Husband Having Trouble Understanding

[purplelion]

Hi there everyone Any other husbands/wives having trouble understanding what you are going through? My hubby is a big dutchman, fit as a bull, never been sick in his life except for work related injuries. He can't see that gluten, milk/soy, dairy or additives/preservitives etc can be making me so sick. I am in my 4th month of elimination and this process has him spooked as he thinks I will end up with nothing to eat and fears I will end up like 'Monk" from the TV series. I have tried to tell him that I need knowledge through study to gain power to find out what is making me so sick and with avoidance hopefully get better. He has seen me in 'attacks' lasting for up to 4 hours and yet he can't grasp the concept that my life has to change if I am to get better, and knowledge, elimination or avoidance is the key. But first I have to know through trial and error. Now that Gluten/Dairy/Soy have been removed so many other things are surfacing it even makes my head spin at times.

I welcome your input.

Thanks,

purplelion

[nasalady]

Hi there everyone Any other husbands/wives having trouble understanding what you are going through? My hubby is a big dutchman, fit as a bull, never been sick in his life except for work related injuries. He can't see that gluten, milk/soy, dairy or additives/preservitives etc can be making me so sick. I am in my 4th month of elimination and this process has him spooked as he thinks I will end up with nothing to eat and fears I will end up like 'Monk" from the TV series. I have tried to tell him that I need knowledge through study to gain power to find out what is making me so sick and with avoidance hopefully get better. He has seen me in 'attacks' lasting for up to 4 hours and yet he can't grasp the concept that my life has to change if I am to get better, and knowledge, elimination or avoidance is the key. But first I have to know through trial and error. Now that Gluten/Dairy/Soy have been removed so many other things are surfacing it even makes my head spin at times.

I welcome your input.

Thanks,

purplelion

My husband had his doubts too, and all I was eliminating was gluten! He said he would go along but I could tell he didn't understand. I put the entire family on a gluten free diet in January, and he agreed to it (reluctantly) mainly because I proved to him I could still make pizza gluten free!

Until the SuperBowl.

He decided to buy some beer (with gluten) to drink over the weekend. A few days later he broke out in the nastiest case of Dermatitis Herpetiformis (compared to pics on the Internet). He had blisters ranging from tiny to the size of a quarter.

It turns out that he has celiac disease too! So now he's a believer!

Of course, I would never wish that on your husband. But I think as time goes on and he sees how much better you feel, he'll realize that the elimination diet was worth it. Just ask him to be patient and look at the results.

Good luck!!

JoAnn

[ang1e0251]

I think it is VERY hard for healthy people to understand this disease. I found out when I had carpal tunnel that if people couldn't see a cut or a cast they were totally unsympathetic. Once I started to where a brace, people constantly came up to commiserate with me.

I guess I would just ask him has he ever had the flu or a hangover? Imagine feeling like that every day? Also to those who cannot imagine that what you eat can influence your body, would they put sugar into their car's gas tank? No, because an engine cannot function on sugar. Sugar will harm it. Our bodies are engines too. Your gas tank cannot function on gluten even though his can. When he sees you sick, that is your engine ceasing up. It doesn't have another way to tell you it cannot function on gluten.

Even though I had a very good friend with celiac disease, I only had a very elementary idea of what that meant until I went through it myself. I'm still learning new things about celiac disease all the time. If I don't completely understand it, how can someone who doesn't have it? Be patient with him and try to help him relate to it in terms that are meaningful to him like cars if he is a car guy, computers if he is a computer guy, etc. He probably is scared when you feel bad and is in a little denial too. He just wants you to be well.

[Tica]

We have a similar problem with our family. My 12 yo daughter has celiac and my mother in law just does not get it. She is always saying thing slike, "how can one small piece of cookie hurt for crying out loud? She looks fine to me - why can't she eat like everyone else?" My daughter is very patient and simply tells me that it's OK - b/c grandma just "doesn't understand". I just wish my mother and law stop the comments. Just because she "looked healthy" on the outside before she was diagnosed, does not mean she does not haev celiac and can eat gluten. My daughter did not gain wait (actually lost a pound) between the age of 9 and 11. She may have "looked" healthy, but her body was starving from the damage caused by gluten.

Some poepl just need to either learn about celiac and gluten-free diets or keep their mouths shut!!

I am done venting now enjoy your day

[Asillem4]

My husband has been very supportive but still has some issues believing I've been glutened at times. He thinks heat kills it. He has no scientific evidence, just his belief. He sees me ill after a BBQ but refuses to think the garlic bread we've put on the grill for YEARS could possibly leave a residue behind that would effect me. So I am miserable for up to 6 hours with bloat, restless legs, rashes, pain, gas, sleeplessness, exhaustion, and he refuses to believe it could be from the grill.

I told him the other night (after two episodes that week) that I'm going back to cooking my own meat and I don't want BBQ anymore.

I know he's bugged because I'm so picky now but I really HATE the pain. It's not fun. It makes me so mad and sad and depressed that I want to crawl into a cave and die. If all it did was give me gas I'd be fine..but this is severe pain (as you all know).

