The Funny Pages - Tickle Me Elbow - The Original

[elye]

  Jestgar said:

Stop sending it north. Add it to the list of things we're going to send the taliban, along wif celiac disease.

Dear gawd, there are SO many things I would love to send to the Taliban, without waxing too political.. . . . ....celiac disease fo' sho. . . . . ....I'd love to have my MIL head over there and take over the driving duties, chauffeuring the fighters to their destinations - - they wouldn't know what hit them, and would pray for a quicker, more merciful death. . .....

...Should send Lloyd over there - -have him buzz in and out, kamikaze-style, drive them to madness. . .. . ... ..

How do you think they would react if an enormous boot sale began in the middle of the Karachi desert?

I do believe that this would really do them in .. . . . . . . ..

  jerseyangel said:

Jess-that poem was beautifully simple but oh so sad, as I could feel your unhappiness Take care, dear one.

Yes, Jyess, it did sound grim, whilst lovely. You are such a strong, sciency one. . . . . this sudden flow of heartfelt poetry made me sit up, as you sometimes make me do. Hope things get better for ya.

AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU HAVE US??

  jerseyangel said:

A bunch of things are catching up wif me right now, so I'm hanging back a lil' but staying close.

Patteigh! Hope all is okay .. . . . . . . . You're the mighty anchor 'round here!

[mimommy]

WHAT IN HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE??

I had a bunch of posts quoted, but each was sadder, more poignant than the next. Jess, Bev, Patty, Suze... we've got to cheer the "F" up, ladies.

Why is life so hard? What are we to do?

That is why we have EACH OTHER!!!

I cannot stand to hear anything less than supreme happiness from my friends--it pains me so

Jess, your poem was tragic and beautiful and heart wrenching <<cosmicenergypackedhug>>

No more pets for me. I'll enjoy them through my child and grandkids one day

Bunnie, you are an incredible wealth of culinary info

Em, That's all, just Your humor and perspective are always so interesting and uplifting to me.

Patty, you are such an energetic person and tireless optimist, whatever's weighing on you will surely pass

Suzy Q, cheer up

We can all go toilet paper the tree of the a$$hat I waited on today who carried on a 3-way conference call on his cell phone the ENTIRE time he was shipping with me

Or we could all go filibuster on the Hill, protesting the pilfering of North America to foreign countries at the tax payers expense. You know, peace out and all that.

Or we could slash the tires of the miserable loser lowlife hoodlum gangsta beeyotch that I nearly took down yesterday for accusing me of stealing her $30 mailbox rental payment (this lame attack against me came after her credit cards have been declined twice and her payments are 6 months in arears).

Orrrrr..... we could all get on a plane to Vegas and totally go nutz for a couple of days

[elye]

QUEEN RAYECHULL THE ELOQUENT! Such a fabulous, regal post - - you are the most royal of royalty. Thank you for rallying your troops! You are right. .. . . . . ..we need to get happy!

R, how do you ever manage to remain professional whilst having to deal with such miscreant clods? I admire you greatly for having to live with these daily exchanges. I know I would be a broken employee - - you are very strong. Hence, our Queen.

All right, I've made my yearly mam and pap appointment . .. ..four weeks away. I wait with bated breath.

Hey. Now THERE is something else I greatly wish I could send to the Taliban.

A pap smear.

Laaaaaaarrrrrrge speculums that *SNAP* smartly upon opening. . . . .. . .....

[Jestgar]

  elye said:

Hey. Now THERE is something else I greatly wish I could send to the Taliban.

A pap smear.

Laaaaaaarrrrrrge speculums that *SNAP* smartly upon opening. . . . .. . .....

:lol: :lol:

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: For all of you.

May email my whinyness. May not. Difficult to explain. I'm fine. Just need a new reality.

[psawyer]

A quick drive-by to let you all know I have not dropped of the face of the earth. We are going through some challenging times in the business. Staff issues are adding to the difficult economy.

An industrial engineer was sent to Hell by accident and after a short stay decided to make a few improvements. He began by installing central air and pretty soon Hell was a pretty cool place.

Then he added indoor plumbing and suddenly people in Hell had ice water. One improvement after another and it got so good Satan calls up God to say, "Thank you for sending down this engineer."

God replies "I didn

[Jestgar]

  psawyer said:

Satan answers, "And where will you be finding a lawyer?"

Satan is irish?? :blink: who knew?

Sorry your days are rough Peter. Sounds like we're all a bit whiny at the moment. Who's gonna volunteer to monitor the hankies and mojitos to get us through this?

[mushroom]

Ye Gods, I agree totally wif Her Majesty. We leave the place for a short bit and everyone starts whinin' and snifflin' and moanin' and b%$@#in'. You guys had better straighten up and fly right, because I'm comin over dere wif me big stick and slap the sheet out of youse all if you don't.

