I've Fallen

[Emme999]

Maybe you guys can help me understand this.

A little while ago I seemed to lose interest in life. I'm not exactly sure what's happened but I am having a really hard time right now. It's not that I feel terribly ill, or that I'm unbelievably depressed - just that I am completely lacking passion & desire for just about everything. Even little things - like this forum. I read posts all the time that I think are really interesting and I have so much to say about them - but I just don't have the energy to do it.

I've been working my butt off lately (32 hours in 3 days) and maybe that's it - I'm just overdoing it..? I don't know - but today I can't seem to get going. I make my own hours and need to work a lot right now (for financial reasons) but... I'm just having the hardest time. I actually work for my dad (who owns a gunstore) and make bullets - so it's labor intensive, carrying buckets of lead or boxes of bullets up and down the stairs over and over again.

(Please don't hate me if you are anti-gun! I don't believe everyone should have guns either. Let's not talk about it.)

Anyway - I am *so* tired and *so* apathetic. Is this part of celiac?

Last night I was lying in bed and it finally hit me that I have a disease. This isn't a sickness. It's not going to go away. It's not going to get better. It will always be there. I am profoundly sad.

My boyfriend is having his birthday party at this Park City resort breakfast buffet on Sunday. I'll be buying. I can't even express how much it ticks me off that I'll be paying $40 to eat fruit. But I can't *not* go - it's his day, not mine.

I am so sad today Tears are coming way too quickly

Do I need to be extra careful of exhausting myself with celiac? Please share any insight you might have.

Thanks -

- Michelle

[debjocc]

Hi Michelle,

Yeah, I get depressed often too... but I don't know if it's related to Celiac or life-style. I work two jobs and am robbing Peter to pay Paul. I have noticed that I get really depressed when very tired, so maybe that's part of what's causing your depression.... So try to make yourself go to bed a little earlier to get an extra hour of rest. I make myself do that and feel better the next day.

Also, exercise helps me have a better, more positive attitude, so maybe you should go out and run when feeling this way (or better yet, find a rug that needs cleaning and "beat it" clean).

Hope you feel better soon!

DJ

[mytummyhurts]

I struggle with this stuff a lot too. Sometimes I'm really depressed, sometimes just like "what's the point?" I don't know if it comes from the disease, it is said that depression goes with it, or just life in general. I think a lot of the general public these days struggles with this stuff. Especially if you are doing a job you don't feel good about. I know that my job makes me feel this way a lot. I feel like I'm stuck in the 40 hour work week just making enough to pay all my bills and living for the weekends. I hate it! But I can't figure out what to do with my life to make it different.

How long have you been feeling this way? When you say a little while do you mean a couple weeks? Or even longer?

Hang in there Michelle!

[Emme999]

Thanks guys - but I think I just figured out what's going on Please see my post on "Tropicana" and don't drink it! Not safe!!!

I've been feeling this way for about a week or two (?) - which, makes sense, considering that's about the same time we bought the orange juice. Note to self: most Tropicana contains gluten! I can't believe I missed that

Thanks for understanding Abby. My job is definitely not the one of my dreams - right now I'm just doing it to pay the bills & get through school.

Anyway - now I'm *really* sad! I did this to myself by carelessness & stupidity.

I've had a lot of crying spells lately. I couldn't figure out what was going on - I had felt "glutened" but didn't even think of the orange juice. Now I know. Damn it.

- Michelle

p.s. I still am interested in knowing if you need to be extra cautious about exhausting yourself with celiac disease though - please post if you have any thoughts on it!

[mytummyhurts]

It would make sense that you've felt depressed if you were glutened.

I don't know what you mean about exhausting yourself. Do you mean working a lot and overdoing it? I would think that it would be much easier to exhaust yourself when you are glutened and that taking it easier would be better for you. Obviously you just found out that you were glutened though. Don't beat yourself up over that. A couple weeks ago I ate something that said "contains wheat ingredients" just because I assumed it was gluten-free and it wasn't. We all make mistakes with this.

[tarnalberry]

Take an objective look at your life:

* you're dealing with the physical stress of celiac and any related problems have put on your body

* you're dealing with the mental challenge of adjusting to *all* the changes that pop up in your social life because of the change in diet

* you're dealing with the physical stress of working a physically demanding job nearing 11 hours a day

* you're dealing with the mental stress of focusing on your job for nearly half of the hours in a day

* you're dealing with the mental and physical stress that comes from NOT doing what you would otherwise do if you weren't working so much

I sympathize. I've had those continuous 60-80 hour weeks. And putting in 40 hours in three days... it just plain blows! Having your husband come to work at 2:30am to tell you to come home to bed, and then end up staying and helping with more work for half an hour sucks. And what I've learned from doing this last summer, and again for much of the beginning of this year, is that it insidiously wears you down. It's not so much that *celiac* is making you more fragile, it's that you don't realize the demands you put on yourself in such a congruence of situations as you have.

