Going Crazy

[natalie 0]

Hi Everyone,

My daughter was diagnosed 1 1/2 years ago. She is 4 now. At first she coped well emotionally, but now she is having a tough time at birthday's etc. Well this past weekend was my husbands and cousin's birthday get together, I hosted and chose the menu. Since they are grown ups we decided to skip cake, there were 14 people and gluten-free cake is expensive. I had decided to make an ice cream cake instead. Well my sister in law just started removing dairy from my niece's diet ( she is 5). I didn't want her to feel left out , so I finally decided on fun popsicles for the kids and ice cream bars for the adults. I made a beautiful dinner, had appetizers, wine etc. Well after dinner everyone jumps up to leave... the place cleared out really quickly. The next day we found out that everyone went back to my mother in laws for regular cake. Apparently my cousin said to my mother in law " I guess I have to make my own cake" My husband and I were upset so we explained the reason that we didn't have cake. It has now turned into this huge family fight. I didn't think an adult needed cake to feel special on their birthday. I feel awful now... completely misunderstood. Everyone thinks we had no reason to feel upset ( even though they were secretive about it). I just don't feel as though my daughter should have to watch everyone eat gluten cake when it bothers her... I thought her family could be her safe place.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Are we wrong to feel hurt? How do everyone else's family approach birthdays?

[gdobson 3]

Hi Natalie:

I am so sorry you had that experience. I don't think deep down they meant to hurt yours or your daughters feelings. But you're right - they shouldn't have been so sneaky. My family is not very good at those things either. It usually just ends up with them insisting a little bit won't hurt...

But birthdays are special no matter how old you are. I have never bought a gluten free cake - you're right all that stuff is very expensive. But for all birthdays I always make a gluten free cake, either with a gluten-free mix or from scratch. There is a pretty good recipe for a gluten-free cake on allrecipes.com if you put in gluten free for your search.

I have not had any complaints from any birthday attendees about the gluten-free cake. In fact, most of them say they can't tell. I find that if you add chocolate chips to chocolate cake, it makes them tastier.

When we go to other people's birthday parties that we are not hosting, I always bring my son a cupcake that I made at home and some ice cream in case theirs is not gluten-free.

I don't know if this helps at all. I hope you are able to mend things with your family.

Gina

[natalie 0]

Hi Natalie:

I am so sorry you had that experience. I don't think deep down they meant to hurt yours or your daughters feelings. But you're right - they shouldn't have been so sneaky. My family is not very good at those things either. It usually just ends up with them insisting a little bit won't hurt...

But birthdays are special no matter how old you are. I have never bought a gluten free cake - you're right all that stuff is very expensive. But for all birthdays I always make a gluten free cake, either with a gluten-free mix or from scratch. There is a pretty good recipe for a gluten-free cake on allrecipes.com if you put in gluten free for your search.

I have not had any complaints from any birthday attendees about the gluten-free cake. In fact, most of them say they can't tell. I find that if you add chocolate chips to chocolate cake, it makes them tastier.

When we go to other people's birthday parties that we are not hosting, I always bring my son a cupcake that I made at home and some ice cream in case theirs is not gluten-free.

I don't know if this helps at all. I hope you are able to mend things with your family.

Gina

Thanks Gina,

You are right, they probably didn't mean to hurt our feelings.

I forgot to mention that I had already had a gluten-free cake for my husband on his actual b day. The day of the celebration I made Ken's ( our cousin) favorite dinner and his favorite nacho dip and the ice cream was his favorite. I guess I thought I worked really hard to make him feel special.

I will try adding choc chips to my gluten-free cake next time. I do make an excellent gluten-free cake although, I find it hard to make without milk or dairy ( my niece's allergy). I use buttermilk in my cake to make it really moist.

I always have cupcakes in the freezer when we are not hosting, and I take one along, the problem is she is getting sensitive about being different.

I guess I have to find a way to deal with the celebrations.

