Teenage Daughter

[bakingbarb]

Do I even have to say more then I have one? Do you have one? Have you hit the point where you just want to send her back a year or three? Somtime this summer she decided I am the worst person. Everything was good until then. I try to talk with her and the smart ass that took her place is the only one that answers me.

This will go away or get better or something, someday?

[Guest j_mommy]

I am 25 and I remember going through that with my mom. I eventually grew up and realized my mother is not the worst peron in teh world and that sometimes she does know what she's takling about!!!!

[mtraezme]

Sorry

I used to be that girl, but now that I'm older I've realized what a monster I was and have apologized. After all of that, for some reason, I chose to teach 9th grade.

Although it might not work for you, the phrase I repeat to myself thousands of times a day is, "Never let a 15 year old kid ruin your day." It keeps things in perspective for me.

Ezme

[Ridgewalker]

Well, I don't have a teenage daughter, but I remember being one-- and I was pretty wretched. If it makes you feel any better, I have to tell you that now my mother and I have the best relationship on the planet. I think I started to started not being so horrible when I got to be about 17 or so. I'd have to ask my mom if she agrees with that estimate!

Even when I was at my worst, I still loved my mom. I just wanted her (and everyone else in authority) to leave me the heck alone.

[Ursa Major]

I have four older kids (27, 26, 24, 22, the 24-year old being the only son), who are all married. And then there is Susie, who will be 16 next month.

She obviously knows everything, and parents are stupid and should stay out of her business. By the way, that is 'sweet' Susie in my avatar. And yes, she can be sweet. Once in a while, and she really is a good kid (you want her for a while?

Sometimes I feel like I just can't deal with another rotten teenager, after going through it four times already! But I have to tell myself, that this too shall pass, and she'll get older and grow up eventually.

My son was always pretty mellow and rarely was so bad that I felt like murdering him. But the girls, that is another story. Unfortunately it only got better once they turned 20, with one more like 22. But eventually they'll start appreciating their parents, really, truly.

[wowzer]

I survived my daughter, but I sure remember those days. I lucked out my daughter and son were 77 years apart, so I had 14 solid teenage years!!! I do remember deciding if it was even safe to say "Good Morning" without getting my head chewed off. I tried to sense the mood and go with the flow. They really do get over it, they just can't help themselves sometimes. Good Luck

[confusedks]

It is really funny to read all of these posts! I am 17 and I don't have the best relationship with my mom, BUT it's pretty decent. Compared to most of my friends...we are in good shape.

I can speak to the saying good morning thing...I HATE WHEN MY MOM SAYS GOOD MORNING! I am NOT a morning person, so it annoys me when she or anyone for that matter tries to talk to me at 6 am!

I have to get along with my mom because of my health issues, I do NEED her help. I guess this makes me realize that she is someone I respect.

As far as communicating, if she is not open to hearing, it will only upset you because she will be angry! I can understand that, sometimes my mom wants to talk at the worst times....like when I'm on the PHONE! I wouldn't do that to her, so why should she do it to me?!

I should add one last thing, my brother is the monster in the house, so if I do anything "bad" it doesn't seem as "bad" because my brother is so outrageous! And if I could...I would talk to your daughter and smack some sense in her, because a lot of the times fights are not worth the upset, but even most of my friends don't get this.

Kassandra

[Idiote Savante Goddess]

Give me a terrible two over a teen any day.

[jmd3]

Do I even have to say more then I have one? Do you have one? Have you hit the point where you just want to send her back a year or three? Somtime this summer she decided I am the worst person. Everything was good until then. I try to talk with her and the smart ass that took her place is the only one that answers me.

This will go away or get better or something, someday?

Ugggh - I am on my 3rd teenager. My older 2 kids...now 20 and 24 were a bit better and got over it very quickly, (of course I was younger and not suffering from any illness either). My last teen, KNOWS EVERYTHING! And see feels she has to tell me it all too.( and she too is suffering with hashimotos disease and eating gluten free as a teen)

I am looking forward to when my children have children

[MySuicidalTurtle]

Being a teenager sucked. I was a terrible teen and still wish my parents had delt with it better. Do you not remember those years? She isn't being a smart ass just to be one. At that age you are stuck in this weird reality of being told to start growing up but being treated like a child, ugh!

[Lisa]

I raised two ( <-------- those two). Now 23 and 26 they realised that home and family have a new importance.

The advise that I would share is.....That when they do and say things to get a reaction or are being insightful, DON'T react. Have a blank expression on your face. It will drive them up a wall!!!

