Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×

  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):

    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com!
    eNewsletter
    Donate

New Here...please Help!

Veronica

By Veronica
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

Veronica Rookie
Veronica
Posted

Hi. I'm new here, and was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in Aug/05, after loosing 80 lbs over the course of a few months.I'm 34 yrs old, married to my wonderful husband for 18 yrs. We have 2 sons, 15&16.

The biggest problem I have is staying gluten free. It's in everything!! I also have a bit of a denial problem with this, I always think maybe I can have a little bit....not a good idea.

My husband said that in order to help me become gluten-free we should make the entire house gluten-free.

Well that sounds like a great idea, but my Mom had to move in with us in May/05, and for some reason she refuses to cook gluten-free foods. She's 100% German and feels that's how she should eat...well what about me? I don't mean to sound selfish, but when my husband and I are at his shop for the day, if Mom even decided to cook, it's usually, pasta, gravies, etc....but my gluten-free pasta is in the house and she won't use it.(The deal was if she were to move in she would help a bit, clean,dust,etc....but she doesn't do anything. IF she cooks it's food that will hurt me.

I know my situation may sound different, but Mom moving in wasn't our choice. How can I get this woman to understand that what she's feeding me is killing me? Some nights I refuse to eat, becasue I can't eat what she made, or I'll make my own, then she gets offended, and gives me an attitude. I can't figure this out.

I have given her all the information I have regarding Ceiac, and she's refusing to cook gluten-free foods!!

During the weekend my husband and I made chili, we were going to eat it with toasted rice bread. Right before dinner, Mom runs to the grocery store and buys a fresh loaf of french bread. The entire house smelled sooooo good, I could have cried.I don't have alot of time to prepare my foods ahead of time....I just really need help here. Maybe going gluten-free is more of a pain than it's worth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


mmaccartney Explorer
mmaccartney
Posted

Your husband is correct, and I support making your whole house gluten-free. I did the same with my home. My wife and younger son can have gluten, myself and my oldre son cannot. We made the entire house gluten-free, and even replaced all of our kitchen equipment (perhaps a bit overboard, but I'm sick of being sick!).

Regarding your mother. Talk about the circles in life!! Granted this is your mother, and she deserves all the respect and admiration that a mother deserves. BUT this is YOUR home, not hers. YOU (and your husband) make the rules. To quote many parents out there, including myself.... "While you are living under my roof you will abide by my rules"

Tell your mother it has to stop, or she cannot continue living there. In the world of addiction it is called tough love. If someone will not stop what they are doing to harm themselves, you or your relationship, end it. It wouldn't be easy, you'll feel guilty, and she'll reinforce that guilt. But it might just be that wake up call that gets her to seriously respect your disease!

Personally, I wouldn't care if my family disowned me over the gluten issue. It's my health and well being and if they cannot or will not support me in that then I do not need to be around them.

Would your mother have alcohol in your home if you or your husband were recovering alcoholics?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mommida Enthusiast
mommida
Posted

Make the house gluten free. Then hide all those cookbooks, and replace them with gluten free ones. Give yourself some time to figure out the gluten free diet, then work on converting your favorite recipes when you are in a gluten free comfort zone.

If your mom's circumstances have left her depressed, she can't even begin to imagine what is going on in your life. See if you can get to the bottom of what is going on in your mom's head.

Good luck,

Laura

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest nini
Guest nini
Posted

I have to agree with your husband on this one. You have Celiac, if you continue to eat gluten, eventually it's gonna kill you. In the mean time you'll just get more sick and more tired and so on and so forth... You HAVE to stay 100% gluten free and if your MOM can't understand that, too bad. You have to take responsibility for your own health. I know you want her to help with cooking, but it looks like that aint gonna happen. She's going to insist on doing it her way and you are right, you cannot eat what she makes if she is going to keep using gluten foods.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you are a grown up. You are the ONLY one who is going to suffer the ramifications of not eating gluten free. Tell your mom she can help out in other ways, but cooking and grocery shopping IS NOT HER JOB and unless she can see clear to support you in this and cook healthy food for you, then put your foot down and tell her NO. Find other things for her to help you with, cleaning, laundry, that sort of thing.

As far as cooking gluten free for the whole family, There are a ton of ways to do this simply and inexpensively. There are many foods that are naturally gluten free, not time consuming and you can do them yourself. Or get your husband or kids to help.

Crock pot meals are a big time saver, pot roasts are a good one, tons of meat and veggies in a nice broth simmering all day??? How much yummier can it get? Taco night is a big hit around my house. I have a list of naturally gluten free menu items if you want it, and I'm sure others can help you in that dept. as well.

