What's The Social Etiquette Here?

[SGWhiskers]

I've moved into a new subdivision with only a few houses in a new state. Our subdivision has an annual Christmas dinner at a fairly expensive restaraunt ($30.00/person). I would really like to go so I can meet people. I'm not working regularly yet and need to form a new social network. I got the invitation in the mail today and there is a preplanned choice of meals with an RSVP request. I'm very sensitive to trace amounts of cross contamination and get glutened at least 50% of the time I eat out even with the best precautions. I've already decided that I won't be eating with everyone, but I would like to go to meet people and enjoy a social occassion. In situations where I know at least a few people, I feel comfortable taking my own food. For this, I would probably just eat ahead of time and pack purse snacks. I'm pregnant and food is always on my mind.

So, what is the social etiquitte for paying the $30.00 for a dinner I won't have served to me, but for a chair I will sit in. Hubby will be coming and will obviously be dining with the group, but am I being sensible or cheap for not wanting to pay the $30.00 for food I won't have. How do I put that in my RSVP?

And, yes, this is a restaraunt that probably could make one of the dishes gluten free if I asked, but I'm not doing it this time. I don't want to risk glutening the baby.

[kareng]

I think you will have to talk to the person organizing and explain that you have extreme food allergies. Being preggers, you can't chance that you might eat something wrong. When you aren't eating, people will want to know why. If it's like my neighborhood, they will feel a little sorry for you and go with what you want. Especially because you are pregnant.

[missy'smom]

Well, I may have lost all sense of social ettiquite, but I would RSVP that 2 will be attending but only one will be eating due to dietary restrictions/allergies, however you want to word it and just pay for 1. It's a neighborhood event, assuming that they are set up to accommodate all, not like it's open to a wider audience where they have to limit the number of attendees so you're really just paying for the dinner, not the space, I'm assuming?

[GlutenFreeManna]

I would call the organizer and ask about whether your would need to pay for a seat if you don't eat. A written RSVP could be misconstrued no matter how well you write it. I would want to know that info ahead of time because if they expected a payment I would choose not to go. Depending on how big the party is they may be getting a group discount on the space rental/meal based on how many people are there.