I Was Thinking What If We Had A Manners Book

[i canary]

I was listening to NPR today and this guy who wrote a Holiday manners book got me wound up. There was one segment where he advises that even if it kills you eat it. If you want to hear for yourself it is the Morning Edition for Friday 11-17-2006.

Anyway, it got me to thinking. What if we came up with our own manners book. Covering such topics as: how to tell folks who don't get it - I can't eat that and won't; Overcoming Southern manners (I'm from the South - The older generation of women think it is polite to keep offering something to eat even though you have refused several times - even explaining why I won't doesn't stop them) ; Eating at work ; Dealing with office functions ; How to bring your own food without upsetting anyone....

Do you have any topics to add? Better yet do you have any good advise?

[Kaycee]

  i canary said:

even if it kills you eat it.

If that was not so serious, I would be laughing at that comment.

It has never really been a problem for me to not to accept anything. Being a bit overweight, I think people probably think I am on a diet, so it is no big deal to them.

But I would like to learn some manners. A couple of months ago I was at a function where we could help ourselves. I put some peas on my plate, then instantly realised they had been minted, as I had had a problem with mint flavoured peas a few months back, I was a bit weary of them, so I put them back in the serving dish. I know that was not the right thing to do, and an elderly lady besides me told me I should've just left them on my plate and not eaten them. So I guess I was wrong and should've grabbled another plate instead and started again.

Eating at work is never a problem the only thing that gets me is people forever telling me how healthy my salad looks.

Dealing with office functions/morning teas was not easy. At the start it was quite emotional, as I would looke at the whole spread, and there would be nothing to eat. But now I usually have my own supply of frozen muffins in the work freezer and heat as needed.

Sorry I have not been much help, but I think respect for everybody else is a priority, and if someone does not want to eat, so be it.

Catherine

[Nantzie]

That sounds like a great idea. Tips on how to get through the gluten-free lifestyle politely, but firmly.

One of the things I do is ooh and ahh over the homemade gluten stuff that family members make and bring to BBQ's and stuff. They know I can't eat it, but knowing that I appreciate their hard work makes for a much easier and more relaxed time.

The last time we had a family get-together my FIL had made an apple pie. I admired it and told him how great it looked and smelled. I even asked him what he did to make the crumb topping, what kind of apples he used, etc. In the process of discussing that I was able to tell him in passing that I use different types of flour blends for different things, and I could use a mix for the crust. It gave him more information on how easy it is for me to substitute a few things and make something gluten-free.

It also subverts that uncomfortable thing where people feel like they have to offer you some to be polite. If you ask them a bunch of questions about their recipe or tell them how great it smells, they'll forget about offering it most of the time and even if they do offer, they don't ask more than once.

I think putting other people at ease is a big thing. If you don't they just get uncomfortable and don't know what to do. I don't want non gluten sensitive people in my family to think they can't bring cookies just because I can't eat them. My cookies are just as good. AND they have the added benefit of not making my stomach hurt. I'll take mine ANY day.

Nancy

[Nooner]

  i canary said:

There was one segment where he advises that even if it kills you eat it.

I haven't listened to the segment, but I'm a Miss Manners junkie, and I don't think any etiquette guru means this literally. I can't count the number of times I've smiled while choking down something with walnuts (which I CAN'T STAND) so as not to offend a host... But gluten or other intolerances/allergies are different, in my opinion. I can just hear Miss Manners saying, "Gentle Reader, Miss Manners would never expect a guest to jeopardize one's life!"

That said, I think you have a great idea about compiling some gluten free etiquette tips! As Nantzie said, how to get through a gluten free lifestyle, politetly but firmly. I've only been gluten free for a few months, and don't have much experience handling social situations, restaurants, holidays, family, etc. I have my hubby's work-related holiday party coming up, and I would love more advice on how to deal. I know this all has been covered in other threads, but a comprehensive list, like the newbie thread, would be great.

~Li

[i canary]

I like what you had to say Catherine. Wish more folks had the respect to let each individual decide for themself whether they are going to eat something or not.

Nancy, I hadn't thought of talking about the food the cook made. It make sense that it puts them at ease. I've been so busy thinking of how to get out of there without getting sick that it didn't occur to me. I'm going to try that next time.

(This is my third attempt at this post - for some reason it isn't going thru)

[Rusla]

Well, how I handle it is I say, "I am sorry but I have a very severe deadly allergy to that wheat glutens which include, rye, oats, barley and malt."

I also have a deadly allergy to wasps, hornets and bee's and would most certainly not put myself in a postion where I would have to enter a room full of them so, to me wheat is no different.

[zansu]

I've also gotten over the "go last" thing if it's a buffet. I head straight to the front of the line and serve myself from the dish I brought (and any from trusted sources) joking about getting there before the crumbs do. Nobody really minds, but it goes against everything my grandmother taught me!!!

[Sweetfudge]

I agree with the comforting of other people. I have always loved to cook, even before going gluten-free, so I am very interested in how other people make dishes. I usually try and find out what special ingredients were used, and make a comment as to how I could attempt to copy the dish gluten-free. People love praise for their food, so I let them know how wonderful everything looks and smells.

I think that if you are dealing with a hostess or someone who is insistant on you taking something, see if you can just take but not partake. I pick things up with napkins when I can, so I don't have to touch and get crumbs on myself. Then, distracting them by asking about the recipe, or something else, is a good way to take the focus on them wanting you to try the food. Then, discreetly dispose. I read this in a magazine for avoiding holiday weight gain, and put a gluten-free twist to it.

If you can't distract the host, let her know how sick it would make you to eat the food, that you would not be able to enjoy the function, and see if that works. If not, just tell 'em you'll probably clog their toilet

When people don't take my explanations seriously, I tell them that it would be the same thing as feeding me rat poison....I don't know that it would really be the same, but that usually gets the point across

I'll have to think on this and see if I can come up with more ideas....