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How Do I Get My Mother To Understand

fujiwabbit

By fujiwabbit
in Coping with Celiac Disease

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fujiwabbit Rookie
fujiwabbit
Posted

Im having a really hard time getting my mother to fully understand how careful one needs to be. About 7yrs ago she was told by a GI that she had an allergy to gluten (with no tests done) and that after her intestine healed she would be able to tolerate some amounts of flour. She eats doughnuts every day.... doesnt watch what she eats and has no reaction, that she's aware of. SO now that ive been diagnosed and she thinks that after awhile i'll be fine and able to tolerate food like her. As well she thinks im being paranoid and that cross contamination isnt a problem (Like frying stuff in the same oil that flour was fryed in) I've tried to explain things to her..and her only responses to me are 'well if u lose anymore weight i'm making you go to the hospital...you have to eat...i have it too, i understand... ure over reacting. ANy suggestions on how i can get her to see that i am different than her (as i can touch flour and get an outbreak on my hands) and that after being off gluten until your body heals doesnt mean that you can start tolerating flour again...?? im at a loss, i've tried to explain things, i've tried directing her to websites, ive tried cutting and pasting basic information and emailing it to her, and i've tried to get her to read on this forum. it has all obviously been a waste of time. she also doesnt hold much faith in the internet and thinks that the info i get off of here is questionable and unless a doctors says it..its not true. (when in truth i think ppl on here kno more than any doctor i've ever seen) Any one else have a mother like this? or any suggests on how get her to understand or jus be able to deal with her inablity to understand??

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Rusla Enthusiast
Rusla
Posted

An allergy to gluten is NOT Celiac disease. I was told many years ago that I had a wheat allergy (confirmed by tests). I figured as long as it didn't cause me total adverse effects I could live with it then I would continue. When I got diagnosed with this, it was totally different. My sister was the one who impressed upon me to have the tests and told me about what happened to friends of hers.

Maybe if she makes you go to the hospital, one can hope that someone there knows the difference and can drill it into her head. If there is any medication that she is on to sustain life then you need to do what I did with my mother. My mother is on blood thinners Cumodan (sp?). When she declared that "a little bit won't hurt you." I told her that I will have a little bit if she gives up her cumodan for a week. Because if a little bit won't hurt me then being without her meds won't hurt her. She got it and went totally on board especially when it came to Yule dinner. She told me I would have to make the gravy and dressing so I would not get contaminated.

You could also ask your mother if she would drink poison everyday, because she is asking you to kill yourself. If she still doesn't get it you may have to do tough love and tell her that you thought she loved you but what she is trying to do is contrary to that.

jerseyangel Proficient
jerseyangel
Posted

You know, you can't change someone else--but you can change your response to them. Your mom believes that she is fine now and since she feels well, sees no need to follow the diet. She was never tested--so either she is intolerant or Celiac but has no symptoms, or she isn't. Since you've been Dx, you know how inportant it is to be 100% gluten-free. Do you live with her? Either way, I would prepare my own food and if you share a kitchen, it's up to you to keep a section clean for yourself. It sounds to me like you've done everything you can to convince her--now I would focus on doing what you have to do to keep yourself healthy. Perhaps when she sees your efforts paying off--your skin improving, you feeling better, etc., she will come around. But for now, I don't think she wants to see the truth. :(

Guest nini
Guest nini
Posted
You know, you can't change someone else--but you can change your response to them. Your mom believes that she is fine now and since she feels well, sees no need to follow the diet. She was never tested--so either she is intolerant or Celiac but has no symptoms, or she isn't. Since you've been Dx, you know how inportant it is to be 100% gluten-free. Do you live with her? Either way, I would prepare my own food and if you share a kitchen, it's up to you to keep a section clean for yourself. It sounds to me like you've done everything you can to convince her--now I would focus on doing what you have to do to keep yourself healthy. Perhaps when she sees your efforts paying off--your skin improving, you feeling better, etc., she will come around. But for now, I don't think she wants to see the truth. :(

This is EXACTLY what I was going to say!

