My Psychologist Is Interested In Celiac Connection

[rinne]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and thank you everyone for posting your stories. Thank God for this forum, for celiac becoming more known about, and for everyone here who makes this forum such a wonderful, comforting and welcoming place to be.

I have found it incredibly helpful to hear each person's story Nancy, this is a wonderful thread, thank you to everyone.

All I can do is pray for him, love him sooo much, try to get my life together at 45, take the best care I can of my other son and husband. The ache is always there, though. I hope as I heal, maybe he will see it and become convinced. It seems like an elusive dream to feel happy & healthy and to have a happy & healthy family sometimes. Sorry, I am having a bad day.

Robin, your story brought me to tears, I am so sorry that you have suffered in this way and continue to.

When I was a very young woman I gave up custody of my son to my ex-husband, I was incapable of raising him and very afraid that I was, as my mother had told me repeatedly, "just like your father". My father was alcoholic, violent and abusive. To say that I hated myself for what I did in abandoning my child cannot express the years of grief and shame I felt not to mention how broken my heart was. I know that the decision gave him a better life than I could have and I know he would have lost one parent anyways but that doesn't lessen the sorrow. Through his growing up years we had visits and for the most part those were O.K. but by the time he was 21 his anger at me was overwhelming for him. He let me know then what he thought of me and we did not have any contact for just over ten years but in the past year we have begun to talk again, I realize now that I am being given another chance and I am grateful.

I rarely speak of this to those I do not know well. It has been my experience that what I did is so horrifying to people, to mothers particularly, that I have been repeatedly judged for it. I recall an Oprah show, which was at least 15 years after I gave up my son, on non-custodial mothers and the audience for the most part was incredibly hostile.

I feel that what we can do for those we love and have hurt is to heal and to become the loving people that we most deeply want to be. Robin, I hope your son will see the changes in you and come around. 21 does seem to be the age when the world is most clearly black and white and judgments are easy to make.

[DingoGirl]

This thread is so unbelievably moving and I don't know where to begin, I was to the brink of suicide so many times I cannot count. I would have D, joint pain, brain fog, severe headaches for a week, then like the sun shining through clouds, I would have a couple of good days and wonder -What the heck was THAT?-Then, it all would begin again like a vicious merry-go-round of blackness. My marriage suffered and my relationship with my children, especially with my oldest son, suffered. He barely speaks to me now. The pain of that is almost unbearable sometimes. I am convinced he has celiac along with type 1 diabetes, but he has the same rages and irrational behavior that plagued me, and barely even checks his blood sugars let alone try to go gluten free. He prefers to think I was a miserable mom for sending him to live with my former husband, his dad, when he was a teen, but really I was at the point of losing my mind completely at the same time he was having teenage angst. He is 21 and angry and lashing out and I see what is happening to him (and see so much of myself) and am powerless to do a thing. He considered me a lazy, hypochondriac, nut-case even now and quite frankly, I don't blame him. All I can do is pray for him, love him sooo much, try to get my life together at 45, take the best care I can of my other son and husband. The ache is always there, though. I hope as I heal, maybe he will see it and become convinced. It seems like an elusive dream to feel happy & healthy and to have a happy & healthy family sometimes. Sorry, I am having a bad day. Many thanks to you all, I honestly don't know what I would have done if I hadn't stumbled on to this forum. When I think of how I was six months ago-ready to die and writing my own obit-no kidding--it makes me very humble and thankful to God.

ROBBIN - dear soul - - this could have been written by me. Am going to PM you....

[eLaurie]

I hope as I heal, maybe he will see it and become convinced.

Robin, this is part of my prayer for you and your son. That you will heal gluten-free, that your relationship will heal, and that he will be inspired by you to better care for himself.

God bless, dear sister,

Laurie

[ravenwoodglass]

Something happened yesterday that brought me to tears and I thought I should share. My DH and I have lived seperately for 15 years now. I have always blamed myself for the split, the mental effects of gluten had me frankly 'nuts' for years and living with me was like living with a time bomb. My DH was always placid and seemed to not be bothered by anything. The years of guilt for tearing my family apart during the time I was on seizure drugs and antidepressants was incredible. We were talking yesterday, my DH has now been gluten-free for a few months. I had noticed he was more alert and that his mental functioning had improved but as he had been resistant toward the thought that gluten was causing a mental problem "It's just the way I am" I had not talked to him about the changes I saw. He said yesterday that now that his gluten fog has finally lifted he realizes that his withdrawl had just as much to do with our difficulties as my mood swings did. He never realized how severely depressed he was until he wasn't anymore. He was in such a fog that if I didn't call to remind him to feed the kids when he had them at his house he wouldn't even think about it. I thought for a long time that he just didn't care about anyone other than himself, not the case at all. My whole family is just starting to realize the extent that gluten impacted us all, and with that understanding has come a level of forgiveness that I never thought would be possible. Not just for others but for ourselves as well. I am hoping that this occurs for other families as well. Who would have ever thought that a family rife with mental illness would recover their health and sanity just by avoiding a food.

[jerseyangel]

Ravenwood, That is amazing news. I wasn't aware that you and you husband lived apart. What a shame that all this time you were both so deeply under the influence of gluten. That makes me sad. I lived with the same kind of fog that must have seemed, on the surface, to look like indifference. I hope that now your family will come to a place of healing. Thanks for sharing that--it does go to show how profoundly gluten can affect our lives.

[rinne]

Ravenwoodglass, thank you for sharing that. How wonderful to come to a place where forgiveness and compassion are present not just for others but for ourselves.