How To Deal With Those Who Don't Understand

[NYC-GFRN]

I am newly diagnosed and have been off gluten and wheat for over a week with great improvements but not total relief. my partner gets impatient with me if i have symptoms and don't feel up to doing usual activities and says that i only get this way (meaning having symptoms) around him and implies that i am somehow doing this intentionally--today i had a product that contained wheat without knowing it did-l did a search after i started experiencing symptoms and found that what i ate was not gluten-free/WF). i am so hurt because he rarely has any GI distress or reactions to foods so of course how could he understand? how do you handle this? it was hard enough but a relief to get an answer to why i was having my constant symptoms but i need support not to feel bad. has anyone else experienced this?

thanks!

[mushroom]

It makes life really hard when we don't get the support we want from our loved ones. It is early days yet. We can hope that you can teach him how much gluten hurts you and how hard you are trying to avoid it; enlist his support in keeping you gluten free and see if you can win him over that way. That's the best I can offer. If he sees you are really serious, that you are really suffering when you accidentally ingest gluten, then you can perhaps get him on your side. When you find your partner unsupportive the worst thing you can do is wimp and whine;you must be assertive and tell him/her that this is what you need to stay healthy. If they can't respect that then they don't deserve you, plain and simple. It is not your fault!!

[NYC-GFRN]

It makes life really hard when we don't get the support we want from our loved ones. It is early days yet. We can hope that you can teach him how much gluten hurts you and how hard you are trying to avoid it; enlist his support in keeping you gluten free and see if you can win him over that way. That's the best I can offer. If he sees you are really serious, that you are really suffering when you accidentally ingest gluten, then you can perhaps get him on your side. When you find your partner unsupportive the worst thing you can do is wimp and whine;you must be assertive and tell him/her that this is what you need to stay healthy. If they can't respect that then they don't deserve you, plain and simple. It is not your fault!!

Thanks so much Mushroom!! I will give it a shot. I definitely feel better after reading your reply! Have a great night !

[tarnalberry]

I don't have a lot of patience for that sort of stuff. I'd probably say something along the lines of "wow, are you really that self centered that you think MY feeling like sh$! revolves around you? really?" I would then probably point out all the times I did participate in the "usual activities", and add "if I really wanted to pretend I was sick just to get out of seeing you, don't you think I'd pick something easier to fake and that still let me eat decent pizza?"

Might be a little heavy handed, but I have no patience for those who think you should live in their body, mind, and pace.

[msmini14]

lol Tarnalberry, that would have been something I would say.

I think Mushroom gave good advice. It took awhile for my dh (back then he was my bf) to understand that it is a priority for me to eat gluten-free. Most people need to learn about the disease and what it does to us before they can see it from your point of veiw.

If he still wishes to be this insecure with your health then I would move on.

I still suggest explaing this situation to him, it will take him and yourself awhile to catch on but hang in there.

[Ahorsesoul]

IMO, I don't think it's an issue with food or education of the effects of gluten. It's respect.

If a person respects you they respect your views (doesn't mean they agree with you) and your limitations (what you eat, what you believe in and physical limitations).

Yes, education can help but if it's they don't respect you it will not matter. The problem will be their excuse that you are too much trouble.

I had a friend who had several health problems (probably all because she was in her late 60s before someone re-read her chart and found out she was celiac). She was allergic to horses and had asthma so bad that she'd end up in the hospital after being around either. She had been told by her doctors to not even visit people who had horses and not to be around anyone who smoked.

When we'd go to visit, we always took a shower, washed our hair and put on clean clothes because we had horses. My dh smoked but never smoked while we visited her, even if her dh was smoking in the same room as she was in. It was out of respect for her health. It did not matter to us that she and her dh did not respect her health.

And yes, she did die because of her lack of respect of her health not from old age. I miss her a lot but she did teach me a very vauable lesson about respect.