"you Might Be A Celiac If....."

[VegasCeliacBuckeye]

Saw this on another thread, we might as well have fun with it....

You might be a Celiac if...

1. You have ever tried to explain to a waiter that "it is necessary to use clean pans for you food" and he stares back at you in disbelief.

2. You ordered a salad with no croutons and the entire time its being made you wish you could go back to the kitchen and watch them prepapre it but were afraid to ask.

3. You have taken a poop at all of your friends and relatives houses, even if you just met them...

4. You have explained to people the difference/similarities between Modified Food Starch and Modified Corn Starch at least 50 times (or you know what disodium phosphate is -- celiac3270)

5. You ask Asian restaurants if they have baked or mashed potatoes

6. You ask every restaurant if they have baked/mashed potatoes

7. You've kissed someone who just drank beer and wonder if you will get sick

8. You've kissed someone who just drank a beer and you really wanted their beer instead of your vodka/tonic, wine, spritzer, ......

9. You've responded to someone's post on a website about bowel problems and were brutally honest about your own "issues with bowels"

10. You read this post and laughed because you've "been there"

Anyone else got a few more??

[celiac3270]

That's fabulously funny! I will come up with some more and post later . I got a good laugh out of that...will have to show that to some other people who would understand that.

[celiac3270]

A few of these (8-12) were found on the Internet, most, however, are original). I added yours to the end, so we have a complete list so far. As more suggestions come in, I'll update the list

You might be a celiac if...

1. The centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine.

2. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.

3. Your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

4. The only way you will eat your bread is toasted.

5. You've paid over $5 for a loaf of bread.

6. You make your own pizza

7. You visit a health food store at least twice a week.

8. You buy most of your food on the Internet.

9. One of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies" (and/or Cheerios)

10. There are Garage Sale stickers on all your kitchen food containers.

11. You have argued about and read articles about distilled vinegar and oats.

12. You've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

13. You've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

14. At Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

15. You are a strictly brand name shopper

16. You've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

17. You weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

18. You weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

19. You've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner party.

20. You have written "contaminated" on jars of peanut butter.

21. You have become friends with the customer service representatives at every company.

22. The customer service representatives at every company recognize your voice.

23. You know the difference between an allergy and an intolerance...and you care.

24. You have two of everything in your kitchen (pots, pans, wooden spoons, etc.).

25. You are afraid of spices and in restaurants, ask for your food "naked."

26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

27. You make many phone calls from the supermarket.

28. You know what disodium phosphate, tartaric acid, and quinoa are...and care.

29. You know who Danna Korn, Peter Green, and Anne Lee are.

30. You bring many, many lists with you to the supermarket.

31. The first thing you do, upon reaching an unfamiliar location, is pinpoint the location of the nearest bathroom.

-----------------------------------------

32. You have ever tried to explain to a waiter that "it is necessary to use clean pans for you food" and he stares back at you in disbelief.

33. You ordered a salad with no croutons and the entire time its being made you wish you could go back to the kitchen and watch them prepapre it but were afraid to ask.

34. You have taken a poop at all of your friends and relatives houses, even if you just met them...

35. You have explained to people the difference/similarities between Modified Food Starch and Modified Corn Starch at least 50 times (or you know what disodium phosphate is -- celiac3270)

36. You ask Asian restaurants if they have baked or mashed potatoes

37. You ask every restaurant if they have baked/mashed potatoes

38. You've kissed someone who just drank beer and wonder if you will get sick

39. You've kissed someone who just drank a beer and you really wanted their beer instead of your vodka/tonic, wine, spritzer, ......

40. You've responded to someone's post on a website about bowel problems and were brutally honest about your own "issues with bowels"

41. You read this post and laughed because you've "been there"

Oh, just thought of a few more:

42. People think you're on the Atkins diet

43. You've asked for a bunless burger...and been looked at as if you have three heads.

44. You've asked about the ingredients of shampoo

45. You post on this board...that's not funny, though

[Guest Viola]

How about ... you've washed your telephone after your child/spouse has answered it while eating.

You've checked all cups in a coffee shop for crumb residue

[celiac3270]

Both are great ...I'll add them when we get a few more suggestions--that way I'm not posting the list 20 times.

[Canadian Karen]

You know you're a celiac when:

You can say Kinnikinnick 10 times fast without making a mistake......

Karen

[Guest Viola]

I love that one Karen!

[Canadian Karen]

or how about:

You know you're a celiac when:

With just one quick whiff, you can pinpoint the brand name and fragrance of every air freshener on the market!

Karen

[ianm]

I showed that list to some non-celiac friends and they just didn't get it. I thought it was hilarious.

[celiac3270]

Hah! Once again, I'll post the updated list when we get another...10-15 suggestions

[Guest nini]

I was reading the list to my husband and he doesn't care.

[anerissara]

Oh, this is so funny! I love it.

OK, I think I'd better find out what disodium phosphate and tartaric acid are. I assume they are *Not* gluten-free? In which case I think I've found a source of contamination because I'm sure I saw disodium phosphate on something I ate this week.

What are they?

[Guest nini]

How about, You might be a celiac if you have had to leave the room because someone else was eating Pizza Hut's breadsticks and they smelled TOOOOOOO good!

[celiac3270]

Nope, actually, both are gluten-free .

[plantime]

Hey! I can say Kinnikinnick 10 times without making a mistake! I must be a real good celiac!!

