Depression And Despair

[DingoGirl]

I just posted something under weight loss/gain/depression but I thought I'd better post separately.

I have suffered from deep depression for years, it got worse the sicker and more malnourished I became. Been gluten-free just 6 weeks, felt FANTASTIC the first 3 or 4.....but now find myself kind of dangerously sad, slipping into a black hole, and thinking I should be back on antidepressants again.

In all fairness I must say that I am ALSO grieving the loss of the relationship of the man I thought I'd marry (just 2 weeks ago was the FINAL breakup). When I became gluten-free and also clear-headed, I could kind of see that he wasn't right....but now I'm a mess.

I seem to be experiencing dramatic mood swings, and I don't know how much of it is from actual grieving, from adjusting to the new Celiac lifestyle, and from body chemistry/balance/imbalance etc.

This website has saved my life....I have learned so much from YOUR life experiences. Last week I needed help with dairy-free breakfast ideas, and BOOM, there they were!!

I feel kind of vulnerable posting this for all the world to see....but any of you who have been there, I'd love to hear about it. I'm ready for life to begin again, and to pursue the dreams I had years ago, before becoming so sick.

Blessings -

susan

[StrongerToday]

I went gluten-free/DF in August, and was doing great till around Thanksgiving. Shortly after I had some huge job stress, my daughter got sick twice, then I was sick.... Christmas was awful. Which depressed me even more! I was overwrought w/ anxiety - about everything but especially foods and lost a lot of weight quickly because I was scared to eat. After many weeks of being a wreck and not sleeping, I finally went to see my doctor. He put me in touch with a therapist and I did start to take an anti-depressant. (Which only you and your doctor can decide if that's what's best for you). Now I feel as if I could take on the world!!

You've gone through some tough times lately. It's only natural to be sad. There's a great article in this months Oprah magazine, check it out. Ask around for a good therapist - it can't hurt, it will help you to cope. Keep reading this web site - it truly has been a Godsend for many, including me.

Good luck, take care!

[jerseyangel]

Hi Susan, I'm truly sorry to hear about your breakup. As far as the Celiac related depression, I can tell you that I was depressed and had anxiety for many years before I was diagnosed. I can relate to feeling better relatively quickly and then back-sliding. I believe that the emotional symptoms, like the physical ones, will go through periods of an up and down nature. Unfortunately for you, you have the added sadness on top of it. I really think that it will get better again--you have not been gluten-free all that long and it does take it's own sweet time! Please be good to yourself--get plenty of rest and let yourself feel what you need to. Make sure that you eat well, too. Come here anytime you need to--I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to talk about this--we are here for you

[tarnalberry]

You're grieving an external loss (that of your significant other) AND an internal loss (of the life/diet you use to have). Doing both at the same time is ... hard! My sympathies are with you. I think, as long as you try to be healthy, time and patience will help both wounds to heal, even if there's always some pain associated with them.

If you're feeling up to going out and doing new things, then do it, but take it slow. I'd encourage trying out yoga, but I love that and am working towards teaching, so I'm biased. ;-)

[Moongirl]

Im sure your feelings are not much different from a lot of people here. Being only 26 and just getting DX 4 months ago was a real stuggle. I had anxiety problems starting about 2 years ago, and just when i thought things were getting good. BAM here is celiac disease. Like u said the first 3-4 weeks i felt great, but a month or 2 after it was all setting in like OMG this is going to be here for life.....i was sad a lot, and was scared to eat, which in turn i got skinnier.... not good....but slowy but surely u start to realize that this is not all a bad thing, like everything else in life it takes time to adjust to new things....

Someone said something to me the other day when I wa explaining this disease to them...."Well you will probably outlive all of us, cause you are going to be eating and living a lot healthier" Then I realized you know what shes right, Im not going to be sad because I have this disease, Im going to use it to my advantage and educate myself and learn things I would never probably have.

