Jump to content
This site uses cookies. Continued use is acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. More Info... ×
  • Welcome to Celiac.com!

    You have found your celiac tribe! Join us and ask questions in our forum, share your story, and connect with others.




  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A1):



    Celiac.com Sponsor (A1-M):


  • Get Celiac.com Updates:
    Support Our Content
    eNewsletter
    Donate

The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original


TriticusToxicum

Recommended Posts

VydorScope Proficient

My son loves to drink milk, and its funny... and this is not a joke... when he wants milk he asks for "Ma" :lol:


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



  • Replies 51k
  • Created
  • Last Reply
TriticusToxicum Explorer
My son loves to drink milk, and its funny... and this is not a joke... when he wants milk he asks for "Ma" :lol:

I'm a ma-ma's boy myself! :P:ph34r:

CarlaB Enthusiast
My kids have no problems drinking their milk. Sometimes I think I need to buy a cow!

Yea, but judging from your avatars lately, they have trouble wearing clothes!!!! :lol:

So, I go away to the otho and when I get back I see you all have come up with a new use for my name! :lol:

You can all probably guess ... I CAN eat just one Lays. :lol: But make it a Ruffles ....

nikki-uk Enthusiast
I had a friend, and not a real close friend, come to me for marital advice, they were just getting back together after separation and it wasn't going well. She had a whole list of things he wasn't doing ... I just asked her one question, "You have this whole list of things he should be doing to be a good husband and father, he has one thing on his list, are you doing that one thing?" They BOTH seem very happy now.

Looks like you touched it ... we got our answer. ;) Men are so easy to manipulate! :lol::lol: Just let her get the refrigerator she wants .... she may change her mind at the store like Patti did. But if you're really pushing her now, she won't ever change her mind. Tell her it's more important to you that she like the refrigerator, so just pick out what she wants. Then there's nothing holding her to the one she thinks she wants ... Does this make sense to you? I know it makes sense to the women! :lol:

LOL, not till Sunday!

:lol::lol: Carla,you are a wise woman indeed!!!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
Yea, but judging from your avatars lately, they have trouble wearing clothes!!!! :lol:

You have no idea!

Maddy's going to be a nudist, there is no doubt about it. She loves taking a bath. Once she's all dried off she likes to run through the house and yell "I'm nak-ee, I'm nak-ee" (maybe just and exhibitionist, not a nudist?).

The picture is actually Olivia when she was about 2 yo. She stayed overnight with my parents. So that's REALLY what goes on at grandma's house. I don't know if you tell from the picture, but she is actually standing (half-naked in her boots with her favorite hat) on top of about 3 cases of soda, which is sitting on a bench in my parents' mud room...if memory serves me right, that is just the sort of stuff I used to get in trouble for! :rolleyes:

CarlaB Enthusiast
if memory serves me right, that is just the sort of stuff I used to get in trouble for! :rolleyes:

That's because when you first have kids, parents are afraid you will kill yourself doing stupid things. Then, when you become a grandparent (or just have a lot of kids), then you realize it's picture worthy, and they're gonna live!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
That's because when you first have kids, parents are afraid you will kill yourself doing stupid things. Then, when you become a grandparent (or just have a lot of kids), then you realize it's picture worthy, and they're gonna live!

You forgot the part about "turnabout is fair play"... :huh:

Oh how I wish I had listened to my mother! :D


Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):
Celiac.com Sponsor (A8):



Celiac.com Sponsor (A8-M):



CarlaB Enthusiast
You forgot the part about "turnabout is fair play"... :huh:

Oh how I wish I had listened to my mother! :D

Yea ... my 16 year old son is a real pistol .... paybacks ... can't wait! I tell him that, too. And, since we're Catholic, I tell him that even if he becomes a priest, he's doomed to work with kids just like himself ... :rolleyes:

Richard, what did you take atropine for? I asked on the other thread, but you haven't come back ... did you get braces as an adult?

TriticusToxicum Explorer
Richard, what did you take atropine for? I asked on the other thread, but you haven't come back ... did you get braces as an adult?

I was there, now I'm here. You're there. When you're here again you'll know the answer.

CarlaB Enthusiast
I was there, now I'm here. You're there. When you're here again you'll know the answer.

LOL, 20 years ago, I was already an adult and married!! So, since you said 20 years ago, not as an adult, I'm clearly quite a bit older than you. :rolleyes:

TriticusToxicum Explorer
LOL, 20 years ago, I was already an adult and married!! So, since you said 20 years ago, not as an adult, I'm clearly quite a bit older than you. :rolleyes:

let's see here...hmmhmm, carry the one...hmmhmm...yup, you got me by a couple years. I was still young and impressionable (in parachute pants). :P

CarlaB Enthusiast

I never wore parachute pants ... I was old enough to know they're ugly. Plus, I was too busy wearing power suites. :blink:

TriticusToxicum Explorer
... I was old enough to know they're ugly. Plus, I was too busy wearing power suites. :blink:

Beedeebeedeebeedee - DOES NOT Compute! :huh:

(I'm trying to picture you as a linebacker!) :P

CarlaB Enthusiast
Beedeebeedeebeedee - DOES NOT Compute! :huh:

(I'm trying to picture you as a linebacker!) :P

I was a rebel ... I hated shoulder pads and cut them out!!