You HAVE to do this. It is not easier to give in to your Mom's behavior at this point, it is NOT worth it. This is a question of life or death for you. Get in her face if you have to and stand up for yourself.

Feel free to e-mail me at nisla@comcast.net or pm me, I can give you all kinds of pep talks and ideas of how to make cooking less time consuming and easier on the whole family. It's really not that difficult.

BAN THE GLUTEN FROM THE HOUSE!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Veronica Rookie
Veronica
  • Author
Posted

Thank you all very much for your advice. I feel soooo much better being a member on this site. I don't feel out of place.

So many things have been changing over the past year...I think you are all right and I should focus more on my health than her feelings. But I always wonder if maybe I'm over reacting to the cooking thing....only because I know her situation is hard, then I was diagnosed with Celiac, we had to move to a bigger house...and the daily stresses.

The reason I think I may overeact is becasue the symptoms of my gluten reactions are so severe that I don't feel like myself. I'm in a constant angry/sad fog. I always feel down and feel like I could cry. Is this ever going to go away? Will I get my life back?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Lollie Enthusiast
Lollie
Posted

Yes, you will get your life back! But, you have to committ to a completely gluten-free diet! In my house, I am the only one gluten-free. All meals and things that I cook are gluten-free. My whole family eats gluten-free at home, but we do have some gluten stuff in the house. It's prepackaged and for consumption of the Non-Celiacs. I know that they have some food that I can't have. It's just that simple. I know that if I eat gluten I will be sick and causing damage to my intestines and I'm not willing to eat anything that I know will hurt me!

Mom's are tricky, especially when we take over the care for them! You will have to just set boundaries about what is or is not okay in your house. This is your house and your health that we're talking about here! And believe me, my mom drives me crazy (by the way my mom's half German, so I really do know how stubborn a German mom can be! :D ) and I'm giving you the same advice that I got! You have to just do what is best for you! You will have to take back charge of your kitchen!

Godd Luck!

Lollie

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Canadian Karen Community Regular
Canadian Karen
Posted

Ask your mother if she would pour sugar down your throat if you were a diabetic.........

Sheesh! Mothers!

Good Luck! (from someone who was previously in your shoes until my Mom FINALLY figured out she couldn't interfere anymore!)

Hugs!

Karen

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):

Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):


jenvan Collaborator
jenvan
Posted

What a hard situation! First off, going gluten-free if you have Celiac is absolutely worth any difficulty you encounter. We go gluten-free to be healthy, to live longer...to get more of our lives back. You are not selfish! Your mom is being selfish. Unfortunately, it seems like she really doesn't understand the situation. She may never...sometimes that happens. But, to give her that chance, have you sat down and had a gentle, but firm face-to-face with her? If so, then I think it is time for some hard boundaries--hard, but worth it. She has moved into your home, which means she needs to defer to your house rules. You need to lay down the law, again, in a gentle but firm manner. Use your husband to back you up on this too--and I agree you should try to make the house gluten-free. Your mom is a wild-card at home, in the case of gluten, and not going completely gluten-free will probably put you at risk since she doesn't understand how serious of a matter this is. Maybe if she gets it one day, you can make some exceptions.

Don't let guilt keep you from making the boundaries you need. I'm not sure what your relationship with your mother is like...but it would probably be good to approach the issue with your husband by your side, as a united front, instead of just mom-to-daughter. And that also makes sense since you two are in charge of your home.

Good luck--I hope things change smoothly and quickly. Let us know what happens!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Celiac.com:
    Join eNewsletter
    Donate
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):
    Celiac.com Sponsor (A17):



    Celiac.com Sponsors (A17-M):



  • Recent Activity

    1. BluegrassCeliac
      - BluegrassCeliac replied to lasthope2024's topic in Food Intolerance & Leaky Gut
      7

      This forum might be the last hope I have in my life. Please I beg you

      Hi, Not saying Thiamine (B1) couldn't be an issue as well, but Mg was definitely the cause of my problems. It's the only thing that worked. I supplemented with B vitamins, but that didn't change anything, in fact they made me sick. Mg stopped all my muscle pain (HCTZ) within a few months and fixed all the intestinal problems HCTZ caused as well. Mom...
    2. Scott Adams
      - Scott Adams replied to Nacina's topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      1

      14 year old with Celiac & EOE still suffering...

      It sounds like you've been through a lot with your son's health journey, and it's understandable that you're seeking answers and solutions. Given the complexity of his symptoms and medical history, it might be beneficial to explore a few avenues: Encourage your son to keep a detailed journal of his symptoms, including when they occur, their severity...
    3. Nacina
      - Nacina posted a topic in Related Issues & Disorders
      1

      14 year old with Celiac & EOE still suffering...

