice cakes and fresh salsa.

I'm not asking people to cook it for me, just help me by allowing me to plan a little. For Christmas, we are not returning to my Mom's house and she knows why. We may go to MIL's soon but will be taking our own food. There will be a party that we are nervous about. Unfortunately, it is a pot luck in which MIL and her sisters are the only ones bringing food. MIL was asked to bring stuff for grilled cheese sandwiches . She did at our prodding find out that the soup does not have flour or barley in it and so far, I'm not sensitive to cc so we're crossing our fingers that I will be able to eat.