Need Support And Motivation

[aleshae16]

I was sick all my life diagnosed with anxiety, depression. A friend suggest gluten free last March and I have been trying ever since. I felt better right away. It was proof to myself that it wasn't in my head and I really was depressed and anxious because of food, which I always kind of knew. I was starting to feel pretty good, able to drink coffee again but I continue to have problems with all grains, mainly rice. Lately I'm so tired of eating meat, veg and fruit that I'm giving in a lot. I am also strapped for cash and live with family who eat primarily a gluten diet, lol. I am feeling sick again and no one understands and thinks I'm just lazy. I have quit multiple jobs because I'm too embarrassed to keep calling in sick. I'm looking for some help, support and motivation to stay gluten free. My blood test was negative and I didn't have a biopsy. I won't be able to work if I have to eat gluten again to get tested so I can't do that. I usually binge when I'm off work and then sleep the whole weekend. I could use a few gluten free friends for sure.

[Adalaide]

If you're binging on weekends, you don't need to eat gluten every weekday to get tested, you could just do it now. Eating gluten free weekdays and binging weekends isn't gluten free and is probably why you still feel like crap. Many people never get a formal diagnosis but if you know that it makes you feel like crap you have two options. You can either go get tested, or (and this is where tough love comes in) you can put on your big kid pants and stop eating things you know are making your life a living hell. It is possible you have celiac, in which case you are doing actual physical harm to your body every time you ingest gluten. A celiac purposefully eating gluten is really no different than someone who cuts, they're both self harming and doing so in a way that is not easily noticeable to other people. If you don't have celiac, that still likely leaves you in the NCGI category for which there are no tests other than feeling better without gluten.

 

Only you can make the choice. Either you do or don't want your life to be better, and if you do you have to choose to stop harming yourself by eating things you know are detrimental to your health. Many of us live with gluten eaters. Yes, it is hard. Yes, it can take an emotional toll. Depression is something that gets better as you are truly gluten free, and with that lifting things will get easier, but you can't look forward to that until you buckle down. For your own sake, and that of your friends and family who care about you, please start caring for yourself by either scheduling an appointment or truly going gluten free.

[BelleVie]

From someone who struggled with severe anxiety and depression for a very long time, getting off the gluten DOES HELP, but you have to be firm. You have to commit to it. There's no "maybe." You make a choice and you stick to it. You make it work. 

 

As far as getting tired of eating the same kinds of foods, I doubt that you're tired of those foods in particular. You probably just need some new seasonings and textures. It's kind of like when I gave up meat a long time ago, and started missing it, then realized one day it wasn't the actual MEAT that I missed, it was the seasoning and flavors that went along with it. Same deal here. You probably need variety. Do you cook? If so, there are hundreds of places for you to find recipes online, and you could also check out the recipe board on this forum, which is full of excellent ideas and plenty of gluten free friends to help you out. 

 

You know your body better than anyone, and you should trust what it's telling you. If you know you are healthier without gluten, make a commitment to eating gluten free and stick to it. If you do have celiac, every time you ingest even one bite of a gluten filled food, you are harming your body. I hope that you value yourself and your body and your life more than that! As the old saying goes, "Eat to live, don't live to eat." 

 

You CAN do it! If you can get through just a week or two completely gluten free, the difference in how you feel should be enough to keep you going. Come here if you feel the need to binge or eat even a little bit of gluten. There are many wonderful gluten free cheerleaders here who are very kind, compassionate, and always ready with good advice. 

[1desperateladysaved]

Welcome Aleshae,

 

I discovered my body really doesn't  like grains either.  I recently read the book, Breaking the Vicious Cycle by Elaine Gottschall NA MSc.  I found recipes that use nut flours which make foods that are delicious and filling.  You can also found grain free recipes on line.  In order to avoid cross contamination you could set up your own kitchen with electric skillet, utensils, and a table for countertops to avoid cross contamination.  IT feels so good to feel alert, healthy, and strong, so take steps toward it and don't stop!

 

I began the diet dragging myself, after 30 years of symptoms.  Now, I am up and running.  I hope to shortly hear that you are making progress.

 

D

[Pegleg84]

Ditto on what Adelaide said (a bit of tough love, but it's true). If you have been caving in to the gluten on a regular basis, you probably should try getting tested because likely damage would still show since you've never had time to completely heal. If you've caving other grains (rice, etc, as you said), then it's just a sign that you really have to leave them out.

 

Depression is one of the worst symptoms of Celiac/NCGI/etc, since it sucks our very will to do what we need to do, so know that if you stick to it 100%, you WILL get better, your motivation and energy will start coming back, and you'll have the confidence to keep going. Likewise if you get glutened, your mentality has to be that you slipped up and will get better and will do everything to prevent it from happening again. Depression/anxiety is a symptom, not a condition, and you can get through it (you can! really!)

