How Often Do You Cheat?

[steve-010]

I have recently started dating a girl with celiac disease. When she told me she had it I didn't think much of it, but after reading through many posts on this forum and reading a ton of other info on the web, I am much more aware of how serious the disease could be.

I know that she cheats with gluten food. I recently went grocery shopping with her and read every single label. I made her put back quite a few items and while she was angry with me, she was annoyed. I don't want to act like her mother but I care about her and want to see her live a LONG, healthy life.

<edit> I ended up throwing out food from her closet. I am 100% supportive of her and will help her be 100% gluten-free, but there is nothing I can do when she is by herself and I don't want to nag her and act like her mother.

We are both <edit> and the possibility of starting a family with her one day is real.

Any and all advice is much appreciated.

/edit As long as I've known her, she has had tiny bumps on her skin. She tells me that it's from the Celiac. Is this actually a rash caused by eating gluten? What could be the long term effects if she continues to "cheat" like this?

/edit #2 I edited some things to make it more anonymous.

[Chiana]

I think this article pretty well reflects my sentiments on this topic:

Open Original Shared Link

Lymphoma is a terrible, terrible cancer.

[mushroom]

Amen. I would NEVER cheat.

[Korwyn]

I'd suggest you purchase a copy of the 'Red Book' Diagnosing Celiac Disease and sit down with her to look through it. Also take a look at this incomplete list: Open Original Shared Link

Since this list was produced there has a study done showing a possible link to Addisons, and one of the genes (DQ6) linked to Celiac has also been shown to have a strong link to Parkinsons. I read some months ago that there is some research being done into gluten/celiac disease linked Parkinsons as well.

Also Dr. Green's book mentions studies showing 10 to 20 year shortened lifespan due to untreated celiac disease. Personally I think it is probably higher since the statistics I looked up don't take all cause mortality into consideration, only post-mortem diagnosis or symptomatic diagnosis of celiac disease.

[Korwyn]

Oh and all of that was to say: for a Celiac, there is no such thing as cheating. There is no such thing as 'just a little bit'. It's like saying a little bit of cyanide, or a little bit of arsenic, or a little bit of killing yourself years earlier.

[Jungle]

I never cheat. When you cheat you are only hurting yourself.

I assume that she has received good medical advice and that she fully understands that she can not ever eat gluten or it will hurt her now and/or later. My Doctors have not said that and thankfully I have found good council elsewhere.

You should ask the question "Do you want to spend your life with someone who is intentionally hurting herself?" She is an adult and you can not save her from herself. She has to want to look after her own needs (not eating gluten ever)

Someone who will not make sacrifices for her own health may have problems making sacrifices for you or your future children.

I don't think you can make her look after herself and it is not your job to nag her. She will only resent you and see your nagging as trying to control her.

[srall]

How often do I cheat with gluten? NEVER.

I do occasionally cheat with dairy and soy...I wish I didn't, but the reactions are pretty minor next to gluten (and corn).

If you are seriously thinking this woman could be the mother of your children be aware that if she's not following a very strict diet she might have infertility issues.

[steve-010]

Thank you for all of the quick responses.

If you are seriously thinking this woman could be the mother of your children be aware that if she's not following a very strict diet she might have infertility issues.

We have briefly discussed this. She has told me that she had <edit> miscarriages after unplanned pregnancies in the past. I asked her if she thought that the miscarriages were Celiac related and she said yes. She said that she would need to consult a nutritionist. <edit>

I'm not feeling very well right now

/edit a little to be anonymous

[cahill]

How often do you cheat ???

Never! I work very very hard to make sure gluten and soy do NOT get into my body!!

[love2travel]

Although I do not experience GI issues with gluten, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT! To me it is all or nothing. I think long term. My husband and family need me.

[srall]

Thank you for all of the quick responses.

We have briefly discussed this. She has told me that she had 3 miscarriages after unplanned pregnancies in the past. I asked her if she thought that the miscarriages were Celiac related and she said yes. She said that she would like to have 1 child eventually but that she would need to consult a nutritionist during the pregnancy. When I told her that it would only be for 9 months she replied, "ugggh."

I'm not feeling very well right now

It's not just for 9 months. Other women here have posted that their bodies needed up to 2 years to heal before they were able to get pregnant. I'm not really trying to bum you out, but I had secondary infertility (we were able to have one) and it's devastating. I didn't figure out my gluten intolerance until I was 42 and it was just too late.