[Birdie-Is-Tiny]

Can definitely relate. My family is so skeptical when it comes to cross contamination. My sister rolls her eyes like I'm just looking for attention. My dad has trouble understanding my nervousness about shared cutting boards. My mom will be catious but kind of acts like she's just doing it to humor me and doesn't think it's neccessary. My whole family has this attitude that says, "It can't really be that bad." It is incredibly frustrating to be treated like I'm paranoid, crazy, or persnickity. I am a fairly intelligent young woman and I really dislike being treated as though I don't understand my own medical condition. It hurts that my own family could believe that I would be such a pain in the butt about having non-contaminated food if it wasn't required. I'm not a very assertive person by nature but I have learned that I need to be in order to avoid stomach pains, irritability, depression, and severe nausea. It's so isolating that everything involving food turns into a huge ordeal.

[tarnalberry]

I suppose I'm not very tolerant of those who don't understand *AND* won't cooperate. It's not their choice what you eat- it's yours. If it's a little more difficult to eat communally (and it doesn't have to be - my picky husband and glutenfree/dairyfree self eat together just fine), well, you find a way to work it out. But if you're not going completely ridiculous (and that's not to be judged solely by him), then he just needs to *respect your decision to stay healthy*.

[mysecretcurse]

We have a similar problem with our family. My 12 yo daughter has celiac and my mother in law just does not get it. She is always saying thing slike, "how can one small piece of cookie hurt for crying out loud? She looks fine to me - why can't she eat like everyone else?"

I would chew someone out for that.

This is a medical condition. Tell her to do some research and educate herself before she runs off at the mouth and makes herself look like a fool. I'm so glad my family isn't like this.

To the OP- what DOES your hubby suggest you do? I mean, what is his take on it? I don't get it. You say he's seen you sick. Does he think you're faking or what?

[Leiana]

Hi there everyone Any other husbands/wives having trouble understanding what you are going through? My hubby is a big dutchman, fit as a bull, never been sick in his life except for work related injuries. He can't see that gluten, milk/soy, dairy or additives/preservitives etc can be making me so sick. I am in my 4th month of elimination and this process has him spooked as he thinks I will end up with nothing to eat and fears I will end up like 'Monk" from the TV series. I have tried to tell him that I need knowledge through study to gain power to find out what is making me so sick and with avoidance hopefully get better. He has seen me in 'attacks' lasting for up to 4 hours and yet he can't grasp the concept that my life has to change if I am to get better, and knowledge, elimination or avoidance is the key. But first I have to know through trial and error. Now that Gluten/Dairy/Soy have been removed so many other things are surfacing it even makes my head spin at times.

I welcome your input.

Thanks,

purplelion

wow my family is literally falling apart because of my illness. husband has got to be the most ignorant and stupid male on this planet. he just dont get it or he dont care. i think it is the latter with a little bit of the other thrown in. this illness might very well cause the end of our marriage. soooooo extremely non-supportive. i am totally going thru this myself. and yess i am venting. i am a bag of bones and he CANT see i need help. grrrrrrrrrr. he took me for my endocope two days ago and jerk all the way there. i was crying once we got there and the gastro dr thought i was going to walk out and not have the test done. i am rambling on here...better go. thanks for listening :angry:

[Leiana]

wow my family is literally falling apart because of my illness. husband has got to be the most ignorant and stupid male on this planet. he just dont get it or he dont care. i think it is the latter with a little bit of the other thrown in. this illness might very well cause the end of our marriage. soooooo extremely non-supportive. i am totally going thru this myself. and yess i am venting. i am a bag of bones and he CANT see i need help. grrrrrrrrrr. he took me for my endocope two days ago and jerk all the way there. i was crying once we got there and the gastro dr thought i was going to walk out and not have the test done. i am rambling on here...better go. thanks for listening :angry:

correction.....he b%$@#ed all the way there. ( dont know what the jerk meant except he is one)

[mushroom]

My husband had his doubts too,

Until the SuperBowl.

He decided to buy some beer (with gluten) to drink over the weekend. A few days later he broke out in the nastiest case of Dermatitis Herpetiformis

JoAnn, I just read your post. Same thing happened with my husband. Went along with the diet with me, cheated with beer and sourdough bread, and blam!! DH. Amazing, huh??

[ghostcat]

I'm not defending any insensitive people, so don't misunderstand me, but it's kinda human nature. People are fallible....maybe it's because they are scared, maybe it's because they really don't get it. Like someone mentioned with the arm sling.....it's psychological.

I suffered from hypothyroidism for years before being diagnosed.....mainly because despite muscle ticks, crippling joint pain, hair loss, trouble breathing, seeing, etc........the doctor's who saw me saw a cheerful, young slim woman in front of them so basically told me; you're not fat and depressed enough to be hypothroid! Whhaaaaa? It happens to everyone, don't feel bad.

My hubby cooks for both of us, but we've eaten seperate meals for years.......I was vegetarian for years and frankly I don't want some poor slaughtered lamb or cow infecting my veggies! When we had a BBQ a few years back, the vegetarians demanded a SEPERATE GRILL. Not only that, he's started eating veggie meals half the week. People should respect you wanting to eat things how you want to eat them, REGARDLESS of WHY you do! Just be patient and persistent.....think of it as training them and empathize with why they might not understand it initially. Not every man is instantly considerate where they give up everything they eat and love just because you do (kudos to those lucky ladies), but that doesn't mean it's one extreme or the other. My hubby rarely starts off mister sensitive, but he always comes around.......think of it that you cannot control their behavior or reactions but you can control yours and just be persistent.