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Just Needed To Vent!

Lollie

By Lollie
in Coping with Celiac Disease

Recommended Posts

Lollie Enthusiast
Lollie
Posted

Hi all! I typically try to stay very positive in my approach to this disease, but I'm having a hard time right now. I try not to take all this too seriously. What I mean by that, is that when some one forgets what I can eat or makes a slip, I just let it roll off. I don't worry so much about what other people think, or how they might treat me unkindly, I just let it go and try to stay happy and positive.

It's been working.

Until last night.

So, I have decided to post here, because I know all of ya'll will be sympathetic, and understanding.

Well, here goes. Last night my mom invited me and my family to dinner. I haven't accepted any dinner invitations since I went gluten-free three and a half months ago. But, I've really gotten confident with the diet, and wanted to be social. My mom made pot roast and salad and french bread and strawberry short cake. She kept getting flustered when I couldn't eat something. I brought my own rice and salad dressing. I ate mostly rice and salad but I did get a little of the pot roast and gravy. I didn't want to hurt her feelings by not eating any of her food. Needless to say, by the time we got home I was sick. I was up most of the night, until I took a muscle relaxer for the cramping and spasms. My mom called this morning and apoligized for the gravy-it had flour. She didn't mean to, that's just how she makes it and it was habit. She hadn't even thought about it. I didn't tell her I was sick. She said she was sorry there wasn't very much I could eat last night.

I was talking to my husband about it this after noon. I was telling him how I haven't felt as good for the past few days, prior to the glutening last night. I said I needed to go through the toilitries and make sure there was no gluten in them. His reply is what hurt me the most. He said he hoped that I wasn't going to get that sensitive. He thought I was just being paranoid. He said before long I would be back like I was before, afraid to eat anything and now worse afraid of my soap. He was the one that found out about Celiac and promoted the idea of the testing. He hasn't raised an eyebrow at the cost of food. He hasn't said anything about us not having any wheat products in the house. He's been completely supportive....until now.

I've been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I know this has been a major change in his life style too. But I haven't said he couldn't have gluten, just two night ago, I ordered him and the girls a delivery pizza. I had rice. I feel like as long as I feel good, he has no problem with all this. But if I have a set back, he has no patience for any of it.

I'd appreciate any input from you guys, I really do respect ya'lls opinion.

Sorry so long, and thanks in advance-

Lollie

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StrongerToday Enthusiast
StrongerToday
Posted

I'm divorced, so not the best person to ask about supportive husbands :rolleyes: However, I will say that your hubby sounds a lot like my father. At Thanksgiving my mom went to great lengths to make gluten-free foods. I caught her dipping her wheat bread into the gravy to taste it. Twice. I may have over-reacted a tad bit, but when I did my father said "oh, you're not going to be one of THOSE kinds are you?". Darn straight I am. It's my body. I just looked him in the eye and said "I'm sure you don't want me to be sick" and he backed down.

I'm sorry you're sick now and hope it passes quickly. It sounds like your hubby is generally very supportive and I suppose we should let him have a bad moment now and again - he's got to deal with this in his own way too.

Hope you're better soon!

penguin Community Regular
penguin
Posted

By sensitive did he mean that you would be so sensitive that you reacted to the toiletries, or that you would be so sensitive as to be paranoid about it? The context is a world of difference...

My husband is very supportive, but thinks I'm overdoing it with some things. Like new wooden spoons and not kissing him after he's eaten gluten. Although, since he's seen me react to impossibly small amounts of gluten, he doesn't try to kiss me and warns me if he's eaten gluten and I have new spoons. I think he, like me, is trying to adapt, and is in a bit of denial himself about some things.

It's a grieving process for the whole family, and that's what it is, a process. Things will just kind of suck for a while, is all.

It's scary for your SO to see you sick all the time, and for you to be afraid to eat, socialize, etc. His intentions were probably good, though they may not have seemed that way.

Feel better! :unsure::)

Lollie Enthusiast
Lollie
Posted
  • Author

I'm pretty sure he meant paranoid. I figure he's having a tough time too. He watched me decline for 10 years, and at the beginning of this year I was so sick and under weight, well it scared me too. I guess I just hoped for more from him. I mean, I just want him to be my shoulder to cry on sometimes- but hey, that's what I have you guys for! Right?!

Also, it seems like if I have a bad day because of gluten, it makes him angry. He gets real snappy- do you figure it's just him feeling bad for me and showing it in a typical guy way? (sorry guys!)

Lollie

tarnalberry Community Regular
tarnalberry
Posted

You might want to talk to him - he may well think that he *was* being supportive, trying to keep you from going back to being afraid of everything. Yes, it was the wrong approach, but he might have thought he was being helpful. So talk to him about it - and about what you *need* from him, since he may not know automatically without you telling him.

penguin Community Regular
penguin
Posted

He may just be frustrated that you got sick. You get frustrated when that happens, right?

He may also be frustrated because he has to deal with you being sick for a few days, which, lets admit it, we're no fun when we're glutened!

Dunno. Guys are wierd. :rolleyes:

key Contributor
key
Posted

I think they feel helpless sometimes and this is how they react. I know when my husband is in a bad mood or whatever I am not very tolerant. He is my "rock" and it just sort of brings me down if he isn't feeling well and I think it is the same for my husband. As far as being super cautious, my husband has a hard time believing that shampoo is unsafe, etc., but he is willing to do whatever keeps me healthy.

Monica

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Lollie Enthusiast
Lollie
Posted
  • Author

Thanks ya'll!