      Hello, I am a 45 year old mom, who was diagnosed at 29 with Celiac. My now 14 year old son was diagnosed just before his 4th birthday. Needless to say, we are old pros with the diet. He was experiencing some issues, overall health took a major plummet a year ago, and through a bit of work, was diagnosed with EOE. Tried diet alone, but his follow up endoscopy...
    4. trents
      - trents replied to Fluka66's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      5

      Waiting for urgent referral.

      But if you have been off of wheat for a period of weeks/months leading up to the testing it will likely turn out to be negative for celiac disease, even if you actually have celiac disease. Given your symptoms when consuming gluten, we certainly understand your reluctance to undergo the "gluten challenge" before testing but you need to understand that the...
    5. Fluka66
      - Fluka66 replied to Fluka66's topic in Celiac Disease Pre-Diagnosis, Testing & Symptoms
      5

      Waiting for urgent referral.

      Thank you very much for your reply. I hadn't heard of celiac disease but began to notice a pattern of pain. I've been on the floor more than once with agonising pain but this was always put down to another abdominal problem consequently I've been on a roundabout of backwards and forwards with another consultant for many years. I originally questioned this...
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):


  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      121,067
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748
    myneckmybackmyceliac
    Newest Member
    myneckmybackmyceliac
    Joined
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      120.3k
    • Total Posts
      1m
  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):



  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):


  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • BluegrassCeliac
      This forum might be the last hope I have in my life. Please I beg you

      By BluegrassCeliac · Posted

      Hi,   Not saying Thiamine (B1) couldn't be an issue as well, but Mg was definitely the cause of my problems. It's the only thing that worked. I supplemented with B vitamins, but that didn't change anything, in fact they made me sick. Mg stopped all my muscle pain (HCTZ) within a few months and fixed all the intestinal problems HCTZ caused as well. Mom has an allergy to some sulfa drugs (IgG Celiac too), but I don't think I've ever taken them. Mg boosted my energy as well. It solved a lot of problems. I take 1000mg MgO a day with no problems. I boost absorption with Vitamin D. Some people can't take MgO,  like mom, she takes Mg Glycinate. It's one of those things that someone has try and find the right form for themselves. Everyone's different. Mg deficiency can cause anxiety and is a treatment for it. A pharmacist gave me a list of drugs years ago that cause Mg deficiency: PPIs, H2 bockers, HCTZ, some beta blockers (metoprolol which I've taken -- horrible side effects), some anti-anxiety meds too were on it. I posted because I saw he was an IgG celiac. He's the first one I've seen in 20 years, other than my family. We're rare. All the celiacs I've met are IgA. Finding healthcare is a nightmare. Just trying to help. B  
    • Scott Adams
      14 year old with Celiac & EOE still suffering...

      By Scott Adams · Posted

      It sounds like you've been through a lot with your son's health journey, and it's understandable that you're seeking answers and solutions. Given the complexity of his symptoms and medical history, it might be beneficial to explore a few avenues: Encourage your son to keep a detailed journal of his symptoms, including when they occur, their severity, any triggers or patterns, and how they impact his daily life. This information can be valuable during medical consultations and may help identify correlations or trends. Consider seeking opinions from specialized medical centers or academic hospitals that have multidisciplinary teams specializing in gastrointestinal disorders, especially those related to Celiac disease and Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EOE). These centers often have experts who deal with complex cases and can offer a comprehensive evaluation. Since you've already explored alternative medicine with a nutrition response doctor and a gut detox diet, you may want to consider consulting a functional medicine practitioner. They take a holistic approach to health, looking at underlying causes and imbalances that may contribute to symptoms. Given his low vitamin D levels and other nutritional markers, a thorough nutritional assessment by a registered dietitian or nutritionist specializing in gastrointestinal health could provide insights into any deficiencies or dietary adjustments that might help alleviate symptoms. In addition to routine tests, consider asking about more specialized tests that may not be part of standard screenings. These could include comprehensive stool analyses, food intolerance testing, allergy panels, or advanced imaging studies to assess gut health.
    • Nacina
      14 year old with Celiac & EOE still suffering...