[Renth]

Oh I agree with the blank expression, my mom would do that to me, I was a terrible teenager too and man that would make me so crazy! And she sometimes would just act like she didn't hear me when I was in a "mood" and after a while I would realize just how dumb I sounded. I got over my teenage years thank God and now my mom is my best friend. I think we fought so much because we're so alike.

[bakingbarb]

What is really hard is we always got along so well. But her Dad is very manipulative and how he words things..."I'm glad you love your mom even with all her faults, lord knows we all have them".

He cuts me down to her in a round about way. I don't deal with it, I thought it best to leave it alone and not address these things. I don't talk about him because that is what the experts tell you to do. Apparently he talks about me a lot and it has worked very well, he did it to me for 19 years which is why it took me so long to get away from him.

She has been planning on moving out for months. She is mad that I quit my job and not taken another one. I was harrassed in a very large company for a year, a health care company that wasn't supposed to let this kind of thing happen. My supervisor encouraged it in a way. So I took the summer off I thought it would be good to regain my spirit and spend time with my daughter. We had a good summer except she wanted more money then I would give her. Her Dad gives her money. I am supposed to go back to school in Jan. so that I can make more money, its a one year certificate program. She hates this whole thing.

So she said a lot of mean things and I found out from other people she has been planning for months to move out with her Dad.

So he plays on her teenage emotions. Where I was ignoring them and him. It still seems that ignoring him was the best idea because when she is older she will figure it out for herself. The time between now and then is what is gonna kill me.

[Lisa]

I am sorry that you are going through some tough times. I think everyone of us who have had children have experienced times like this. I have had many a tear in my eye when I left the room.

Teenagers are inherently self-centered and they are struggling with the loss of their comfortable childhood and finding their place in an adult world. They fit into neither. These are the "it's all about me" years. It is very natural for you daughter to gravitate to the one that meets her needs with the least amount of resistance, or buying affection. Or maybe she is just angry at the situation she finds herself in and doesn't know who or what to blame. So everything is fair game.

You stand tall, continue with your education and show by expample that you are owed the respect from your daughter as well as others. As time goes on, you will see that pride in her eyes.

Things will get better.

[mommyagain]

^^ If she wants to move out (and your ex wants her to live with him) let her. BUT, make sure she knows that she can always come back if things don't work out. Don't badmouth dad... hopefully she'll figure out ON HER OWN that she made a mistake.

If I were you, I'd call her dad (assuming you are on speaking terms) and make SURE that this is what he wants. He may be "playing along" with her plans because he thinks (or knows) that you will not allow it to happen.

Assuming the talk w/ dad goes well, I'd sit her down and tell her that you know that she's been thinking about moving in with her dad. Tell her that you don't want her to go, but if that's what she'd prefer, you're willing to give it a go. But, you still want to see her (set up a schedule that you both can live with) and she can come back anytime, just to talk, to visit for a few days, or to stay. Offer to help her pack.

When she comes back to visit, DON'T ask her "How are things at your dad's?". Ask her about school, friends, hobbies... NOT her dad. Let her know that you are truly interested in her life, not just where she lives.

I know you probably still see her has a little kid, but you HAVE to start treating her like an adult. Chances are, a few months with dad will kill the fantasy... and she'll move back... and the two of you can start the healing process.

[almostnrn]

Not only do I have teenagers but I have the delightful ex too! Actually I have two of them...one is mine and one is my husbands (and two is NOT better than one, lol) First of all, good for you for going back to school! Don't loose sight of what you want to accomplish!!! As far as your daughter goes...it can get better, I know because we have done it. Teens are hard enough to deal with but when you add another parent who isn't on the same page it gets even worse. I would love to share some of the things that worked well for us, if you are interested PM me. I would post more on here but I feel a bit akward about that....I am not a psychiatrist, I just know that the steps we have taken have drastically changed our kids lives for the better (and ours too!). Also, I would never want to imply that our way is better than anyone elses. I guess in short, I just don't want to offend anyone.

More than anything else I am sad that your relationship with your daughter is so strained. From the looks of things on here, I must have been one of the few teens in the world that didn't have those issues. My mom and I were always very close. When I was younger I looked up to her with admiration and when I became an adult she was my best friend. I am sure that you guys will get back on track, I hope it is very soon.

As for all of you teens out there that are posting....love your moms! I know we can be annoying sometimes when we are perky in the morning or want to give you a hug, but its only because we love you guys so much and we can't believe our sweet little girls have grown up! And as far as the good morning thing goes.....I would give ANYTHING to hear my mom say that again, even at 6am.