Natalie

[lob6796 1]

I wouldn't take it so hard. Everyone likes a cake on their birthday, it is an expected part of the birthday ritual. So having some tiny hurt feelings over not getting one is normal. It is also normal for you to feel hurt that they all went and had cake together after without telling you, but their reasoning could have been similar to yours - they didn't want you to know and feel hurt because you guys couldn't come and enjoy cake too, your daughter would feel left out. I would call it even with your family and just move on.

I agree with PP - go buy a gluten free cake mix next time. It's cheap and tastes yummy. In fact, actually making the cake yourself gives off the message "I cared so much about your birthday that I made you a cake myself!" And unfortunately yes, your daughter is going to have alot of instances where she has to watch other people/kids eat things she can't. She can either learn to sit and feel sad/left out, or you can teach her that it's ok they are eating one thing, here is your very own special snack to eat. A friend of mine keeps snacks at all of her relatives houses that her son can eat. Ice cream bars, popsicles, cookies, etc. That way if they are at a get together there, if the hostess brings out snacks for the kids, she can bring out his snacks with them so he feels like one of the crowd.

It takes alot of adjustment to get used to being Celiac, especially for kids who just want to fit in with their friends. I'm sorry she is having a hard time right now.

[gfgypsyqueen 4]

family is such fun! There will always be some kind of issue with family members who just don't get it! They don't mean to hurt your feelings, but that's family...

I used to make a flourless choclate cake to take to peoples houses. Add fresh whipped cream and fruit. It was to die for! That way dessert was gluten-free and peanut free. A dairy allergy eliminated that option for us. Now I make a "Pavlova" cake. There is a recipe on this site and it is GREAT!

Cherrybrooke kitchen makes great mixes that the gluten-free daughter and the dairy free child could eat and they would love it.

I feel bad for any child who has a severe allergy or intolerance or health issue that makes them different, because being a kid is hard enough soemtimes. I have Celiacs and my kids have severe food allergies, so below is what we do. Sorry to be a little harsh, but their allergies mandate no mistakes or it is a life threatening reaction and a trip to the hospital. Maybe something similar will work for you.

As far as your child not wanting to feel different, I hate to say this, but nip that thought in the butt immediately. It sucks to be different, even for adults, but it is not going to change any time soon. Your daughter is 5 so I am guessing she will be entering school in the fall? School is going to be very hard especially if she gets upset about being different. We go through the same emotions with my daughter , 6, She has a nut allergy. I tell everyone about her nut allergy. She even tells everyone about her allergy. She wears a medical alert bracelet. And she brings snacks or cupcakes where ever she goes. There is quite a bit of food she can not eat and a severe reaction that would send her to the hospital so we don't play around. But she sometimes gets upset and questions why god would do this to her or states very emphatically that she is no longer allergic to nuts. My only response is that god gave her this allergy because he knows she can handle it and he knows she will do something good with it. Maybe she will be a pediatric allergist? Maybe she will find a cure to anaphylaxis? And as far as no longer having this allergy, when her dr says that she is no longer allergic, he will do a challenge in his office. Until he tells her she can eat nuts, she will NOT be allowed to eat nuts.

The only thing that helped at school is a good teacher and a great safe snack box. I make sure her peanut safe snacks are something that the other kids would really want. If there is a food that your daughter really wants, but it is not gluten-free, make it a puzzle that she helps you figure out how to make it gluten-free. We go to chocolate shops knowing that we cannot eat ANYTHING there, but we go for ideas. Then we go home and make gluten-free & peanut safe versions.

If you need some ideas about starting school and making it safe for her, let me know. Our first year was a massive learning experience.