TriticusToxicum Explorer
I was a rebel ... I hated shoulder pads and cut them out!!

You must have had yards of extra fabric - those were some BIG shoulder pads!

CarlaB Enthusiast
You must have had yards of extra fabric - those were some BIG shoulder pads!

Yea, when I finally did that, people kept asking if I lost weight!!

The power suit was actually a few years before the big shoulder pads ... the navy suit with the tie? It was the uniform at the apts. I managed.

TriticusToxicum Explorer
The power suit was actually a few years before the big shoulder pads ... the navy suit with the tie? It was the uniform at the apts. I managed.

Oh, I thought you said Power Rangers... ;)

Top 52 reasons I love George Carlin:

Open Original Shared Link

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? " She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him. . . is he still wrong? (yes)

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? :huh:

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? :blink:

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? (god I hope so!)

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? :ph34r:

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. :huh:

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore :lol:

tiredofdoctors Enthusiast

My favorite George Carlin line is: "A lady came up to me the other day and asked me if I had the time. I said, 'for what????' "!!!!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

TriticusToxicum Explorer
My favorite George Carlin line is: "A lady came up to me the other day and asked me if I had the time. I said, 'for what????' "!!!!!!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

I love his "stuff" routine!

Open Original Shared Link

and of course...

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

jerseyangel Proficient

My husband and I saw George Carlin back in the late 70's. I really like his stuff :D

tiredofdoctors Enthusiast

My DH just told me that his favorite Gallagher line is "Why do they put on the bottle of mold/mildew remover 'Use only in a dry, well-ventilated area.' If it was dry and well-ventilated, there wouldn't be mold or mildew IN there."

TriticusToxicum Explorer
My DH just told me that his favorite Gallagher line is "Why do they put on the bottle of mold/mildew remover 'Use only in a dry, well-ventilated area.' If it was dry and well-ventilated, there wouldn't be mold or mildew IN there."

...and why DO they put braille on the drive up ATMs anyway?

jerseyangel Proficient

And I'm certainly not getting ON the plane, I'm getting IN it! :D

Mtndog Collaborator
And I'm certainly not getting ON the plane, I'm getting IN it! :D

Oh Patti- Cc'Mon live a little! you could ring in the plane any ol' time!

I like this one:

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Actially, in my case, I feel like I'm parallel parked in a diagonal universe! :ph34r:

Or if computer error messages were haikus:

The Web site you seek

cannot be located but

endless others exist

Or a real sign:

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

TriticusToxicum Explorer

Yogi once said...

Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. :huh:

I usually take a two hour nap from one to four.

When you come to a fork in the road ... Take it. (My ALL-TIME FAVORITE) :lol:

The future ain't what it used to be.

I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

There are days...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A19):



  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      130,293
    • Most Online (within 30 mins)
      7,748

    BeMum
    Newest Member
    BeMum
    Joined

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A20):


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      121.3k
    • Total Posts
      1m

  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A22):





  • Celiac.com Sponsor (A21):



