New Here...please Help!

[Veronica]

Hi. I'm new here, and was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in Aug/05, after loosing 80 lbs over the course of a few months.I'm 34 yrs old, married to my wonderful husband for 18 yrs. We have 2 sons, 15&16.

The biggest problem I have is staying gluten free. It's in everything!! I also have a bit of a denial problem with this, I always think maybe I can have a little bit....not a good idea.

My husband said that in order to help me become gluten-free we should make the entire house gluten-free.

Well that sounds like a great idea, but my Mom had to move in with us in May/05, and for some reason she refuses to cook gluten-free foods. She's 100% German and feels that's how she should eat...well what about me? I don't mean to sound selfish, but when my husband and I are at his shop for the day, if Mom even decided to cook, it's usually, pasta, gravies, etc....but my gluten-free pasta is in the house and she won't use it.(The deal was if she were to move in she would help a bit, clean,dust,etc....but she doesn't do anything. IF she cooks it's food that will hurt me.

I know my situation may sound different, but Mom moving in wasn't our choice. How can I get this woman to understand that what she's feeding me is killing me? Some nights I refuse to eat, becasue I can't eat what she made, or I'll make my own, then she gets offended, and gives me an attitude. I can't figure this out.

I have given her all the information I have regarding Ceiac, and she's refusing to cook gluten-free foods!!

During the weekend my husband and I made chili, we were going to eat it with toasted rice bread. Right before dinner, Mom runs to the grocery store and buys a fresh loaf of french bread. The entire house smelled sooooo good, I could have cried.I don't have alot of time to prepare my foods ahead of time....I just really need help here. Maybe going gluten-free is more of a pain than it's worth.

[mmaccartney]

Your husband is correct, and I support making your whole house gluten-free. I did the same with my home. My wife and younger son can have gluten, myself and my oldre son cannot. We made the entire house gluten-free, and even replaced all of our kitchen equipment (perhaps a bit overboard, but I'm sick of being sick!).

Regarding your mother. Talk about the circles in life!! Granted this is your mother, and she deserves all the respect and admiration that a mother deserves. BUT this is YOUR home, not hers. YOU (and your husband) make the rules. To quote many parents out there, including myself.... "While you are living under my roof you will abide by my rules"

Tell your mother it has to stop, or she cannot continue living there. In the world of addiction it is called tough love. If someone will not stop what they are doing to harm themselves, you or your relationship, end it. It wouldn't be easy, you'll feel guilty, and she'll reinforce that guilt. But it might just be that wake up call that gets her to seriously respect your disease!

Personally, I wouldn't care if my family disowned me over the gluten issue. It's my health and well being and if they cannot or will not support me in that then I do not need to be around them.

Would your mother have alcohol in your home if you or your husband were recovering alcoholics?

[mommida]

Make the house gluten free. Then hide all those cookbooks, and replace them with gluten free ones. Give yourself some time to figure out the gluten free diet, then work on converting your favorite recipes when you are in a gluten free comfort zone.

If your mom's circumstances have left her depressed, she can't even begin to imagine what is going on in your life. See if you can get to the bottom of what is going on in your mom's head.

Good luck,

Laura

[Guest nini]

I have to agree with your husband on this one. You have Celiac, if you continue to eat gluten, eventually it's gonna kill you. In the mean time you'll just get more sick and more tired and so on and so forth... You HAVE to stay 100% gluten free and if your MOM can't understand that, too bad. You have to take responsibility for your own health. I know you want her to help with cooking, but it looks like that aint gonna happen. She's going to insist on doing it her way and you are right, you cannot eat what she makes if she is going to keep using gluten foods.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you are a grown up. You are the ONLY one who is going to suffer the ramifications of not eating gluten free. Tell your mom she can help out in other ways, but cooking and grocery shopping IS NOT HER JOB and unless she can see clear to support you in this and cook healthy food for you, then put your foot down and tell her NO. Find other things for her to help you with, cleaning, laundry, that sort of thing.