It would be good to get help from people the first few months, family has been my backbone. And I totally feel you about ur bf, not the best timing, but my advice to you is to concentrate on getting better, do what is good for you first. Hope you feel better, and I agree that this site has been a lifesaver when i needed it the most

[DingoGirl]

I just came and read what you guys wrote, and promptly burst into tears. But in a good way....no one in my immediate world understands what this is like, but you all do. Yes, losing the fiance at the same time is doubly hard.....

Have to keep telling myself there is a reason and purpose for all of this.....and that that really WASN'T the man God had hand-picked for me as my malnourished, gluten-contaminated brain previously thought....

Thank you SO much for taking the time to offer encouragement and support.

[Lisa]

You are a beautiful young woman and once you start to feel better and heal from the inside out, you're gonna knock some wonderful guys socks off. Look out world.

[ianm]

My ex filed for divorce right around the time I started the gluten free path. I did go through a period of severe depression after I realized that I had wasted the first 36 years of my life because of a food intolerance. This takes time and it will get better if you do what you know you need to do.

[DingoGirl]

You are a beautiful young woman and once you start to feel better and heal from the inside out, you're gonna knock some wonderful guys socks off. Look out world.

sniff....Lisa that REALLY made me burst into tears.....how kind you are! That photo was a year-and-a-half ago, in healthier days....hoping to get back there again!

(would rather have a picture of my two dogs on here but can't seem to make that work)

Am goign to watch the Oscars now, that is always good fun!

My ex filed for divorce right around the time I started the gluten free path. I did go through a period of severe depression after I realized that I had wasted the first 36 years of my life because of a food intolerance. This takes time and it will get better if you do what you know you need to do.

Well Ian, if you survived the actual DIVORCE (wow, right at the time of becoming gluten-free? not nice at all...), I can survive the breakup! - we weren't even married OR living together....

Thank you.

[sparkles]

You have really had a lot to deal with...what with the break-up and the celiac disease. But things will get better. As your body heals so will your heart and your mind. I suffered from depression for years and finally went off the anti-depression meds about 2 years after going gluten-free. I was afraid to try as I didn't want all that sadness back in my life. I am ok now. BUT I think that it is important to understand that when you go gluten-free, you grieve your old life and the food that was a part of it. I think that for people who do not have to make such a huge lifestyle change, it is hard to understand that you can grieve food loss. Food is a big part of our social life...it is hard to give that up. My first gluten-free Thanksgiving was really depressing. I watched everyone at the table enjoy sweet potatoes, gravy, rolls, stuffing and pumpkin pie...the whole 9 yards....and I got to eat some turkey, potatoes, and the veggies and the salad that I had brought. It was hard. I felt out of place and everyone at the table kept asking me why I couldn't eat this and what if I just ate the filling from the pie...etc. I really felt sorry for myself until I realized that I was the only one who hadn't overeaten and I was comfortable, not in pain, and certainly not suffering from being "glutened". I think that it is hard to lose food. After all, sometimes even though it was an internal enemy, it sure gave comfort going down. You will make it. It is one step at a time...small steps lead to big ones.... and eventually, it will get much easier. Good luck!!!

[ebrbetty]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup, its tough enough learning a new way to live. I too felt really up for the first month, but now 2 months or so into this I'm getting more depressed, haven't spoken to hubby for about 6 hours lol just don't want to talk, too much effort! I think its because I expected to feel good by now.

theres lots of great ppl here on this board, very understanding, besides if we can't vent here, where we are all in the same boat, where else can we!!??

I hope you feel better very soon, you'll be just fine!!

hugs, Betty

btw~ I was looking at your pic..you're a beautiful woman!

[Lisa]

I have found that this disease is VERY self-consuming. I think about it every time I wipe a kitchen counter, every time I load the dishwasher, every time I make breakfast for my ADULT daughter, I join friends for lunch, or get invited out for dinner (often, because we pot-luck alot). I think about going to work, going to a meeting, going shopping an the list goes on and on.