[TrillumHunter 17]

Sorry, if this is a grown-up person I respectfully disagree. Umm, I think he should go on ahead and grow up. There are times as an adult when you don't get a big party let alone a cake. So, when you offered to host this lovely meal with all his personal favorites did he say, "No, I think I'd rather have a cake from Kroger." I bet that he didn't. If your mil is in on this I would find her equally culpable. The whole deal seems mean spirited especially considering you were dealing with not one but two children's food issues. And to jump up and leave to go eat it? Aww, is not the same if he couldn't eat on his "real" birthday? Boo-hoo! That sounds like something my six year would say. (Who, by the way, has celebrated his b-day on other days twice in his life without complaint!)

Just my two cents!

[JennyC 2]

I'm sorry that you had that experience. I understand where you are coming from though. It is heart breaking to see your child upset about not being able to have food. We have taken our 3 year old son to one B-day party so far and we brought a cupcake, but he still freaked because the cake was Disney's Cars theme and was beautiful and looked delicious. It made me so sad.

Maybe next time you can make a cake from scratch. It's much cheaper! I converted this recipe yesterday. For the flour I used my trusty mixture: 3 parts white rice flour, 2 parts potato starch, 1 part tapioca flour, and 1 tsp xanthan gum for every 1.5 cups flour. I would also add more chocolate to the recipe, but I'm a chocolate addict! This cake is super moist. It got fantastic reviews on the website. It's worth a try! Duncan Hines creamy home style frosting, except for the coconut pecan flavor, is gluten free and you can also make delicious homemade gluten free frosting as well.

http://www.recipezaar.com/2496

Hope this helps.

[natalie 0]

family is such fun! There will always be some kind of issue with family members who just don't get it! They don't mean to hurt your feelings, but that's family...

I used to make a flourless choclate cake to take to peoples houses. Add fresh whipped cream and fruit. It was to die for! That way dessert was gluten-free and peanut free. A dairy allergy eliminated that option for us. Now I make a "Pavlova" cake. There is a recipe on this site and it is GREAT!

Cherrybrooke kitchen makes great mixes that the gluten-free daughter and the dairy free child could eat and they would love it.

I feel bad for any child who has a severe allergy or intolerance or health issue that makes them different, because being a kid is hard enough soemtimes. I have Celiacs and my kids have severe food allergies, so below is what we do. Sorry to be a little harsh, but their allergies mandate no mistakes or it is a life threatening reaction and a trip to the hospital. Maybe something similar will work for you.

As far as your child not wanting to feel different, I hate to say this, but nip that thought in the butt immediately. It sucks to be different, even for adults, but it is not going to change any time soon. Your daughter is 5 so I am guessing she will be entering school in the fall? School is going to be very hard especially if she gets upset about being different. We go through the same emotions with my daughter , 6, She has a nut allergy. I tell everyone about her nut allergy. She even tells everyone about her allergy. She wears a medical alert bracelet. And she brings snacks or cupcakes where ever she goes. There is quite a bit of food she can not eat and a severe reaction that would send her to the hospital so we don't play around. But she sometimes gets upset and questions why god would do this to her or states very emphatically that she is no longer allergic to nuts. My only response is that god gave her this allergy because he knows she can handle it and he knows she will do something good with it. Maybe she will be a pediatric allergist? Maybe she will find a cure to anaphylaxis? And as far as no longer having this allergy, when her dr says that she is no longer allergic, he will do a challenge in his office. Until he tells her she can eat nuts, she will NOT be allowed to eat nuts.

The only thing that helped at school is a good teacher and a great safe snack box. I make sure her peanut safe snacks are something that the other kids would really want. If there is a food that your daughter really wants, but it is not gluten-free, make it a puzzle that she helps you figure out how to make it gluten-free. We go to chocolate shops knowing that we cannot eat ANYTHING there, but we go for ideas. Then we go home and make gluten-free & peanut safe versions.

If you need some ideas about starting school and making it safe for her, let me know. Our first year was a massive learning experience.

Hi,

Your flourless cake sounds wonderful!

I don't believe that Cherrybrook Kitchens ships to Canada, but I'll look into that again.

