Oh My, That Was Hellacious

[eleep]

Well, I just narrowly escaped from my department's beginning-of-the-year party -- which has always been known for its stodginess and social discomfort, but this is the first year I realized that the food was really the only reason I've ever even remotely enjoyed attending. Not anymore -- there wasn't a thing I could eat and this is the fourth social event of the week I've been to involving food -- I had one relatively mild cc episode early on, got lucky at two other events and just ate at home before heading out for the past few nights.

On top of all this, there's the "Erica's recovering from some weird and rare illness" factor -- gossip gets around and it was something I really didn't want to talk about, although I got plenty of comments about how I look "well". The people I care about most in the department weren't there -- my advisor decided to avoid the thing -- I honestly went in, grabbed a glass of pinot grigio, made one circuit around the room, put the glass down by the door and left.

I'm so ready to graduate and move on to a place where people meet me as a celiac!

[CarlaB]

Glad you made it through the week. I usually can't stand those obligatory events ...

[queenofhearts]

I hate that sort of thing too. The awkward chit-chat, the food which is rarely that great even without considering gluten... & especially anything when someone gives a supposedly inspirational speech... ugh!

[eleep]

The thing is, I used to be so good at "working" events like this even if I hated them. I'm not a big small-talker, but I do know how to draw people out in conversation and get them to tell me interesting things they would otherwise probably not discuss at a superficial meet-and-greet. Tonight, however, I was just so paralyzed by my own stuff that I simply had no energy to focus on anyone else. I also blurted out "oh, I can't have any of that" when someone (who knows about my diagnosis, but can't be expected to keep track of everything going on with every graduate student) suggested that I go have some of the freakin' wood-oven-baked-gourmet pizza on one of the tables -- he's been great and supportive and he meant really well, but I guess I'm just not in a place yet where I've learned how to be gracious AND deal with all this other stuff at the same time.

Sheesh. I'm going to have to start throwing my own dinner parties again, I think. That way I can be social and have food and be in control of the situation!

eleep

[CarlaB]

Don't worry about it. I have those moments, too. I've always thought that bringing out conversation in others, you know, where you ask them about themselves and do little talking about yourself generally makes you the most interesting person in the room! I've gotten bad at it, too. It's hard when you're just trying to get through the day. I can't even keep it straight in the grocery store anymore ... I love those checkout lines where you scan your own groceries! I got "paralyzed" at the grocery the other day and had to call hubby at work to tell me I'd be okay and home in a little while. He said to start bringing one of the kids with me so that I didn't have to worry about finding the stuff and figuring out what we need.

[queenofhearts]

Yeah, the social thing is by far the biggest issue for me too. I used to love "breaking bread" with friends & eating adventurously in restaurants... now I feel like a recovered alcoholic in a bar must feel... not tempted, that is, just... what do I do now? I'm even afraid to eat things like cruditees & such for fear of cc, so I end up just sipping a drink & feeling a little left out. I guess once I get to the point when I know for sure when I've been glutened, I'll feel less paranoid, maybe, but for now, I don't really know what I can tolerate.

[CarlaB]

We live in a 90 year old house in the downtown of a small town, so the houses are close together. Our driveway is usually mistaken for being our neighbor's, so his pizzas are delivered there. We have a table on our driveway (it's a detached garage, corner lot, makes sense if you see it because the driveway is the BACK yard), and we cookout there. So, we sit out there and have wine or margaritas, and he's a recovering alcoholic! So, he understands how I feel, and I him. He was concerned one day when he came home with a couple pizzas that I'd be sitting out there, and I said, "Well, just because I can't have it doesn't mean you can't!" He said that he feels the same way with alcohol.