A Vent About My Family.

[revenant]

I'm getting a lot of negative attention from my family because of this.. stupid gluten intolerance and lactose intolerance. I got accidentally glutened and told my mom that I would need some dishes to be just mine, and she SIGHS, and calls me a hypochondriac. "SABRINA.. that's not possible... there are a lot of people who pretend to be sick for attention". Then she goes over to my older sister and goes "Sabrina thinks she got 'cross contamination'" and together they sigh "Ohhh myyy.... She's sooo.....____" This has been really hard for me to do alone, i'm only 2 weeks gluten/lactose free and 3 days egg free after discovering symptoms... And really it tears me apart to have my family actually resenting me because of this. They hate when I mention anything about it, they make fun of me always thinking that I'm making up illnesses to get their attention... Even though my mom is gluten intolerant herself (and lactose, I'm assuming) she eats both of these things. So she thinks that just because you're gluten intolerant, it doesn't mean that you have to stay away from it. Thanks for letting me vent here so often! I feel almost guilty for always venting here. I feel very alone with this whole struggle.

My mother won't let me have any dishes for myself. I'm going to steal some dishes from the kitchen, scrub them down and hide them in my room. I think this is the best option.

[kareng]

How old are you? Should you move out? how were you diagnosed? Do you live in the US? I' m asking this stuff to try to help you figure out your options.

Plates might not be your issue. Pans, colanders, cutting boards could be the issue. Just wash your plate and forks before you eat.

Got to spend time with hub, I'll get back to you tomorrow, Honey. We might be able to work something out with your mom. I'm close to her age so maybe I can help you. Feel better.

[revenant]

Thanks.. I'm 17. I was not diagnosed, this is largely the problem. I had extreme symptoms and felt like a whole different person as soon as I went off of it, plus my mom is gluten intolerant so I diagnosed myself. I understand that my mom needs proof before she believes me fully, but I'm unwilling to suffer through 4-6 weeks of gluten for that proof. I live in Canada

Technically not able to move out for another year. It will be a glorious day when it comes. I appreciate the reply

[mushroom]

While you are still living at home, Sabrina, it is going to be really tough to keep yourself gluten free. I assume your mom does the cooking or that, if you do your own cooking, you are using the same utensils, cutting boards, skillets, toaster, etc., that the rest of the family uses. This will almost guarantee that you will get continual cross-contamination. Also, if your mother handles gluten foods and then handles your food, whammo, cc again. You can even cc yourself from door knobs and handles if you don't continually wash your hands.

I doubt that you are ever going to be able to educate your family about these things if they think you are merely seeking attention. I imagine you are still in high school so moving out is probably not an option at the moment. Save your pocket money and buy yourself a small skillet (you should be able to pick one up quite cheaply, for a few dollars) and use that for your cooking. Keep it in your room. Get yourself a spatula to use with it too. If the dishes are washed in the dishwasher they should be safe, but only if you unload them yourself with clean hands - if gluteny hands handle them they may not be. So just quietly wash your own dishes before you eat, and after you eat do keep a set in your room for your use only. Don't make a big deal out of any of this, do it quietly without even mentioning it so that it is not adjudged to be attention-seeking. Keep a spread with gluten-free in red letters on it (something they can't miss) in the fridge just for your use. You may have to convince your mom to buy this for you if your pocket money won't go that far. Do your cutting on some cling film or foil, always put a paper towel under your food on the counter and in general make sure it never comes in touch with anything that gluten has touched. And of course, always wash all food that has been handled by other family members.

In looking back through your posts I see no mention that you have ever been tested for celiac disease. Or have you actually been tested and not mentioned it? In Canada you can get special tax exemption for gluten-free foods so there is a monetary value in having the diagnosis. But perhaps your family finances don't run to special testing, although your Canadian health system should have provided it, I believe. Did you just go gluten free because you figured it out?

Stay talking to us and let's see if we can help you cope with this situation. You seem to have made the jump to staying gluten free and not intentionally self-harming. Let's see if we can help you further

[revenant]

Thanks mushroom! That's all very helpful advice.

I didn't know cross contamination could be continued through handling things also... This may be harder than I originally expected.

No I have not been tested. I figured it out on my own, my symptoms were pretty severe. I was sick nearly every day of my childhood with chronic diarrhea, joint pain, headaches, and I couldn't move my mouth muscles enough to speak more than a whisper/mumble, so I hardly ever spoke. I was like a vegetable, just stared blankly, no thoughts, mouth open, too tired and hurt in the ankles to even walk around outside so I stayed inside until I was 13, and couldn't walk much before my ankle pain would come back. I was also presumed autistic, had ADD, diagnosed as depressed at a very young age, diagnosed with GAD/social anxiety... All of these things went away or lessened once going gluten/lactose/egg free.

I did not even think of testing at the time, I was just happy to get rid of all of my "mental" and physical illnesses. Now I dare not go back on that diet just in order to get results.

Anyways, I'm really grateful that you took the time to read my other posts and deliver such a helpful response. Very appreciated! I'm going to try my best to do all of that.

