• Join our community!

    Do you have questions about celiac disease or the gluten-free diet?

  • Ads by Google:

    Get email alerts Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

    Ads by Google:

       Get email alertsSubscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter

  • Announcements

    • admin

      Frequently Asked Questions About Celiac Disease   09/30/2015

      This Celiac.com FAQ on celiac disease will guide you to all of the basic information you will need to know about the disease, its diagnosis, testing methods, a gluten-free diet, etc.   Subscribe to Celiac.com's FREE weekly eNewsletter   What are the major symptoms of celiac disease? Celiac Disease Symptoms What testing is available for celiac disease?  Celiac Disease Screening Interpretation of Celiac Disease Blood Test Results Can I be tested even though I am eating gluten free? How long must gluten be taken for the serological tests to be meaningful? The Gluten-Free Diet 101 - A Beginner's Guide to Going Gluten-Free Is celiac inherited? Should my children be tested? Ten Facts About Celiac Disease Genetic Testing Is there a link between celiac and other autoimmune diseases? Celiac Disease Research: Associated Diseases and Disorders Is there a list of gluten foods to avoid? Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients) Is there a list of gluten free foods? Safe Gluten-Free Food List (Safe Ingredients) Gluten-Free Alcoholic Beverages Distilled Spirits (Grain Alcohols) and Vinegar: Are they Gluten-Free? Where does gluten hide? Additional Things to Beware of to Maintain a 100% Gluten-Free Diet What if my doctor won't listen to me? An Open Letter to Skeptical Health Care Practitioners Gluten-Free recipes: Gluten-Free Recipes

So Depressed

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

I am so depressed. I feel I have struggled with disease for so long, along with a bad childhood. I am going to a counselor and it is great, but now we have money issues so I have to wait a while.

I have moved across the world to live in my husbands country. We live with his family because of financial difficulties, a lot of bad luck and me being sick. We have lived with them for three years now. I hate it. He doesn't like it much either.

His family has like no understanding at all of this Celiac thing. They think I should just pull myself together. I don

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:
Ads by Google:

Jenny, I am so sorry things are so hard for you. It almost sounds like they're going out of their way to make life difficult for you.

It is your husband who needs to talk to his family and deal with them. They will never listen to you. He is married to you, and needs to be on your side, not his mom's. He needs to eat with you, rather than with them, so they understand that he won't put up with the way they treat you any more.

He needs to explain to them about celiac disease, and what the consequences of getting glutened are for you.

And most of all, you two need to somehow manage to move out. Even if you end up just renting a room elsewhere. You simply can't keep living with his family, it is going to destroy your marriage in the end.

Explain to your husband how you feel, and tell him that you need to move out. And that you would prefer to move out together, but if he won't come, you'll be going by yourself (at least that is what I think you ought to do, but don't know if you would have the courage).

He needs to understand that you are being ABUSED by his family, and that he is not helping but making things worse.

I hope you can work it out. You can't keep living like this.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Jenny, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

I agree with Ursula that the key here is your husband. He's married to you, and even though it's understandable that it's easy for him to just go along with his family - that's what he grew up with after all - his first loyalty now should be to you, and not them. He should be setting an example of how important it is to keep you safe from gluten.

I do hope you find some solution. Remember, we're all here on your side! :)


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ursula said it well. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions when our mental and physical health is at stake. Without going into detail, let's just say that I understand some of what you are going through. I am also in a cross-cultural marriage. Fortunately, my husband's family is very good to me but if they were not, he would conduct himself very much like your husband. My husband is a good man but there are cultural differences at work.

Is it possible that your husband can present the information, as Ursula suggests, in print, in their language or if their language is English, then from a source within their country, so that it is more believeble to them and they don't get hung up on any cultural bias they have against the U.S. or you. It may or may not change their interaction with you but it would leave them educated and the burden of responsibility on them.

We'll be here for you.

Luv and Hugs and a shoulder to cry on. Wish I could offer a real one and not a cyber one.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Jenny

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. it sounds like they are being so awful to you. i cant even imagine how you must feel. i think getting your husband involved in this is a good idea. maybe you need to have a big meeting all of you. we are here for you!!!


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ads by Google:

Hi Jenny,

I have to say my heart broke for you as I read your post. I'm glad that at least you can come here and vent a bit. I'll bet it felt good to just get it off your chest.