It is on my mind constantly and I don't want to talk about it as much as I think about it. It would drive everyone around me crazy. As an example, my husband just came in and asked me "why are you not watching the Acad. Award? Why are you still on the compute.?" Well,duh, if I talked to him about things that are going through my head, he'd tell me to go back to the computer. Go figure a man????

So I am so glad that all of us are here for each other, otherwise where? There are some very wonderfully kind people here that have gone through alot. I appreciate every one of them.

OK. better go and watch the Hollywood Pretty Parade and sit with my husband as his eyes close and goes to sleep. Can't win for loosin..... What a life.

[ebrbetty]

VERY well said Lisa

[Lisa]

It's called REALITY.

[ebrbetty]

that it is!

[Lisa]

that it is!

Susan, I will get better. We married folks have our own agenda, as noted above. Consider your options

[jknnej]

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Many years ago I went through a similar thing with a man I thought I would marry. Now I am happily married to a great man, and one day you will be, too. But I am sorry for your loss and like everything else, it just takes time.

Don't feel bad if you have to take anti-depressants again. I take them after a lot of thoughtful consideration and honestly, it has made all the difference to me. Talk with your doctor and she what he/she says about it. Then you can make an informed decision.

I hope you have some great friends to help you through your break-up! And, we're always here for you!

[Guest Robbin]

Susan, Seeing your post and the anguish there prompted me to recall the two painful break-ups in my life that sent me into a depression and the empathy I feel for you is so real. I see now, years later that my being ill a lot was a factor in both those break-ups, but the ex-husband and ex-boyfriend were very much alike--energetic, impatient, extremely healthy individuals who had no experience or caring for someone with any kind of weakness. God in His infinite wisdom had someone else waiting for me who is the most caring and patient person I have ever met and I know He has someone out there for you. When you get strong, physically and emotionally, it will happen for you, but you need to heal and we are all here for you. Look at this as a healing time and a time for you to come to terms with the illness and to find peace. I agree, you are a beautiful girl and have so much to offer. Just the courage to reach out to others is a gift. Never give up hope for a better tomorrow. You are in my prayers,

Robbin

[DingoGirl]

God bless all of you for your thoughtful replies and your prayers. I guess I feel REALLY discouraged about this breakup because I AM 44 YEARS OLD!!!! Bless you Robbin...the man I just broke up with WAS mydream man - - the most kind, caring human I have ever known. To a fault, though....all of the people he was taking care of financially, emotionally, and physically literally choke out his life and his time. I have known him 25 years......and still, everyone warned me about his commitment issues....

But, your stories remind me that there are better things in the future, maybe....I just can't see through the forest right now. It is dense, like gluten-free bread.....

I think I will go back on the meds as I am crying ALL of the time!

[Guest Robbin]

Susan,

A man who will put you and your relationship first is out there for you. You must get well first and if you need meds and therapy go for it. Do all you can do for YOU right now.

Also, girlfriend, 44 IS NOT OLD!!! I just turned 45, and am telling myself I amonly getting better. My neighbor is 50 and there are so many single men in that age group, she's quite busy!!!!

Have a great week, and God bless you, and big hugs!!!!!!

[Guest Pixi]

Wow, I can really relate. I'm two weeks out of a serious relationship as well and know what you're going through.

I think the most important thing is that you see someone who can help you through this from a holistic standpoint; someone who can embrace all the aspects of your situation -- celiac, grieving, depression, etc.. and help you sort through it all. Having an objective person to talk to, who won't cry with you (like a loved one) can help dramatically.

Also, he/she can help you figure out an anti-depression/anti-anxiety type of cocktail you can take. Low dosages of various drugs might help. At least with the life-affecting swings in your moods. There's nothing wrong with asking for help and I think you're brave to be facing the flood of emotions you're feeling and not running from them.

I know this is totally unrelated to any diet or depression advice, but a book that has really helped me get through an extreme sadness post-breakup was A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson. Just an idea