  • Upcoming Events

  • Posts

    • max it
    • cristiana
      My chest pain has been caused by costochondritis, as well as times when iron supplements has given me such bad bloating it has put pressure on my back and chest, and reflux can do the same. Also, along the lines of Wheatwacked's suggestion above, is it possible you had an injury to your chest/ribs way back that is being set off by either some sort of gastrointestinal bloating/discomfort? I distinctly remember really hurting a rib over forty years ago when I misjudged a wall and thought it was just behind me but in fact it wasn't.  I fell badly against the wall and I think I cracked a rib then.  For some strange reason I didn't tell anyone but I think had I gone to hospital an X-ray would have revealed a fracture. I think that rib has not been right since and I am sure that bloating makes it worse, as well as heavy lifting.
    • Dora77
      Sorry for the long post. I’m 18, and I was diagnosed with celiac disease and type 1 diabetes (T1D). My transglutaminase IgA was >128 U/mL, EMA IgA positive twice, and I’m HLA-DQ2 and DQ8 positive. I’ve been completely asymptomatic since diagnosis, even when I cheated with gluten sometimes in the past and used to eat out(2-5 years ago) I don’t get the typical celiac reactions, which makes it really hard to know when (or if) I’ve been glutened. But for the past year, I’ve been the most strict with my diet, and that’s also when a bunch of new issues started. I eat completely glutenfree, never eat out, dont eat food that says „may contain gluten“.   Current Health Problems • Floating, undigested stools for over a year now. Dont think its related to celiac as it was like this since im 17 and not 13-16( i got diagnosed at 13). • Chronic back pain started gradually, worsens with movement, lots of cracking/popping sounds. Been ongoing for a year now. First noticed in the gym. • Abdominal bulge on the right side, not painful but seems to be getting slightly bigger. Doctor didn’t find a hernia on ultrasound, but it was done lying down (I’ve read those can miss hernias). Noticed it like 6 months ago, couldve been there longer. • extremely dry and mildly swollen hands (this started before I started excessive hand-washing), and bloated face. • Signs of inattentive ADHD (noticed over the past 3 years), now combined with severe OCD focused on contamination and cross-contact. • Growth/puberty seemed to started after going gluten-free. Before that I was not developing. Dont know if any of these are because of celiac as my dad doesnt have those and he is a lot less strict gluten-free then me. I also had pancreatic elastase tested four times: values were 46 (very low), 236, 158, and 306 (normal). Gastroenterologist said one normal value is enough and I don’t have EPI. Family doctor prescribed Kreon anyway (after I pushed for it), and I just started taking 1 capsule (10,000 units) with meals 2 days ago, but couldn‘t see effects yet because I’ve been constipated the last few days. Maybe because of thyroid. I don’t have Hashimoto’s. No thyroid antibodies. But I took levothyroxine for slightly low FT4 levels. My thyroid levels fluctuated between borderline low and low-normal. And recently lowered my dose so that may have caused the constipating. I probably didn’t need it in the first place, and am thinking about stopping it soon.   Current Diet Right now, I only eat a very limited set of “safe” foods I prepare myself: • Gluten-free bread with tuna or cheese • Milk and cornflakes • gluten-free cookies/snacks • Bananas (the only fruit I trust right now) I rarely eat other fruits or vegetables, because I’m scared of contamination. My dad, who also has celiac but doesn’t care about CC, buys fruits, and he might’ve picked them up right after handling gluten bread. That makes me feel unsafe eating them. Even fruit at stores or markets feels risky because so many people with gluten on their hands touch them.   My Home Situation (Shared Kitchen) We’re a family of 5. Only my dad and I have celiac. He eats glutenfree but doesn’t care about CC and sometimes (but rarely) cheats. My mom and siblings eat gluten bread at every meal. My mom is honest (so if i ask her to be cautious, she most likely would try to), but doesn’t seem to understand how serious celiac is. She: • Stopped using gluten flour • only cooks gluten-free meals (but they still heat up gluten bread and also cook gluten noodles) • Keeps separate butter/jam/jars for me • Bought me a stainless steel pan Bu we didn’t replace old wooden utensils, cutting boards, or other pans. The new they bought me pan was even carried home in a shopping bag with gluten bread in it, which triggered my OCD. It also has a rubber handle and I’m scared it might still hold onto gluten. Even if it’s washed well, it’s stored next to other pans that were used for gluten food/bread. Our kitchen table is used for eating gluten bread daily. My mom wipes it but not with soap. I’m scared tiny particles remain. If she made gluten-free bread dough on a board at the table, I’d still worry about cross contmaination contamination even with something under the dough and on the table as at one point the dough would probably touch the table. So I stopped eating anything she makes.   I know OCD is making it worse, but I can’t tell how much of my fear is real and how much is anxiety. Examples: • I wash my hands 20–30 times a day — before eating, after touching anything at home or outside, after using my phone/laptop. • I don’t let others touch my phone, and I’m scared to use my laptop because friends at school or my brother (who eat gluten) have touched it. And it annoys me a lot when others touch my stuff and feels like it got contaminated and is unsafe instantly. • I stopped eating while using my phone or laptop, afraid of invisible gluten being on them. • I wash my hands after opening food packaging (since it was on store cashier belts where gluten food is placed). • I avoid sitting anywhere except my bed or one clean chair. • I won’t shake hands with anyone or walk past people eating gluten. • At school, when switching classes, I wash my hands before getting out my laptop, again before opening it, etc. • I open door knobs with my elbows instead my hands   Job Concerns (Powder Coating, Sandblasting, Etc.) I’m working a temporary job right now that involves: • Powder coating • Sandblasting • Wet spray painting • Anodizing There’s also a laboratory. I don’t need this job, and my OCD makes me believe that dust or air particles there might contain gluten somehow. Should I quit?   