"you Might Be A Celiac If....."

[celiac3270]

Haha those are great!

[Guest gfinnebraska]

That GAS one is just TOO true!!! Hits home way too hard!!! LOL I think that one is the winner so far...

[Guest Leidenschaft]

Ha, with 11 dogs, (especially the Dobermanns!!) I ALWAYS have someone I can blame gas on!

[tarnalberry]

... if you read this list to your SO (who doesn't have celiac) and they laughed right along with you.

[Twister2]

The passing gas one is hilarious! Lets add on that one.....

-You might be a Celiac if you have ever thought you might explode from holding in a fart too long while in public..........

AT least that been my experience...

Here's some more:

-You might be a Celiac if you have ever had nightmares about being trapped in the bread aisle in the grocery store

-You might be a Celiac if you have ever had a meltdown from actually BEING trapped in the bread aisle in the grocery store.

Ohhh this is FUN!!!

[Guest gfinnebraska]

... If you call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake a NIGHTMARE!!

[celiac3270]

Ha...that's actually happened to me. I had a dream once where I was in a really dark restaurant and I was told a chocolate cake they had was gluten-free and even though I knew it wasn't (in the back of my mind) I ate it anyway (in the dream of course).......then I panicked and woke up...this was a few months into the diet.

[Guest Leidenschaft]

"you might be a Celiac if...." you read a topic called Cheating and you just KNOW it's not about her husband and her best friend!!

[KaitiUSA]

Hahaha thats a good one Tammy

[Guest ajlauer]

LOL. Tammy, that had never even occured to me! Too funny!!!

[FaithInScienceToo]

You might be a celiac if....

Your answer to this joke:

"Why did the lion spit out the clown?"

is something like...

"Because the lion had celiac and as his fangs began to clench down he saw out of the corner of his eye that the clown's hand was holding a slice of pizza ?"

When the real answer is:

"Because the clown tasted funny!"

[plantime]

You might be a celiac if you pay $1.59 for a 12 oz bottle of rootbeer!

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

There are some things I personally noticed with me. Some aren

[VegasCeliacBuckeye]

Dana is the head of R.O.C.K. (Raising Our Celiac Kids)

She is based out of So-Cal.

She started Celiac Run/Walks there and has written a few books, gives presentations and is generally a great person.

No idea who the other two are.....

[KaitiUSA]

Peter Green and Anne Lee are pretty much celiac expert doctors and work in NY celiac disease center at columbia university. They are like the best.

[stef-the-kicking-cuty]

Ah!!! Thanks, guys You're always so quick...

[celiac3270]

Yea...I said those because they are three of the most well-known specialists in their own celiac areas:

Dr. Green is the world-wide authority/expert on Celiac disease

Anne Lee works w/ Dr. Green and is the most well-known and best celiac nutritionist.

Danna Korn is probably the most known celiac author and the founder of R.O.C.K. (Raising our celiac kids).

I guess that one didn't work

[Guest Leidenschaft]

Hey Stef, good to see you back on the board!! Where ya been?? Kicking butt by the sounds of things!

Maybe "see" you on board tomorrow!

[celiac3270]

Now here's the complete list as of April 14....easily compiled for sending to people who would understand . We're up to 78! By the way, I love this topic!

You might be celiac if...

1. The centerpiece on your dining room table is a bread machine.

2. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out Play Doh.

3. Your bread weighs more than any moon rock could possibly weigh.

4. The only way you will eat your bread is toasted.

5. You've paid over $5 for a loaf of bread.

6. You make your own pizza

7. You visit a health food store at least twice a week.

8. You buy most of your food on the Internet.

9. One of your primary goals in life is to create "Fake Oreo Cookies" (and/or Cheerios)

10. There are Garage Sale stickers on all your kitchen food containers.

11. You have argued about and read articles about distilled vinegar and oats.

12. You've disinherited loved ones for putting their knife in your mayo.

13. You've ever been caught licking a discarded Twinkie wrapper.

14. At Christmas, visions of guar gum dance in your head.

15. You are a strictly brand name shopper

16. You've ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101.

17. You weep at picnics, parties, receptions and fast food joints.

18. You weep at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

19. You've ever "brown bagged it" to an elegant dinner party.

20. You have written "contaminated" on jars of peanut butter.

21. You have become friends with the customer service representatives at every company.

22. The customer service representatives at every company recognize your voice.

23. You know the difference between an allergy and an intolerance...and you care.

24. You have two of everything in your kitchen (pots, pans, wooden spoons, etc.).

25. You are afraid of spices and in restaurants, ask for your food "naked."

26. You are afraid of and have nightmares about bagels, pizza, and cake.

27. You make many phone calls from the supermarket.

28. You know what disodium phosphate, tartaric acid, and quinoa are...and care.

29. You know who Danna Korn, Peter Green, and Anne Lee are.

30. You bring many, many lists with you to the supermarket.

31. The first thing you do, upon reaching an unfamiliar location, is pinpoint the location of the nearest bathroom.

32. You have ever tried to explain to a waiter that "it is necessary to use clean pans for you food" and he stares back at you in disbelief.