My daughter already goes to daycare ( I send all her food) and she handles it very well day to day, but she seems to struggle with birthdays. I do have that " this is how it is" attitude most of the time with her, but I guess I thought the family could rally around and help create a "normal" environment at home. Maybe I have unrealistic thoughts or expectations.

Wow, you have a great attitude about your daughters allergy. What a great way to look at it.

Thanks so much for the support, if I need ideas, I know where to come.

[natalie 0]

I wouldn't take it so hard. Everyone likes a cake on their birthday, it is an expected part of the birthday ritual. So having some tiny hurt feelings over not getting one is normal. It is also normal for you to feel hurt that they all went and had cake together after without telling you, but their reasoning could have been similar to yours - they didn't want you to know and feel hurt because you guys couldn't come and enjoy cake too, your daughter would feel left out. I would call it even with your family and just move on.

I agree with PP - go buy a gluten free cake mix next time. It's cheap and tastes yummy. In fact, actually making the cake yourself gives off the message "I cared so much about your birthday that I made you a cake myself!" And unfortunately yes, your daughter is going to have alot of instances where she has to watch other people/kids eat things she can't. She can either learn to sit and feel sad/left out, or you can teach her that it's ok they are eating one thing, here is your very own special snack to eat. A friend of mine keeps snacks at all of her relatives houses that her son can eat. Ice cream bars, popsicles, cookies, etc. That way if they are at a get together there, if the hostess brings out snacks for the kids, she can bring out his snacks with them so he feels like one of the crowd.

It takes alot of adjustment to get used to being Celiac, especially for kids who just want to fit in with their friends. I'm sorry she is having a hard time right now.

You are right, I'm sure their reasoning was similar to mine. Thanks for the perspective

[natalie 0]

Sorry, if this is a grown-up person I respectfully disagree. Umm, I think he should go on ahead and grow up. There are times as an adult when you don't get a big party let alone a cake. So, when you offered to host this lovely meal with all his personal favorites did he say, "No, I think I'd rather have a cake from Kroger." I bet that he didn't. If your mil is in on this I would find her equally culpable. The whole deal seems mean spirited especially considering you were dealing with not one but two children's food issues. And to jump up and leave to go eat it? Aww, is not the same if he couldn't eat on his "real" birthday? Boo-hoo! That sounds like something my six year would say. (Who, by the way, has celebrated his b-day on other days twice in his life without complaint!)

Just my two cents!

This was exactly my thoughts and feelings from the beginning. It was just the way it played out that bothered my hubby and myself. We are an open and honest family, and the secrecy and sneakiness shocked us! It is nice to know that someone else sees it my way. Thanks

[natalie 0]

I'm sorry that you had that experience. I understand where you are coming from though. It is heart breaking to see your child upset about not being able to have food. We have taken our 3 year old son to one B-day party so far and we brought a cupcake, but he still freaked because the cake was Disney's Cars theme and was beautiful and looked delicious. It made me so sad.

Maybe next time you can make a cake from scratch. It's much cheaper! I converted this recipe yesterday. For the flour I used my trusty mixture: 3 parts white rice flour, 2 parts potato starch, 1 part tapioca flour, and 1 tsp xanthan gum for every 1.5 cups flour. I would also add more chocolate to the recipe, but I'm a chocolate addict! This cake is super moist. It got fantastic reviews on the website. It's worth a try! Duncan Hines creamy home style frosting, except for the coconut pecan flavor, is gluten free and you can also make delicious homemade gluten free frosting as well.

http://www.recipezaar.com/2496

Hope this helps.

I'm sorry to hear about your son. On my daughters b-day I made a gluten-free Barbie cake with a wilton pan. Everyone loved it.

The reason I didn't make a cake from scratch was because I didn't find out about my niece's milk allergy with enough notice to research a good recipe. I felt overwhelmed making the other dishes for such a large group. Next time I will be better prepared.