      By Nacina · Posted

      Hello, I am a 45 year old mom, who was diagnosed at 29 with Celiac. My now 14 year old son was diagnosed just before his 4th birthday. Needless to say, we are old pros with the diet. He was experiencing some issues, overall health took a major plummet a year ago, and through a bit of work, was diagnosed with EOE. Tried diet alone, but his follow up endoscopy didn't show the improvements his DR. wanted to see, so I tried the medication. (Steroid). He became extremely backed up, and they had him taking Miralax daily. His health plummeted. He is a straight A honor's 8th grader who plays club soccer very competitively. His health continued to decline and at 13 had a colonoscopy and another upper gi. (He was still compacted even with the prep). I finally pulled him off all meds and mira lax, after reading much negative literature online, and put him on a gut detox diet and took him to a nutrition response dr. Finally things have improved. However...over a year later and he is having relapse stomach pain, debilitating stomach pain. Missing a day of school a week, to three this week. This is where we downward spiral with him. He says it doesn't feel the same as when he has gotten backed up before. He is eating prunes, taking his supplements, drinking water...all of the things. Yet, he is feeling horrible. Pain is abdomen, headache, lethargy, diarrhea . He is on a strict gluten dairy, egg free diet. He has adapted well in regards to diet. But I feel like we are missing something here. He is too active, too outgoing to be feeling sick all of the time. His Bilirubin is constantly high. His white blood count always runs slightly low. His vitamin D was very low last time he ran tests, (last month) when he was sick for a week. His celiac markers show negative, so it isn't that. His last endoscopy showed no Eosinaphils in his esophagus.  I have taken him to multiple Ped. Gastro specialists. They run tests, and we get zero answers. I meticulously go through labs, hoping to make some sense and maybe catch something. Any thoughts or ideas would greatly be appreciated. 
    • trents
      Waiting for urgent referral.

      By trents · Posted

      But if you have been off of wheat for a period of weeks/months leading up to the testing it will likely turn out to be negative for celiac disease, even if you actually have celiac disease. Given your symptoms when consuming gluten, we certainly understand your reluctance to undergo  the "gluten challenge" before testing but you need to understand that the testing may be a waste of time if you don't. What are you going to do if it is negative for celiac disease? Are you going to go back to merrily eating wheat/barley/rye products while living in pain and destroying your health? You will be in a conundrum. Do I or do I not? And you will likely have a difficult time being consistent with your diet. Celiac disease causes inflammation to the small bowel villous lining when gluten containing grains are consumed. This inflammation produces certain antibodies that can be detected in the blood after they reach a certain level, which takes weeks or months after the onset of the disease. If gluten is stopped or drastically reduced, the inflammation begins to decrease and so do the antibodies. Before long, their low levels are not detectable by testing and the antibody blood tests done for diagnosing celiac disease will be negative. Over time, this inflammation wears down the billions of microscopic, finger-like projections that make up the lining and form the nutrient absorbing layer of the small bowel where all the nutrition in our food is absorbed. As the villi bet worn down, vitamin and mineral deficiencies typically develop because absorption is compromised. An endoscopy with biopsy of the small bowel lining to microscopically examine this damage is usually the second stage of celiac disease diagnosis. However, when people cut out gluten or cut back on it significantly ahead of time before the biopsy is done, the villous lining has already experienced some healing and the microscopic examination may be negative or inconclusive. I'm not trying to tell you what to do I just want you to understand what the consequences of going gluten free ahead of testing are as far as test results go so that you will either not waste your time in having the tests done or will be prepared for negative test results and the impact that will have on your dietary decisions. And, who are these "consultants" you keep talking about and what are their qualifications? You are in the unenviable position that many who joint this forum have found themselves in. Namely, having begun a gluten free diet before getting a proper diagnosis but unwilling to enter into the gluten challenge for valid testing because of the severity of the symptoms it would cause them.
    • Fluka66
      Waiting for urgent referral.

      By Fluka66 · Posted

      Thank you very much for your reply. I hadn't heard of celiac disease but began to notice a pattern of pain. I've been on the floor more than once with agonising pain but this was always put down to another abdominal problem consequently I've been on a roundabout of backwards and forwards with another consultant for many years. I originally questioned this diagnosis but was assured it was the reason for my pain. Many years later the consultant gave up and I had a new GP. I started to cut out certain food types ,reading packets then really started to cut out wheat and went lactose free. After a month I reintroduced these in one meal and ended screaming in agony the tearing and bloating pain. With this info and a swollen lymph node in my neck I went back to the GP.  I have a referral now . I have also found out that acidic food is causing the terrible pain . My thoughts are this is irritating any ulcers. I'm hoping that after a decade the outlook isn't all bad. My blood test came back with a high marker but I didn't catch what it was. My GP and I have agreed that I won't go back on wheat just for the test due to the pain , my swollen lymph node and blood test results.  Trying to remain calm for the referral and perhaps needed to be more forceful all those years ago but I'm not assertive and consultants can be overwhelming. Many thanks for your reply . Wishing you all the best.
×
×
  • Create New...