Ever Want To Shake Your Spouse?

[IrishKelly]

Okay, i have to admit that i'm about to Bit** so if your not in the mood...now is your Q to move on!!

I love my DH but lately i'm sooo annoyed at the fact that all he ever talks about in front of me is how much his fat butt (not really fat though) could go for a pizza, or a big sub, or chinese take out, or whatever the heck he's thinking about at that moment. If he sees something on t.v. he talks about it, or if he sees a restaurant at the mall he's oooohing and ahhhhing, i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

ooooo tired of hearing about it...and trust me, i'm not just being a "hater". He literally constantly talks about how much he could eat something. It's one thing to see the restaurants and comment on them, but if someone even mentions some kind of food he's like drooling or something. HOW RUDE!! I'm so tired of people not accepting what i have as a real issue, it usually doesn't bother me but i feel so annoyed by it today. It's been four months since i started this gluten-free diet, you would think my own family would pay attention to it by now!!! And then there's my mother, she invites us over for dinner and i tell her no dairy as well as no gluten...so what does she do?? She adds "it was only a little butter" to the mashed potatoes. Oh, and did i mention my in-laws?~i only had to accidentally lose 30 pounds from being sick for them to realize their daughter-in-law wasn't just "complaining about being tired" and "being a picky eater". Ya know, i really hope that one day these people don't have to get sick themselves to realize what it's actually like. Especially my in-laws, some of the things they've said about me behind my back have been so hurtful, but now i know there true colors. Sorry i went on for so long...just needed to vent

[Fiddle-Faddle]

How frustrating! Guess you can't ever depend on THEM, can you? Sounds like your DH is addicted to food--or could he be addicted to gluten?

Just noticed your sig--how did you find out you were allergic to codeine? The reason I ask is, I had a terrible reaction to percocet, and so far, out of everyone I've talked to who has taken it, 12 out of 16 people have had the same terrible reaction (nausea, dizziness, vomiting, dry heaves, etc)--but it never occurred to me that this might be an allergic reaction. Is that what happens to you?

(Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread--back to the subject!) Have your parents and in-laws still not figured it out? If so, you may have to bring your own food for a while, or turn down their dinner invitations until they can guarantee you that you will not get sick. You might even consider asking your doctor (if you have a decent one) to write a note to them specifying how sick "just a pat of butter" will make you.

[IrishKelly]

How frustrating! Guess you can't ever depend on THEM, can you? Sounds like your DH is addicted to food--or could he be addicted to gluten?

Just noticed your sig--how did you find out you were allergic to codeine? The reason I ask is, I had a terrible reaction to percocet, and so far, out of everyone I've talked to who has taken it, 12 out of 16 people have had the same terrible reaction (nausea, dizziness, vomiting, dry heaves, etc)--but it never occurred to me that this might be an allergic reaction. Is that what happens to you?

(Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread--back to the subject!) Have your parents and in-laws still not figured it out? If so, you may have to bring your own food for a while, or turn down their dinner invitations until they can guarantee you that you will not get sick. You might even consider asking your doctor (if you have a decent one) to write a note to them specifying how sick "just a pat of butter" will make you.

Codeine actually gives me a headache that's more severe than any pain i woiuld be taking it for, crazy huh? I found out 9 years back when i had my wisdom teeth out and they gave me aspirin w/codeine and every time i took it i was nauseated and received a horrible teeth clenching headache.

[IrishKelly]

Codeine actually gives me a headache that's more severe than any pain i woiuld be taking it for, crazy huh? I found out 9 years back when i had my wisdom teeth out and they gave me aspirin w/codeine and every time i took it i was nauseated and received a horrible teeth clenching headache.

Oh, and bye the way, that's not a bad idea about the note

[2kids4me]

well food may get his attention but does "intimacy" appeal to him?

Everytime he does that to you - tell him how he just killed any chance of "nookie" (canadian word for intimate) later............ That mentioning food all the time when you deal with a food related illness just negates your mood for the day.............that for him to bite his lip out of consideration is an aphrodisiac..

well worth a try!

I set my DH straight when he has to be told all the time "what to do" or reminded what is needed when we go on a "spontaneous trip"......correct # syringes and insulin, enough synthroid for dd and myself, gluten-free food options ..............

and that I am not really into nookie with someone I feel like a mother to.....

he straightened up since i said that 2 weeks ago and it appears to be an incentive...

[IrishKelly]

well food may get his attention but does "intimacy" appeal to him?

Everytime he does that to you - tell him how he just killed any chance of "nookie" (canadian word for intimate) later............ That mentioning food all the time when you deal with a food related illness just negates your mood for the day.............that for him to bite his lip out of consideration is an aphrodisiac..

well worth a try!