I don't see how anything will change as far as the family is concerned. Even if your husband does talk to them. People get prettty set in their ways.

The best thing would be if you and your husband could possibly move out into a place of your own. Even a tiny place, that would be safe for you, is better than what you are dealing with at home now. It must be exhausting for you to avoid all of that gluten with no help or understanding from anyone.

I'm so sorry that your in-laws and the rest of them are being the way they are. I just don't know--sometimes people are afraid of what they don't understand. Whatever it is, they are being unreasonable and cruel, in my opinion.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you everyone. Yes, it felt good to get it off my chest. I do not count in my husband to "the family". He is good to me and I know he is on my side. He has tried talking to the others some, but it doesn't do anything. It's like they just don't get it or mostly have no interest it seems. He has 3 siblings and they are all pretty stuck with "what I say is right" (especially the sister).

We so want to move out. We are waiting for my husbands next raise in May. We need it to be able to afford a place. We know it will be tiny, but it doesn't matter. It is just so hard to wait.

It has always been a little hard to live in the house, with the gluten intolerance it has turned into a complete night mare. Part of me hates them by now. I plan to stay away after we have moved out and lets just say my husband is very dissapointed in them. Very.

I have noticed that my husband and his 3 siblings are a little affraid of talking to their parents. They keep things away from them. They are always the last to find out new things in their lives. At least with my husband and his 2 brothers it is that way. I think it is super hard for my husband to talk to them. And the fact that they are very set in their ways (I mean you wouldn't believe it if I told you what his mother does sometimes). My husband also gets bad stuff happening to him because of his mother.

I know we need to get out. We should have long time ago. Life hasn't let us.

It is a good idea to have my husband eat with me. I am gonna try to make that happen. I agree that it is bad that he doesn't eat with me. Things just kinda turned into what is going on now. I do feel abused. I feel they are breaking me down. I am strong, so they will never break me, but it is a night mare. They are stupid people.

I love my husband more than anything else and he is good to me. I wish he would stand up more to his parents though, but looking at how this family works, well I can see how it is hard. It seems even if he has sometimes they just keep on in their old ways. This family is very afraid of conflicts and they do not talk to each other about much personal stuff at all.

My husband knows how I feel. I can talk to him about everything so he knows. I guess he should, like you guys said, stand up more to his parents. I know that this all has made him step away from his family some. He does not take part of things in it like he used to. And I know he is depressed like me, just not struggeling with a disease on top of things.

I hate just having to endure, wait, "take it".. Some days it is soooo hard. yesterday it was one of those days. They had a food part again and I felt left out more than ever.

I often ask my husband (not expecting a reply) how things ended up this way. How did things get so bad. We see others live their lives and have some bad luck and hardship, but not in a long row like us. It is weird.

It can always be worse of course. We have no deadly diseases or starv.

Thanks for listening.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

That is a horrible situation. I agree that moving out is probably the only thing that will keep you safe. Having your husband eat with you is an excellent idea. The two of you need to put up a united front. If your husband is willing, it would be great if he treated gluten the same way as you - as poison. So he doesn't eat it at home either and is just as diligent as you about CC and mentioning that the rest of the family can't use oat soap, etc. Maybe the two of you could do a separate meal time. There's nothing that says you have to eat with the rest of the family so you could scrub the kitchen after everyone else eats and then make your food together. I'm assuming you have your own room - you could put a mini-fridge in it so you can keep your leftovers in there to eliminate CC (with a giant lock on it!). You could even keep your own set of pans in your room if you are concerned about CC there, too. Good luck.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

We ended up getting our own micro wave oven and our own fridge. I don' think I would have managed without them. I also got my own pans and stuff that I keep upstairs where we live.

I have talked to my husband about us eating together and we did some of the days during the week.

Today was my birthday and my MIL actually took out her best china and washed it especially for me and us all. My husband made dinner and I ate the exact same thing as them for the first time since last spring. It meant a lot to me.

Yeah, it is very, very hard living this way. We hope to be able to move out this summer. My husband is getting raises in May that we need to be able to afford it.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I dont live with my in laws and it is no where near what you are suffering too, but I also have a lot of animosity towards my MIL. She is convinced Colin, my son, doesnt have celiac, which we dont know yet, that he is malnourished b/c I wont let him eat Wonder bread. That my son is an unhappy, miserable child.