My mother hasn't been dx'ed, but she did really well on the low carb/atkins diet several years ago. As soon as she added gluten back into her diet she gained the weight back and started getting C again... She refuses to consider changing her diet and refuses to be tested. I've done all I can do. Unfortunately my sister (who also has symptoms) also believes my mom's version of things and refuses to get tested.

tiredofdoctors Enthusiast
tiredofdoctors
Posted

Can't change them, only you . . . I do the same thing -- make my stuff, then take it wherever I need to take it! I will say, though, my husband is having a really difficult time with this -- with my family and his. Birthdays are BIG at our house -- but since I've been diagnosed, I haven't been able to participate in the cake and ice cream. I had to bake my own brownies one time, and no one would turn the oven on for me (I'm a little "inconvenienced" in the wheelchair). My husband has decided that for MY birthday, we're telling the family that he's taking care of the cake & ice cream. Then, when it comes time for the birthday part, we won't have anything. When they ask where the cake is, we're going to tell them that we're having the cake and ice cream that I have at EVERY birthday -- and so are they. Passive-Aggressive? Definitely. But sometimes you have to stun them before they "get it". . . . Good luck with your mom . . . .Lynne

Guest nini
Guest nini
Posted
Can't change them, only you . . . I do the same thing -- make my stuff, then take it wherever I need to take it! I will say, though, my husband is having a really difficult time with this -- with my family and his. Birthdays are BIG at our house -- but since I've been diagnosed, I haven't been able to participate in the cake and ice cream. I had to bake my own brownies one time, and no one would turn the oven on for me (I'm a little "inconvenienced" in the wheelchair). My husband has decided that for MY birthday, we're telling the family that he's taking care of the cake & ice cream. Then, when it comes time for the birthday part, we won't have anything. When they ask where the cake is, we're going to tell them that we're having the cake and ice cream that I have at EVERY birthday -- and so are they. Passive-Aggressive? Definitely. But sometimes you have to stun them before they "get it". . . . Good luck with your mom . . . .Lynne

I hate to say it, but I love that... yes it's passive aggressive, but I agree, sometimes shocking them into a reality check is a good thing.

ianm Apprentice
ianm
Posted

Some people are just completely incapable of wrapping their brain around a food intolerance. My ex-wife was and still is that way. My life has changed very dramatically since we divorced and I gave up gluten and she still just can't make the connection. You may never be able to get mom to get it but you will have to stand your ground on this one.

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marciab Enthusiast
marciab
Posted

So many people assume everyone's symptoms will be the same as theirs. When I hear that, I remind people about that Norwalk virus that hit that cruise ship a couple of years ago. Some people only got slightly nauseas and others had to air lifted off the ship ......

For me, I am happiest when I am calm, so I have learned to do what is right for me and forget about what others are thinking. I used to tell my mom when I was younger and she got in my way "You do things your way and I'll do things mine" . She got indignant, but she also got the point. Years later, she repeated that to me verbatim as she got older and I wanted her to do things my way. We'd just laugh.

Good luck marcia

Guest nini
Guest nini
Posted

I was talking to my mom today about this again (why do I bother?) and I'd mention certain foods and she'd say, "oh I don't eat those anyway, they give me symptoms" SYMPTOMS OF WHAT MOTHER????? CELIAC!!!!! Geez! But no, it's not wheat or gluten that's the problem for her... nope...

CMCM Rising Star
CMCM
Posted

The biggest thing I've learned in my life is that you can't convince ANYONE of ANYTHING if they don't want to hear it. Heck, sometimes you can't even convince YOURSELF of something! This is such a wheat-dominated society, and most of our goddies are wheat based, and so much enjoyment comes from eating these addictive wheat foods....it's a real bear to give it up. So unless you get violently ill from eating gluten, you're not going to be realistic about it.

The sad thing is that for some people, they'll put up with the annoying symptoms, and not find out about celiac until they get some kind of lymphoma, or another autoimmine disease. It's like smoking, I guess...people who smoke don't think lung cancer will happen to them.

All you can do, i've learned, is offer the information and it's up to them to take it or leave it. There's not much else you can do! :(

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