I set my DH straight when he has to be told all the time "what to do" or reminded what is needed when we go on a "spontaneous trip"......correct # syringes and insulin, enough synthroid for dd and myself, gluten-free food options ..............

and that I am not really into nookie with someone I feel like a mother to.....

he straightened up since i said that 2 weeks ago and it appears to be an incentive...

Oh that's a good one

[CarlaB]

I usually just answer back with, "Well, if you want it that bad, can you imagine how good it sounds to me?" Usually they don't mean anything by it, they just aren't thinking past themselves. I even use that one on my kids.

I usually find that the more "nookie" my hubby gets, the more spoiled I get. When a guy is getting the one thing on his list that he wants, he'll kill himself trying to fulfill the 3000 things on his woman's list!! So, I'd only use that one as last resort!

[gf4life]

It was hard at first to get my family and inlaws on board with the gluten-free diet for myself and my kids. After 4 years my husband is doing much better. He rarely forgets about the gluten in foods, he just doesn't think it should be an issue if he wants to eat a gluten containing food at home. I get very nervous about it, because he is not very careful and we have gotten glutened before from his food. But he doesn't rub it in our faces that we can't eat a food that he can.

My father is clueless, but is rarely involved in our food choices, except when he wants to take us out, and then he lets us pick the restaraunt, so not an issue. The rest of my family is very accepting of it and many of my siblings are pretty sure they have it too, but at this point are not willing or able to be tested and have no desire to follow the diet.

Now my inlaws are a completely different matter. My MIL almost always comments, "are you guys still on that diet"...like it is a choice. I keep telling them it is a LIFELONG situation and the kids will not outgrow it. My FIL just chooses pretty much to ignore it all together, except he keeps trying to feed the kids gluten foods. Fortunately they live out of town (and for the last 9 mos out of the country), so it isn't so bad any more. They used to show up for the weekend and bring burgers and chicken strips from Burger King, toss it all on the table and tell the kids to "eat, eat, eat". Then they act offended that we won't touch the food. They recently sent us some "treats" from the Philippines when one of their other children went there for a visit and almost all of them contained gluten. So my husband took them to work and shared them.

The rest of the inlaws are more accepting of it, but totally clueless on what we can eat. So whenever we have to go to their houses I have to pack enough food for all 4 of us to eat, since there probably won't be anything to eat except plain rice and maybe some fruit. And believe me, I worry about the rice being contaminated! I won't eat it if it looks like it isn't just cooked, because I am worried about someone having put a contaminated spoon or something in it. Needless to say we usually eat before we get there or after we leave.

I guess I am saying that it can get better, or not, but you will be able to handle it better and be more accepting of people with time. So in that sense it does get easier. Some people just never "get it" and there is nothing you can do to make them. You have to try to remember that they do NOT feel your pain, or suffer the effects of gluten and they are not having to watch every bite of food or drink they put in their mouths every single day, and they do not have to think about it all the time. After a few years though I thought that my husband should know better than to offer me a bite of his McDonald's apple pie!

[IrishKelly]

It was hard at first to get my family and inlaws on board with the gluten-free diet for myself and my kids. After 4 years my husband is doing much better. He rarely forgets about the gluten in foods, he just doesn't think it should be an issue if he wants to eat a gluten containing food at home. I get very nervous about it, because he is not very careful and we have gotten glutened before from his food. But he doesn't rub it in our faces that we can't eat a food that he can.

My father is clueless, but is rarely involved in our food choices, except when he wants to take us out, and then he lets us pick the restaraunt, so not an issue. The rest of my family is very accepting of it and many of my siblings are pretty sure they have it too, but at this point are not willing or able to be tested and have no desire to follow the diet.

Now my inlaws are a completely different matter. My MIL almost always comments, "are you guys still on that diet"...like it is a choice. I keep telling them it is a LIFELONG situation and the kids will not outgrow it. My FIL just chooses pretty much to ignore it all together, except he keeps trying to feed the kids gluten foods. Fortunately they live out of town (and for the last 9 mos out of the country), so it isn't so bad any more. They used to show up for the weekend and bring burgers and chicken strips from Burger King, toss it all on the table and tell the kids to "eat, eat, eat". Then they act offended that we won't touch the food. They recently sent us some "treats" from the Philippines when one of their other children went there for a visit and almost all of them contained gluten. So my husband took them to work and shared them.