She just wants to not have to worry about feeding Colin. She wants to give him what she wants to feed him. ummmm, what about me? I still, no matter what, have to eat gluten free, but she thinks her life will be easier if Colin can eat "normally"

Like I said, nothing compared to you.. I really feel for you. I want to wish you the best and I hope you will be able to find your own place soon.. its such a shame some people are like that.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ads by Google:

It is scary how easy it is for some people to just think of themselves. I hope it turns out ok with your son. Hopefully she will end up giving up and do what is best for you and your son. Good luck!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, it's been a couple of years and I hope things have gotten better for you!!

I do know how you feel. My ex-boyfriends family didn't understand either. They were Jewish and every time we went out to eat, I would only be able to find maybe one or two things on the menu I could have (usually a salad). They would all order different plates and expect us all to share, including my salad!!! I couldn't eat any of their stuff. So by the time everyone helped themselves to my salad and eachother's plates, they all had a full plate of food and I would have a couple small bites left. They left full and happy and I would have to stop somewhere else to get something I could eat or go home and pig out on Gluten-free foods. My boyfriend was an idiot and never even noticed!! I finally had to explain the situation and asked him to speak to them (we dated and lived together for 5 years). He did so, but it didn't really help much. They still expected me to share. I finally had to stand up for myself and tell them "no, this is all for me; you guys will have to order a separate one if you want to share it." I said it nicely, but I could tell they still resented it.

When we ate at their house, they never made gluten-free food. For my birthday, they had a small dinner party and ordered pizza's!!!! (Cause that was easy and "everyone likes pizza."). I fixed that after that event, by taking my own food to all of their eating get togethers. Their friends would look at me funny; I would just explain that I have severe food allergies and can only eat certain things. They were then fine.

So there are ways to get around it all. I know it is much more difficult if you are living in someone else's house... you don't want to offend when they are showing you hospitality by letting you stay there. It is up to you to take care of yourself though and not let it get you down or blame their inconsiderate behavior as your reason for being depressed. You are in control of it.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

What a horrible situation. I couldn't even finish reading it. I would live in a tent in the woods rather than live there. I would find the cheapest place you can and get out of there. Anything would be better than that. How are you supposed to get healthy like that?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Popular Now

  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Hey Deb, In theory (based on some studies), your small instestine should heal pretty fast (within weeks), but often there is collateral damage that can take longer (like your bone pain).  For me, personally, a gluten exposure can set me back three to six months.  My antibodies can last over a year.  And worse, I now developed autoimmune gastritis and hives.  Yikes!   I had  some hip and rib cage pain when I was first diagnosed.  Two months later I fractured some vertebrae.  I had been undiagnosed for so long, that I developed osteoporosis.  I assume that once on a gluten free diet, your pain should diminish based on a strict adherence to the diet and  your previous experience.   I hope you feel better soon!  
    • I know-pretty dumb. I'm usually very careful. I didn't check into it. Thanks for reply. DebLee
    • LexieA, This thread might help you. You say you never have "heartburn/GERD". You can have something called Silent Reflux. It  could also be NERD. some of these links are in this thread but I will post some releavent information in this reply as well. here is a good overview of the difference in this fox news article. http://www.foxnews.com/health/2012/11/13/gerd-or-nerd-new-type-acid-reflux-doesnt-respond-to-drugs.html but if your throwing up it is probably from Bile Relfux. . . . instead of acid reflux. I actually wrote a blog post on celiac.com about these conditions. the NYTimes article called Bile Reflux a "Shadowland" in Medicine and part of the reason for the title of the post. here is the NYtimes article about some of the issues you are describing. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/30/health/30brod.html throwing up is actually a protective reaction. and this normally protect us from poison's or food poisioning etc. but when our biofeedack loop is broken down like having bile in the stomach instead of the small intestine . . . it can be hard to break this cycle. The green portion is probably the bile portion. It is actually very caustic as Plumbago pointed out.  this would/coul scald our insides (lower GI/Small Intestines). Normally stomach acid is neutralized by bile after it leaves the stomach . .. not while in the stomach. I wouldn't never recommend anybody do this on purpose . .. but if you are already puking your food up then simply buy a pH test kit. testing your food/chyme/puke (food outside the body) you will quickly get an idea of how acidic/basic your food chyme (digested food) is. It will almost be a pH of 4.0 or more. the paleo nurse explains this well why strong stomach acid is important to your health. http://thepaleonurse.com/the-truth-about-stomach-acid-why-low-stomach-acid-is-jeopardizing-your-health/ quoting the paleonurse. "In the infinite wisdom of the human body, the stomach was designed to produce the acid that is necessary for proper digestion of food.  When functioning properly, the parietal cells of the stomach secrete hydrochloric acid that bring the stomach pH to a range of approximately 1.5 to 3.0" if it is a higher pH than this you can benefit from taking BetaineHCL to restore your stomach acid to more natural level. . . especially if you are not already taking PPI's since a proton pump inhibitor is lowering stomach acid. .. . by their very ability to cut off almost all stomach acid production. **** this is not medical advice I only know taking powdered stomach acid (BetaineHCL capsules)  helped me. I was not barfing my meals though. . . so your experience my be different. Maybe Ennis_tx will comment because he has some of the same symptom's/issues. But if I was puking I think I would be curios to know what my pH really is? And not Assume? anything at this point. If you test your stomach pH with easy to buy pH strips you will know whether it really is high pH (low stomach acid or a little stomach acid as your describe it) or low pH (really high stomach aid) that is causing the issue's. Once you know for sure you  will know who to go about correcting it. Supplementing with BetaineHCL is fairly harmless . . .unless you have an ulcer. And you will/would probably know it instantly if you take some BetaineHCL and it feels like someone is putting out a cigarette in the middle of your stomach.  It is acid burning your sore/ulcer. thankfully eating protein/food quickly neutralizes/raises stomach acid especially when taken with a glass of water. staying hydrated with a meal also helps improve digestion so be sure to take some water/drink like a tea or juice etc. for example if you want to the BetaineHCL to work properly. Milk has the opposite effect.  If you feel a burning milk can coat the lining of your stomach helping to erase/ease the effect of strong acid. And why people who eat hot **** five alarm peppers aka known as Hot heads keep milk close by if they need to dampen the fire in their stomachs from eating too many peppers. . . . and drinking water can aggravate this practice of eating the hottest peppers you can find. I hope this is helpful. I have rambled on long enough. be sure to read the sickboy user in the medhelp thread of how he helped his GERD/bile reflux. here is medhelp link for easy reference included in the "silent reflux" thread if you haven't read it yet. https://www.medhelp.org/posts/Gastroenterology/UNCONTROLLABLE-BILE-REFLUX-PLEASE-HELP/show/738242?page=1 he was suffering for 5 years and got better so don't lose hope. It can seem very daunting but people on this board do get better. we have used different methods but people do get better. again this is not medical advice just things that have helped me. good luck on your continued journey but it is not a long way back if you know the way. 2 Corinthians (KJV) 1:3,4 3) “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4) who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them (sufferer still suffering)   which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” posterboy by the grace of God,    
    • LOL sorry but really? You trust that, dominos, papa johns, and pizza hut ALL say they can not 100% guarantee their gluten-free pizza are celiac safe. THEY USE the same prep areas, same ingredient bins, same ovens and in many cases the same cutters and spoons used to spread the sauces and cut the pizza. I doubt the employees would even bother changing gloves between pizzas during rush.   Seriously if you want a gluten free pizza....gut a premade one in the freezer section from UDI, Dayia, RealGoodPizza or a crust from cappellos or califlower foods and make your own....Here please save yourself here is a list. BTW Pizza hut uses UDI crust and just tops them with their sauce etc....CCing in most cases and delivering them. Also the REAL good pizza will mail you cases of their pizzas fully made. Califlour foods and capello will mail you empty crust by the case. SO you can order them if  local stores do not carry them.

      *^Grain Free Pizza crust to make your own with using eggs, coconut and arrowroot for a base crust blend. The Naked pizza crust is dairy free. Order frozen by the case and they ship them to you.
      *^Grain Free Pizza They use Dairy Cheese blended with chicken breast to form personal pizza crust. You can order them frozen and shipped to you. NEW PRODUCTS they do Enchiladas NOW
      *^ This is the only one I buy, grain free, low carb crust, and the plant based one is great, NOTE these make a New york style flat crust, I use 15 min prebake before adding toppings to make them extra crispy
      ^Gluten free hot pockets? YES they make them for when you need the old instant hotpocket, odd craving but I know they hit sometimes.
      CRUST MIXES Grain free
  • Upcoming Events