As far as cooking gluten free for the whole family, There are a ton of ways to do this simply and inexpensively. There are many foods that are naturally gluten free, not time consuming and you can do them yourself. Or get your husband or kids to help.

Crock pot meals are a big time saver, pot roasts are a good one, tons of meat and veggies in a nice broth simmering all day??? How much yummier can it get? Taco night is a big hit around my house. I have a list of naturally gluten free menu items if you want it, and I'm sure others can help you in that dept. as well.

You HAVE to do this. It is not easier to give in to your Mom's behavior at this point, it is NOT worth it. This is a question of life or death for you. Get in her face if you have to and stand up for yourself.

Feel free to e-mail me at nisla@comcast.net or pm me, I can give you all kinds of pep talks and ideas of how to make cooking less time consuming and easier on the whole family. It's really not that difficult.

BAN THE GLUTEN FROM THE HOUSE!!!!

[Veronica]

Thank you all very much for your advice. I feel soooo much better being a member on this site. I don't feel out of place.

So many things have been changing over the past year...I think you are all right and I should focus more on my health than her feelings. But I always wonder if maybe I'm over reacting to the cooking thing....only because I know her situation is hard, then I was diagnosed with Celiac, we had to move to a bigger house...and the daily stresses.

The reason I think I may overeact is becasue the symptoms of my gluten reactions are so severe that I don't feel like myself. I'm in a constant angry/sad fog. I always feel down and feel like I could cry. Is this ever going to go away? Will I get my life back?

[Lollie]

Yes, you will get your life back! But, you have to committ to a completely gluten-free diet! In my house, I am the only one gluten-free. All meals and things that I cook are gluten-free. My whole family eats gluten-free at home, but we do have some gluten stuff in the house. It's prepackaged and for consumption of the Non-Celiacs. I know that they have some food that I can't have. It's just that simple. I know that if I eat gluten I will be sick and causing damage to my intestines and I'm not willing to eat anything that I know will hurt me!

Mom's are tricky, especially when we take over the care for them! You will have to just set boundaries about what is or is not okay in your house. This is your house and your health that we're talking about here! And believe me, my mom drives me crazy (by the way my mom's half German, so I really do know how stubborn a German mom can be! ) and I'm giving you the same advice that I got! You have to just do what is best for you! You will have to take back charge of your kitchen!

Godd Luck!

Lollie

[Canadian Karen]

Ask your mother if she would pour sugar down your throat if you were a diabetic.........

Sheesh! Mothers!

Good Luck! (from someone who was previously in your shoes until my Mom FINALLY figured out she couldn't interfere anymore!)

Hugs!

Karen

[jenvan]

What a hard situation! First off, going gluten-free if you have Celiac is absolutely worth any difficulty you encounter. We go gluten-free to be healthy, to live longer...to get more of our lives back. You are not selfish! Your mom is being selfish. Unfortunately, it seems like she really doesn't understand the situation. She may never...sometimes that happens. But, to give her that chance, have you sat down and had a gentle, but firm face-to-face with her? If so, then I think it is time for some hard boundaries--hard, but worth it. She has moved into your home, which means she needs to defer to your house rules. You need to lay down the law, again, in a gentle but firm manner. Use your husband to back you up on this too--and I agree you should try to make the house gluten-free. Your mom is a wild-card at home, in the case of gluten, and not going completely gluten-free will probably put you at risk since she doesn't understand how serious of a matter this is. Maybe if she gets it one day, you can make some exceptions.

Don't let guilt keep you from making the boundaries you need. I'm not sure what your relationship with your mother is like...but it would probably be good to approach the issue with your husband by your side, as a united front, instead of just mom-to-daughter. And that also makes sense since you two are in charge of your home.

Good luck--I hope things change smoothly and quickly. Let us know what happens!