The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[curlyfries]

How about a sugar coated cheeseball line followed by......"and if you ever make my sister unhappy, I will personally hunt you down (smiling sweetly)

[Jestgar]

dammit. multiquote didn't work.

Something about the amazing sister part, then "I couldn't say it better than Henny Youngman...." or whoever you decide to quote.

You get the sincere bit in, and you make it sound like you searched for just the right sentiment.

[Jestgar]

like this:

Hello Everyone!

I'm Rachelle, Tracy's sister. I just wanted to say that you are such an amazing person and I am so thankful to have you in my life. You are the most beautiful bride.

I couldn't say it better than Henny Youngman, who said:

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

Hope you find the secret!

Lift your glasses and let's toast to the happy couple, and to secrets!

Ok, that last bit may be snarky, but if you can say it with complete innocence, it'll sound like you're wishing them well.

[elye]

Something about the amazing sister part, then "I couldn't say it better than Henny Youngman...." or whoever you decide to quote.

Yes... . ...the bow and arrow would work well in here.... . .

[Jestgar]

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

-Ogden Nash

Mignon McLaughlin

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.

-Oscar Wilde

[celiac-mommy]

He does love her, i know that. I think she's happy. That's all I care about. That, and that he's never alone with my kids again...

Karen, I like that quote!

[celiac-mommy]

Geeze, my multiquote didn't work either! I like the LBJ quote too. I'll have to do some more searching tomorrow. I want to be happy for her, I really do...

[elye]

The service that we were at on Sunday concentrated a great deal on love. The speaker read a passage that had been sent to her which I have seen before, as it has made its way into popular culture over the past couple of years. It was wonderful to hear her spin on it, though . ....... our loved ones that we don't choose (family) and the ones that we do (life partners) are players in our life's orchestra, as are those who come in temporarily for a melody or bridge, like first loves, friends that drift away. We must learn to listen to the music, navigate it, take joy from it . ..... and our spouses are the grand opus, the soundtrack and score that plays through our entire lives. Last night in bed I suddenly realized that you somehow may be able to use it in your speech, Rahshyellle. I like the last line in the context of a wedding toast, as it suggests that marriage involves some clairvoyance, some special seeing, of the one we love, and being best friends is absolutely paramount. Our husbands/wives are the paramount "lifetime' players in our orchestra

Here it is. . . ...it would take a couple of minutes to read aloud -- bonus!

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Anonymous

[Jestgar]

wow. nice.

[celiac-mommy]

Beautiful!

[Jestgar]

Dan, the man

without a plan

chose a wife

and here does stand

she took his hand

she thinks he's grand

her joy reveals

the stars as sham

and here I am

dressed up in glam

my sister leaves

to join a man

-her greatest fan

who has a plan

which he will learn

when she demands

[elye]

Excellent, Jyesss!

[Jestgar]

FS accepted all responsibility. Sent me a 'claim against the government' form.

They didn't even want my 27 8 x 10 color glossy photographs with the circles an' arrows an' a paragraph onna back a' each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against them

[GlutenFreeManna]

FS accepted all responsibility. Sent me a 'claim against the government' form.

They didn't even want my 27 8 x 10 color glossy photographs with the circles an' arrows an' a paragraph onna back a' each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against them

Way to go! I never would have thought it would be that easy to fight. My husband got a $300 parking ticket in DC once. There was NO sign stating he could not park where he did and no meters or fire hydrant or yellow curb or anything. He took pictures of exactly where he parked and sent it with a letter to the court. Got back a reply that we would have to go to court. In the end we had to pay it becuase we live 4 hours away and the court date was set for a day when he was going to be out of the country. So awesome that you successfully got them to accept that they made a mistake!

[mushroom]

Ah yes, those evidentiary 27 8 x 10 color glossy photographs with appropriate annotations are like saying, roll over Beethoven.

Way to go Jyess!!

[curlyfries]

YAY JESS!!!! I knew you would get them to see the error of their ways!

