Got In A Fight With Hubby, What Should I Do?

[aorona]

I just got into an argument with my husband. It was my fault, I said something stupid. He's been trying to get a specific job for over 4 years now. He has a very good chance of getting it and we were discussing what would happen if he got it. We would have to move out of state, sell our house, etc. Well I said, just don't quit after 6 months. I know it was stupid, and I'm not even sure I know why I said it. He has only quit 1 job after six months. And he's always had another job to go to. Now he is very mad and thinks I don't listen to him. What should I do?

[Jestgar]

Tell him your sorry. and explain that you didn't understand HOW stressed you were over the thought of moving until that came out of your mouth. I think you are probably dreading facing all that change and in your mind the worst thing would be if you gathered all your wherewithal needed to deal with the move, and then he realized he didn't like his job. You're scared and you want reassurance, you just didn't ask for it very well

[codetalker]

What should I do?

First, be wary of advice from the Internet. It could be a recipe for disaster. Do whatever feels right for the relationship you have.

Thinking back to the two times I was married, I think what I would have liked would be for my spouse to just let it go. I think dealing with accidental stuff probably caused more trouble than it resolved. It is a slippery slope sometimes. It is too easy for other issues to creep in. We would have been better off if either of my spouses had simply said, "It was an (accident / dumb remark / etc.). I'm sorry. Now, let it go." If I could have believed it was an accident, dumb remark, whatever, I would have been content letting it go.

A reverse example would be a birthday my second wife had. Not only had I remembered but I had done the whole nine yards. I had baked a cake, iced and decorated itself myself and then hid it in the house without my wife having a clue. I had taken our 5 and 7 YO's out, given them some money and helped them shop for their mom. Brought them home and helped them with wrapping and a card. Again, without anyone catching on.

Unfortunately, imy wife's birthday was on a week day that year.

After getting up early, getting the kids to school, working at my job, picking up the kids, making dinner (which I normally did 98% of the time anyway), just for an instant after the main meal...just one lousy millisecond...I sat in my chair, took a deep breath and...my mind blanked. Like a typical woman, my wife instantly knew that at that moment I had forgotten her birthday and she burst into tears. Everything was totally ruined.

If she had only been able to let it go, everything could have been salvaged. But again, being a typical women, she had to overeact and overanalyze.

[jmd3]

But again, being a typical women, she had to overeact and overanalyze.

That is why men are from mars....

why would everything be ruined if she just burst into tears?

As a women I really like Jestgar advice.

I've been married to the same man for 27 years, it is still a work in progress. I am not going to say we don't argue, or have bad days, but I am still totally in love .

[Canadian Karen]

Just explain to him that all the changes that your whole family would have to endure from the move came crashing/flashing before your eyes and for a split second you panicked, and out came that remark. Tell him that this is a decision that affects EVERYONE in your family, and the first thing that came out of your mouth was derived from that, and NOT from any doubts you have about him in particular.... Tell him you have total faith in him and then apologize for voicing something that was only in your mind for a split second....

The words "I'm sorry" work miracles.....

Hugs and good luck!

Karen

[bfarnsworth0709]

Definitely apologize and be completely honest. I think by not responding and not trying to make things right will just make things fester. That would really make him think that you don't care and confirm in his mind what he is already thinking, by your comment, that you really do feel that way. We are all human and we all make mistatkes. Make your actions back up your words and your apology so that he sees that you don't really feel that way, not just hears it.

[UR Groovy]

When I do things like that, my husband always appreciates a sincere but quick apology and short explaination. Seems that just an acknowledgement that I understand how what I said was hurtful helps. I try to make it short - guys just don't seem to want to go into the details.

[aikiducky]

I guess by now you might have made up already, at least I hope so. Anyway, I'd side with the simple apology camp... don't try to bring up a whole discussion of all your fears about the move at the same time. Save that for a time that you both are feeling comfortable.

Pauliina

[Arpita]

When I do things like that, my husband always appreciates a sincere but quick apology and short explaination. Seems that just an acknowledgement that I understand how what I said was hurtful helps. I try to make it short - guys just don't seem to want to go into the details.

I completely agree here. Keep in short. Then if he continues about it some, be prepared to continue to keep in short and let it go. It's easy to get into argument, when there is more details. The big picture is what a stress for both of you, and that your intention is to support him and believe in him.