You receipe sounds great. What wet ingredients did you use? I have found that adding buttermilk instead of milk makes a cake very moist.

Thankyou for the tips.

[JennyC 2]

You receipe sounds great. What wet ingredients did you use? I have found that adding buttermilk instead of milk makes a cake very moist.

I basically followed the directions. I used regular milk, but I bet buttermilk would be great! You could also use soy milk if it needs to be dairy free. You should be able to make soy buttermilk/sour milk by adding a little bit of vinegar to the soy milk before adding it to the batter. I did go with the 1 cup of boiling water, I added some instant coffee crystals, and I did not think that the batter was very runny. Next time I will add more cocoa powder or maybe chocolate chips, which melt due to the boiling water, and maybe use a little less oil and also use buttermilk. My son's birthday is coming up in early August and I am determined to have a wonderful recipe to use for his party! (Although the cake may not be very pretty. ) I wish that I could make the cake, and then have a professional bakery decorate it, cross contamination free of course! What wishful thinking.

[natalie 0]

I basically followed the directions. I used regular milk, but I bet buttermilk would be great! You could also use soy milk if it needs to be dairy free. You should be able to make soy buttermilk/sour milk by adding a little bit of vinegar to the soy milk before adding it to the batter. I did go with the 1 cup of boiling water, I added some instant coffee crystals, and I did not think that the batter was very runny. Next time I will add more cocoa powder or maybe chocolate chips, which melt due to the boiling water, and maybe use a little less oil and also use buttermilk. My son's birthday is coming up in early August and I am determined to have a wonderful recipe to use for his party! (Although the cake may not be very pretty. ) I wish that I could make the cake, and then have a professional bakery decorate it, cross contamination free of course! What wishful thinking.

Hi Jenny,

Thanks so much for the recipe. It sounds great and I'll definitely give it a try.

Here is the link for Wilton shaped pans, scroll down and you will find "Lightning McQueen from Cars Cake Pan"

http://www.wilton.com/cake/shapedpans

I have made tons of cakes with these pans. They give you all of the instructions of how to mix the icing and colours and how to decorate step by step. I have had no prefessional courses and I have made great cakes. The pan and icing tips will cost a bit...but it is worth it when you see your child's face. Plus, once you have bought the tips they are reusable.

Natalie

[Buttercup 0]

I basically followed the directions. I used regular milk, but I bet buttermilk would be great! You could also use soy milk if it needs to be dairy free. You should be able to make soy buttermilk/sour milk by adding a little bit of vinegar to the soy milk before adding it to the batter. I did go with the 1 cup of boiling water, I added some instant coffee crystals, and I did not think that the batter was very runny. Next time I will add more cocoa powder or maybe chocolate chips, which melt due to the boiling water, and maybe use a little less oil and also use buttermilk. My son's birthday is coming up in early August and I am determined to have a wonderful recipe to use for his party! (Although the cake may not be very pretty. ) I wish that I could make the cake, and then have a professional bakery decorate it, cross contamination free of course! What wishful thinking.

Maybe you could find a decorator that would be willing to come to your home and decorate your cake? I know several people that do cakes as a side job/ hobby that would be willing to do such a service. Just an idea

As far as Birthday cakes go Cheesecake is the standard at our house. I make a brownie crust (converting the Hershey's recipe) it is beautiful and delicious, a real crowd pleaser. Not dairy free though

Natalie,

I think I would have been a little upset about the way your family rushed off too. It would have been more considerate of them to stay and enjoy the family time and then gotten together for the cake later in the evening. Hopefully the next family event ends on a better note.

[Cheri A 3]

Hi... I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I agree with what everyone else has said. I would be really hurt if I were in your shoes and feel the same way. The way that your family handled that was wrong. They had to know that when you eventually found out that it would hurt your feelings. Kind of stupid for an adult to be that way about cake! I do think, though, that they wouldn't want to hurt your niece's feelings so were trying to do the right thing.

