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The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

TriticusToxicum

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JackieM Newbie
JackieM
Posted
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jackie- I BURST out laughing! That was a freaking riot!

It reminded me that last night we tried to watch Snakes on a Plane because for months after we heard that it was coming out, my hubby and I would walk around imitating Samuel L. Jackson "There's Motherf*&%^n SNAKES ON THIS PLANE!"

We were so psyched to watch it and just laugh and about thirty minutes in my hubby couldn't take it anymore (it was after those MF snakes bit a guy in his hoo-hoo :P

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nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
Unfortunately, snakes are not a friend to me either. Previously living in the country, I had told my small son to let me know if he ever saw a snake in the yard, and NOT mess with it. He came screaming in the back door one day that a snake was on the carport. Well, they really creeped me out, but I figured I needed to do something. (Just want you to know that just typing this has the hair on my arms standing up!) So I looked outside and OMG there it was, about 8-10 inches long, a baby if you will. I couldn't find a garden hoe, so I got a broom, and commenced to beatin the tar out of it. You see, people that fear snakes, even tiny ones figure, the only good snake is a dead one. It was pretty ridiculous though, a grown woman having a "hissy" fit, (pun intended,) my child screaming, and me with a broom in hand just wallupin the snot out of this little snake. Do you have any idea how hard it is to kill a snake with a broom? I finally did it in, to only find out later it was a baby copperhead, so I felt I did the right thing, and we disposed of it properly. Their venom is even more powerful than the adult, I have heard. So when I hear that old song, "I Don't Like Spiders and Snakes," it brings back such unfond memories!!

JackieM---former full time mom, chief bottle washer, and snake murderer.

OMG - I would have jumped on top of the nearest table/car/tree (with child of course :blink: ) and waited for someone to save me!!! :o:o:o

Thankfully - we don't get too many in London (england) :unsure:

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
Ok, I'll think about it......................... I'm up to it Jestgar! I don't see the requirement would be all that difficult! :lol: Whew, I was sweatin bullets thinkin I might be sent on my merry way after that little lymeric of mine. Excuse me nicki, pardon me Jestgar, may I squeeze by ya to find my seat? :) oops, I think I just passed the requirment... :o...just kidding (maybe)

Yes- get ye some Depends while on this thread! That's our only requirement :P

That and a DEFINITIVE lack of snakes!

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

Has this been posted yet?

Forty-one percent of hiring managers said they have received unusual or suspicious sick-day alibis. When asked to share the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work, hiring managers revealed some of their favorite alibis:

1. Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.

2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.

3. Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.

4. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.

5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.

6. Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.

7. One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.

8. Employee's mother was in jail.

9. A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.

10. Employee had a bad case of hiccups.

11. Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.

12. Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.

13. Employee was hit by a bus while walking.

14. Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.

15. Employee was sad.

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted

Hey, I dont' see anything wrong with any of those excuses.....? :lol::lol::lol: Oh and, can we call in sick for being "sad?" ha ha ha! Shoot, I hate when I"m drunk and showboarding off the roof of my house...kinda tricky. :P

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted

:lol::lol:

A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

So annoying when that happens

Employee was sad.

This should be a valid sick-day alibi :P

BTW Jestgar love the new avatar! -are you a cat person?(I am :D )

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
I hate when I"m drunk and showboarding off the roof of my house...kinda tricky. :P

:lol::lol:

Heck, you do showboarding???

So talented - sounds fab!

Conjures up a mental image of a show girl with sparkly tassles (all singing and dancing) on a snowboard!! :blink:

:lol::lol:

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DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
:lol::lol:

Heck, you do showboarding???

So talented - sounds fab!

Conjures up a mental image of a show girl with sparkly tassles (all singing and dancing) on a snowboard!! :blink:

:lol::lol:

oh yeah, didn't I tell you guys? :lol: I'm a SHOWboarder. It's a California thing. I wear a huge headress, too, that makes it esp. tricky while climbing the ladder to the roof......also gets kinda cold, what with the fishnets and all.................................. :P:lol::P

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted
Conjures up a mental image of a show girl with sparkly tassles (all singing and dancing) on a snowboard!!

Can you make those tassels spin?

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
Can you make those tassels spin?

haha! :lol: the tassels, well, they just have a hard time staying on, as the, er, endowment of the globes to which they stick is severely lacking. :huh::lol:

and THERE"S RICHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG ARE YOU BACK??????????????

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author

Here i am, Just running my knickers up the flag pole. I'm not quite back, but I'll try hard to swing by next week.

Open Original Shared Link on of my all-time favorite clips...

I always root for this to happen especially to Jim Cantore while he's "LIVE on assignment"...

G'day all see you soon!