And then give everyone a little kittee to

But her majesty herselph, me recalls, did start it just a little bit and then the flood gates opened......

But I think it was Jyess's haunting poem that got everyone really going, now see what you've gone and done. T'was beautiful though.

Anway, no more sadness, no more tears; t'is summer and de birds is singing. Let's sing life's song right along with them and be Pollyannas and find the good sides of things somewheres (no, not under that rock; only slithery creepy things live dere), look to the moon and the stars and may they cast good spells upon us all.

{{{{hugs}}}}

[DingoGirl]

gawd I loved so many things written here just now but all I can say is

mojitos here <raising hand weakly>

love you me sills

[jerseyangel]

  mushroom said:

And then give everyone a little kittee to

Couldn't help but smile at this, Shroomie

Boy....the Shroom can get tough when she wants to

[Jestgar]

  jerseyangel said:

Couldn't help but smile at this, Shroomie

Boy....the Shroom can get tough when she wants to

shrooms're dangerous. Look lovely and harmless, but cross the wrong one and

*BAM*

You're flat on your heiny!

[jerseyangel]

  Jestgar said:

shrooms're dangerous. Look lovely and harmless, but cross the wrong one and

*BAM*

You're flat on your heiny!

Yep--right across the chops wif a big stick

[mimommy]

Now this is more like it

  elye said:

QUEEN RAYECHULL THE ELOQUENT! Such a fabulous, regal post - - you are the most royal of royalty. Thank you for rallying your troops! You are right. .. . . . . ..we need to get happy!

R, how do you ever manage to remain professional whilst having to deal with such miscreant clods? I admire you greatly for having to live with these daily exchanges. I know I would be a broken employee - - you are very strong. Hence, our Queen.

All right, I've made my yearly mam and pap appointment . .. ..four weeks away. I wait with bated breath.

Hey. Now THERE is something else I greatly wish I could send to the Taliban.

A pap smear.

Laaaaaaarrrrrrge speculums that *SNAP* smartly upon opening. . . . .. . .....

Taliban pap smears

Now there's a package I don't ever want to receive:

"Oh, look. Someone sent a gift. (excitedly tearing open) Arrrgghhh!!! Celiac disease Oh no--a pap smear And please no, not...the...SPECULUM "

Stand back--I have a trans-vag microphone and I am NOT afraid to use it!

Crikey, if they even had to suffer one little monthly cycle, or one labor pain, or by God breastfeed, the burka would be outlawed forever.

I am not a "broken employee" at UPS (at least not yet ), but it has it's moments. I have had FARRRRR worse jobs than this, and at least I work for the nicest people in the world and don't have a pension or my family's health care on the line. So many people have so much hanging in the balance right now. I always try to laugh it off, and even empathize with the poor schlub who's being difficult. But something about this particular person REALLY set me off. She's been rude to me before, and has just rubbed me the wrong way. It's something about her voice, her lack of education, her street talk and gangsta clothes and gaggle of illegitimite children that throws a wall of misunderstanding between us that I can't seem to pole vault across to any kindness for her. I have cried with my less fortunate customers and they with me on certain bad news days, but this one? I could have done something I'd regret (if I were a different kind of person). Besides, she's obviously on drugs, and I feel bad for her kids--they cannot possibly understand.

  psawyer said:

A quick drive-by to let you all know I have not dropped of the face of the earth. We are going through some challenging times in the business. Staff issues are adding to the difficult economy.

An industrial engineer was sent to Hell by accident and after a short stay decided to make a few improvements. He began by installing central air and pretty soon Hell was a pretty cool place.

Then he added indoor plumbing and suddenly people in Hell had ice water. One improvement after another and it got so good Satan calls up God to say, "Thank you for sending down this engineer."

God replies "I didn

[mushroom]

Beware de effect of da shroom!! you'll nevah know what hit yer

[Jestgar]

Thought I heard scared chicken noises about 3:30 this morning so I leap out the window and go running across the lawn in my bare feet and jammies. Chickies are fine, but somehow difficult to go back to sleep after that.

Wow rache - having to deal with actual people on a daily basis. I couldn't do it. I'd a been fired, or slapped, on my very first day.

Must have more coffee. Still a bit bleary.

[nikki-uk]

OMG!!!! MY PEEPS!!!!!!!!!!

I am just emerging from my sick bed (literally) BUT have no sympathy for moi..........remember the candle party Tue night?? ....... I drank wine ..hadn't had dinner............ I also have a PATHETIC liver that REFUSES to have 'owt to do with the vine....wasn't even that drunk, can you be allergic to wine??? ....STILL feel shakey

Pathetic

Anyhoo, much love to all me sills, alot of blah about ...it MUST stop!!!!

