Frustrated By Cc

[HAK1031]

I am frustrated because as much as I try to explain, my father and stepmother don't really understand CC. They had turkey sandwiches for lunch, and my dad had me open and take out the turkey first for my salad-good! But then as he was making their sandwiches, he put his gluteny hands all over the turkey, in the lettuce, touched a bunch of tomatoes before picking the one he wanted...you get the picture. And my stepmother had gotten potato salad anc cole slaw, and didn't check if they were safe. She acted all offended when I politely refused.

And tomorrow night we're going to a family friend's house for dinner. My dad apparently talked to him about what I can and can't eat, but for obvious reasons, I REALLY don't want to eat anything that I have seen prepared, read ingredients, etc. And my parents see it as being rude if I ask "too many" questions (no such thing in my mind! lol) or get "obsessive". I'll feel better if I see it prepared, but I don't think that's an option either. Help!!

Thanks everyone! In other news, my mom is now gluten-free, so I'm pretty safe there (where I am most of the time) as my stepfather is the only gluten eater and he picks up after himself pretty well.

[JNBunnie1]

I am frustrated because as much as I try to explain, my father and stepmother don't really understand CC. They had turkey sandwiches for lunch, and my dad had me open and take out the turkey first for my salad-good! But then as he was making their sandwiches, he put his gluteny hands all over the turkey, in the lettuce, touched a bunch of tomatoes before picking the one he wanted...you get the picture. And my stepmother had gotten potato salad anc cole slaw, and didn't check if they were safe. She acted all offended when I politely refused.

And tomorrow night we're going to a family friend's house for dinner. My dad apparently talked to him about what I can and can't eat, but for obvious reasons, I REALLY don't want to eat anything that I have seen prepared, read ingredients, etc. And my parents see it as being rude if I ask "too many" questions (no such thing in my mind! lol) or get "obsessive". I'll feel better if I see it prepared, but I don't think that's an option either. Help!!

Thanks everyone! In other news, my mom is now gluten-free, so I'm pretty safe there (where I am most of the time) as my stepfather is the only gluten eater and he picks up after himself pretty well.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I know it's hard when parents try to treat a health issue as a social issue, but your health has to come first. I personally would just bring a gladware of pasta salad and quietly eat it at the table. I understand your parents might give you a hard time about it. They may not listen well, but my stance would be that my health is more important than their comfort, and if it makes them uncomfortable to have you bring your own food, then you're not going!

[home-based-mom]

You are at the opposite end of life's spectrum from me, so I'm not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes! I get crankier the older I get and might not use as much tact as I should!

Nevertheless, it might help to go over the turkey sandwich episode with your dad, from your perspective. Thank him for letting you get into the turkey first, but ask him if he even realized that once he touched the bread, the gluten was on his hands and spread to the other food. Chances are, he never even thought of it. (Use the dog poop analogy ~ would he have touched the tomatoes and other stuff if he had handled dog poop instead of bread before washing his hands? Of course not. But the food was just as contaminated and inedible for you as if he had.)

Just as he never realized what he was doing, your family friends won't realize, either. And no matter how hard they try, if they are not familiar with all the details, something will go wrong. Perhaps you could bring your own and just tell everyone that you appreciate how much they try, but without proper training the risk is one you are not willing to take.

I don't envy you in this one.

[gluten15]

Evey time of here I read a story like this or one about relatives not understanding or believing..it makes me think of my step mom. She always has to be right. She only believes what she believes and would even go as far as sneaking something in just to prove something. And if you would get sick because of it..she would just say it's all in your head.

[kbtoyssni]

It's never rude to put your health first. There are polite, discrete ways to deal with this, too. Politely saying you will eat your own food, not making a big scene of it shouldn't be a big deal.

Since your dad had you take your turkey out first, I wonder if he's trying but just doesn't quite realize all the potential places for CC yet. It takes time to retrain your mind to avoid CC so I'd explain the situation and give him another chance.

[aikiducky]

One thing to think of: you live the diet every day. Other people don't. Most of us had a period of denial and not quite believing how incredible careful we have to be, but because we live with it every day, that period passes fairly quickly. Other people are going to take much longer because they only get confronted with this issue every once in a while.

My experience is that it took a while before my husband and family were completely on board with the cross contamination stuff. Not because they don't mean me well but just because it took then a while to wrap their heads around it.

Of course there are also ill-meaning people in the world. But I prefer to first give people the benefit of a doubt and see if things improve with time.

What you need to do is be very consistent in explaining what you need and why. Don't waver, don't start doubting yourself. Don't get upset if people seem to doubt you or if they get frustrated and show their frustration. Be nice about it but be consistent and persistent. It's a bit like teaching children really.

Pauliina