I found that, when I was working that much (albeit at a job that I am not happy with the tasking), I didn't have time to make the food I needed to stay healthy. (I didn't cheat on the diet, but I didn't eat the well rounded meals I needed and relied far too much on fruit and rice cakes - not good for my blood sugar!) I didn't have the time to get some exercise and get some adrenaline flowing through my system. I didn't have time to do the cleaning that I felt I needed to, and my cortisol levels would rise every time I looked at the apartment getting messier and messier. I didn't have time to enjoy the artistic pursuits that I like that serve to exercise another part of my brain. I didn't have time to just *be* instead of trying to *do*. And all of these things took their toll, and made me feel fairly miserable.

It's possible that there is an element of minor depression, or even dysthymia (which my shrink thinks I probably do have - it's a long term form of depression that doens't go so deep as to make it hard to go about your day-to-day life, but mostly just sucks the fun and excitement out of it) in what you're dealing with, but it could also just be the drain that you're putting on your system.

A couple things I suggest that help me:

* Music - I'd die without my iPod, I tell ya. For me - and I know it's different for different people - music really helps set my mood. So finding music that reflects how I'm feeling and building on that (in a positive way) is important, and then I just listen all day at work.

* Exercise - Even if I really don't feel like doing it, I get my ass out there and do something.

* Yoga - This one can count as exercise, but it's something that works for me, particularly because of the teacher/class I take and the people I know there.

* Sleeping - Definitely making sure I get enough, and NOT too much sleep. 7 to 8 hours a day, period.

* Eating - I'll find a way to make the time to eat better, and spend the extra money to get whatever I need (usually protein). This may include getting rid of some of the snackier items that can be problematic for me for a time.

* Learning to say no. Harder than it should be, but SO important!

[jenvan]

Hey girls I am sorry for your struggles with depression...what a lonely, and despair-filled place that is. Depression often goes hand in hand with chronic illness. I would think for many, that as you physically feel better, you will emotionally feel better as well. I have to be intentional to think positive and hopeful when I'm physically hurting and my fibro has made my whole body hurt. Moving slowly and simplifying is what helps as well. For me, the despair is a reminder to go back to God who I have inevitably pushed aside for my own solutions...none of which have worked yet!

I don't know how serious your depression is, but I do think counseling is a great help for many. And as Abby mentioned, work can be a huge part of the problem too. Unfortunately, some of us don't find jobs that fit all of our passions and talents, however, I feel like we can find jobs that do suit some of our skills, and that we can enjoy, not dread. It is so easy to live for the weekends, as you said Ab. I have so been there, still go there often. But I try and focus on small things, turning up my music, asking a coworker what going on in her life, looking out the window (when i walk by one trying to be present in the moment, and not just longing for the day to be over...

Michelle, seems like you've figured out your issue for the short term. Damn that tropicana! I had no idea what was lurking there! And Ab--have you ever explored your options for other jobs? Maybe even taking a few classes to explore a new career or get certificate in something that interests you?

[jenvan]

I think Tiffany and I posted at the same time--I agree with her on exercise, forgot about that one in the moment. Even perhaps taking a short walk outside on a lunch break can reenergize...

[Violet]

First I have to say holy %#$%#$ there is gluten in orange juice???

Also, you said you carry buckets of lead around. I did some research on heavy metal toxicity when I was dealing w/a filling that leaked once. I was mainly looking at mercury and nickel, but I remember reading that if you are toxic w/lead, one of the major things you notice is depresson and listlesness. Could you get a lead/blood test? Thats not something to mess with. I bet having something wrong w/your immune system like celiac would make you extra suseptible. Please excuse my spelling, I feel like I am spelling everything wrong and like I can't think enough to form a sentance. I have no idea whats up w/that!

Feel better

[Emme999]

Tiffany - Thanks so much for always being so generous with your insight I really appreciate everything that you said - and you helped me to put things into perspective. I'm so glad that you are here, you are always so kind & thoughtful!

Jen - Thanks for your understanding! I'm sorry that I never posted on your huge list of allergens. I remember it and think of it often - unfortunately, you posted in the midst of my down phase and I never replied. Sorry! But, your comment on your fibro reminded me of what I was going to say. (I don't want to go off topic here, but look for a post on "allergy pains" that I'll do in just a minute). I've been thinking about you! You are always so nice!

