7yo struggling!

[JForman]

We have four children (7-14 yo), and our 7 year old was diagnosed with NCGS (though all Celiac labs were positive, her scope at 4 years old was negative so docs in the US won't call it celiac). We have started her on a Gluten Free diet after 3 years of major digestive issues and ruling out just about everything under the sun. Our home and kitchen and myself are all gluten-free. But I have not asked my husband/her dad or her other siblings to go completely gluten-free with us. They are at home, but not out of the home. This has led to situations when we are eating out where she has to consistently see others eating things she can't have and she has begun to say "Well, I can't have <fill in the blank>...stupid gluten." 

How have you supported your gluten-free kiddos in the mental health space of this journey, especially young ones like her. I know it's hard for me as an adult sometimes to miss out, so I can't imagine being 7 and dealing with it! Any tips or ideas to help with this? 

[Scott Adams]

It's incredibly tough to watch a young child grapple with the frustration and sense of deprivation that comes with a restrictive diet, and your empathy for her is the first and most important step. At seven, children are deeply focused on fairness, and her feelings are completely valid. To support her mental health, shift the narrative from "missing out" to "empowered choice." Instead of "you can't have that," use language like "we choose these safe foods so your tummy feels happy and strong." Involve her directly in her own care; let her be the "Gluten-Free Detective" at the grocery store, picking out exciting new treats, or make her the head chef in baking a special dessert that everyone gets to enjoy. When eating out, empower her by having her call the restaurant ahead to ask about safe options (with your help), making her feel in control rather than a passive victim. Acknowledge her feelings—"It's okay to feel sad that you can't have the roll, I sometimes feel that way too"—and then immediately pivot to a positive action, like unwrapping the special brownie you brought just for her. This combination of validation, involvement, and reframing turns a limitation into a shared family challenge where she feels supported, capable, and loved.

[JForman]

On 9/8/2025 at 11:52 AM, Scott Adams said:

It's incredibly tough to watch a young child grapple with the frustration and sense of deprivation that comes with a restrictive diet, and your empathy for her is the first and most important step. At seven, children are deeply focused on fairness, and her feelings are completely valid. To support her mental health, shift the narrative from "missing out" to "empowered choice." Instead of "you can't have that," use language like "we choose these safe foods so your tummy feels happy and strong." Involve her directly in her own care; let her be the "Gluten-Free Detective" at the grocery store, picking out exciting new treats, or make her the head chef in baking a special dessert that everyone gets to enjoy. When eating out, empower her by having her call the restaurant ahead to ask about safe options (with your help), making her feel in control rather than a passive victim. Acknowledge her feelings—"It's okay to feel sad that you can't have the roll, I sometimes feel that way too"—and then immediately pivot to a positive action, like unwrapping the special brownie you brought just for her. This combination of validation, involvement, and reframing turns a limitation into a shared family challenge where she feels supported, capable, and loved.

Scott, thank you SO MUCH for this!! She has been through so much in the last three years as we've tried to track down answers. This language will definitely help me help her to reframe.

[knitty kitty]

@JForman,

Did you know that Celiac disease genes can be traced back to the Neanderthals?  

At times I have found it amusingly distracting to think that we're eating according to our ancestors who had eaten gluten-free for thousands of years, before those homo sapiens  started growing grasses all over the place.  (Yes, grains evolved from grasses.)

Grocery shopping is now hunting-gathering.  Peeps that eat gluten are grass-growers.  Watch the movie "Caveman" starring Ringo Starr.  Never fails to remind me that we belong to the winning tribe.  

Have fun with being different!

[Oldturdle]

Do you happen to know which geographical areas have the highest incidence of Celiac?  I have trouble believing the Celiac genes have lasted this long in the human race.  They certainly offer no positive survival benefit, and actually would have the opposite effect.  Humans  with Celiacs, living in the grain eating belts, would have been sickly and weak, and not able to reproduce as proliferatively as their healthy peers.  How did we all end up with this disease?! 

[knitty kitty]

Neanderthals were pushed out of their hunting and gathering areas by humans clearing the land for growing grains.  

Since early Celiac disease processes may have few or no overt symptoms, and considering life span was much shorter back then, Celiac disease may not have been so detrimental to their health.  

Other indigenous peoples who developed without indigenous grains also have reactions to wheat, barley or rye.

 

[RMJ]

10 hours ago, Oldturdle said:

Do you happen to know which geographical areas have the highest incidence of Celiac?  I have trouble believing the Celiac genes have lasted this long in the human race.  They certainly offer no positive survival benefit, and actually would have the opposite effect.  Humans  with Celiacs, living in the grain eating belts, would have been sickly and weak, and not able to reproduce as proliferatively as their healthy peers.  How did we all end up with this disease?! 

The incidence of autoimmune diseases in general, including celiac disease, has increased.  There are various theories as to why. The environment we live in, diet we eat, toxins we’re exposed to, stress levels, activity levels and infectious diseases to which we are exposed are all quite different now. A robust immune system that would have been an advantage thousands of years ago may be a bit too robust for modern life.