Inappropriate Gifts

[floridanative]

Okay - we went out to eat last night with dear friends to one of our new fave places Wildfire Grill. It was my fourth time there and their first. They were there upon our arrive as we met there and the female of the couple was holding a little bag but it wasn't that noticeable so it slipped my mind and we went in to enjoy a fantastic meal. After we all paid the server my friend handed me the bag and said Merry Christmas - slightly odd since this couple doesn't celebrate the season as they are agnostic. I tried to put the bag on my chair but she insisted we open it right then. Now I'm really feeling strange since we have known the guy for about 10 years and his new wife for three and we have NEVER exchanged gifts of any kind with them. Okay, I reach in and there are too small calendars - Monet for me and Dali for DH. Okay - these are not pricey and I like lots of calendars so I can use them. Next there is a long linen envelope........like something that would hold a gift check or card. There is no writing on the outside so I open it up and it's a $50 gift card to Wildfire - where were are still sitting. Now I'm mortified.........we have nothing to give them since we've never gotten a gift from them, we'd never think to get them anything and remember - they don't really celebrate Christmas like we do anyway. We thanked them profusely but DH never knew the amt. until we were in the car alone and he was perplexed when he found out. This couple is very conservative when it comes to spending money so they are the last people we'd ever suspect doing something this extravagant.

We still don't know what's up but I mailed a formal TY note to them today. It was the most thoughtful gift I've been giving since my dx last Jan. but still.......I don't think it was appropriate given our history. What do you think and how have you handled the same situation?

[CarlaB]

All you can do is say thank you. At some point, you touched them and they felt like buying you a gift. Certainly they are aware that it was "out of the blue" as much as you were!! If you feel motivated, buy them something as well, but don't feel obligated as it might start a new tradition.

[floridanative]

All you can do is say thank you. At some point, you touched them and they felt like buying you a gift. Certainly they are aware that it was "out of the blue" as much as you were!! If you feel motivated, buy them something as well, but don't feel obligated as it might start a new tradition.

Good thinking Carla and I love your new pic btw. We are having a New Years Day lunch here and inviting them along with others so hopefully that will suffice in a way.

[angel-jd1]

I think that the formal thank you was the right move. Another option is to use that gift cert. and take THEM out to eat and use it together. That way you are both getting some joy out of the gift and perhaps it will make you feel less guilty. Good food and good company go together right

-Jessica

Okay - we went out to eat last night with dear friends to one of our new fave places Wildfire Grill. It was my fourth time there and their first. They were there upon our arrive as we met there and the female of the couple was holding a little bag but it wasn't that noticeable so it slipped my mind and we went in to enjoy a fantastic meal. After we all paid the server my friend handed me the bag and said Merry Christmas - slightly odd since this couple doesn't celebrate the season as they are agnostic. I tried to put the bag on my chair but she insisted we open it right then. Now I'm really feeling strange since we have known the guy for about 10 years and his new wife for three and we have NEVER exchanged gifts of any kind with them. Okay, I reach in and there are too small calendars - Monet for me and Dali for DH. Okay - these are not pricey and I like lots of calendars so I can use them. Next there is a long linen envelope........like something that would hold a gift check or card. There is no writing on the outside so I open it up and it's a $50 gift card to Wildfire - where were are still sitting. Now I'm mortified.........we have nothing to give them since we've never gotten a gift from them, we'd never think to get them anything and remember - they don't really celebrate Christmas like we do anyway. We thanked them profusely but DH never knew the amt. until we were in the car alone and he was perplexed when he found out. This couple is very conservative when it comes to spending money so they are the last people we'd ever suspect doing something this extravagant.

We still don't know what's up but I mailed a formal TY note to them today. It was the most thoughtful gift I've been giving since my dx last Jan. but still.......I don't think it was appropriate given our history. What do you think and how have you handled the same situation?

[CarlaB]

Good thinking Carla and I love your new pic btw. We are having a New Years Day lunch here and inviting them along with others so hopefully that will suffice in a way.

Thank you.

That should be a good "pay back."

[blueeyedmanda]

It was a good thought that you sent the thank you note. I would have probably been surprised if someone I least expected gave me a gift but it was a nice gesture. Maybe it was her way of saying they cared.

[plantime]

I am guilty of doing that to people I know. I just feel the urge to give someone a gift, and the urge does not go away until I give it. I look at it as God using me to help someone in some way that I may never understand. I never expect a gift in return, as your friends probably do not. The formal thank you card was wonderful, and inviting them to your New Year's get-together is a good idea, too.

[breann6]

The thank-you was nice and probably knowing you like the restaurant so much and how much you will enjoy it was all they wanted. I have done things like that out of the blue for friends and thats actually when i usally do things for them- it means more that way to me, un-obligated gifting means you were truely thought of in the most sincere form of friendship, in my book anyway. Not inappropriate at all like the old saying goes, its not the gift that counts its the thoughtfulness

~breann