You know you're a celiac when someone else complains of ibs, and you tell them to quit eating gluten!

[Guest nini]

or you know someone that was dx with diverticulitis and you tell them to stop eating gluten!!!

[Guest ajlauer]

Hey! I can say Kinnikinnick 10 times without making a mistake!

How DO you pronounce it? Is it k' nick-a-nick ??

[KaitiUSA]

Yep thats the way

[Guest ajlauer]

Ok, 2 more...

1. ..... you don't know what a "normal" bowel movement is.

2. ..... you thought of (or started) a topic called "you might be a celiac if...."

[Guest gfinnebraska]

You might be a celiac if:

- Eating out is a "death sentence" not an enjoyable event!

- All you eat at the church pot luck dinner is jello

- Your tears compete with your drool when you pass a Krispy Kreme!!!

[celiac3270]

Like those, Kimberly

[celiac3270]

Updated April 11, 2005. I'll post the updated list every now and so there's an accessible copy of the whole thing to copy and paste to other YAKS who'd understand and get a kick out of this :

You might be celiac if...

1. The centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine.

2. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.

3. Your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

4. The only way you will eat your bread is toasted.

5. You've paid over $5 for a loaf of bread.

6. You make your own pizza

7. You visit a health food store at least twice a week.

8. You buy most of your food on the Internet.

9. One of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies" (and/or Cheerios)

10. There are Garage Sale stickers on all your kitchen food containers.

11. You have argued about and read articles about distilled vinegar and oats.

12. You've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

13. You've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

14. At Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

15. You are a strictly brand name shopper

16. You've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

17. You weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

18. You weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

19. You've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner party.

20. You have written "contaminated" on jars of peanut butter.

21. You have become friends with the customer service representatives at every company.

22. The customer service representatives at every company recognize your voice.

23. You know the difference between an allergy and an intolerance...and you care.

24. You have two of everything in your kitchen (pots, pans, wooden spoons, etc.).

25. You are afraid of spices and in restaurants, ask for your food "naked."

26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

27. You make many phone calls from the supermarket.

28. You know what disodium phosphate, tartaric acid, and quinoa are...and care.

29. You know who Danna Korn, Peter Green, and Anne Lee are.

30. You bring many, many lists with you to the supermarket.

31. The first thing you do, upon reaching an unfamiliar location, is pinpoint the location of the nearest bathroom.

32. You have ever tried to explain to a waiter that "it is necessary to use clean pans for you food" and he stares back at you in disbelief.

33. You ordered a salad with no croutons and the entire time its being made you wish you could go back to the kitchen and watch them prepapre it but were afraid to ask.

34. You have taken a poop at all of your friends and relatives houses, even if you just met them...

35. You have explained to people the difference/similarities between Modified Food Starch and Modified Corn Starch at least 50 times (or you know what disodium phosphate is -- celiac3270)

36. You ask Asian restaurants if they have baked or mashed potatoes

37. You ask every restaurant if they have baked/mashed potatoes

38. You've kissed someone who just drank beer and wonder if you will get sick

39. You've kissed someone who just drank a beer and you really wanted their beer instead of your vodka/tonic, wine, spritzer, ......

40. You've responded to someone's post on a website about bowel problems and were brutally honest about your own "issues with bowels"

41. You read this post and laughed because you've "been there"

42. People think you're on the Atkins diet

43. You've asked for a bunless burger...and been looked at as if you have three heads.

44. You've asked about the ingredients of shampoo

45. You post on this board...that's not funny, though

46. You've washed your telephone after your child/spouse has answered it while eating.

47. You've checked all cups in a coffee shop for crumb residue.

48. You can say Kinnikinnick 10 times fast without making a mistake

49. With just one quick whiff, you can pinpoint the brand name and fragrance of every air freshener on the market!

50. You have had to leave the room because someone else was eating Pizza Hut's breadsticks and they smelled TOOOOOOO good!

51. Someone else complains of IBS, and you tell them to quit eating gluten!

52. Or you know someone that was dx with diverticulitis and you tell them to stop eating gluten!!!

53. You don't know what a "normal" bowel movement is.

54. You thought of (or started) a topic called "you might be a celiac if...."

55. Eating out is a "death sentence" not an enjoyable event!

56. All you eat at the church pot luck dinner is jello

57. Your tears compete with your drool when you pass a Krispy Kreme!!!

[stargirl]

You might be a Celiac when you . . .

-carry some type of medication with 24/7 (ie Immodium)

-at least once a day smile and say, "Sorry, I can't have that"

-have been lectured on your crazy dieting and told to just forget about your weight

-have survived for some period of time solely on rice or peanut butter

-physically flinch at the feel of bread or similar product

-feel nauseous at the sight of some gluten filled food

AND

-have mastered the art of passing gas in public

[Mya]

"have mastered the art of passing gas in public"

I seriously just almost died laughing, which would not be a good thing because I live alone! my neighbor across the hall is probably wondering what I'm laughing at, but wow, that is just SO TRUE! My cat is looking at me like I have 3 heads, I want to call my mom and tell her that one because we'll be at the mall and I'll say "ut oh, keep walking, walk faster, hurry!" We'll have to detour down aisles in stores so people won't think it was me!!!

[Guest Viola]

Those ones are great Stargirl ... That one about gas got a laugh out loud, and of course strange looks from my husband and dog