Need To Vent

[srall]

Maybe this post belongs in the parents of kids section, but it's really more about dealing with the fallout of eating foods we're intolerant to.

My daughter, age 7, who is gluten and dairy free, (and probably should be corn free) went to a birthday party last night. As usual I sent her with a packed dinner and a gluten free muffin. I should mention that the host's parents are friends of mine, and I think they were trying to be nice to my daughter, because the dad left to get her some cheetos which they must have figured were gluten free and therefore "safe"

Because of the corn, and the dairy, I never would have let my daughter eat this. She knows this too, so I am definitely holding her accountable.

So, the fallout today has been sheer hell. First of all she had D all night and all morning, so much so that we skipped church. Then the behavior completely unraveled. She has a spelling test in the morning so we were going over her words. Words she knew a couple of days ago were completely forgotten. She has had several lasting tantrums today. Her writing is pretty much reduced to scribbling, and to top it all off she got mad at our little kitten and threw it, yes threw it, across the room. I'm losing it.

I guess at the very least this confirms my decision to take her off all of this crap. I'm so pissed off right now. I think I'm going to tell her that she cannot go to anymore birthday parties because this is completely out of control. The thing that is really bugging me is that this is not the first time something like this has happened and I don't know how much clearer I need to be with my friends about feeding my kid. Of course, my husband's at work today so nobody but me sees the result of those dang cheetos.

[Bobbie Jo]

Maybe this post belongs in the parents of kids section, but it's really more about dealing with the fallout of eating foods we're intolerant to.

My daughter, age 7, who is gluten and dairy free, (and probably should be corn free) went to a birthday party last night. As usual I sent her with a packed dinner and a gluten free muffin. I should mention that the host's parents are friends of mine, and I think they were trying to be nice to my daughter, because the dad left to get her some cheetos which they must have figured were gluten free and therefore "safe"

Because of the corn, and the dairy, I never would have let my daughter eat this. She knows this too, so I am definitely holding her accountable.

So, the fallout today has been sheer hell. First of all she had D all night and all morning, so much so that we skipped church. Then the behavior completely unraveled. She has a spelling test in the morning so we were going over her words. Words she knew a couple of days ago were completely forgotten. She has had several lasting tantrums today. Her writing is pretty much reduced to scribbling, and to top it all off she got mad at our little kitten and threw it, yes threw it, across the room. I'm losing it.

I guess at the very least this confirms my decision to take her off all of this crap. I'm so pissed off right now. I think I'm going to tell her that she cannot go to anymore birthday parties because this is completely out of control. The thing that is really bugging me is that this is not the first time something like this has happened and I don't know how much clearer I need to be with my friends about feeding my kid. Of course, my husband's at work today so nobody but me sees the result of those dang cheetos.

[Bobbie Jo]

I seriously feel for you. I am so sorry .. for your cat too!!!

I was just reading an article on the main page of celiac.com today about how few people understand us. You should read it for laughs - it's the one by Danna Korn. She basically says that .01% of the population get us and will try to help us - and that if we find those people, worship the ground they walk on.

I am sorry about the spelling test situation. I have a 3rd grade girl with the same thing, so I know what you are talking about.

This day will be over.

Pulling for you!

[Kimbalou]

Hi, I'm new here. I'm sorry to hear about this. I would hold those parents more accountable than her, personally. She is still very young, and some different foods will be tempting. I would call the parents and tell them everything that has happened, like you wrote here, if you haven't already. When it comes to a food issue, I think people tend to be really ignorant and think it's a fad diet or something, or that we are trying to look different somehow. Just my opinion, but I would definitely call those parents and talk to them, or go over there! This is unacceptable for them to offer her the cheetos. I wouldn't restrict her from going to parties, just reinforce the rules with her and let her know sometimes adults aren't doing the right thing.

Hope your day gets better! BTW, I have 3 girls, so I know they can be very emotional too.

[kareng]

I wouldn't mention the no birthday parties while she is in this state.

Why don't you go to the parties with her? Tell the other parents you will come and help. Do be helpful. Serve juice, cleanup the games, etc. I went to most of the parties my kids were invited to until 3 rd or 4 th grade.

Should have added: if this was a sleep over, 7 is too young. You can do sleep unders. You pick her up at 10 or don't leave if you have to worry about snacks.

I went to sleep overs to keep the dad from beating a kid who broke something. You don't really know what is happening in the home and 7 is too young to deal with it.

[srall]

Karen, I think you've suggested that to me in another post. I'm sure that's the best way to handle this. My husband and I went out to dinner and had a really fun evening out...but the safest bet is to just stay with her. I guess I should buck up and face that fact. I probably will confront the parents but I don't want to come across as hostile. They were so concerned with what she was able to eat, that I said, don't worry, I'll take care of her food, just worry about the other little girls. I think they were genuinely coming from a nice place.

[kareng]

I'll tell you, I never minded a parent who wanted to stay and help.

[srall]

It wasn't a sleep over...

[Kimbalou]

srall, I think you should mention this to the parents. This sounded like it made your daughter severely sick! Just be polite and explain it to them again, that she can't eat any of their food or you might have to take a trip to the hospital, maybe then they will hear you.

[FooGirlsMom]

Srall,

First of all - I understand. I haven't been in this situation over gluten but I think all parents have experienced a "well meaning" friend who does something so damaging that you are mixed between rage & defeat.

I have learned over the years (have an 18 year old in 2nd year of college and a 9 y.o.) that you can say anything to people, it's all in the "how". Right now you're too angry to do it the way you'd want to. Once the steam blows & cools, you'll be able to go to your friends, THANK them for their friendship & their well-meaning kindness to give your daughter a treat but then explain what that means to the gluten intolerant. It really would be wise to run down the aftermath of those Cheetos for them. True friends will be horrified & care. It's as serious for some people with gluten issues as it is for kids with a peanut allergy who end up in the ER. Only the ER is at your house and the cat (and you) are taking the brunt of it. No one who truly cares about you will be hurt by your kind & honest explanation.

It's important to really educate all the parents in your daughters life so that she is FREE to go to their house and they will watch out for her. In a way it's kind of a blessing in disguise that this happened. Now you have a story to tell people when you explain her issues. You can describe how some chips threw her for a loop and how serious it is that she ONLY eat out of her own bag. People will get it. Your story is pretty dramatic. Use it from now on until you're blue in the face from telling it.

Hugs and good luck,

FooGirlsMom