In-Law Frustrations

[melikamaui]

Actually I'm frustrated with my parents AND my in-laws. My 6 year old was recently diagnosed (again). Our doc didn't trust the lab where we had the first tests done a year ago and wanted them done through Prometheus, so we did them again. Same results. He has celiac disease. So we've really been dealing with this all for a year. We told our families a year ago and they've had plenty of time to digest what this all means and how difficult it has been.

Cut to - today. My husband gets an email from his mom saying "Sorry to hear about the positive diagnosis. This is something he'll outgrow isn't it? I may have heard that somewhere. Anyway, your father and I are headed out to play golf!" What??? I can clearly recall going over this with them, in great detail, over the last year. Did all of the information just fall out of their heads? How can they brush it off like that when they know how sick he has been?

And in a phone conversation with my mother last night I reminded her that she really needs to get tested too. After an hour on the phone I realize she has absolutely no intention of doing so, even though she has textbook celiac symptoms. She'd rather be on 7 different medications then change her diet. So frustrating!!!

I think I'm more sensitive right now because my son is really sick. He's been sick for 3 days. Last night I was up all night with him while he threw up into a pail and pooped in his pants because he had diarrhea and couldn't walk to the toilet. We think it is a reaction to dairy because we can't, for the life of us, figure out how he would have gotten glutened. So after dealing with all of this my parents and in-laws just blow it off like it's nothing. Maddening!!!

Thanks for letting me vent.

Melika

[SarahJimMarcy]

Vent away. I have the same thing going on - relatives who treat it as a hassle and an annoyance and are therefore going to pretend it isn't real. In the meantime, focus your energy on getting your son better and try not to let the relatives get to you. I know it's hard but hang in there. When he feels better, you will, too.

[kareng]

Hey Melika,

Relatives are soooo frustrating sometimes.

Here is one thing to remember: If they aren't around your sick kid on at least a weekly basis, they won't get it. They aren't living with it. They aren't thinking of it every minute in various ways. What is all consuming to you right now, isn't to people not living with you.

Good to remember when they are around your kid.

I don't know how old your parents are, but not too long ago, many doctors thought a child could outgrow Celiac.

[Mummyto3]

Here is one thing to remember: If they aren't around your sick kid on at least a weekly basis, they won't get it. They aren't living with it. They aren't thinking of it every minute in various ways. What is all consuming to you right now, isn't to people not living with you.

Good to remember when they are around your kid.

It totally agree! This is what I've found with relatives and the doctors who just won't listen!

Thankfully since diagnosis both sides of our families have been great and very understanding. Although they don't go what we go through with illness and behavioural issues (when gluttened), the are sympathetic to what celiac disease means to our daughter. My inlaws have bought a book and reading up on it and my mum is understanding because my family have had bowel problems over the years.

Just try to hang in there x You'll find a lot of support on here from people who do understand what its like for someone living with this condition.

[melikamaui]

Thanks everyone! My parents and in-laws live 500 miles away so we don't see them often. However, when my son was first diagnosed we got the call while we were visiting them. They all saw how devastated we were and how I rushed to the book store and bought about a dozen books on celiac disease! I didn't do anything but read about while we were visiting.

But I'm sure you're right. They are not here to see it. They don't know how it affects us on a day-to-day, meal-to-meal basis. If they did, I hope they'd have a better understanding and be a little more sympathetic.

At this point I just hope they'll get tested. I am absolutely convinced my mother has it. She just continues to dismiss everything I say.

Thanks again,

Melika

[Hawthorn]

At this point I just hope they'll get tested. I am absolutely convinced my mother has it. She just continues to dismiss everything I say.

I can well understand your frustrations here. You love your mother and care about her wellbeing. However, you have done what you can. It's up to her to do the rest now. She is an adult and as such is responsible for her own health. You've given her the information. It's up to her what she chooses to do with that. Frustrating as it is, you can't drive yourself mad over it. You have enough to deal with with having a child, never mind a celiacs child, plus all of the regular life things that we have to deal with.

I would be tempted at this point to throw a bit of reverse psychology at her and then leave it. A kind of 'ok, so you're so sure you don't have it, just get a blood test done, take five minutes' thing. If your mum is stubborn (mine is) someone telling her to do something will have exactly the opposite effect. The seed has been sown Maybe it will grow if left to it's own devices.

edited to say, your baby is gorgeous Makes me broody all over again!

[melikamaui]

I can well understand your frustrations here. You love your mother and care about her wellbeing. However, you have done what you can. It's up to her to do the rest now. She is an adult and as such is responsible for her own health. You've given her the information. It's up to her what she chooses to do with that. Frustrating as it is, you can't drive yourself mad over it. You have enough to deal with with having a child, never mind a celiacs child, plus all of the regular life things that we have to deal with.

I would be tempted at this point to throw a bit of reverse psychology at her and then leave it. A kind of 'ok, so you're so sure you don't have it, just get a blood test done, take five minutes' thing. If your mum is stubborn (mine is) someone telling her to do something will have exactly the opposite effect. The seed has been sown Maybe it will grow if left to it's own devices.

edited to say, your baby is gorgeous Makes me broody all over again!

Thanks for the advice! And thanks for the compliments on my "baby". He's my 6 year old celiac now. Looking at this picture just makes me so happy I just had to use it.

Melika