The rest of the inlaws are more accepting of it, but totally clueless on what we can eat. So whenever we have to go to their houses I have to pack enough food for all 4 of us to eat, since there probably won't be anything to eat except plain rice and maybe some fruit. And believe me, I worry about the rice being contaminated! I won't eat it if it looks like it isn't just cooked, because I am worried about someone having put a contaminated spoon or something in it. Needless to say we usually eat before we get there or after we leave.

I guess I am saying that it can get better, or not, but you will be able to handle it better and be more accepting of people with time. So in that sense it does get easier. Some people just never "get it" and there is nothing you can do to make them. You have to try to remember that they do NOT feel your pain, or suffer the effects of gluten and they are not having to watch every bite of food or drink they put in their mouths every single day, and they do not have to think about it all the time. After a few years though I thought that my husband should know better than to offer me a bite of his McDonald's apple pie!

So, do you ever feel like your in-laws just think your over-reacting at times? I think somethimes i feel like that's what they think of me...it makes me feel like a piece if cra*

[Matilda]

...

[Michi8]

So, do you ever feel like your in-laws just think your over-reacting at times? I think somethimes i feel like that's what they think of me...it makes me feel like a piece if cra*

I do. Apparently I'm the family hypocondriac. That goes for my own parents too.

Michelle

[gf4life]

So, do you ever feel like your in-laws just think your over-reacting at times? I think somethimes i feel like that's what they think of me...it makes me feel like a piece if cra*

I used to, but now I know that they just don't realize how serious it is (even though I have told them a hundred+ times!) and they don't think about other people's needs before their own. They have been living fairly clueless for a long time, and it isn't so easy to teach a 60-something person a different way of doing things if they don't care to learn it. I swear it about made me nuts when I first went gluten free and I told them I can't eat lumpia (filipino egg roll style dish). They swore to me that the lumpia wrappers are made with rice flour, not wheat. I had to pull a new pack out of the freezer and show them the label. They are made with wheat flour, not a speck of rice flour in them at all. They had spent their whole lives eating these things thinking they were made from rice! Anyhow, there are a few (very few) rice based filipino treats that we can eat, and we could have a lot of their dishes IF they would use wheat-free soy sauce instead of regular, but it just isn't worth the effort. I would worry about cross-contamination in their kitchens... Instead I have just been making really tasty gluten free meals and desserts for them to try and my MIL loves my gluten-free muffins and banana bread.

[IrishKelly]

I started reading this thread thinking the topic heading was "Ever want to share your spouse?" - not that I want to share mine or anyone else's, but I thought I'd just look in on what people were saying, as swinging isn't often discussed on this board!

Anyway, "shaking", yes definitely.

Best wishes,

Matilda

LOL...that's too funny!

I do. Apparently I'm the family hypocondriac. That goes for my own parents too.

Michelle

It's such a damn shame that the people we trust and count on the most seem to hurt and let us down the most

[Vladimir Gluten]

Just to chime in here:

Moving on.

[brendygirl]

I think that so many people out there are NEEDY for attention and create drama and have odd requests and idiosyncracies, that serious detail-oriented issues like those that come with dealing with celiac are easily pushed into the DRAMA QUEEN category just because it's so easy for people to do that.

When I was married 2 years ago I'd just eat before I went to my in-laws. They got so used to it that eventually I was able to bring my own food. I think they just figured it was how I stay thin. haha

I NEVER REQUEST special foods from anyone cooking at their home because it's not worth it- you come off as high maintenance+the nuances of it are too confusing to most people anyway=in the end the cross contamination and ignorance about the fine details like sauces and things- practically guarantee that something will get gluten somewhere. Best to just eat beforehand and carry along snacks in my purse to sneak into if necessary. I like to cook, so I bring a dish that I can eat and keep it in my eyesight and eat only that sometimes, too.

I have one friend and my mom who I will let cook for me, but I'm usually WITH them when they prepare it.

[IrishKelly]

I think that so many people out there are NEEDY for attention and create drama and have odd requests and idiosyncracies, that serious detail-oriented issues like those that come with dealing with celiac are easily pushed into the DRAMA QUEEN category just because it's so easy for people to do that.

When I was married 2 years ago I'd just eat before I went to my in-laws. They got so used to it that eventually I was able to bring my own food. I think they just figured it was how I stay thin. haha

I NEVER REQUEST special foods from anyone cooking at their home because it's not worth it- you come off as high maintenance+the nuances of it are too confusing to most people anyway=in the end the cross contamination and ignorance about the fine details like sauces and things- practically guarantee that something will get gluten somewhere. Best to just eat beforehand and carry along snacks in my purse to sneak into if necessary. I like to cook, so I bring a dish that I can eat and keep it in my eyesight and eat only that sometimes, too.