...Brain barely working, must go vote (European parliamentary elections)....I'd tell you whom I'm voting for......but I'm British

Later guys

[Jestgar]

  nikki-uk said:

...Brain barely working, must go vote (European parliamentary elections)....I'd tell you whom I'm voting for......but I'm British

reminded me of this:

Open Original Shared Link

[elye]

Hey, Gang!

OMG...... The Brits, in a nutshell. .. . ....

[flourgirl]

  Jestgar said:

Tapestries of faded gold

Unraveled

Tattered

Image of my soul.

I miss the shine

The joy

The call of mystery.

Is the image gone?

Threadbare and empty?

I miss the me that shone

The beauty in my soul

I fear the bare wall

Am I empty?

Aww Jess!!!! I can so sympathize!!! I have said (probably too many times in the last year +) I miss *me* so much! Sometimes I feel so abandoned by myself......I feel so changed by all of this.....I want me back!!!

That's *my* whhynnne for today. Still doing Ketchup with my virtual life this am. I'm annoyed at our ping-pong weather.....high 80's one day....60 the next! Gloom and rain with spatterings of sun. Is it summer yet?

Continue the list for gifts for the Taliban......include anyone for whom we've helped and received their hate in return: (I love the pap/speculum gift). We should include the Mam-crusher. How 'bout a good case of Sjogrens? Lupus and Lyme come to mind...throw in a dose of Mono with trace of Hoof and Mouth disease. They should all experience colonoscopies and endo's without benefit of sleepy-drugs. I know we can think of other things for a gift list

Mini-mom....I've had years of dealing with "the public", so I can understand where you are coming from. Some days it's almost impossible to keep your own sanity!! There are days when I should be fired......I told one man last weekend that I could continue to play mommy as long as he insisted on acting like a little boy. Fortunately my boss found this amusing. The man was a total cretin. Some how you find a way to turn these moments into humor (at least afterward), then leave that moment behind....discarded in the dust of yesterday.

Hope today is a day of resolution to problems for everyone. Keep it Psilly and shiny-side up!

[nikki-uk]

  elye said:

OMG...... The Brits, in a nutshell. .. . ....

[DingoGirl]

  mimommy said:

WHAT IN HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE??

I had a bunch of posts quoted, but each was sadder, more poignant than the next. Jess, Bev, Patty, Suze... we've got to cheer the "F" up, ladies.

Why is life so hard? What are we to do?

That is why we have EACH OTHER!!!

I cannot stand to hear anything less than supreme happiness from my friends--it pains me so

Jess, your poem was tragic and beautiful and heart wrenching <<cosmicenergypackedhug>>

No more pets for me. I'll enjoy them through my child and grandkids one day

Bunnie, you are an incredible wealth of culinary info

Em, That's all, just Your humor and perspective are always so interesting and uplifting to me.

Patty, you are such an energetic person and tireless optimist, whatever's weighing on you will surely pass

Suzy Q, cheer up

We can all go toilet paper the tree of the a$$hat I waited on today who carried on a 3-way conference call on his cell phone the ENTIRE time he was shipping with me

Or we could all go filibuster on the Hill, protesting the pilfering of North America to foreign countries at the tax payers expense. You know, peace out and all that.

Or we could slash the tires of the miserable loser lowlife hoodlum gangsta beeyotch that I nearly took down yesterday for accusing me of stealing her $30 mailbox rental payment (this lame attack against me came after her credit cards have been declined twice and her payments are 6 months in arears).

Orrrrr..... we could all get on a plane to Vegas and totally go nutz for a couple of days

just loved this entire thing, our Regal post-tress quoting it weakly this morning.....

  Jestgar said:

For all of you.

May email my whinyness. May not. Difficult to explain. I'm fine. Just need a new reality.

Yup, I hear ya on this. New reality. Or - un-reality may be better.

  mushroom said:

Ye Gods, I agree totally wif Her Majesty. We leave the place for a short bit and everyone starts whinin' and snifflin' and moanin' and b%$@#in'. You guys had better straighten up and fly right, because I'm comin over dere wif me big stick and slap the sheet out of youse all if you don't.

And then give everyone a little kittee to

But her majesty herselph, me recalls, did start it just a little bit and then the flood gates opened......

But I think it was Jyess's haunting poem that got everyone really going, now see what you've gone and done. T'was beautiful though.

Anway, no more sadness, no more tears; t'is summer and de birds is singing. Let's sing life's song right along with them and be Pollyannas and find the good sides of things somewheres (no, not under that rock; only slithery creepy things live dere), look to the moon and the stars and may they cast good spells upon us all.