Wish it were that easy to claim Houston was negligent over 2 years ago. (Can you believe it's been that long???) Hubby has to be in Houston in early November to give his deposition. I'll be joining him so we can visit with our son and DIL. Our first time back there since '09. Nathan is doing fabulously!

[mushroom]

So glad to hear Nathan is doing well, Lisa.

[Jestgar]

Very Happy about Nathan.

Very UNhappy about you guys having to go all the way back to Houston. Save all the receipts in case you win, and then can find some way to get them to pay for your transportation and lodging.

[kareng]

Way to go Jess! Let us know if you actually get some money back!

[celiac-mommy]

Loved the poem Jess!!

Nathan is doing fabulously!

Yay!!!

Hub informed me last night that he and the kids all hate my cooking. When I asked what he wanted me to cook, he said, "I don't know, more meat..." I wanted examples and he couldn't give me any. If this is true then Madeleine is lying her ass off when she tells me how good dinner is. Yes, I'm vegan. BUT, I know they're not, so I cook 3 meat based dinners a week-1 fish, 1 chicken, 1 beef and the rest are vegetarian. I asked for a house meeting tonight so I can talk to the 3 of them and figure out a plan of what they'd like so see of their frickin plates every night. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoyed right now!!

[Jestgar]

Well, you'll need to know what each of them likes to eat, so for the next month the three of them will take turns preparing the meals. You cooked meat for them, so they will need to respect your wishes and provide you with veggie meals.

Option two. You cook only veg meals, anyone wanting meat can grab frozen hamburger patty and microwave it.

[GlutenFreeManna]

Hub informed me last night that he and the kids all hate my cooking. When I asked what he wanted me to cook, he said, "I don't know, more meat..." I wanted examples and he couldn't give me any. If this is true then Madeleine is lying her ass off when she tells me how good dinner is. Yes, I'm vegan. BUT, I know they're not, so I cook 3 meat based dinners a week-1 fish, 1 chicken, 1 beef and the rest are vegetarian. I asked for a house meeting tonight so I can talk to the 3 of them and figure out a plan of what they'd like so see of their frickin plates every night. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoyed right now!!

If my husband said that to me he would be making his own dinner!

Can he do some of the cooking? What do you make on vegan nights? Can he just throw some meat on the grill to supplement for the nights he wants more meat? Or would that cause the kids to just eat the meat and not eat your vegan dishes?

[kareng]

Loved the poem Jess!!

Yay!!!

Hub informed me last night that he and the kids all hate my cooking. When I asked what he wanted me to cook, he said, "I don't know, more meat..." I wanted examples and he couldn't give me any. If this is true then Madeleine is lying her ass off when she tells me how good dinner is. Yes, I'm vegan. BUT, I know they're not, so I cook 3 meat based dinners a week-1 fish, 1 chicken, 1 beef and the rest are vegetarian. I asked for a house meeting tonight so I can talk to the 3 of them and figure out a plan of what they'd like so see of their frickin plates every night. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoyed right now!!

OMG! Grow-up, Jesse! If he doesn't like it, he can cook, help or at least make some helpful suggestions. Saying he hates your cooking isn't helpful.

Now that I have spanked him for his inconsiderate and unhelpful remarks:

What if on Sunday, he grills some chicken or steak or pork chops. Or put a roast in the crock-pot. You could add it to thier vegetarian dishes - stir-fry with tofu for you but the left-over pork is microwaved & thrown in thiers. Use your food for a side with some of the left over meat.

He is a big guy and they are growing kids, they may need some extra meat or calories in a meal.

Sometimes my hub used to make a PB sandwich if he thought the dinner isn't enough. He is too old for all those calories now. One problem I am finding with M is some nights he eats more than Hub & I together. I have to make sure I plan enough extra to fill him up! He actually wants an extra serving of stir-fry over getting a junky snack later.

Try not to get your feelings hurt. Most people would rather have tacos everynight than veggies. Its not good for thier nutrition, so there has to be a bit of a compromise.

