My 2 Children Argue So Much They Are Making Me Crazy!

[gdobson]

I have tried everything!

My son (10) and daughter (8) argue constantly. Yes my little girl is a typical pesty little sister. And yes, my son, gets an attitude and talks rude to her and ignores her. But they just won't stop! Everything is a competition or grounds for an argument.

I have tried separating them, brother/sister togetherness, positive reinforcement for when they are kind to one another, punishing them for being disrespectful to one another, and now my husband's idea is to ignore it. Now my husband and I are arguing, b/c it totally goes against me to hear my children talking like that to eachother. And then, if they continue that at school!--

Anyone suffer from this at home? Any ideas I would appreciate.

[Ridgewalker]

It sounds like they are the same way my brother and I were at that age. I was the older one, he's a year and a 1/2 younger than me. We were horrible to each other! I feel so bad for my poor mom. If it makes you feel any better, my brother and I have a fantastic relationship as adults. I don't have very much advice... my kids are younger, and they do fight horribly sometimes, but- with my having two boys, it tends to become a tackling, punching, biting, pinching, dog fight kind of thing. This really used to appall me, as I am a very non-violent person, who has never allowed them to watch wrestling, violent movies, or even violent kids' shows like Power Rangers Grown-up TV doesn't get turned on till after they're in bed.

But I am 100% with you on the no-ignoring it thing. In our house, words like "stupid, shut up," etc, are swear words in front of the kids. (In addition to regular swear words, of course. My husband and I both tend to have potty mouths, and he doesn't always censor himself in front of the kids which has led to some interesting "new words" shown off to Grandma! )

Probably, you're not ever going to be able to eliminate it completely. They're going to have to work some things out on their own. I hate saying that, but nothing my mom tried ever worked with me and my brother. We loved each other, and were fine with each other sometimes... and then there were other times when we just temporarily hated each other

I'd certainly be very firm in the way they talk to each other- i.e. no name-calling, no hitting, no swearing... I don't know how they talk to each other, but I agree with you- There must be house rules that must be adhered to, or there will be serious consequences. Even if you have to make the consequences disproportionately huge to get your point across.

-Sarah

[gdobson]

Thanks Sarah,

I was feeling very depressed this morning about this (not supposed to waste a Friday being down).

You have made me feel much better.

I just hate the thought that I am ruining my kids in the process by either doing the wrong thing or doing nothing.

Thanks again.

Gina

[ptkds]

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!! My oldest 2 dd's fight constantly! They are 3 yrs apar, ages 9 and 6 (both have bdays in less than a month). I ignore tattling, general pestering (like copying, staring, etc), but namecalling is not allowed. I tell them if they have nothing to say, then don't talk. I will cut them off if they start talking mean to eachother. If they keep it up, they both stand in the corner for a while (about 1 minute for each year of age, or longer if they talk or are complianing). I remember HATING standing in the corner when I was a kid, and I know they hate it too. REcently, I have been threatening to handcuff them together!! Like pp said, I also praise them when they play together nicely and do nice things for each other.

Good luck!

ptkds

[stargazer]

I have 3 daughters, ages 18, 16, and 14. The two younger ones have argued and fought since they were big enough to do it! Even though they are teenagers now, nothing has changed. Over the years I have tried anything and everything, but had no luck in stopping the madness!! I gave up. Now when they start, I go to my room for a mom's timeout. That way, I stay cool. They get over their tiff, and I don't cause any stress between my husband and I.

[CarlaB]

On the one hand, I would not get in the middle of their bickering. They need to learn to work through that kind of thing on their own without someone else solving their problems. Some day they're going to need to know how to live with a spouse and learn to get along and resolve differences. Let them solve it themselves. There are certain skills they are learning from this.

On the other hand, there need to be ground rules concerning respect ... i.e. - can't use certain words, can't yell, etc. Dirty looks and ignoring are childish behaviors you won't be able to control.

You can't MAKE them get along. Don't drive yourself crazy trying.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

I tell my boys that one more demonstration of not being able to work things out will result in their each having to clean the bathrooms (we have 2).

Their behavior is not yet where I want it to be, but it has improved, as has the state of my bathrooms!

And wonder of wonders, I think they actually enjoy cleaning, especially when they're mad.

[CarlaB]

I tell my boys that one more demonstration of not being able to work things out will result in their each having to clean the bathrooms (we have 2).

Oh, the common enemy strategy ... yeah, that works, too. I get them mad at me, then they forget the trivial thing they're mad at each other for.

[gdobson]

So I should let them work it out between themselves unless they become disrespectful or abusive towards eachother - then I can punish them with something that will get their mean energy out of them (like scrubbing the bathroom). I like that. I think that can appeal to both me and my husband.

Thanks for the assurance that my kids aren't just cantancerous little you-know-whats. I feel much better about that, too.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

Oh, the common enemy strategy ... yeah, that works, too. I get them mad at me, then they forget the trivial thing they're mad at each other for.

Common enemy? Naah, hadn't thought of it that way. I just figured if they had so much energy, I should make them put it to good use and do something constructive with it.

[Nancym]

I have tried everything!

My son (10) and daughter (8) argue constantly. Yes my little girl is a typical pesty little sister. And yes, my son, gets an attitude and talks rude to her and ignores her. But they just won't stop! Everything is a competition or grounds for an argument.

I have tried separating them, brother/sister togetherness, positive reinforcement for when they are kind to one another, punishing them for being disrespectful to one another, and now my husband's idea is to ignore it. Now my husband and I are arguing, b/c it totally goes against me to hear my children talking like that to eachother. And then, if they continue that at school!--

Anyone suffer from this at home? Any ideas I would appreciate.

Watch Super Nanny, she deals with this all the time on her TV show. I think you could probably find some of her methods useful. You might try googling and see if she has an online site with tips.

I did the leg work for you: Open Original Shared Link

[kbtoyssni]

Watch Super Nanny, she deals with this all the time on her TV show. I think you could probably find some of her methods useful. You might try googling and see if she has an online site with tips.

I did the leg work for you: Open Original Shared Link

And if you ever watch Super Nanny, you can take comfort in the fact that your kids can't possibly be worse that the ones she deals with The families she comes up with are amazing.

[gdobson]

And if you ever watch Super Nanny, you can take comfort in the fact that your kids can't possibly be worse that the ones she deals with The families she comes up with are amazing.

Good point - they make my kids look like angels!

[2Boys4Me]

So I should let them work it out between themselves unless they become disrespectful or abusive towards eachother - then I can punish them with something that will get their mean energy out of them (like scrubbing the bathroom). I like that. I think that can appeal to both me and my husband.

Thanks for the assurance that my kids aren't just cantancerous little you-know-whats. I feel much better about that, too.

You mean there's a time when they're not disrespectful to each other?

Try keeping them bound and gagged. It works for me.

Actually, I end up sending them each to their room so I can get some peace and quiet and usually they are shoving and kicking each other all the way there. They are 2 years & 3 days apart. They can get along great for minutes at a time and then some completely intangible thing happens and they're at each others throats. Once I said I'd lock them both in the same room and which ever one came out alive was the one we'd keep. Ty said he'd be sure to wear shoes that day. Better for both kicking and protecting his feet from getting stepped on or other assorted weaponry.