I'm feeling much better. I think that my DH was just worried about me- he tends to get snappy and frustrated when he is really worried. I was definantly glutened- I didn't even think about worschester (sp?) sauce. But I looked it up and yep! Bingo- gluten. I know my mom uses it on beef no matter what. And I know what brand she swears by, and it definantly has gluten. And that's besides the tablespoon of flour in the gravy- which I didn't really get-but it was on the beef....

It's been almost 4 months- and still I'm learning! When do you learn it all?

Lollie

Judyin Philly Enthusiast
Judyin Philly
Posted
It's been almost 4 months- and still I'm learning! When do you learn it all?

Lollie

I don't know when you learn it all but you better learn it fast before it makes you go BLIND and you can't read the labels anymore. :ph34r::blink: ok :rolleyes: it's a joke , KINDA, cause you know what i'm talking about... :blink:

Remember my CA trip. Only time my hubby got 'out of line'..lots of reasons. but think someone said here that they get 'unsettled' when we don't get better...hubby and i both thought cc was a bunk..then he came home with a toaster for me. Then the soaps....he came home with a brand he thought would be safe...'I researched it all i could.... :rolleyes:

It takes time for them to adjust to US just like we do to the 'continuing' search...

hugs and love

judy in philly

Megan Rookie
Megan
Posted

My Mom eqauted it to having a friend with cancer. You just don't want to deal with it, think about it. You dont' want them to spend the next three months in a hospital, miss vacation, not be able to socialize, etc. She doesn't want to have her friend go through that so she's still in denial. When I told her about my boyfriend and his "I'm paranoid" comment she told me that maybe he just can't accept it. because he loves me. It's even harder for him because I automatically feel awful when I'm glutened so even though the decision sucks, I don't want to feel bad and I want to be able to eat and function. He doesn't have that physical tie to push him into understanding just how important making the switch is.

I dunno....maybe!?!

Rusla Enthusiast
Rusla
Posted

Most people don't know how to react to our problem so they think we are paranoid. If you are as sensitive as I am and it sounds like many are, there is no such thing as paranoid. Tell your mother Chelsea, to make gravy out of cornstarch it makes more for less and no gluten and just as good if not better than flour. As sick as I get with such a small bit of gluten I think we can not be too careful.

I live alone. I have replaced all my spatulas, pots, pans, and wooden and plastic spoons. I found Silicone shells for my muffin tins and tossed out all my plastic bowls.

Lollie Enthusiast
Lollie
Posted
  • Author

You know I hadn't thought of it like that- the cancer part. I lost my dad in Sept. to cancer, and my mom was mean alot while he was getting his treatment. It always made me mad, but now I can kind of understand it. Denial......I wish I had that- I tend to live in reality all the way.

I do think that my DH does have a hard time dealing sometimes- his guts are like steel coated, he can eat anything he wants all the time. He trys most of the time, I'll give him a pass this time.

Judy-

Yeah I know what you mean- how you doing?

My DH came home today and had all the info about the worchestershire sauce- I never even thought about it, but he did!

I guess I'll keep him!!!!!

Lollie

Judyin Philly Enthusiast
Judyin Philly
Posted

just wrote you a long post and lost it

going to bed --todds a keeper just like jim..they have rough days just like us.

hugs and love

judy

Judy-

Yeah I know what you mean- how you doing?IM HANGING IN THERE

My DH came home today and had all the info about the worchestershire sauce- I never even thought about it, but he did!

I guess I'll keep him!!!!!

Lollie

plantime Contributor
plantime
Posted

When I had my gallbladder surgery, my DH was an absolute bear! He would stomp through the house, yell at everyone, and in general be a pain in the _. All because he knew I was sick and in pain, and there was nothing he could do to make it better. Give your DH more time, it sounds like he is trying to adjust, too. It also sounds like he loves you, and is scared that you will be sick and he won't be able to do anything about it.

Guest nini
Guest nini
Posted

we are going through a really tough time financially and we are having to really watch what we spend and so I've been told that I cannot buy some of the more expensive products that I KNOW are gluten-free and instead have to buy generic things that I haven't been able to guarantee, and I was lectured and told that I needed "to pull up my big girl panties and get over it" ... I know he's stressed too, but it's so not fair that I have to compromise my health and my daughter's health because we are broke. (btw) I refuse to do that and I will make it work and will find a way to guarantee that the products we use are gluten-free, but it still hurts.

Judyin Philly Enthusiast
Judyin Philly
Posted

Gracious Nini is there a full moon out there... :ph34r::blink:

seems there have been 6 posts i've seen in various places about our 'hubbie'

guess the werewolf is 'bearing his fangs' everywhere...

hugs and prayers flying your way.

lollie how are you today and you too Jenvan???

Judy

Canadian Karen Community Regular
Canadian Karen
Posted
Dunno. Guys are wierd. :rolleyes:

Truer words have never been spoken! :lol:

Hugs!

Karen

Lollie Enthusiast
Lollie
Posted
  • Author

I'm doing great today!!!!!!! Thanks for asking!

Lollie

Hey Judy- Did You get your E-mail yesterday?

penguin Community Regular
penguin
Posted
Tell your mother Chelsea, to make gravy out of cornstarch it makes more for less and no gluten and just as good if not better than flour.

I'll tell her, but I think she's ahead of me in that dept....

I think Lollie's mom needs the education ;)

I get sick if someone *thinks* about using flour :rolleyes:

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