I think one reason it's easy for me to avoid gluten is that I felt soooooooooo bad when I ate it. And then the couple of times I accidentally got glutened after the fact I was bedridden for several days. Once it was for 3 weeks. I wonder how your girlfriend feels when she cheats? I think that's why I will cheat with dairy and soy sometimes because it's just a couple of hours of discomfort versus being knocked off my feet for days/weeks.

[Lori2]

Steve, you can't change people who do not want to change. Stop nagging. Either accept her as she is or leave her.

Just my two cents worth. Spoken as a person who is a 24/7 caretaker for a spouse with health problems.

[thleensd]

Never. That is a dangerous game to play. She needs to do some research. Please help her.

+100000000 to "a little bit of arsenic"

[Coleslawcat]

Although I do not experience GI issues with gluten, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT! To me it is all or nothing. I think long term. My husband and family need me.

I feel the same way. I have fairly minor outward reactions to gluten. I probably could cheat regularly without feeling all that bad. But I look at my 3 kids and imagine how selfish it would be to take years away from my time with them and it is very easy for me to pass on gluten.

You need to decide for yourself if you are willing to have children with someone who doesn't worry about her longterm health. If she has a change of heart and starts taking this seriously she can go a long way to reversing the damage she has done, but if she's not willing to then I would run the other way.

[Marilyn R]

My mother was an R.N. and diagnosed with celiac disease but refused to follow the diet. She lived to 87, but was completely helpless and wheelchair bound. It took two aides and a machine to get her out of a chair, her bed, on or off the toilet. When she was in her 50's and 60's, I could hear it in her voice when she was sick and about to have to go to the hospital. I'd fly home and take care of her with a gluten-free diet until she was stable again.

Then it would happen all over again. I divorced my first husband because he said that I shouldn't go to take care of her because we didn't have enough money for me to fly up to take care of her after it happened time over time. He was right, I was wrong, but I could never deny her care.

I never, ever cheat. I loved my mother to bits. She never changed. Even when she was in a nursing home she never allowed me to tell them that she had celiac disease. And when I visited her, she'd ask for pizza. At that point, I just broght her pizza, so I guess I helped kill her, and I still don't know if it was right or wrong.

So know that there will be ramifications for your children and you if you choose to stick with your girlfriend who can't give up Girl Scout Cookies.

I couldn't be my mother's mother. You can't be your potential wife's father. You'll end up wanting to bang your head against the wall because you get it and she refuses to because of a food addiction or simply a hard head.

If you do marry her, I'd make her sign a pre-nup with a gluten rider! But I'd run away. You sound like a really nice guy.

[K8ling]

NEVER and I have had a series of miscarriages we now think were related to Celiac.

She;s being stupid.

[sreese68]

Thank you for all of the quick responses.

We have briefly discussed this. She has told me that she had <edit> miscarriages after unplanned pregnancies in the past. I asked her if she thought that the miscarriages were Celiac related and she said yes. She said that she would need to consult a nutritionist. <edit>

I'm not feeling very well right now

/edit a little to be anonymous

I saw the unedited version, so my reply is based on that. Honestly, if you were a friend of mine, I'd advise you to think VERY hard before getting more involved with this woman. I can understand one unplanned pregnancy because things can happen, right? But that number plus her ignoring a medically necessary diet speaks of a recklessness or irresponsibility that can have far reaching consequences. I'd look very closely at other areas in her life and see if this is a pattern for her. Then ask yourself: would you want her to be the mother of your children? Especially if your children inherit celiac from her?

Good luck!

Edited to add: My 7yo is a very protecting, considerate, sweet boy with a big heart. One of my biggest hopes for him is that he finds a wife who will appreciate these qualities in him and not take them (or him) for granted. You should make sure anyone you date or marry does the same!!!

[IrishHeart]

She has a serious problem if she is knowingly ingesting gluten. The fact that she got defensive and mad at you over it speaks volumes. And you can't "make her" stop. You sound like a sweet and caring guy, but if she doesn't get serious about her health, she is headed for major trouble.

I had four miscarriages (one was a set of twins) and was never able to carry to term, despite painful and expensive fertility treatments. It still grieves me deeply and that was over 16 years ago. That's just ONE aspect of the hell my life became because I didn't know I had celiac.

If she wants to read my story, and the dozens of horrible symptoms that developed and how BAD it got, I'll gladly email it to you.