Doctors Haven’t Helped My family doctor told me: “Asymptomatic celiac isn’t serious, if you have no symptoms, your intestines won’t get damaged, so you don’t need a gluten-free diet.” I knew that was wrong, but he wasn’t open to listening. I just nodded and didn‘t argue. My gastroenterologist (who’s also a dietitian) said: „If your antibodies are negative, there’s no damage. It might even be okay to try small amounts of gluten later if antibodies stay negative.“ Also said, pepper that says “may contain gluten” is fine if it only contains pepper. She was more informed than my family doctor but didn’t seem to fully understand celiac either.   Questions I Need Help With 1. Is it realistically safe to eat food my mom cooks, if we get separate pans/ and boards even if gluten is still used in the same kitchen? There will always be low risk of cc chances like that she will still touch stuff that was touched by her and my siblings after they ate gluten. And as there are gluten eaters in the house and she also prepares and eats gluten. So would opening the fridge then getting the food and touching the food be okay? So basically what i am doing, washing my hands multiple times while preparing food, she would only wash it once before, then touch anything else (for example water tap or handles) that were touched with gluteny hands, then also touch the food. I dont know if I ever could feel safe, I could try telling her how important cc really is. And I trust her so she wouldnt lie to me then be careless about cc, but idk how safe it really can be if she and everyone else keeps eating gluten and touching stuff in the house after eating. 2. Do I need to worry about touching doorknobs, fridge handles, light switches, etc. that family members touched after eating gluten? What about public places like bus handles or school desks? Or like if i went to the gym, I would be touching stuff all the time, so there will be small amounts of gluten and those would get transferred on my phone if I touch my phone while in the gym. But I want to knos if it would be enough to do damage. 3. Is an endoscopy (without biopsy) enough to tell if my intestines are healed? I’d pay privately if it could help and if i dont get a refferal. Or do i need a biopsy? 4. Could my job (powder coating, sandblasting, etc.) expose me to gluten or damage my intestines through air/dust? 5. Do I need certified gluten-free toothpaste, hand soap, shampoo, or moisturizer? (For example: Vaseline and Colgate don’t contain gluten ingredients but say they can’t guarantee it’s gluten-free.) 6. Is spices like pepper with “may contain traces of gluten” safe if no gluten ingredients are listed? Or does everything need to be labeled gluten-free?  7. Is continuing to only eat my own food the better choice, or could I eventually go back to eating what my mom cooks if she’s careful? 8. is cutlery from dishwasher safe if there are stains? Stuff like knives is used for cutting gluten bread or fork for noodles etc. I often see stains which i dont know if its gluten or something else but our dish washer doesnt seem to make it completely clean. 9. I wash my hands multiple times while preparing food. Do i need to do the same when touching my phone. Like if i touch the fridge handle, I wash my hands then touch the phone. I dont eat while using my phone but i leave it on my bed and pillow and my face could come in contact with where it was.  10. Do i need to clean my phone or laptop if theyve been used by people who eat gluten? Even if no crumbs fall onto my keybaord, i mean because of invisible gluten on their fingers. 11. Does medication/supplements have to be strictly glutenfree? One company said they couldn‘t guarantee if their probiotics don’t contain traces of gluten.  12. I had bought supplements in the past, some of them say glutenfree and some of them dont(like the brand „NOW“ from iherb). I bought them and used them when i wasnt washing my hands so often, are they still safe? As I touched and opened them after touching door knobs, water taps etc. It was like a year ago when i bought those and even though i was eating gluten-free, I never worried about what i touch etc. I know this post is long. I’m just extremely overwhelmed. I’m trying to protect myself from long-term health damage, but the OCD is destroying my quality of life, and I honestly don’t know what’s a reasonable level of caution anymore. Thanks for reading.
    • lmemsm
      I've been making a lot of black bean brownies lately because it's one of the few gluten free dessert recipes that actually tastes palatable.  I've also seen chocolate cake recipes with black beans.  Someone mentioned a cookie recipe using lentils in place of flour.  Just wondering if anyone's run across any tried and true recipes using beans, lentils or peas for desserts?  I've seen a lot of recipes for garbanzo flour but I'm allergic to garbanzo beans/chickpeas.  Was wondering if adzuki or pinto beans might be useful in replacing some or all of the flour in baking.  Since gluten free flours can be crumbly was hoping the beans might help produce a better, less crumbly consistency.  Any recommendations for recipes?  Thanks.
    • lmemsm
      I've seen a lot of recipes for chia pudding, so I decided to make some with chia, water, cocoa and honey.  Didn't like the taste, so I added ground sunflower and ground pumpkin seed to it.  It tasted okay, but came out more like frosting that pudding.  I used to make pudding with tapioca starch, milk powder, water and sugar.  It came out very good but I haven't figured out what to use to replace the milk powder to make it dairy free.  Most starches will work in place of tapioca starch but quantity varies depending on the type of starch.  If I didn't add enough starch to get a pudding consistency, I'd add gelatin as well to fix it.  Avocado and cocoa makes a good dessert with a pudding like consistency.  Unfortunately, I have a bad reaction to avocados.
×
×
  • Create New...