My Husband Doesn't "get It" How Do I Help Him Understand?

[chrissy]

first of all, i want to say that my husband is a great guy and i love him dearly----i wouldn't want anyone to think negataively about him, but he just doesn't seem to understand this disease. i am becoming very aware of all the gluten that surrounds us and how flour can float in the air, land on surfaces, crumbs can stay in the toaster, wheat grinders aren't safe to use if they have ground flour, etc., etc.. he has been ok when i have told him we will need another toaster and another grain grinder, but when i talked about flour puffing up when i dumped it in to make pancakes, he seemed to think i was being rediculous. he said that i may just not be able to keep her gluten-free totally, that maybe i could only do 85%. he just doesn't understand that she has to be as close to 100% gluten free as possible. i am really thinking he needs to hear it from the doctor, not me. has anyone else run into a spouse that just doesn't understand and how did you "enlighten" them? we have had alot of medical problems this year, my husband set himself on fire, i had a hysterctomy, my baby had tonsils and adenoids removed and an inguinal hernia repaired, one twin had an endo on the same day as the baby's surgery, and now we are having this disease facing us----all of this in the last 7 1/2 months. i think that all of the medical problems and the medical bills(plus the fact that i have fibromyalgia and don't feel good alot of the time) are just overwhelming him. i honestly am amazed that i am keeping it all together. i really feel like the lord is helping me out here. when i told kevin we would need to test the whole family if tianna's biopsies are positive, he about came unglued. he is forgetting that we are already on 100% coverage. how can i help him through this?

christine

[tarnalberry]

show him the research studies, the peer reviewed journal articles that demonstrate what happens in untreated celiacs. (you can find these on pubmed.com) or have him read the NIH consensus on celiac disease from their conference last year. (you can find it by googling for "NIH consensus on celiac disease") or take him to the doctor with you and have the doctor explain it. what he needs to understand is that:

1) celiac is an autoimmune disease; when it's active, it is damaging your body

2) active celiac disease, as I'm using the term here, means that the chemical reactions that lead to the intestinal damage and systemic symptoms are happening in your gut

3) those chemical reactions are completely dependent on gluten being present. and, as a set of chemical reactions, ANY gluten present will cause it.

here's an experiment you can run for him: put some baking soda in a glass. there's your intestines. sitting there, happy, not doing much. now, add just a drop of vinegar. Reaction! that was the gluten. doesn't matter if you add a little or a lot, the reaction occurs. how much you add changes how many times the reaction occurs, but even a tiny amount will cause the reaction to happen.

it is the fact that the reaction occurs that makes you sick. and remind him, if he's frustrated and worried about your fibro, there's a decent chance that staying 100% gluten free will help improve those symptoms.

[chrissy]

i love the baking soda idea---i think i will show that to the whole family.

christine

[Merika]

Hi Christine,

I'm sorry to hear about your year - it sounds very stressful. It also sounds like you should be checked for celiac - the two things that leaped out at me were "hysterectomy" and "fibromyalgia". It's not uncommon for undiagnosed celiacs to need to be "treated" with a hysterectomy to solve something somewhat caused by the celiac. Of course, I don't know *why* you had the H and it may be none of my business That's just how I read your post.

As for your dh, ask him to think of that flour poofing up in the air as arsenic instead. Just a few particles won't hurt him, would it? Just a little arsenic here and there, no big deal. Even a tiny particle. Really, because that's what it's like for us.

Merika

(he'll come around eventually)

[darlindeb25]

It is very difficult for others to understand. Many people think of celiacs as they do diabetes. They know a little bit of sugar is ok, so they feel that a little bit of gluten wont hurt us. There are also so many things that gluten is in that no one would ever expect and it's these products that make them say, "You have got to be kidding!" Will he use the computer? Ask him to sit down and read about celiacs disease. I was undiagnosed for over 20 years and now I have neuropathy to deal with too and it isnt fun. I had severe panic attacks, agoraphobia, and anticipatory anxiety from the chemical imbalances that gluten caused in me and diarrhea nearly everyday from it. Now the neuropathy is making things more difficult for me, it slowed down once I went gluten free, but I still have so many issues because of it. As for family having it too--yes, you want to check everyone out--my sister and father both are celiacs--she was 43, I was 46, and out father was 69 when we found out. My father has suffered for years with stomach problems. I feel that maybe 3 of my 5 kids have it, they are all grown now and dont want to think about it. I have one that has ADD and as I read more now, I see symptoms in him from when he was a child. My 2nd son has tummy issues and asked his doctor to check him and that fool told him, "Mike, you dont look like you have celiacs, just adjust your diet!" You cant tell by looking! My daughter was born with a birth defect--she had no hip socket on one side--she has issues with corn now and I believe she is gluten intolerant. If you have the insurance, be tested--please........Deb

[Rusla]

Christine,

You may also want to introduce your husband to this site. Many don't get it until they read what happens to others. The fact that no two are alike and all the different symptoms and some never have symptoms. The damage from this can kill. Perhaps you should take the whole house gluten-free. There are lots of good recipes out there. That way if you will not have your daughter and possibly yourself getting glutened. He needs to decide if he wants his daughter to live and be healthy by helping with eliminating the gluten or not.