This is nothing to screw with. She needs a reality check.

[butterfl8]

Maybe invite her to read up on the topics on this forum. Maybe in a few weeks when your topic has gone down the line, or maybe not. Other people's stories can possibly open her eyes to see what the dangers of occasional poison ingestion are. You are a great guy to be so concerned for her health. And her being so defensive? That could be the gluten talking. Does she have any favorite foods? Can you try to fix a gluten-free version of those? I'm sure we can help you find some seriously tasty versions.

Best of luck!

-Daisy

[Judy3]

Never cheat, too much damage to overcome and too much sickness in my memory... I feel bad for you having to read all this but it's the truth. If you have children with someone that cheats death.. remember that Celiac Disease can be hereditary and they could suffer too and if she's not strict with herself on gluten she could injure them with her casual way. Just saying. Good luck with this.

[psawyer]

Cheat? Moi? Well yes I might. In fact, every time a flying pig with wings lands in my back yard with a little green man from Mars riding on it's back, I drink a pint of Guinness. It hasn't happened yet, but when it does I will rush to the nearest Irish pub.

NO, I do not "cheat." Ever.

[kareng]

I have to say that she doesn't sound adult enough to marry or risk having children with. She could be 35 but she sounds like she has the maturity of a 13 year old. Several " unplanned" pregnancies - in the words of my son who was 16 at the time told about one " I think we know what causes that". She doesn't take care of her health in a rather simple way. What if one of her kids is Celiac or worse? what if one is diabetic? She can't decide to let the kids " cheat" .

Having children with her, if she even can have one, is just going to be a heartache for you. If the kids have celiac disease, social services will eventually take them away from you two for failing to take care fo their illness.

If she is young, maybe she will grow up but don't risk a child's life until she has grown up.

[sandsurfgirl]

Wow you are the perfect celiac boyfriend. If it doesn't work out with her, I'm sure you could get a whole bunch of girls lined up from here!

She is crazy. I would NEVER cheat. I live in fear of crumbs. Crumbs give me anxiety attacks. My son has celiac, but husband and DD do not. Whole house went gluten free because crumbs were ruining my life. Residue ruins my life. I recently licked envelopes that must have been made of wheat starch as they sometimes are and I ended up with such bad diarrhea I couldn't attend my sister's graduation from college that afternoon.

To eat gluten on purpose, you might as well drink a bottle of rat poison. There is no reason to cheat because the only food I cannot find gluten free at this point are wontons and good onion rings. There are plenty of junk foods, pastas, crackers, breads, all manner of sweets. Many regular old candy bars and ice creams are gluten free. There's mac and cheese and all that stuff.

It's sad that you are more responsible about her celiac than she is.

I have recently started dating a girl with celiac disease. When she told me she had it I didn't think much of it, but after reading through many posts on this forum and reading a ton of other info on the web, I am much more aware of how serious the disease could be.

I know that she cheats with gluten food. I recently went grocery shopping with her and read every single label. I made her put back quite a few items and while she was angry with me, she was annoyed. I don't want to act like her mother but I care about her and want to see her live a LONG, healthy life.

<edit> I ended up throwing out food from her closet. I am 100% supportive of her and will help her be 100% gluten-free, but there is nothing I can do when she is by herself and I don't want to nag her and act like her mother.

We are both <edit> and the possibility of starting a family with her one day is real.

Any and all advice is much appreciated.

/edit As long as I've known her, she has had tiny bumps on her skin. She tells me that it's from the Celiac. Is this actually a rash caused by eating gluten? What could be the long term effects if she continues to "cheat" like this?

/edit #2 I edited some things to make it more anonymous.

[sandsurfgirl]

I posted without reading the whole thread. She had all those unplanned pregnancies and can't stay on the diet that will save her life? I'd drop her like a hot potato. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I would not waste time with someone like that. Like others said, what will she do with the children if she is able to have any? And if she had that many miscarriages then she may be infertile and you are screwed for having kids. I would NEVER say infertility is a reason alone to dump someone, but that on top of everything else. I do not consider her marriage material at all. She needs to grow the hell up.

[cahill]

Cheat? Moi? Well yes I might. In fact, every time a flying pig with wings lands in my back yard with a little green man from Mars riding on it's back, I drink a pint of Guinness. It hasn't happened yet, but when it does I will rush to the nearest Irish pub.