You Know You Are Celiac If...........

[darlindeb25]

You know you're a celiac if...

...you've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

...at Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

...you've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

...you weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

...you weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

...you've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner engagement.

...a 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you. Lettuce.

...you've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

...you've ever driven more than 40 miles to buy flour or a cookie.

...it takes you 4 hours to grocery shop and your eyesight is

ruined.

...you hyperventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

...you've ever deliberately rammed your cart into a Shredded Wheat

display in a fit of rage.

...you've ever had to take out a loan to pay the grocery bill.

...you'd gladly pay any price for a pretzel that doesn't taste like

sawdust, or bread that doesn't taste like an old shoe.

...the centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine with memorial candles.

...your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play

Doh.

...your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

...one of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo

Cookies".

...you've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your

mayo.

...you've brought a suitcase full of food with you on a cruise.

.........You pace and circle the store three or four times when deciding on a new product, pick it up look at the ingredients, each time. Only to leave without it, figuring why bother.

...your family thinks you're crazy for not tasting their new chocolate chocolate chip cookie recipe, because surely a little nibble couldn't hurt right?

.......your financial portfolio consists of stock in two major toilet paper companies.

.......you are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without flour, cheese, yeast, tomatoes, beef, garlic and oregano.

.......you can spell transglutaminase and dermatitis herpetiformis.

......you just discovered how to make flour out of turnips.

.......you show up at the annual church pancake breakfast with a mask and sardine lettuce rollups

....having solid poop is the highlight of your day.

....you have actually doodled a new cartoon dog on your notes named "Sprue"

.....you have a sign in your kitchen saying "Gluten free environment"

.....you have actually considered using a gluten-free bagel for a hockey puck

… you have to buy extra memory for your Treo to be able to carry all your gluten-free food and restaurant suggestions

...you've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" ... without your face twitching

...you know all about xanthan gum and its uses.

..you have ever dreamt about Wonder Bread.

... you hide the gluten-free cookies when guests come over, so they dont eat them.

…you read the ingredient label on green tea - plain green tea.

….you know exactly when Post added barley flavoring back to the Fruity Pebbles and you're ticked.

…..you pay relatives back east exorbitant shipping rates to send you a $12 six pack of Gluten-free beer.

…you cried when you saw your usually careful husband brushing the crumbs off his hands (from making a gluten-containing sandwich) RIGHT OVER the open utensil drawer

….there is a separate cabinet in your kitchen dedicated solely to all your supplements (vitamins, BCQ, digestive enzymes, etc.)

…you hear of a new health food store opening in a city close by and get ridiculously excited only to drive there, spend 2 hours walking around the place, reading labels, only to leave empty handed

….you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby

...you take a list of safe drinks to the bar with you. And actually consult it before you order a drink.

...you see someone buying rice flour in the bulk section and you just have to ask them if they are gluten intolerant too!

…it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins.

....people roll their eyes at you when you say "no thank you" to someone's gluten filled dessert

..... You've refused things as "simple" as gum or sucking candies because you don't know if they're safe.

..... You talk about endoscopy's and colonoscopy's like these are normal everyday occurences that everyone gets nearly every year.

...You've ever watched your own -scopy, and asked the doc to point out anything cool.

..... Your friend invites you over for your birthday and want to make you a gluten free birthday cake but you plead with them not to, because although you're trying to seem like you don't want to put them through the hassle, you're secretly terrified there will be cross contamination.

..your 'favorites' sites are mostly celiac sites;

...you hugged a chef for making you special meals every time you walk in.

…You've mastered the art of lying when other people ask you if you're hungry.

...you go to a potluck at a friends place and your dish is gluten-free. You dive into it first so that you get something to eat before others contaminate it.

... you long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and pantries just to see what normal people eat.

…. You spend all morning on celiac.com forums.

[jerseyangel]

Thanks for the laugh! So funny--and so true

[jkmunchkin]

ROFLMAO!! I know we've had these before, and a lot are repeats, but somehow it doesn't get any less funny when I read them again. Love it!!!

[darlindeb25]

Yeah--we always need a laugh---my favorite might be: …it drives you crazy when someone says they completely understand your diet, they did Atkins. The other favorite is: ….you talk about your disease (not the unpleasant parts) so much to your friends and acquaintances that your husband tells you you need to get another hobby...........and still they don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Canadian Karen]

You know you are a celiac when:

On a particularly brutal day you are having, you contemplate telling your husband to put this insription on your headstone:

"Herein lies proof that gluten kills........"

[Lisa]

Great job Deb..........wonderful!

[katrinamaria]

hahaha thanks for the laugh

i thought i was the only one goes past the bakery section drooling/face pressed against glass hahaha

[Canadian Karen]

You know you are a celiac when:

You flush the toilet while you are still sitting down, hoping that the smell will stay within the bowl (it never works though....... )

[Satori]

After 6 yrs of being gluten-free I can say most of those no longer apply to me:) My bread is fantastic and reminds me of wheat bread (Thank you Tom!) I do like my food and don't miss the old stuff one bit since I got a good bread recipe:) Tom says it came from God, what ever, I just know its wonderful and you can make wonderful things like fig newtons from the mix:)