A bonus: Max will say something really funny

[celiac-mommy]

Well, you'll need to know what each of them likes to eat, so for the next month the three of them will take turns preparing the meals. You cooked meat for them, so they will need to respect your wishes and provide you with veggie meals.

Option two. You cook only veg meals, anyone wanting meat can grab frozen hamburger patty and microwave it.

If my husband said that to me he would be making his own dinner!

Can he do some of the cooking? What do you make on vegan nights? Can he just throw some meat on the grill to supplement for the nights he wants more meat? Or would that cause the kids to just eat the meat and not eat your vegan dishes?

He doesn't cook. He reheats. I work 12's at the hospital so he takes care of 3 dinners a week. Usually consists of microwaved quesadillas, microwaved hot dogs or waffles and eggs. Always with a side of carrots or cucumbers (which my son hates). I will buy gluten-free pizzas when they're on sale and he'll let the kids doctor them up and then bake them. That's the extent. I say he's a lazy cook, he says he just hates cooking so it's not a priority. The problem is that he'll go to the store and buy 40$ worth of groceries for 1 meal just buying pre-packaged crap. We're supposed to be saving $$!!

My dd is a meat eater. But she'll eat whatever you put in front of her. My son would prefer to eat hot dogs, chicken nuggets and french fries all the time. But that's not an option.

So most nights, I ask the kids what they would like for dinner and I make what they want-homemade mac and cheese, enchiladas, spaghetti, etc... It's not like I'm forcing my vegan stuff on them. When I call him and ask him what HE wants to have for dinner, he says, "I don't know, something good..." Last night, for instance, I was up at 0530 in the morning and went allllllll day without stopping. I was only home for 2 hours during the day and in the midst of cleaning and doing some laundry, I threw all the ingredients for a veggie chili in a pot and let it simmer away. That's ALL I had time for and I actually had to bring the kids' and my dinner in thermos's because we didn't get home from all their activities until 9pm. I left the pot on the stove for the hub. When I finally go home I asked him how dinner was. He said he didn't want to eat it so he went to the store and bought dinner. That set me off. It's rediculous IMO. I threw a bit of a tantrum. I ASKED him for a list of foods he wanted on his plate and he coudn't give me 1 single example

My blood pressure is up today

[celiac-mommy]

OMG! Grow-up, Jesse! If he doesn't like it, he can cook, help or at least make some helpful suggestions. Saying he hates your cooking isn't helpful.

Now that I have spanked him for his inconsiderate and unhelpful remarks:

What if on Sunday, he grills some chicken or steak or pork chops. Or put a roast in the crock-pot. You could add it to thier vegetarian dishes - stir-fry with tofu for you but the left-over pork is microwaved & thrown in thiers. Use your food for a side with some of the left over meat.

He is a big guy and they are growing kids, they may need some extra meat or calories in a meal.

Sometimes my hub used to make a PB sandwich if he thought the dinner isn't enough. He is too old for all those calories now. One problem I am finding with M is some nights he eats more than Hub & I together. I have to make sure I plan enough extra to fill him up! He actually wants an extra serving of stir-fry over getting a junky snack later.

Try not to get your feelings hurt. Most people would rather have tacos everynight than veggies. Its not good for thier nutrition, so there has to be a bit of a compromise.

A bonus: Max will say something really funny

Yeah, he won't eat roast, and has an aversion to anything from a crockpot. I work Tues, Wed, Fri. Monday's they get a chicken dish, Thursday is steak night, and Sat/Sun is fish, bbq, etc... And I don't cook low fat bc both kids do need the extra cals. Jesse doesn't.

The other night I was sooooooo pissed bc I was making this elaborate dinner with a boatload of stuff I got out of the garden and he came into the kitchen, looked at the food and said, "I think I'm ordering a pizza" Max was in the kitchen with me and said, "I want pizza too!" I told him we were eating what I was cooking, I was working hard on it. Jesse looked at him and said, "Too bad for you!" I was ticked, he didn't order the pizza but I told him he wasn't welcome to eat what I had prepared, so Make Your Own Damn Dinner!