So Worried

[almostnrn]

I'm sorry to post with such a serious tone but I'm at my wits end and I'm not sure what to do. My 12 year old son just finished his football season a few weeks ago. After the last game the boys were changing in the locker room and one boy (whom is notorious for poor behavior) started a fight with another much smaller boy. My son stepped between the two, pushed the boy back who started the fight and told him to cut it out. This boy never fell, slipped, etc. My son (sorry to be redundant) turned in his gear and came out to the car and never made any mention to us that night, he said he didn't think it was a big deal. Well...turns out what shouldn't have been a big deal has turned into one. The family of this boy is trying to press assault charges on my 12 year old!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! I'm just sick with worry about what will happen with this. Our boy is a happy and healthy well adjusted preteen. He does very well academically, is friendly with everyone in his school and seems to be well liked. My husband and I have discussed the gravity of this situation, but I don't want to so disrupt his life to the point he can't function normally. I know my son and his character...he would have never hurt someone and thought he was only doing the right thing. Here is where I am loosing my mind though. I have been contacted ONCE by the school. The following day my husband and I met with the principal at OUR request only to receive little information. I have contacted the police department on two occasions with regards to this. On both occasions I expressed our willingness to cooperate and assist them in any way but reinforced that we would like to be as informed as possible about what is going on. In the past two weeks...I have heard not one peep. Our boy was pulled back in to the principals office again yesterday for more questions and was asked several times if the police had contacted his parents. What in the world? Sadly I guess we need to teach our children to stay uninvolved...if they see something bad happening to walk in the other direction and hope they can find other help soon. I am just sad and scared and don't know what to do to help him other than pray that things work out they way they should. Thanks for listening.

[Nantzie]

I would get a lawyer ASAP. This is ridiculous. Have you been able to contact the smaller boy's parents to see if he will talk to the school/police about what really happened?

[almostnrn]

We have not been able to contact the other boys parents primarly because we are fairly new to this community. Unfortunately I'm not dealing with parents that I have known for years. The school has taken statements from all the boys on the football team. The principal told my son yesterday that they are almost all identical to what he said happened. Trust me redicilous is the least of the words I"ve used to describe this situation! I am feeling as if a lawyer is indeed a good idea as well.

[Jestgar]

Sadly I guess we need to teach our children to stay uninvolved...if they see something bad happening to walk in the other direction and hope they can find other help soon.

Please try not to let this be the lesson your son learns from this. Hopefully he will be vindicated in the end, but I think it's important, as humans, that we try to protect each other. Even if sometimes that means we get hassled for it.

[CarlaB]

Please try not to let this be the lesson your son learns from this. Hopefully he will be vindicated in the end, but I think it's important, as humans, that we try to protect each other. Even if sometimes that means we get hassled for it.

I totally agree. Let the lesson be to do the right thing even if you get in trouble for it ... that his parents are proud that he did something like this and are behind him 100%, which I'm sure is true.

[almostnrn]

It certainly is true and we have told him over and over again how proud we are of him for being the one to step in. He is our gentle giant, always has been. I can honestly say I don't know that I've ever seen a child who has always displayed such concern for others, especially kids smaller than him. Thanks for your thoughts...you are all right and I'm afraid I"m just very frustrated.

[GFBetsy]

I'd get a lawyer and get as many written statements from the parents of the other children on the team as you can get. Also, I personally would ask the principle to please refrain from asking your son questions about this incident when you are not present. They shouldn't be harassing him in school like that.

[TinkerbellSwt]

Wow.. I am not at this stage yet with my son to get into situations like that. Your boy sounds like a wonderful, trustworthy and in general a great kid. I would love to have someone like that around my son when he gets older.. someone who just may help and step in when a younger/smaller boy/girl is being harassed.

Seems to me like you raised a great son. I would also recommend you getting a lawyer though. My brother went thru something like that in high school, he was sucker punched by another kid his age while playing flag football in gym class. He got a broken jaw for it. My mom sued the kid who did it.. which got no where as the family was a low income family, and she sued the school.. for not having enough supervision for a gym class with 50 kids in it.. one gym teacher was there.. watching two games going on.. she won the suit against the school.

I would just get a lawyer involved just in case.. and if you can get written statements from the other kids in the locker room at the time. I hope it all works out for you..