 

anyway, welcome to the Forum. Big hugs and good luck.

[AVR1962]

Keep with the diet. I was actually diagnosed but my daughters were not and all have gone with a gluten-free diet. If they have any gluten they will feel ill so they know not to eat it or pay the price. Your body is telling you something and no one else has to be on-board with it and you do not need a diagnosis. If it makes you feel better to be on a gluten-free diet, go for it!

[aleshae16]

Hello all, thanks for the replies. I understand the tough love. Although these may sound like excuses to you, and probably are, it is what it is. I don't want to get a biopsy because I don't have friends of family to support me. I live an hour from a testing center and I would have to find a ride there and as for getting put under, or just given silly gas for the procedure, I won't do it. They had to force me to when I had my wisdom teeth out and I just won't do it again. Not to mention preparing for it, I can't do that in my current living situation, so for now, that's out. I still somewhat believe it's in my head considering the negative blood test even though I hear people say it can be wrong.

 

When I can afford to buy my own groceries, I'm ok. However I live with family and honest to god, don't have a cent to my name right now. I have to eat what's in the house and as much as I try to just eat the whole Gluten-Free foods, I get hungry. Since rice and other grains hurt my stomach as well....there's not much to pick from besides fruit and veggies. They have pizza every weekend and lots of breaded food at dinner. It's just tough. I quit smoking a few years ago and that took several years as well. Guess I'm weak! BUT It's January 1st and today I'm trying again, even if I have to starve, I guess!

[1desperateladysaved]

I hope you can find some kind of a job.  It sounds like all you need is money for food and perhaps some utensils.  Since gluten makes you sick, you need to avoid it somehow.  If you got any holiday money, spend it for food, electric skillet, and spatula.  If you didn't, hang on.

 

As you feel better, you will be able to work more.  The more you work and cook the better you will feel.  Even if you don't have celiac, that doesn't mean you don't have a severe gluten problem.  Time away from gluten can prove this to you and your family.

 

Health to you in 2014 and thanks for the update.

 

D

[skullgrl]

Hey,

I think you should still consider trying to force yourself to get tested. I know its hard! I had a very bad experience with my wisdom tooth removal but I can tell you the biopsy was nothing compared to it. If you were eating gluten-free at the time of the test that could have caused the negative. If you do have Celiac disease then you will be able to claim some tax exemptions for the difference in food cost which could really help. Great job on quitting smoking! 

 

Just remember that there are people on here to support you, perhaps you could find a support group to help you out in your area? 

 

Feel better in the new year! 

[aleshae16]

I will be going back to work in a week, even though I'm still a temp. there, I hope it will be ongoing. It's sad but my family doesn't really "get it". I just hide when I don't feel well, or sleep. I think I slept off the last of the gluten since new years. I slept 24 out of 48 hours! I am staying away now and I agree that in time it will get better and make life easier. I decided to make a list of all the things I didn't get to enjoy in childhood because I didn't feel well, and I'm going to relive them! I`m talking disney movies with popcorn or go on a ride at the fair, sleep over at a friends etc. I missed out on a lot. relationships were also hard, I never liked spending the night in fear of the sick, anxious feeling. I know it goes away when I stay away from gluten and I think posting here really did help motivate me. Thanks guys!

[aleshae16]

Also I read the book Breaking the Vicious Cycle last March and tried the SCD diet for 1 week. It was the best week of my life and that was when it all started coming together. Maybe I`ll get tested someday but for now there are too many negatives, not to mention the horrible cystic acne that I get when I eat the stuff. I`m on a roll since Jan 1st. My only concern is Folgers coffee....it seems to bother me much more than a Tim Hortons coffee.

[GF in BC]

I decided to make a list of all the things I didn't get to enjoy in childhood because I didn't feel well, and I'm going to relive them! I`m talking disney movies with popcorn or go on a ride at the fair, sleep over at a friends etc. I missed out on a lot. relationships were also hard, I never liked spending the night in fear of the sick, anxious feeling. I know it goes away when I stay away from gluten and I think posting here really did help motivate me. Thanks guys!

 

What a wonderful idea! I hope you won't mind if I use it as well.

 

I lost more than 40 years of my own life. I want to go on a hike, or kayaking or go with the 'girls' to Vegas for a weekend. I missed all the fun kid stuff too - the summer holiday camps, the sleepovers, most babysitting opportunities and even just hanging out at the mall. I'm really trying not to feel sorry for myself for what I lost, but excited for what is now ahead. It's only been 4 weeks and I'm sure I'll feel better about this in time.

 

Thanks for this post...it has given me a really fun goal to look forward to! I've missed out on planning things....you can't commit when you don't know if you'll be 'sick' that day.