[mushroom]

Well, with such severe symptoms from gluten it is probably not surprising that your family thinks it was all attention-seeking Instead of being grateful that you are doing better, they still look at you as the old Sabrina, trying to draw attention to herself with no understanding of what you have been going through. It sounds to me like your family has been treating you as a non-person because of your response to gluten. Life is really hard sometimes and we are born into a family and that is it, that is our family. No wonder you had social anxiety. But you are a battler (like I was) and you have come a long way (you have proved this by being here and trying to take control of your life) and with a little more effort you can lick this. Let us know how else we can help you. {{{hugs}}}

[revenant]

Well, with such severe symptoms from gluten it is probably not surprising that your family thinks it was all attention-seeking Instead of being grateful that you are doing better, they still look at you as the old Sabrina, trying to draw attention to herself with no understanding of what you have been going through. It sounds to me like your family has been treating you as a non-person because of your response to gluten. Life is really hard sometimes and we are born into a family and that is it, that is our family. No wonder you had social anxiety. But you are a battler (like I was) and you have come a long way (you have proved this by being here and trying to take control of your life) and with a little more effort you can lick this. Let us know how else we can help you. {{{hugs}}}

This is very true. I think that my entire family severely misses the old, quiet Sabrina who never spoke a word and didn't even realize that she was a person, so allowed to be stepped on, as sad as that sounds.... that was who I was to them. They don't know this person that is coming out of me so suddenly. I don't even! Also, I'm interested in your story? You say you were a battler, If you don't mind sharing, I'd love to hear!

I can't tell you how much your post lifted my (partly gluten induced) horrible mood. It's so nice to see that somebody UNDERSTANDS! Thank you so much, it means a lot I assure you.

[gf-soph]

Your symptoms on gluten sound awful, I'm impressed that you even had the energy to figure it out, let alone go gluten free! It's horrible that you are having to go through this unsupported, it says a lot about your strength of character that you are fighting through.

The fact that your mother knows she has a problem with gluten yet continues to eat it means that she must be living in some form of denial. You going gluten free and feeling better is a challenge to her denial, and people can react badly to that. It's probably easier for her to believe that you are attention seeking than to accept the truth. Have you been recording your symptoms and changes over time? I found it really beneficial to make a really detailed entry about how I felt before giving up gluten, and then tracked my progress periodically over the next few months. Maybe one day you could show it to your mother, and see if that makes any impact.

Your first priority living in that house is to keep yourself safe from gluten. For the first 6 months after going gluten-free my family weren't willing to change how they prepared their food. They at least did accept why I was going gluten free, but didn't understand enough about cross contamination. If you can get the very basics, say a pot, a pan, a chopping board and a colander then you should be able to use the cutlery and crockery but I would wash them off first. I would keep them in your room so that noone can use them.

I hope your family come around and become more supportive. If not, at least you are reclaiming your life and can look forward to a healthier future

[Juliebove]

Oh boy does this sound familiar! I'm 51 and my daughter is 12. We both have food allergies as does my mom. My mom prefers to eat whatever she wants and then expects sympathy when she gets sick. But she never relates the sickness to the food and gets angry with us for mentioning it.

My family doesn't believe in cross contamination. They think a little bit of something won't hurt. So I came up with something that I thought would make them understand. They all take prescriptions meds. So I ask them which one of their pills is the tiniest one? They will tell me. Then I will tell them... Why not give one of those pills to Angela? My daughter. They will look at me like I am nuts. Or I will say... Why bother to take it? I mean, it's small right? So small it can't possibly do anything for you. They still don't get it. Still do not.

It is very frustrating. In our case we generally only see my parents once a week and other family less often than that. So it's not like we have to live with them. That would be even more frustrating. I feel your pain!

[Cypressmyst]

Holy! O_o I'm so sorry. This lifestyle is a hard enough thing, especially as you heal, without having no support from your family.

*Hugs*

Maybe print out some good articles on Gluten and let your Mom read them?

My Mom was trying the gluten-free diet (She has more than a few symptoms) but after 2 months says she hasn't seen much improvement except that she is bloating less. Further inquiry reveals that she is gluten-free except she can't possibly give up her near daily wheat bagels...they are whole grain right...that's good for you.

*Face Palm....

For some people there may be no hope...the ignorance runs too deep.

[kareng]

Would talking with school counselor help ? You or your mom? What about your dad or another relative? Minister at church?

Sometimes it's hard for 2 people who live together to really see each other. We remember the child they have always been and don't see the new person they have become. Maybe another adult your mom would respect could sit down with the 2 of you and help you explain. You try to write her a letter, too. Do this when you are not fighting. Explain the physical problems and what has changed. No blaming, just facts. Then say that you love her and need her help so you can feel healthy and happy.

If none of that works, we are here for you to vent.

Good luck! I have a boy your age. If he yells and calls names, I can't hear what he really is saying. When he presents a case reasonably, we can discuss it and he usually gets what he wants.