Violet - holy %#$%#$ is right! I think that's one of the reasons I didn't take the "modified food starch" on the label seriously enough (duh! I should *always* take it seriously). Thanks for making me feel like less of an idiot Also - You are absolutely right about lead poisoning. Lead is a dangerous neurotoxin and you have to be really careful with it. I am super careful - because I'm dealing with it all day - most of the time at temperatures above 700 degrees! I wear gloves and have a special lead mask. I also had my blood levels tested just two weeks ago. Thank you for being mindful enough to think of that Fortunately, I think that I'm just dealing with gluten now.

Ha ha - just gluten

Anyway - thanks to everyone who is being so kind to me! It's times like this when I *really* need and love this forum

- Michelle

[Canadian Karen]

I seem to remember a post from celiac3270 awhile back about Tropicana Orange Juice. There was a specific number that you had to look for on the UPC code and that was the gluten free one....... I will try to find the original post........

Karen

[Canadian Karen]

Oh, I see now in another thread that you have found that out already!!!!

Karen

[celiac3270]

I posted this awhile ago...re: tropicana

Mine says 48, too, and doesn't contain natural flavors. Tropicana OJ w/ calcium is gluten-free

So at one point it was gluten-free...I don't know if it's changed since then...I'll go to their website and try to get the ingredients to check for nat. flavors...if none are in it, you just have to check the carton for the plant number.

Yea, I thought I posted here about this at some point--maybe not.

Oh, and I think everyone's given great advice--particuarly Tiffany's obviously well thought out post.... Feel better

[Carriefaith]

Michelle, like the others have said maybe try and get away from it all for a little while on your days off, like taking a relaxing walk in a park or a trail depending on if you live in the city or not. I find that this helps me sometimes. And if your feeling up to it, exercise can be quite helpful. I know that I feel tons better after a good workout.

[tarnalberry]

Tiffany - Thanks so much for always being so generous with your insight I really appreciate everything that you said - and you helped me to put things into perspective. I'm so glad that you are here, you are always so kind & thoughtful!

Thanks :-)

It's been (and continues to be) a *rough* year, and I didn't understand why I was having so much trouble with ... life! Until I sat back and realized what all is really going on in my life this year, then I felt amazing for having done as much as I have! ;-)

[celiac3270]

And, as cheesy as it sounds, an inspirational quote can sometimes help--as you can see I adopted your quote--well, the quote that you posted.

[mytummyhurts]

Tiffany mentioned not over sleeping and I think this is a good point. When I was a teenager I suffered with serious depression and I would come home from school and climb into bed and sleep all night. Almost everyday. Sleep becomes an easy way to hide from your problems instead of confronting them.

Jen-I have thought about a new career. I literally think about it everyday. I'm trying to decide what I really want out of life. A nine-to-five job with fewer responsibilities (what I have now) or a unconventional job with more self-motivation and being dependent on me only. I always thought the former was what would make me happy, but I'm starting to think otherwise now. But I'm really struggling with changing how I feel about myself and my self-confidence levels.

[ianm]

Please don't hate me if you are anti-gun!

Bullets and babes, now that's HOT!

Seriously I went through a period of very severe depression at the beginning of my gluten-free lifestyle. It just takes time to get things sorted out and on track. I work long hours but I make it a point not to take on too much outside of work either. It is more important that I take care of myself and my son first. Everything else will just have to wait.

[mouse]

This is the first time I have read the forum and wish to respond to your only eating fruit for $40 a plate. I was afraid to eat out for many months after my diagnosis and also I was too weak to leave the house for that length of time. But, I finally did and I was glad. Most restaurents are very accomidating, even the ones which are not chains. I have also had MANY servers that are familiar with what Gluten is. When, I know that I am eating in a place that does not carry a gluten free menu, I then carry an attractive fabric lunch bag (with ice pack) and put in my salad dressing, my butter or margarine, any toppings I want on a baked potatoe and a very small salt shaker with sea salt. At first I was very uncomfortable doing this, but then, I got over it. Yes, I usually order safely, unless I am at PF Changs or the Outback. I order broiled steak with no seasonings, baked potatoe with nothing on it and a tossed salad without dressing, croutons, etc. Even at my neighborhood restaurant where they only grill, they clean off a section of the grill for my steak. Just ask questions!!!. If his birthday dinner menu has already been decided, then you can call the manager and explain your situation and have them substitute something you can eat. We have dined out with friends at restaurents that only serve family style and they have always accomidated me by letting me order by myself. I have never had a problem. If the server does not understand, they have always sent the manager over and the problem is solved. Good Luck and ENJOY the birthday dinner.

[Emme999]

Bullets and babes, now that's HOT!

LOL -

Thanks Ian, I needed that!

- Michelle

[celiac3270]

Bullets and babes, now that's HOT!

Haha