I have one friend and my mom who I will let cook for me, but I'm usually WITH them when they prepare it.

Those are some great tips, my only issue now is that i would like to have Thanksgiving at my house, but i know my in-laws won't let me do that...every holiday HAS to be at there house...it really sucks!! I just feel if i could have Thanksgiving at my house they can have every other Holiday at there house, i think that sounds being over fair on my part if you ask me. I just want to be able to sit down at a table on one holiday with a completely gluten-free/df meal and Thanksgiving would be the best choice because evrything is already most of those, so i know everyone would love the meal

[gf4life]

My husband almost always has to work on Thanksgiving, so we always schedule our dinner for either before he goes to work or after he gets off work, and his family never comes over for that, but we usually have friends over, and I make it completely gluten-free...This year my husband has the whole week off, so we are taking our family of 5 on vacation and having Thanksgiving at Legoland in Carlsbad (outside of San Diego). We will cook a gluten-free turkey dinner in the kitchen at the timeshare and I expect it will be wonderful. Thanksgiving should be a relaxing fun time for you to enjoy your family and friends AND the food, and reflect on all the things you are thankful for.

Irishkelly, you could always just tell them that you are having Thanksgiving at your house this year, and they are invited to join you if they wish. If they still choose to have it at their house then you won't be there. Invite other people over if the family won't come, there are always too many people who spend the holidays alone. We tend to end up with a lot of single parents and their kids, who would be alone otherwise, and it is always a very special time.

[IrishKelly]

My husband almost always has to work on Thanksgiving, so we always schedule our dinner for either before he goes to work or after he gets off work, and his family never comes over for that, but we usually have friends over, and I make it completely gluten-free...This year my husband has the whole week off, so we are taking our family of 5 on vacation and having Thanksgiving at Legoland in Carlsbad (outside of San Diego). We will cook a gluten-free turkey dinner in the kitchen at the timeshare and I expect it will be wonderful. Thanksgiving should be a relaxing fun time for you to enjoy your family and friends AND the food, and reflect on all the things you are thankful for.

Irishkelly, you could always just tell them that you are having Thanksgiving at your house this year, and they are invited to join you if they wish. If they still choose to have it at their house then you won't be there. Invite other people over if the family won't come, there are always too many people who spend the holidays alone. We tend to end up with a lot of single parents and their kids, who would be alone otherwise, and it is always a very special time.

Yes, so true. I just feel like my in-laws aill get mad again...you know what i mean? - I guess i can't please the world!

[Guest cassidy]

I hear you on this. My mother in law made banana bread for my husband. He took a piece of it and literally put it under my nose while telling me how good it is. I was like - do you think that makes me feel good? He was very angry in the beginning because we couldn't just order a pizza or go out to any restaurant if people called us on the fly. It has been 9 months now and he is finalliy coming around. He doesn't double dip in shared things and he is starting to be a bit more considerate.

As for the parents and in laws I bring my own food when I go over. I don't trust other people to feed me so they are perfectly fine with me bringing what I want. I still help them make & clean up dinner and they have accepted this. For thanksgiving we are going to my sister in law's and her entire family will be there. I think I will cook a turkey and mashed potatoes at home for me and just bring a plate over. I don't want to feel deprived but there is no way I would chance eating anything there.

It is frustrating because I know if my husband had celiac and I didn't, I would have read up on everything like I did for myself and I would be perfectly capable of making food for him. I'm pregnant and was feeling really bad in the beginning. He came home one night and said - since you don't feel well, don't worry about making my dinner. I was like - how about you making ME dinner - I'm the one that doesn't feel well, and of course, you are a grown man and can make your own dinner tonight. I don't think he would have a clue how to make anything for me because he just hasn't taken an interest. When we have the baby I'm very nervous about introducing gluten. I can see him getting upset when I feed the baby rice crackers and cereal and not let him/her have gluten. I am not going to feed the baby food that will make me sick especially if the baby has any celiac genes. That will be the fight for next year.

[eKatherine]

He came home one night and said - since you don't feel well, don't worry about making my dinner. I was like - how about you making ME dinner - I'm the one that doesn't feel well, and of course, you are a grown man and can make your own dinner tonight. I don't think he would have a clue how to make anything for me because he just hasn't taken an interest. When we have the baby I'm very nervous about introducing gluten. I can see him getting upset when I feed the baby rice crackers and cereal and not let him/her have gluten. I am not going to feed the baby food that will make me sick especially if the baby has any celiac genes. That will be the fight for next year.