My dd also has multiple food allergies and, like gfgypsy's dd, wears a medic-alert bracelet. We have to be on alert constantly. For the most part, she adapts and accepts that she eats things that are a bit different. I try my best to make or get things that she likes. Sometimes, though, she (and I) do get sad and lament that she can't eat what the other kids are eating. But we get off that pity party quickly. We also say that God has given her these allergies for a reason. I know that one reason is so that I would get on the ball and learn more about what is actually in our food, read labels, learn and feed my family healthier.

We also stress to her that "everyone" is different. Noone looks the same, acts the same, etc. Some people have some foods that make them sick to eat, others have asthma. Some are in wheelchairs etc.

[natalie 0]

Hi... I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I agree with what everyone else has said. I would be really hurt if I were in your shoes and feel the same way. The way that your family handled that was wrong. They had to know that when you eventually found out that it would hurt your feelings. Kind of stupid for an adult to be that way about cake! I do think, though, that they wouldn't want to hurt your niece's feelings so were trying to do the right thing.

My dd also has multiple food allergies and, like gfgypsy's dd, wears a medic-alert bracelet. We have to be on alert constantly. For the most part, she adapts and accepts that she eats things that are a bit different. I try my best to make or get things that she likes. Sometimes, though, she (and I) do get sad and lament that she can't eat what the other kids are eating. But we get off that pity party quickly. We also say that God has given her these allergies for a reason. I know that one reason is so that I would get on the ball and learn more about what is actually in our food, read labels, learn and feed my family healthier.

We also stress to her that "everyone" is different. Noone looks the same, acts the same, etc. Some people have some foods that make them sick to eat, others have asthma. Some are in wheelchairs etc.

Thanks for letting me know how you handle the allergies. I like the idea of "everyone is different". Thanks for that. It is hard to know what to do and say sometimes.

[natalie 0]

Maybe you could find a decorator that would be willing to come to your home and decorate your cake? I know several people that do cakes as a side job/ hobby that would be willing to do such a service. Just an idea

As far as Birthday cakes go Cheesecake is the standard at our house. I make a brownie crust (converting the Hershey's recipe) it is beautiful and delicious, a real crowd pleaser. Not dairy free though

Natalie,

I think I would have been a little upset about the way your family rushed off too. It would have been more considerate of them to stay and enjoy the family time and then gotten together for the cake later in the evening. Hopefully the next family event ends on a better note.

mmmmm... cheesecake with a brownie crust, now I'm drooling

[Ridgewalker 3]

Sorry, if this is a grown-up person I respectfully disagree. Umm, I think he should go on ahead and grow up. There are times as an adult when you don't get a big party let alone a cake. So, when you offered to host this lovely meal with all his personal favorites did he say, "No, I think I'd rather have a cake from Kroger." I bet that he didn't. If your mil is in on this I would find her equally culpable. The whole deal seems mean spirited especially considering you were dealing with not one but two children's food issues. And to jump up and leave to go eat it? Aww, is not the same if he couldn't eat on his "real" birthday? Boo-hoo! That sounds like something my six year would say. (Who, by the way, has celebrated his b-day on other days twice in his life without complaint!)

Just my two cents!

I laughed when I read this, but I completely agree. A grown-up that pouts and complains over cake needs to re-evaluate thier priorities.

Natalie, I think it was super nice and considerate of you to make a special dinner for your cousin, and host this party. I know they are your family and your love them, but sneaking around and RUSHING off to eat something else was rude and inconsiderate, and you have every right to be upset about it.

-Sarah

[JennyC 2]

Here is the link for Wilton shaped pans, scroll down and you will find "Lightning McQueen from Cars Cake Pan"

http://www.wilton.com/cake/shapedpans

I have made tons of cakes with these pans. They give you all of the instructions of how to mix the icing and colours and how to decorate step by step. I have had no prefessional courses and I have made great cakes. The pan and icing tips will cost a bit...but it is worth it when you see your child's face. Plus, once you have bought the tips they are reusable.