{{{{hugs}}}}

SHROOMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! magical and terrifying, all at once

  mimommy said:

I am not a "broken employee" at UPS (at least not yet ), but it has it's moments. I have had FARRRRR worse jobs than this, and at least I work for the nicest people in the world and don't have a pension or my family's health care on the line. So many people have so much hanging in the balance right now. I always try to laugh it off, and even empathize with the poor schlub who's being difficult. But something about this particular person REALLY set me off. She's been rude to me before, and has just rubbed me the wrong way. It's something about her voice, her lack of education, her street talk and gangsta clothes and gaggle of illegitimite children that throws a wall of misunderstanding between us that I can't seem to pole vault across to any kindness for her. I have cried with my less fortunate customers and they with me on certain bad news days, but this one? I could have done something I'd regret (if I were a different kind of person). Besides, she's obviously on drugs, and I feel bad for her kids--they cannot possibly understand.

dear gawd - could nae handle this - _{I'd'a slapped her}

  nikki-uk said:

...Brain barely working, must go vote (European parliamentary elections)....I'd tell you whom I'm voting for......but I'm British

*snigger* you can tell us, I we don't even know who's running

  Jestgar said:

reminded me of this:

Open Original Shared Link

excellent but WHOT is with that picture of the queen's 'ead?

  flourgirl said:

Aww Jess!!!! I can so sympathize!!! I have said (probably too many times in the last year +) I miss *me* so much! Sometimes I feel so abandoned by myself......I feel so changed by all of this.....I want me back!!!

That's *my* whhynnne for today. Still doing Ketchup with my virtual life this am. I'm annoyed at our ping-pong weather.....high 80's one day....60 the next! Gloom and rain with spatterings of sun. Is it summer yet?

Continue the list for gifts for the Taliban......include anyone for whom we've helped and received their hate in return: (I love the pap/speculum gift). We should include the Mam-crusher. How 'bout a good case of Sjogrens? Lupus and Lyme come to mind...throw in a dose of Mono with trace of Hoof and Mouth disease. They should all experience colonoscopies and endo's without benefit of sleepy-drugs. I know we can think of other things for a gift list

Mini-mom....I've had years of dealing with "the public", so I can understand where you are coming from. Some days it's almost impossible to keep your own sanity!! There are days when I should be fired......I told one man last weekend that I could continue to play mommy as long as he insisted on acting like a little boy. Fortunately my boss found this amusing. The man was a total cretin. Some how you find a way to turn these moments into humor (at least afterward), then leave that moment behind....discarded in the dust of yesterday.

Hope today is a day of resolution to problems for everyone. Keep it Psilly and shiny-side up!

Loved this whole thing, Tea

love to my sills, I am COMPLETELY and TOTALLY and UTTERLY without mojo, humoUr, or anything good presently.

BAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sisyphean. Everything is sisyphean, I"m thinking.

_{I'll skulk off now and take my bad mood with me}

[psawyer]

  mimommy said:

Geez, Peter, I was wondering where you were lately. I'm sorry to hear you're having troubles. Hang in there. This awful mess can't keep on much longer. Did kewpie (sp) come off of strike yet? Can Canadians get liquor now?

The pholks at the booze mart are still working at their jobs. Their strike deadline in June 24. They aren't CUPE, but rather OPSEU (who represent most provincial employees).

But CUPE are rattling their swords in the City of Toronto, where they are threatening to walk out. That could cause a big stink, because the garbage collectors are included. I live outside the city proper, but our place of business is in Toronto.

[JNBunnie1]

K, two things.

One, I think all that's necessary to send to the Taliban is Celiac and poison sumac. If we send them girly problems, we send them girly parts, which means they'd be HAPPY. Course, then maybe they'd spend all their time doing that and leave us alone....

Two, I really sympathize for you Mimms. I know how tough it is to deal with difficult customers, I've worked in the hotel biz for years. Just imagine how much worse it can be when your customers are also trying to sleep with you? You wouldn't believe how many people actually think hotel staff is into that stuff, like we come with the room rate.... Remember, it can always be worse. Annoying mean druggie lady could also want to sleep with you.

[elye]

  psawyer said:

The pholks at the booze mart are still working at their jobs. Their strike deadline in June 24.

I heard this morning about the deadline being the 24th.....I went to the LCBO and picked up seven 2L bottles of wine. Gotta be ready.

  JNBunnie1 said:

Just imagine how much worse it can be when your customers are also trying to sleep with you?

Hey! Have you heard about Queen Rayechull's breasts? It's highly likely that her customers are also regularly lecherous, on top of everything else. . . . . ....

[jerseyangel]

  elye said:

I heard this morning about the deadline being the 24th.....I went to the LCBO and picked up seven 2L bottles of wine. Gotta be ready.

Em preparing fer the worst

[Jestgar]

  elye said:

I heard this morning about the deadline being the 24th.....I went to the LCBO and picked up seven 2L bottles of wine. Gotta be ready.

You'll need more than a weeks worth....