I think it's time to take down the Charlie Brown Christmas tree

<------------------

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

I like this one

Open Original Shared Link

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
er, endowment of the globes to which they stick is severely lacking. :huh::lol:

Snort!! :lol::lol::lol:

Here i am, Just running my knickers up the flag pole.

OH DEAR LORD!!!

WAS THAT A RICHARD SIGHTING??? (With hilarious new avatar??) :unsure::unsure:

DingoGirl Enthusiast
DingoGirl
Posted
OH DEAR LORD!!!

WAS THAT A RICHARD SIGHTING??? (With hilarious new avatar??) :unsure::unsure:

:o I know, a sighting, and e'er so painfully brief......see how he tortures us? just pops in for a second, and then POOF, he is gone?????????????? :angry::lol:

nikki-uk Enthusiast
nikki-uk
Posted
BTW Jestgar love the new avatar! -are you a cat person?(I am :D )

The Creation of Adam right??...cat style!! :D

Open Original Shared Link

I like the hat!

Very Davey Crockett :D

:o I know, a sighting, and e'er so painfully brief......see how he tortures us? just pops in for a second, and then POOF, he is gone?????????????? :angry::lol:

...he's warming up, teasing us yes, but preparing himself for multitasking (posting here whilst..er..working..)

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
2. A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.

4. Employee called from his cell phone, saying that he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and that no one was around to let him out.

5. Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

#2 happens to me ALL the time!

#4 Hey, that could be ANY of us!

#5 My favorite! MORON

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
:o I know, a sighting, and e'er so painfully brief......see how he tortures us? just pops in for a second, and then POOF, he is gone?????????????? :angry::lol:

Maybe it's due to our lack of endowment for tassel-twirling abilities. I am, of course, only speaking for myself and Susie Q. :P

Those videos ARE classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mommagoose I see you!

I am currently watching the rest of Snakes on a Plane without hubby.....OMG...so dumb but there is one redeeming scene where the effeminate male flight attendant puts one of the snakes in the microwave and says "Who's your bi-ach now?"

Otherwise...useless! the snakes are SO fake.

Jestgar Rising Star
Jestgar
Posted

That is a seriously cute puppy. I'm way too allergic to dogs to ever have one, but I love playing with other people's.

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
That is a seriously cute puppy. I'm way too allergic to dogs to ever have one, but I love playing with other people's.

He's so sweet...but I just spent half an hour cleaning out my car as he got car sick! :( Poor baby! He's so sweet. His name is Angus and he welcomes you to the thread with kisses!

Did you know there are dogs that have hair, not fur, that many people don't react to? Wheaton Terriers (so cute and peppy!) and standard poodles and I think sheepdogs.

Lisa Mentor
Lisa
Posted
Maybe it's due to our lack of endowment for tassel-twirling abilities. I am, of course, only speaking for myself and Susie Q. :P

Those videos ARE classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mommagoose I see you!

I am currently watching the rest of Snakes on a Plane without hubby.....OMG...so dumb but there is one redeeming scene where the effeminate male flight attendant puts one of the snakes in the microwave and says "Who's your bi-ach now?"

Otherwise...useless! the snakes are SO fake.

;)B)

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Maybe it's due to our lack of endowment for tassel-twirling abilities. I am, of course, only speaking for myself and Susie Q. :P

My tassel-twirling radar must have been activated to motivate me to stop in today. ;)

Things are settling down at work, so don't twirl the tassels without me! :P

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted

Ok- I can now stop watching because I heard the line I was wwaiting for. Samuel L. jackson "OK Enough is enough. I have had ENOUGH of these mf snakes on this mf plane."

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
My tassel-twirling radar must have been activated to motivate me to stop in today. ;)

Things are settling down at work, so don't twirl the tassels without me! :P

You bet your naughty kangaroo wildebeast zebra tail!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
TriticusToxicum
Posted
  • Author
Ok- I can now stop watching because I heard the line I was wwaiting for. Samuel L. jackson "OK Enough is enough. I have had ENOUGH of these mf snakes on this mf plane."

S.L.J. makes my top 10 Bad A** MF'r list

along with

Clint Eastwood

Charles Bronson

Lee Marvin

Bruce Lee

Al Pacino

... ok so it's only my top 6...who am I missing?

OMG! How did I forget the DUKE? John Wayne :o

(edit)

I guess I can't have Pacino without DeNiro

Mtndog Collaborator
Mtndog
Posted
S.L.J. makes my top 10 Bad A** MF'r list

along with

Clint Eastwood

Charles Bronson

Lee Marvin

Bruce Lee

Al Pacino

... ok so it's only my top 6...who am I missing?

OMG! How did I forget the DUKE? John Wayne :o

(edit)

I guess I can't have Pacino without DeNiro

CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

For more....google chuck norris jokes.

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