Natalie

Thank you for the link! I hope that the instructions are E A S Y T O F O L L O W! I bought tips because I was going to try to make his cake last year, but I backed out last minute. Maybe I will start practicing now. I will definitely order one of those pans. I will do one of those cakes plus cupcakes since I tend to invite the entire state to his parties!

[taweavmo3 1]

I think the way they acted was ridiculous........you went out of your way to do something nice, and that should have been plenty! Geez, in my family, I'm just happy if someone remembers my birthday!

[natalie 0]

Thank you for the link! I hope that the instructions are E A S Y T O F O L L O W! I bought tips because I was going to try to make his cake last year, but I backed out last minute. Maybe I will start practicing now. I will definitely order one of those pans. I will do one of those cakes plus cupcakes since I tend to invite the entire state to his parties!

It is easy to follow. I would practice using the tips and mixing icing if you get a chance. Spray the pan really well so the cake doesn't stick.

[natalie 0]

I think the way they acted was ridiculous........you went out of your way to do something nice, and that should have been plenty! Geez, in my family, I'm just happy if someone remembers my birthday!

I'm happy if someone remembers mine as well!!

[janelyb 0]

I am pretty sure I would have felt as upset as you were if that happened with my family. Currently two of us are gluten and dairy free my son and me. Most of the time I pass on cake at parties but I make sure I bring a cupcake and sorbet for my son. At one of our parties (my birthday last month) I did make a gluten free/ casein free cake and it was a huge hit everyone loved it.

It was lemon cake with vanilla (store bought) frosting

http://www.sylvanborderfarm.com/lemon-cake-mix.shtml

The whole foods by my carrys it, if not you can order it online and it is so good!

I've also had this same cake made with fruit on top and it was yummy too.

Now last month my daughter who is not yet totally gluten free wanted a regular cake. So I ordered a special made cake and then made a gluten/casein free one and guess which one everyone wanted? My small cake I made for just my son and I....

Talk with your MIL or cousin and tell her how this made you feel. I do think that it was pretty rude of them to do that. How are they dealing with your neice's special diet? Is her family being excluded from things too. I do hope your family can work things out.

My son son is only 3 and constantly asks why can't I have that but he has so far excepted my response oh it has wheat in it and remember wheat makes you feel very sick. And then I immediately offer him something he can have.

[natalie 0]

I am pretty sure I would have felt as upset as you were if that happened with my family. Currently two of us are gluten and dairy free my son and me. Most of the time I pass on cake at parties but I make sure I bring a cupcake and sorbet for my son. At one of our parties (my birthday last month) I did make a gluten free/ casein free cake and it was a huge hit everyone loved it.

It was lemon cake with vanilla (store bought) frosting

http://www.sylvanborderfarm.com/lemon-cake-mix.shtml

The whole foods by my carrys it, if not you can order it online and it is so good!

I've also had this same cake made with fruit on top and it was yummy too.

Now last month my daughter who is not yet totally gluten free wanted a regular cake. So I ordered a special made cake and then made a gluten/casein free one and guess which one everyone wanted? My small cake I made for just my son and I....

Talk with your MIL or cousin and tell her how this made you feel. I do think that it was pretty rude of them to do that. How are they dealing with your neice's special diet? Is her family being excluded from things too. I do hope your family can work things out.

My son son is only 3 and constantly asks why can't I have that but he has so far excepted my response oh it has wheat in it and remember wheat makes you feel very sick. And then I immediately offer him something he can have.

That cake sounds great. I hope the Whole Foods in Canada sells it.

Regarding my niece, my SIL is only half way with her allergy. Whenever she is in a tough situation she gives in and lets her have milk, or ice cream etc. Last year my niece was gluten free, now she is not . My daughter finds this confusing.