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So Frustrated...

SmnthMllrX

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SmnthMllrX Newbie
SmnthMllrX
Posted

My boyfriends family decided they want to have us over for dinner again. Most of the time when we go I bring my own food an I cook mine before everyone starts to cook theirs. Sometimes I get sick from CC and sometimes I don't. Lately I have been. So this time his brother (whom we don't see that often) wants to have us over and wants to buy all the dinner so I'm not supposed to bring anything. This is thoughtful. So when he asks my BF what he should get I went with the safe grilled chicken and some baked French fries. My BF goes through all the trouble to tell his brother to clean the grill well and to wash everything first. But when I asked what they would be seasoning the chicken with my BF said 'I don't know' and when I asked if he could tell his brother to make sure it's gluten free seasoning he replied 'he doesn't read labels and s$#&' and when I said that didn't work out very well for me he said that it shouldn't matter because I usually get sick when I eat at his familys place anyway. Then he suggested that I make potato salad as a side and just eat that for dinner if I'm so worried about it. AM I BEING CRAZY? I mean seriously am I being OCD or something? I don't feel like I am. I don't want to tell him that I don't want to go to his family functions because then his family is not going to like me very much. Anyone got anything I can say besides the obvious that gets my point across that will keep me from sounded like a crazy person?

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GFreeMO Proficient
GFreeMO
Posted

Why don't just go and have a good time and bring your food cooked by you from home. This way, everyone is happy and you wont get sick.

~**caselynn**~ Enthusiast
~**caselynn**~
Posted

Why don't just go and have a good time and bring your food cooked by you from home. This way, everyone is happy and you wont get sick.

I have to agree, bringing your own from home is the safest bet, I do this frequently. How about you call the brother's significant other and offer to bring something? I'm forever taking atleast a salad, that way I know I can eat whatever I bring. I've learned the hard way a couple times, so now I just make sure there is always something I can eat. Lol

mamaw Community Regular
mamaw
Posted

GFreMo has a great suggestion. But for me I would be considering this relationship before it goes to the next level.I would be having a serious talk with him to make sure he understands celiac. There is no cheating, no its not okay if you get ill once in awhile.He needs to be with you on this all the way not half time only...

Educate the family & if they don't care then I would start looking for a new mate who cares enough to understand & take it as a serious illness...

hugs

RonSchon Explorer
RonSchon
Posted

I know my advice is probably outside the basic parameter of the question, but being a newly diagnosed celiac disease and having my wife of 17 years divorce me because I was always tired and sick, you need to fix Mr. Boyfriend right now, or get rid of him. We live with an INCREDIBLE amount of stress, or at least I do. I need somebody that likes me enough to be as concerned about my well being as I need to be about my well being.

If he knows you are poisoned by gluten, and then glutens you, it sure seems like assault to me.

My 2 cents,

Ron

SmnthMllrX Newbie
SmnthMllrX
Posted
  • Author

I was going to bring my own food and I'm happy to bring my own food because it is worry free for me. But when we were invited it was they invited us and they would be making all the food. I made some progress with him and he asked his brother not to prepare or cook any of the food until we get there. My boyfriend understands how sick I get and he is actually totally gluten free when we are having any kind of a meal or snack together. If we eat out he always orders gluten free even though I've told him he doesn't have to. It is just so annoying because it is almost like he is embarrassed to tell his family members that they have to read labels. They invited to make us dinner and them knowing I have to be gluten free I would assume they would go out of their normal cooking regimes to make it gluten free. It's almost like he doesn't want to hassle them which I don't understand. I don't believe I am asking for too much here right?

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I think you are asking too much to expect people who don't understand Celiac disease to cook safely for you. They may pick out things that seem, and maybe even are, gluten free. but.... They have never had to think of things like " Don't strain the potatoes for potato salad in the old pasta colander". And " soy sauce or teriyaki have wheat in them.". They may think its Ok to take the burger off the bun or stir the rice with the couscous spoon. Basically, they don't know what to do to cook safely for you.

Bring your own, ready to eat food. Tell them is so nice to want to cook for you but you would never want them to have to go to sooooo much trouble. Then, have them to your house and cook for them. Or suggest a restauraunt, like PF Changs, that you can eat at safely.

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SmnthMllrX Newbie
SmnthMllrX
Posted
  • Author

You're right. When you put it like that I see I've been being irrational about this whole thing. It's strayed away from being about what I can safely eat to me just being moody I guess. I suppose I'll go and just try to enjoy myself and see how it turns out.

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

You're right. When you put it like that I see I've been being irrational about this whole thing. It's strayed away from being about what I can safely eat to me just being moody I guess. I suppose I'll go and just try to enjoy myself and see how it turns out.

It's Ok to be a bit mad or sad that we can't participate. My hub is taking the boys to a bar we liked to go to pre Celiac. They are meeting up with some other family members and playing pool and eating junk food. I know we can't get safe food for me there, so I decided I would be too unhappy or sad or grumpy watching them eat. So I'm staying home. If I didn't like the food so much, I would just eat first and get some wine.

Family gatherings, I usually take something I like. Or I try to take my version of what they are serving. Or a side dish that I keep a portion safe for me. Something like twice baked potatoes, that can be a meal and I LOVE them!

SmnthMllrX Newbie
SmnthMllrX
Posted
  • Author

Thanks guys. I appreciate all of the great advice and the different points of view.

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