Need Help Finding My Inner Strong Eoman

[glutenfreemamax2]

My family came into town which I have not seen in like 10 years. My father has schizophrenia (which I'm pretty sure is from un diagnosed celiac...he's had issues his whole life). We were talking about parenting etc., and I was explaining how guilt just rules my life (thanks dad...). I can remember only liking the blue m&ms and feeling guilty and that I might hurt the other m&ms feelings....

I have always been a strong person. There was a lot of abuse growing up, and now, at 30, I'm realizing I'm still really angry. I over nuture my kids and let them get away with a lot. I know i need to be the strong person I know that is at my core, but I don't know how to get back there. My childhood was so screwed up, and no one ever loved me unconditionally or all the time. I could never figure out how someone who could beat me could love me. And my mom never stood by me or stuck up for me.

I ordered some books for adults who were abused as children. They won't be here for a few days. Anyone been through this? I could go on and on with stories, but I don't want to bore you.

[ravenwoodglass]

Yea I've been there. A childhood like that really stays with you and can impact you for the rest of your life. In addition to the books you might want to try some counseling. It helped me a great deal but it took a while to find the right counselor. Sorry you had to go through all you went through but we can use those experiences to make a better and stronger person, but it sure isn't easy.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[GFinDC]

Not myself, but my ex had those kinds of problems when growing up. Her mother was schizo, and her sister was just mean. Not fun. She left them behind though, and has a new life now.

[Harpgirl]

I agree with the counceling suggestion. It has helped me tremendously. I was never physically abused, but emotionally by my father too. He's manic/depressive and has some crazy ideas that affect me even now. I also suspect that he has undiagnosed celiac. It's his mother that has it that pointed me to my own understanding of my health issues. A book that my councelor has recommended that I have found very helpful, Codependant No More. Just the first few chapters make you realize a lot about yourself! Hugs and I wish you the best!