Blues Boulevard

I can relate. My mother is in a similar state as yours. I do feel hopeless when I am in a low. I hope the highs will be along again soon. Mine usually do.

Write anytime.

D

Well - you are doing one thing that can help you and that is sharing your story with people like us who understand and 'get you.' Hopefully things will get better over time and you'll look back and think 'WOW! I am amazed I was able to do all that when I felt THAT bad.'

When I have the blues like that, the best thing I can think of that I do is take inventory. I think back to how I felt when I have started. I remember aching feet, foggy fatigue and think about what I haven't lost. I have already come a long way. I consider that now I know the cause and how to prevent trouble. I look at my eyes clarity in the mirror. I remember that that my body is still healing and I am not back to square one. Then I can hang on through it!

I have wanted to write about all those battles but it has not been something I wanted to tap back into. However, it's getting to the point where it feels about time. Far away enough to remember it has long passed and soon enough to remember the emotion. Probably some emotion there that I wasn't able to express at that time. (It might also put some perspective on how long I was down for and HOW fast do I expect to recover??) It is easier to look back now and it does bring peace that I'm on the road of increasing health. MUCH better place now, I just have to remember these little bumps in the road no longer last months or years.

You know what you owe other people outside your family? Zero. Nothing. When invited, you can simply say sorry, I can't make it. When invited to bring your mom somewhere, have the words ready, "oh, sorry, I can't, I'm busy that day." You owe nothing more than that. Their reaction is their problem, not yours, and you don't have to explain how you feel, what you're going through, your difficulties, etc. You do what you can for your mom; extracurricular affairs that she is invited to (in her ill health as well?), are not your obligations.

My sis in law just had a procedure for her liver duct; she posted it on FB, then promptly was inundated with well-wishing but unwanted visitors. I called and asked her would she like me to come over, bring her anything, and she said thank you, but I'm exhausted and I wish everyone would just leave me alone -- but if they MUST come over, feed my family, clean my house, do my laundry.... :) as I don't want to feel as if I must ENTERTAIN them while they visit. She is exhausted, and needs not to explain that to anyone. I told her to have her husband stop the visitors at the door and send them home, that she is upstairs resting. Period.

Have an "I'm busy" excuse ready to fall off your lips, and don't feel guilty about not doing what other people want you to do when you don't want to do it.