Daughter Wants gluten-free Birthday Party

[lonewolf]

My daughter is having a big 16th birthday party next month and wants the whole thing to be gluten-free. (She's gluten intolerant and is very dedicated to the diet.) She'll have at least 40 teenagers there, so it will be a lot of food. We're having chips, cookies, fruit and vegetable trays, punch and cake. I completely support her in this choice and am willing to make cake and cupcakes for everyone. My recipes are good and I know that everyone will like the cake.

Here's the problem. My mother in law, who is really kind and generous, has decided that her way of helping should be to buy two Costco cakes for the party. I politely explained, as did my husband, that we appreciate her offer, but want the party to be gluten-free so my daughter doesn't have to worry about anything. After all, it's HER party - she shouldn't have to even think about food or what she can and can't have off the the table. My MIL says that the other kids don't care what kind of cake they're eating, so I shouldn't take the time to make all the cake.

She's being generous, but I know that the real reason she's offering is because she thinks that our gluten-free diet is "going overboard". My daughter's tests came out negative, but at 14 she realized that she felt a LOT better eating gluten-free and made that decision for herself. My husband's family thinks we're being silly and act like it's a big problem for them. My 12 year old son and I are also gluten-free and they're constantly asking things like, "Do you really think that they both NEED to be gluten-free?". "Now, explain what type of testing you had done again" or "Oh, a little bit can't hurt them - they aren't as sensitive as you are". Anyway, I'm feeling frustrated because my MIL is getting pushy. She won't even try most of our gluten-free food and sighs and acts disgusted when I even mention anything is gluten-free. (I should add that she's about 100 pounds or more overweight and seems threatened by someone actually restricting their diet.)

Anyone have any ideas for what else I should say to her? Something polite that keeps some peace in the family? Thanks.

[dandelionmom]

Are you sure you have to be polite?!

Can your husband call and say, "mom, thanks for the offer of the cakes. We're going to have to say no thank you but we appreciate how generous it was for you to offer! I don't know if this sounds like a good idea to you or not but if you'd still like to do something special, I bet our daughter would love to be given flowers. It would make her feel so special and grown up!"

Good luck!

[Mango04]

"Thank you for your very generous offer. I have the cakes taken care of, but would love for you to pick up *insert some sort of safe, pre-packaged gluten-free item*"

LOL I dunno...why are some people so strange about food?

[lonewolf]

"Thank you for your very generous offer. I have the cakes taken care of, but would love for you to pick up *insert some sort of safe, pre-packaged gluten-free item*"

LOL dunno...why are some people so strange about food?

Yeah, I think when she brings it up again I'll tell her how much I appreciate her wanting to help and ask if she could please get a large fruit or vegetable tray.

My daughter's response to this whole thing was, "Why does she care? She's not even coming!"

[Cam's Mom]

Gotta love generous family !

How about "since it is her birthday we are letting her pick the menu and she has chosen to have this kind of cake (and not Costco cake). So, since she's the birthday girls that's that." And, maybe with a little humor you could insert "we're lucky that was the extent of her request . . . much easier than say - a new laptop"

You can offer to bring the Costco cake to Grandma's birthday when it is her turn to choose. I would try not to make this about the "food issue" since that is clearly a sticky subject but rather about a kid who is turning 16 and has a right to request certain things at her party. This could just have easily been a discussion over the fact that she wanted anything other than what is offered at Costco.

I remember someone on the board said something like "my day - my way, your day, your way". I like that!

Best of luck and happy birthday to your daughter!

[jerseyangel]

My daughter's response to this whole thing was, "Why does she care? She's not even coming!"

That was my first thought....

Yea, I would simply tell her that the cake situation is taken care of. It's your daughter's birthday, and she has chosen the type that she wants.

If she would like to contribute, the fruit or veggie tray is a great idea

I tell ya, Liz, I don't know what it is about this diet that pushes so many people's buttons

Wish that smart daughter of yours a happy birthday for me!

[Darn210]

I think everyone is on the right track . . .

Cake's taken care of . . . If you want to help how about an ice cream sundae buffet? (That is if your daughter would like something like that there.)

Actually, if she's really generous . . . how 'bout springing for some car insurance for a 16 year old driver???

[EBsMom]

She's being generous, but I know that the real reason she's offering is because she thinks that our gluten-free diet is "going overboard".

You've got several good responses to choose from, but I just wanted to give a supportive shout of indignation! That sounds like something my m-i-l would do, under the guise of "helping." That's the kind of help we can do without! Kudos to your daughter, for choosing what makes her feel best and taking care of her self! Have a wonderful party, with those wonderful gluten-free cakes!!!

Rho

[happygirl]

I tell ya, Liz, I don't know what it is about this diet that pushes so many people's buttons

Isn't that the truth.

[Josina]

I was only diagnosed this year and I personally if I could, would never eat a costo cake. Nothing is more special than home made. I have always baked my children's birthday cakes and they love it. Just go with what is in your heart. It is not her life to mess up. If your daughter eats gluten free, then who is your mother in law or anyone else to decide other way?

Go with what your daughter wants. My mother-in-law has informed me that this is all in my head, that my doctor is nuts??????

My parents both are having a hard time and are trying to give me foods with gluten in it to see how I react. I never eat there anymore (go figure)

Hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday!