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My Grandpa (elder Abuse?)

Smunkeemom

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Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted

My grandfather has celiac disease he was diagnosed at 78 and will turn 80 in January. He lives with my aunt. She doesn't seem to care about keeping him gluten free, my daughter has celiac disease so when I find a good recipe or something I call her to try to share, she always says she is too busy. My grandpa spent some time at our house and I kept him gluten free for the entire time he was here, he really liked all the food and after just a few days said he felt much better, he even gained a few pounds.

I know for a fact that she doesn't check everything she feeds him, I tried to tell her that even a little gluten will hurt him and that by feeding him gluten she might as well not feed him at all because he won't get anything out of the food anyway. She says I am too extreme with the diet.

He has called me to double check what she is feeding him, and has gone without dinner some nights because he couldn't get ahold of me to ask and didn't want to get sick. (he gets really bad DH)

I have been trying to sneak him gluten free food whenever I can, and wish I could do more. I feel like by her ignoreing his health needs that she is abusing him.

How can I be more diplomatic in this situation? I feel like I am stuck in the middle, but something has to be done.

any advice?

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quantumsugar Apprentice
quantumsugar
Posted

Goodness... I don't really have much advice, I just wanted to say how horrible that was, and that I'm sorry.

If you could get his doctor to talk to her about how incredibly serious this is, that might help. And is there any way he can cook for himself? It sounds like she's going through denial (like a lot of our loved ones have), but since she's the one preparing the food, that's dangerous.

Good luck for you both.

Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
  • Author
Goodness... I don't really have much advice, I just wanted to say how horrible that was, and that I'm sorry.

If you could get his doctor to talk to her about how incredibly serious this is, that might help.  And is there any way he can cook for himself?  It sounds like she's going through denial (like a lot of our loved ones have), but since she's the one preparing the food, that's dangerous.

Good luck for you both.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He was married to my grandma for 56 years before she died, basically he moved from his mom and dad's in with her, he has never had to cook anything for himself. :(

I got him some gluten free microwave dinners that he can eat for lunch at his work, but at dinner she won't let him eat them, she wants to cook for him. I have tried to explain to her how to modify things for him (like using gluten free corn bread mix, or using gluten free flour) and I have even bought her the materials(mixes, flour, ect.) she just refuses to use them.

I will try to get his dr. to speak with her.

Needless to say my daughter doesn't go over there without me or my husband with her, I will not have my daughter being exposed to gluten.

kbtoyssni Contributor
kbtoyssni
Posted

I also think it sounds like your grandma doesn't really understand the severity of the disease. And I doubt you'll be able to convince her of it. If she likes to read, you could maybe find some books or pamplets about celiac disease for her to read. And having your grandpa's doctor talk to her is a great idea.

She might also feel like everyone is trying to tell her what to do, that she's been cooking for your grandpa for years and he's been fine (in her eyes, but we all know he'd be much better gluten-free). Maybe she needs to talk to someone about the psychological impact that this is having on her. Maybe she feels overwhelmed to suddenly not be able to make any of the things that she's been making for years. She probably doesn't want to go gluten-free herself and making two dinners is a lot of work.

Could your grandpa help with the cooking?

MySuicidalTurtle Enthusiast
MySuicidalTurtle
Posted

Maybe she can just prepare naturally glutenfree things. Like meat, fruits, and veggies. Since she wants to cook maybe you could give her some sauces that are gluten-free that require cooking.

bluelotus Contributor
bluelotus
Posted

I am so sorry about your grandpa. Being a young person, I obviously have control over what I eat. Otherwise, I know a few relatives that would not want to make any attempt to help me. You are sweet for trying to help him. I have wondered about those situations, about being dependant on other people to recognized the gluten issue - in hospitals, in emergency situations (ex. Katrina), in retirement homes...........I would hate that......have heard too many horror stories of medical professionals giving gluten-containing foods to celiac disease patients in hospitals. I know that situation isn't the same, but similar......... My heart is with your grandpa. I hope you/your family finds a way to remedy the situation.

jcgirl Apprentice
jcgirl
Posted

bobcatgirl,

I had to keep reading over your post, the part where you mention that you have to "SNEAK" him gluten-free food really troubles me. It seems as if there may be some control issues at the very least on your Aunt's part. My suggestion would be to have his doctor speak to her first. If that does not help, I know this may be harsh, but if the situation is as bad as the impression that I am getting from you having to sneak in food, then personally I would contact your local department of social services. I know in NY they protect the elderly from abuse. I hope that speaking to the doctor helps her to understand his disease. Being that he is almost 80 years old the gluten must play havoc on his system. Best of luck to you and your grandfather, he should be very proud and honored to have a caring and understanding granddaughter. Don't back down, I know this can be hard but someone has to do something.

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Smunkeemom Enthusiast
Smunkeemom
Posted
  • Author
bobcatgirl,

I had to keep reading over your post, the part where you mention that you have to "SNEAK" him gluten-free food really troubles me.  It seems as if there may be some control issues at the very least on your Aunt's part.  My suggestion would be to have his doctor speak to her first.  If that does not help, I know this may be harsh, but if the situation is as bad as the impression that I am getting from you having to sneak in food, then personally I would contact your local department of social services.  I know in NY they protect the elderly from abuse.  I hope that speaking to the doctor helps her to understand his disease.  Being that he is almost 80 years old the gluten must play havoc on his system.  Best of luck to you and your grandfather, he should be very proud and honored to have a caring and understanding granddaughter.  Don't back down, I know this can be hard but someone has to do something.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thank you for the encouragement. I was starting to feel like I was blowing the whole thing out of proportion, the only person who agrees with my side (besides my grandpa) is my husband and that is only because he saw how sick my little girl got before she was diagnosed.

I called his doctor today and explained what is going on, he is going to have a meeting with the entire family to explain not only the immediate risks (rashes, diareha, small bowel damage) but the long term consequences (colon cancer, ect.) maybe if they ALL hear it from a doctor I will get more people on my side of trying to keep him healthy. His doctor said that he is going to monitor my grandfather more closely and if he doesn't see marked improvement or his blood test comes back with gluten after it has had time to get out of his system that he will have to report my aunt for abuse, and he is going to take her aside and let her know this, maybe then she will realize how serious the situation is.

jcgirl Apprentice
jcgirl
Posted

Smunkeemom,

First off, sorry I put the wrong screen name in my reply. I am posting from work and someone must have walked in and messed me up (that's my story, I'm sticking to it)

More importantly, that is absolutly great that your grandfather's doctor is going to talk to your family as a group and more specifically to your Aunt. I am also glad that the doctor sees it for what it is, elder abuse. It may be inconvenient for your Aunt to have to prepare food differantly for him. Something we should all keep in mind when it comes to our parents is that we inconvenienced them a time or two growing up. Oh, has your aunt been screened as it does run in the family, the doctor may want to toss that out to her as well. Keep us updated.

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