I had a boyfriend who did this. I told him I was too tired to cook, so he said, don't worry about cooking for me and opened up himself a can of tunafish. I was dumbfounded. My daughter and I went out for pizza, and he was mad I didn't bring him. Hello????

[IrishKelly]

I hear you on this. My mother in law made banana bread for my husband. He took a piece of it and literally put it under my nose while telling me how good it is. I was like - do you think that makes me feel good? He was very angry in the beginning because we couldn't just order a pizza or go out to any restaurant if people called us on the fly. It has been 9 months now and he is finalliy coming around. He doesn't double dip in shared things and he is starting to be a bit more considerate.

As for the parents and in laws I bring my own food when I go over. I don't trust other people to feed me so they are perfectly fine with me bringing what I want. I still help them make & clean up dinner and they have accepted this. For thanksgiving we are going to my sister in law's and her entire family will be there. I think I will cook a turkey and mashed potatoes at home for me and just bring a plate over. I don't want to feel deprived but there is no way I would chance eating anything there.

It is frustrating because I know if my husband had celiac and I didn't, I would have read up on everything like I did for myself and I would be perfectly capable of making food for him. I'm pregnant and was feeling really bad in the beginning. He came home one night and said - since you don't feel well, don't worry about making my dinner. I was like - how about you making ME dinner - I'm the one that doesn't feel well, and of course, you are a grown man and can make your own dinner tonight. I don't think he would have a clue how to make anything for me because he just hasn't taken an interest. When we have the baby I'm very nervous about introducing gluten. I can see him getting upset when I feed the baby rice crackers and cereal and not let him/her have gluten. I am not going to feed the baby food that will make me sick especially if the baby has any celiac genes. That will be the fight for next year.

Hopefully the baby won't have any celiac genes in him/her. It's so amazing how people (like husbands of course) can take the simplest things for granted!! When i don't cook dinner my husband will cook for himself and possibly my son...so i understand!

[MistressIsis]

such insensitivity from those that are supposed to love us!

After my doc figured out the intolerance, I'd come home, dinner would be waiting & I'd end up not being able to eat it. "Yes I understand you took the time to do everything but I CAN'T eat it" He would literally get mad enough that he wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night. or sometimes a few days

I actually was the 1 that ended up saying, just cook for yourself, I'll figure something out.

Our deal was always that he did the cooking, he was really good at it & I hate it. But after going gluten-free he didn;t even try to help figure out what I could eat other than complaining how much (of MY money) I was spending on food and still expected $$ from me for groceries I couldn't eat! Even seeing me feel better, look better and all that meant nothing.

hmm, odd I just re-read that & man what a jerk! So glad to be rid of that!

[IrishKelly]

such insensitivity from those that are supposed to love us!

After my doc figured out the intolerance, I'd come home, dinner would be waiting & I'd end up not being able to eat it. "Yes I understand you took the time to do everything but I CAN'T eat it" He would literally get mad enough that he wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night. or sometimes a few days

I actually was the 1 that ended up saying, just cook for yourself, I'll figure something out.

Our deal was always that he did the cooking, he was really good at it & I hate it. But after going gluten-free he didn;t even try to help figure out what I could eat other than complaining how much (of MY money) I was spending on food and still expected $$ from me for groceries I couldn't eat! Even seeing me feel better, look better and all that meant nothing.

hmm, odd I just re-read that & man what a jerk! So glad to be rid of that!

Good for you!

[Guest nini]

do I ever? oh sometimes, BUT I have to brag, last week he made a special effort to make a gluten-free meal for all of us... He even brought all the stuff home from the store that he needed. He made us the most delicious spagetti and sauce, using Tinkyada rice pasta and BUFFALO meat, and fresh orange bell peppers and garlic, mixed into a Walnut Acres sauce... (now this was a rare occassion but hopefully it will be the start of something new!)

[prinsessa]

I know how it feels to have unsupportive inlaws. They even act like I am doing something that is harming the children. I think my kids will survive without gluten filled cookies . I am getting so sick it of it that I feel like crying sometimes. It is hard enough to be gluten intolerant, but having people be mean about it makes it even harder. Dh even said something to his mom about me not being able to eat a pasta dish that she was going to make for our son's birthday (before I found out the kids were gluten intolerant). She said (in a mean way) "well everyone else can eat it".

What makes it even harder is that we live in the same building. I never try to control what other people feed their kids, so I don't know why people want to control what I feed my kids. I just need to vent and I can't vent to DH because he gets really defensive about anything I say about his family. I am sick of them trying to make me feel like I am a bad mother . I know I'm not, but it still hurts.