How To Convince Bf That Cross Contamination Is A Problem...

[IrishHeart]

  Somebody said it was like Superman's kryptonite to them.  Maybe he'll get that reference.

 

 

 

You may not have meant me, specifically but I have always said this:"Gluten is kryptonite to me..and Supergirl can't fly when it's around.

[GFinDC]

Ahh, yep that were the person, twas you indeed IH!    We'll keep the gluten in a lead lined box when you're around then.

[kareng]

Its about a week(ish) later.  Is he still excited about gluten-free life and love?  

[SoLacey]

I guess I am confused as to why a bunch of fellow celiacs at a support group meeting were more convincing than another  bunch of fellow  celiacs in this support group forum. Why would he consider our messages about CC "paranoid" and theirs aren't?

 

We told you to tell him the exact same thing they did. We're all celiacs with a few years under our belts and we offered a ton of research at our fingertips for him to read.

 

It seems it's not about the messenger or the message...it was about the one who was failing to listen. IMHO

 

In any case, good luck and hope it works out for you!

 

I hadn't shared with him what you guys said, that advice was for me.  He never said anyone was paranoid.  I was saying that we Celiacs might seem paranoid for those who don't understand.  Just a few months before I was diagnosed, I was taking a co-worker and a couple of other people out to lunch and one of the guys said he was "gluten intolerant".  I didn't really know what that meant and asked him if he could eat at a specific restaurant.  I feel bad now, I should have just asked him to choose somewhere. 

 

It really just took his hearing it in the right format, he's been completely supportive and is looking forward to the next meeting.  He really is wonderful and has been very accommodating in most respects, he just had a hard time understanding that such TINY amounts really were a problem.  I think that it probably seemed a little extremist until they explained the difference between an autoimmune disorder and an allergy.  When we left he decided that we and our 5 kids all need to eat gluten free in order to keep me safe.  I think that's pretty sweet. 

 

It is still hard for me to accept how sensitive it is sometimes and I'm the one getting sick!!  We are trying to get all of the gluten out of our house, we are slowly finding alternative products and replacing stuff with gluten free versions. 

 

Funny, I've also told friends that gluten is my Kryptonite.  I really like "Gluten is kryptonite to me..and Supergirl can't fly when it's around."  We need that on a shirt!! 

[SoLacey]

Its about a week(ish) later.  Is he still excited about gluten-free life and love?  

 

Hi Karen!  You were posting at the same time I was.  Yes, he's been wonderful.  With the holidays I hadn't had time to check into the forum.  We are still trying to figure out how to make a totally gluten free house work with this many people.    We need to come up with some good alternatives for some of their favorites before we can totally make the switch. 

[sandsurfgirl]

If I could get on my knees and beg you not to move in with him I would. You say it is an otherwise great relationship, but you may be a bit lovestruck and missing some things. At any rate, the things he is doing to you are abuse in my opinion. 

 

I don't mean to be harsh but here is how it reads to me. From what I read of what you posted he sounds very controlling, abusive, and narcissistic. Here is an example to give you a comparison. When I found out I had celiac my husband INSISTED the entire house go gluten free. He busted his butt learning about CC, how to handle it and what to do in the house. When he found out our son also had it, he became vigilant. 

 

He never ever questioned me about my food. As a matter of fact he will err on the side of caution and if there is something I am willing to eat that HE feels is unsafe, he will ask me not to eat it. HE will ask ME not to make my own self sick because he is so worried about me and it gives him pain to see me suffer. 

 

One time he was starving after working a 10 hour day and commuting for 2 hours in traffic. I had not made dinner. Kids and I ate out. So he grabbed a quick teriyaki bowl at a local place and brought it home. My son was crying because teriyaki bowls were his favorite. My husband could not apologize enough and he has never once  brought gluten into our home again.

 

Our home is a zero tolerance gluten free zone because of my husband. I was willing to try a shared kitchen and he was adamantly against it. 

 

If all he was doing was arguing over the blender I wouldn't think it was that bad. But the man is arguing with you to the point that you feel so incredibly harassed and beaten down that you are eating gluten and making yourself sick in order to avoid a fight with him.

Do you see how that sounds? Pretend that you are your own mother and you're hearing that some dude is treating your daughter that way. What would you tell her?

 

My last piece of advice is don't shack up with anybody. The odds go way up that you will not get married and if you marry your chances of divorce are significantly higher than if you had not shacked up. When you shack up with someone, it's generally because deep down in your core you have doubts about marrying them, so you rationalize that you are saving money, getting to know each other, etc. I have been divorced when I was younger from my first husband (who reminds me A LOT of your boyfriend) and I have broken up with a boyfriend I was living with. Both of them were equally hard and equally traumatic. I wanted to break up with that guy for two long years but because we were livng together I could not extricate myself from him financially. It cost me more money to break up with the live in boyfriend than it did to get my divorce because of how we handled our finances.

 

This guy has so many huge red flags, I would run screaming like my hair is on fire and never look back. It will only get worse when you live with him or God forbid marry him.

[IrishHeart]

I hadn't shared with him what you guys said, that advice was for me.  He never said anyone was paranoid.  I was saying that we Celiacs might seem paranoid for those who don't understand.  

 

It really just took his hearing it in the right format, he's been completely supportive and is looking forward to the next meeting.  He really is wonderful and has been very accommodating in most respects, he just had a hard time understanding that such TINY amounts really were a problem.  I think that it probably seemed a little extremist until they explained the difference between an autoimmune disorder and an allergy.  When we left he decided that we and our 5 kids all need to eat gluten free in order to keep me safe.  I think that's pretty sweet. 

 

 

Well, when you said this earlier in the thread:

 

Lol, thank you IrishHeart! I'm SURE he has a hard time relating and it's frustrating for both of us. He doesn't understand how awful it feels. Even though the reaction to CC is milder in comparison, it still sucks!! I will share those articles with him.

 

 

I just assumed you had shared the articles and all of our thoughts with him. 

 

Honestly, I am still quite concerned for you that he even had any doubts or that he "made you eat something with gluten in it".

 

I hope he begged your forgiveness.