I have no gluten in my house or flour but for me it is a lot easier than those who are doing both ways because of family. My big glutening happens with the cat box. Until I use up my two 50 lb boxes of cat litter that may remain to happen because of wheat in the cat box. I have to wear long sleeves, gloves, mask and hat to try to cut it down.

[Rachel--24]

  Rusla said:

My big glutening happens with the cat box. Until I use up my two 50 lb boxes of cat litter that may remain to happen because of wheat in the cat box. I have to wear long sleeves, gloves, mask and hat to try to cut it down.

Cat litter has gluten in it?

I thought about this awhile back and looked at my cat litter to find out but I didn't see any ingredients on the box. What kind is it that your using with wheat in it?

[frenchiemama]

  Rachel--24 said:

Cat litter has gluten in it?

I thought about this awhile back and looked at my cat litter to find out but I didn't see any ingredients on the box. What kind is it that your using with wheat in it?

Probably Swheat Scoop.

[Guest nini]

get the book Dangerous Grains and after you read it, have him read it... Have him come to this site... print out all the info you can and show it to him.

my hubby doesn't completely "get it" but he tries.

[Rusla]

The cat litter is the scoopable type that doesn't flush. I have been told that type and the clay type both have wheat in them to cut down the odor. I get my cat litter from Costco but I am told all clay and non flushable sand cat litter has wheat in them.

The scoopable cat litter that flushes does not have wheat in it.

[chrissy]

thanks everyone!! kevin and i have talked about this some more, and i think he is understanding more. i think that the stress of our surgeries illnesses and bills is just harder for him to deal with. this weekend we had one with tonisllitis, one with the runs, and one with tonsillitis and vomiting----never a dull moment around here!LOL! i have a friend with celiac---she has been telling me for a couple of years that she thinks i should be tested----and this was long before we knew about tianna.

christine

[Rachel--24]

  Rusla said:

The cat litter is the scoopable type that doesn't flush. I have been told that type and the clay type both have wheat in them to cut down the odor. I get my cat litter from Costco but I am told all clay and non flushable sand cat litter has wheat in them.

The scoopable cat litter that flushes does not have wheat in it.

Thanks Rusla,

Mine is the clay non-flushable kind (Fresh Step). I've never been careful with it. I just pour it, scoop it, whatever. Theres always a big dusty cloud. Have you actually gotten glutened from it?

  chrissy said:

thanks everyone!! kevin and i have talked about this some more, and i think he is understanding more. i think that the stress of our surgeries illnesses and bills is just harder for him to deal with. this weekend we had one with tonisllitis, one with the runs, and one with tonsillitis and vomiting----never a dull moment around here!LOL! i have a friend with celiac---she has been telling me for a couple of years that she thinks i should be tested----and this was long before we knew about tianna.

christine

Thats good news about your husband...I'm sure he'll come around. Its just a stressful time and alot to take in at once.

[Rusla]

Rachel,

I was trying to figure out when I have been gluten-free for almost three weeks why my gums were swelling and my DH coming out. Then I found out about the cat litter.

I knew it was affecting my asthma but when I wear the gloves, sleeves, hat and mask don't have DH or the big D. If I do the box without them then I do.

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

  Merika said:

the two things that leaped out at me were "hysterectomy" and "fibromyalgia".

These two things leaped at me, too. Chrissy, in case you're not tested for celiac, I think it would be a good idea to do that.

And that cat litter has wheat in it, is incredible. Now I know, what made me sick, when I cleaned our guinea pigs. We used kitty litter instead of that other stuff.

Hugs, Stef

[Felidae]

  Rusla said:

The cat litter is the scoopable type that doesn't flush. I have been told that type and the clay type both have wheat in them to cut down the odor. I get my cat litter from Costco but I am told all clay and non flushable sand cat litter has wheat in them.

The scoopable cat litter that flushes does not have wheat in it.

Okay that is the same litter that I use. It really is good and has a great price. Where did you get this information about wheat in clay litter from? I am just curious.

[psawyer]

Most cat litter does not contain gluten. As previously posted, Swheat Scoop does--it is made of wheat. There is a relatively new clumping litter made from barley, which, of course, is loaded with gluten. A similar litter is available which is gluten-free and made from corn. It is called The World's Best Cat Litter.

Typical litters are ground clay, with nothing added that would contain gluten. Additives typically are a scent, or baking soda to control odor. Most cumping litters are finely ground bentonite clay, again with scent or baking soda added. I have never heard of a clay litter with wheat added. I own a store that deals entirely in pet food and supplies, so I have run across most cat litters at least once.

[darlindeb25]

I just want to add here--kitty litter bothers me, but it's because of the cat, not the litter. My allergies flare around it. My friend Rita has 2 cats, 1 long hair, 1short haired. I am allergic to the short haired cat and not the long haired one. Maybe it's not gluten that is bothering you. Deb

[jerseyangel]

This morning I called The Clorox Pet Products Co. -- makers of Fresh Step Cat Litter (the kind I use). I spoke to Rose who told me there is no wheat in this product at all. It contains Georgia Clay, fragrance, and borates (odor control). Hopes this helps--it put my mind at ease, as I'm the one who always cleans the litter box!

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

Well, in that case, maybe it were the guinea pigs then, that caused it. It's just strange, that I always got reactions, when I threw the old litter out...