Brother Has Same Symptoms But Wont Adhere To Diet (Rant)

[whitepine]

So I've been on the gluten-free diet for about a year and a half now and my brother has had the same symptoms as me ever since I started to get sick 8 or 9 years ago. I've told him countless amounts of time that he needs to take the gluten-free diet into consideration and see if it helps him out.
So finally his girlfriend started him on the diet but the didn't take it too seriously even though they say that they are gluten free. They refuse to take any advice or consideration when I say, this is obviously not gluten free when it say in the ingredients that it contains wheat flour. It's very frustrating for me because while my time on the diet hasn't been that long compared to many many people, I do have a lot of information and experiences that I can share with him. But his girlfriend has suddenly become some expert in a matter of months because she read some stuff online about it.

So just about every week he complained about how sick he is and how he can't go a day without vomiting. A few days later its about how he saved money on buying 36 beers for him and his girlfriend and the cycle repeats. But when I ask him if he's gluten free he gets all mad at me and tells me that he is and acts like it was an obvious stupid question for me to ask.

It's very frustrating because it's honestly like watching a someone walk into a wall over and over again while asking everyone around them why it hurts and expecting sympathy for the bump on their head. My mother is also very sympathetic to him every single time, my brother is in his 30s now, but she brushes off any problem I have even though I am very strict on my diet and strict on my vitamins because I WANT to feel better. If I tell her I am not having a good day or week,  she immediately turns it into something about my brother. Honestly, I can't give him any sympathy because he refuses to actually help himself when he KNOWS he shouldn't eat gluten.

Anyway, I just had to rant that to people who may also feel as frustrated as I do sometimes about people who complain about their symptoms but refuse to take the illness seriously. I think if you take your illness seriously, you do everything you can to resolve it but you are still unwell, you are entitled to complain about it. If you slack off about it and then expect to be treated to an extended period of sympathy by everyone, well you're just crazy.

I would be more than happy to help him through the rough patches if he'd listen and take it seriously. ah well. such is life.






 

[mbrookes]

Your brother is a grown person. Leave him alone. He will make his own decisions. A psychiatrist friend of mine once told me that people will do whatever they want to do. If it becomes too painful for them (physically or emotionally) they will change. You can't make anyone change.

 

As for your mother's attitude, that seems to be a screwed family dynamic. Maybe you need more time with friends and less time with family.

I have no idea why this is underlining or how to stop it.

[Gemini]

I am afraid that what mbrookes said is the ugly truth...there are some people who just cannot be saved and, as hard as it is for you, you need to forget about helping them.  I have the same problem with my family.  I have a double celiac gene and that means it is on both sides of my family.  I am loaded with people with tons of medical problems, all related to Celiac, and none of them ever listened to me.  I gave up when I reliazed that they are stuck deep in the denial pit with no way out.  Is it frustrating beyond belief?  You betcha!  But I just do my own thing and am now healthier than all of them combined.  Hard to believe that people would choose to remain sick so they can eat a donut but there you go.....it is what it is.

 

Concentrate on your own good health and recovery and let them do what they want.  However, if they ASK for help, then feel free to help them with gusto but until they ask, forget about it...they will only drive you crazy. 

[AlwaysLearning]

I so feel your pain. When I went gluten free and realized all of the little things that it "cured", I immediately realized that my entire mother's side of the family was exhibiting symptoms with just a few exceptions.

But I did limit the number of them that I told about my suspicions about their health. My sister was the first person I told ... and she responded to our telephone call by sending me a nasty, accusatory email the next day complaining that I had made her feel badly. All I told her was to do her own research because it is linked to many of the things she suffered from. Granted, she did end up going gluten free, but man, talk about shooting the messenger.

I have a close friend who is gluten-free but when he started, there wasn't much information available so he wasn't doing very well despite being at it for several years. When I told him that not all vodka was gluten free, he flat out told me I was wrong and got pissed at me. But I don't think that was so much because he didn't like being told he was wrong as losing yet another thing that he found pleasurable. 

So yeah, I learned early on to keep my mouth shut ... though if anyone asks at the next family gathering, I will soooooo mention the symptoms that I know that they share when listing any of the things that just magically disappeared and how great I feel after going gluten-free.



 

[blessedmamaofmany]

the only thing that got my brother and parents on board, was an actual Celiac diagnosis, with gene test.  I have both the celiac gene AND the gluten sensitivity gene.  Once I told them the results, my brother and mom FINALLY agreed to go gluten-free.  I'm hoping my dad is right behind.  

[srall]

Kindly say your piece, then leave it up to the other person. 

 

When I was 42 I went gluten (and dairy and corn) free after many years of symptoms, but 2 years of rapidly failing health.  I watched my younger brother suffer from the same health issues and be diagnosed with diabetes at age 40 but refuse to even consider going gluten free (His gastro tested him for celiac, and he had negative tests so he was told that gluten wasn't an issue).  Well,now he is 42.  I just saw him a couple of weeks ago and he finally decided to go paleo to feel better after doing all of his "own" research about the subject.  So maybe 42 was the magic age for my family.

 

I have a feeling that your brother may get fed up and explore what he needs to do to feel better on his own.  I had people (not doctors, just concerned friends) screaming "You have celiac" at me for a year and I just told them they were nuts.   When I was at the point I was crying "uncle" I was ready to listen.  I hope your brother gets there.

[howlnmad]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

Obviously he enjoys being uncomfortable and sick.

[w8in4dave]

yup I agree with the others. Maby one day he will be in such misery he may come to you and ask. But if you push it you may just push him away. As for your mom , just tell her you cannot talk to her about his health because it bothers you that he doesn't care for himself.

 

My friends tell me how poud they are of me. The Dr. Tells me not to eat Gluten so I don't. All there is to it! Or I should say , trying my darndest not to!! lol  

[bellalunarena]

Oh my, OP, I understand your frustration, but in a different way...My MIL, when I was telling her about my celiac dx, said "I am bloated and my side hurts, maybe I have celiac disease too". She's one of those people that whenever someone around her is sick, she suddenly thinks she has whatever they have too.

 

"Celiac disease...that means I'll have diarrhea when I eat pasta, right?" She asks. I explain what celiac disease is, and I say "If you have celiac disease, you can say adios to 95% of what you eat, at least, the way you make it. Breaded cutlets, your homemade pasta, your rolls...you'll need to find a different way to make it." Her face turned green and two days later she informed me that it was not celiac disease, but merely gas.

 

*facepalm*

[w8in4dave]

LOl "Facepalm" hahaha Love that!! Yes I was a bread maker!! Noodle maker! Ughhh