33. You ordered a salad with no croutons and the entire time its being made you wish you could go back to the kitchen and watch them prepapre it but were afraid to ask.

34. You have taken a poop at all of your friends and relatives houses, even if you just met them...

35. You have explained to people the difference/similarities between Modified Food Starch and Modified Corn Starch at least 50 times (or you know what disodium phosphate is -- celiac3270)

36. You ask Asian restaurants if they have baked or mashed potatoes

37. You ask every restaurant if they have baked/mashed potatoes

38. You've kissed someone who just drank beer and wonder if you will get sick

39. You've kissed someone who just drank a beer and you really wanted their beer instead of your vodka/tonic, wine, spritzer, ......

40. You've responded to someone's post on a website about bowel problems and were brutally honest about your own "issues with bowels"

41. You read this post and laughed because you've "been there"

42. People think you're on the Atkins diet

43. You've asked for a bunless burger...and been looked at as if you have three heads.

44. You've asked about the ingredients of shampoo

45. You post on this board...that's not funny, though

46. You've washed your telephone after your child/spouse has answered it while eating.

47. You've checked all cups in a coffee shop for crumb residue.

48. You can say Kinnikinnick 10 times fast without making a mistake

49. With just one quick whiff, you can pinpoint the brand name and fragrance of every air freshener on the market!

50. You have had to leave the room because someone else was eating Pizza Hut's breadsticks and they smelled TOOOOOOO good!

51. Someone else complains of IBS, and you tell them to quit eating gluten!

52. Or you know someone that was dx with diverticulitis and you tell them to stop eating gluten!!!

53. You don't know what a "normal" bowel movement is.

54. You thought of (or started) a topic called "you might be a celiac if...."

55. Eating out is a "death sentence" not an enjoyable event!

56. All you eat at the church pot luck dinner is jello

57. Your tears compete with your drool when you pass a Krispy Kreme!!!

58. Carry some type of medication with 24/7 (ie Immodium)

59. At least once a day smile and say, "Sorry, I can't have that"

60. Have been lectured on your crazy dieting and told to just forget about your weight

61. Have survived for some period of time solely on rice or peanut butter

62. Physically flinch at the feel of bread or similar product

63. Feel nauseous at the sight of some gluten filled food

64. Have mastered the art of passing gas in public

65. You read this list to your SO (who doesn't have celiac) and they laughed right along with you.

66. You have ever thought you might explode from holding in a fart too long while in public

67. You have ever had nightmares about being trapped in the bread aisle in the grocery store

68. You have ever had a meltdown from actually BEING trapped in the bread aisle in the grocery store.

69. You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake a NIGHTMARE!!

70. You read a topic called Cheating and you just KNOW it's not about her husband and her best friend!!

71. Your answer to this joke: "Why did the lion spit out the clown?" is something like... "Because the lion had celiac and as his fangs began to clench down he saw out of the corner of his eye that the clown's hand was holding a slice of pizza ?" When the real answer is: "Because the clown tasted funny!"

72. You pay $1.59 for a 12 oz bottle of rootbeer!

73. You

[Canadian Karen]

You might be celiac if........

Your children just "know" that it is not safe to go into the bathroom for at least 5 minutes after you leave it.....

Karen

[KarenCM]

Thanks for starting this topic. I started laughing and couldn't stop after reading that gas one. I used to be able to clear a room and my brother would always walk in front of me when out in public never behind me hahaha. Here is my little addition You might be a Celiac if someone has said to you "Just try a little bit and see if it hurts your tummy"

Karen

I thought of another one

You might be a Celiac if a family member has sprayed the air freshener directly on you hoping that will help and you will fart Spring Fresh.

[VegasCeliacBuckeye]

80. You've ever asked the waitress is the ice tea has wheat in it....

81. You've rolled your eyes when a non-celiac has said to you in a health food store, "I've (voluntarily) tried the gluten free diet before, I felt great"

82. You been afraid of having your significant other spend the night because of "night gas"...

83. You have sent someone else to the store to buy "emergency pepto"

84. You have received 3 copies of Bette Hagman's books collecting dust in your bookcase

85. You've actually said a profanity in a grocery store after reading an ingredient label and seen "wheat flour" as one of the ingredients....

86. You've wondered if Pepto or Immodium have "hidden gluten"

87. You've thought that your future soulmate is another celiac

88. You've called 4 grocery stores and 3 duistributors in various parts of your home state to encourage them to carry Bard's Dragon Gold Beer -- I did that this week

89 Every time you order gluten-free food at a chain fast food restaurant, you lean over and try to watch them make it..

Time for bed....

[celiac3270]

Ahhh....some more good ones.

Karen, you're back!

[mytummyhurts]

I don't think I saw these on there:

You eat before you go out to eat.

You ask family members to bring barf bags home from airplane flights.

You tell your husband to drive really fast and then you still have to stop at a public restroom when you are only 5 minutes from home.

Your significant other knows what it means when you look at him and say "Uh-oh, I don't feel so good."

[Canadian Karen]

You might be celiac if:

You call the bread aisle in the supermarket "The Aisle of Death"......

Karen