[almostnrn]

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment and your kind words. I have indeed contacted a lawyer so we will see where that goes. Hopefully there will not be any need to pursue it further as I was told by the police officer investigating the situation that the aggressive boy who started the fight (and is now claiming injury) could be charged with assault as well. I guess I would see that as a bit of a turn about is fair play situation. My son began a 3 day suspension from school today. While I don't believe it is the right thing after lengthy conversations with the principal I do believe that their hands are tied in this situation as Josh did push the boy who started the fight away and there is a strict rule about physical contact. Geesh that last line sounds like we are in south central LA or something not SW Ohio, lol!! Unfortunately, it comes down to adult supervision or the lack thereof. Oh well, so goes life. Our family and our faith is strong and like anyother situation, we will get through this together!

[Judyin Philly]

I have not heard you mention one word about the coach???

where in the devil was he?? Is he just hiding away in the locker room for gosh sake?????

And what about all this talk today about 'no bully rules' in schools?

This is amazing to me..

glad you got a lawyer! Hate that you might need one but you need to protect your son.

and....what's with the 3 day suppension?:??? why didn't the bully who picked on the smaller child get one??

things have sure changed since i taught for 25 years and 12 in OHIO and we would have been siding with your son for sticking up for someone being bullied.

oh my, as i said earlier..TIMES HAVE SURE CHANGED. Glad your son knows how proud you are of him.

I'm sorry i can't give you any tips but i'm still amazed by your story.

good luck and keep us posted ok

judy

[almostnrn]

Judy,

The coaches were NOWHERE to be found, go figure. My husband and I have asked if our son was the only one being punished and told no but because of confidentiality laws they are unable to give us any information about that, just that we need to trust them. I personally think its a load of crap and I don't trust anyone to have my son's best intrest at heart like his parents would. You are right, the world sure has changed.

[Canadian Karen]

All I can say is WOW!

Firstly, your son is a child to be proud of and a fine example of high morals and standards for code of conduct. He also has the capacity to show compassion for those who are vulnerable, and in my books, that makes him one heck of a fine example of what today's youth should be like, but unfortunately, all too often fall short........

With all the witnesses who obviously have told the same story, that your son was not the instigator, but rather trying to be the peacekeeper or protector of the other boy, I can't imagine this going any further, but I am glad you have retained a lawyer just to be safe.

My greatest fear to come out of all this (and I would make sure the school knew about this fear), is that the next time your son is in a situation of witnessing someone being bullied, is he going to think twice about getting involved? Is he going to just sit back and not react because of the fear of repercussions? If that turns out to be the case, then the school, the police and the other boys' parents have done a HUGE injustice to your child and a great disservice to their community. Would they rather your community be filled with people who bury their heads when they see any wrongdoing? That's the type of community they are building by dealing with this incident in this manner......

My prayers go to your family for a speedy conclusion to this madness and hope your son comes out of it just as he went in, with a heart of gold and a strong sense of care and concern for those around him.

Hugs.

Karen

[Judyin Philly]

just cking in to see if there has been a resolution to your son's situation.

judy

[almostnrn]

just cking in to see if there has been a resolution to your son's situation.

judy

No resolution other than beginning to serve the suspension. Waiting to talk to the lawyer on Monday. I do have this to add though. After a very difficult and frustrating week, I was outside waiting for my 9 year old to get off the bus after school. One of the neighborhood mothers approached me and immediately said.."I need to talk to you about Josh". Don't you know my stomach and heart just dropped and my first thought was, what now!!! Then she proceeded to tell me about how he has been a lifesaver for her son who is a year younger. I guess he gets picked on relentlessly on the bus when Josh isn't there. I could have just cried as she told me that he stood up (thankfully keeping his hands to himself, lol) to every other kid on that bus and told them to leave the other boy alone. I guess it is just his nature to be that way, no matter what happens he keeps on plugging along. He got home from his first day of ISS and the first thing I did was give him a big hug and tell him I was proud of him. What makes it even better is he doesn't think his actions should be considered a big deal. The way he phrased it was "if everyone spent a little more time telling the mean people to cut it out, we'd all be better off"....how true. Have a great weekend everyone!

[almostnrn]

Just as an update it seems as if we have some resolve to the situation finally. To the best of my understanding no charges will be field on my son. We are all relieved and his life seems to bet getting back to normal at school.

[debmidge]

That's a relief!

11/14 edited - which makes all responses following sound out of context.

[almostnrn]

[

But the authorities felt that she'd sue them if they didn't pursue the case - otherwise they would have dropped the case against the young man; they were afraid that she'd sue the authorities for violating her civil liberties. How about that one....

[debmidge]

Edited 11/14/06

[almostnrn]

I am going to have my boys read this story. Hopefully we are many years away from relationships that include any kind of sexual behavior, but I'm also realistic that at 14 and almost 13 its closer than I choose to believe. Thanks!

[debmidge]

edited 11/14/06..