Sometimes I Am Deeply Humbled......

[ShayFL]

Three weeks ago I punched in the name of an old friend into USSearch. I paid 9.95 to get a list of addresses and phone numbers that corresponded to her name. I have done this two other times in the last 10 years and each time I diligently sent letters to each address hoping for a response. But one never came. Last time I paid to get addresses for her mother's name with the same results. Nothing.

Why was it so important that I get a letter to this old friend? I met "Robin" in the sixth grade. Her family moved into our rural community and were considered outsiders by nearly everyone and as a consequence "Robin" didnt make too many friends. She was a funny girl with big blue eyes who liked to dance even if everyone was looking. I was never much for popularity or fitting in myself, so I took to "Robin" very quickly and we became fast friends.

We did a lot of the normal things that young girls do. We talked about boys, giggled and wondered if we would ever get boobies. We had sleepovers and ate bags of Funyuns together. We climbed trees in our big pasture and star gazed at night. For 3 years she was my best friend. We were inseparable. However, there was a darker side to "Robin" and at times she would become moody and withdrawn. It was in these times that I recognized a bit of myself in her. She never wanted to talk about what pulled her away like that, and for a time, I never pushed for answers. I had my own secrets and the last thing I wanted was to lose my best friend. What would I do if she found out? Found out that my older brother had been molesting me for over 8 years. As it turns out, I would not lose my best friend at all, instead, I would find the one person who knew exactly what I was going through. The one person who would not judge. The one person who could cry with me. The one who could dream with me of a better life. An escape.

I can recall one particular sleepover at her house as if it were yesterday. She and I were jumping on the bed and making up a rhymes when her brother came into her room. He grabbed me and tried to hold me down. At that moment I saw a side to "Robin" which I had never seen before. She threw herself on her much larger and stronger brother and scratched at him until he let me go. She yelled at him, "Larry you cannotl not touch her like that!! You cannot hurt her like you hurt me!!" Woah! I knew there was more to this than horseplay. After he left, I confided to "Robin" that my own brother had forced himself on me many times. And she confessed the same to me. We were young and scared. Words like "family therapy" and "abuse counseling" were not part of the average households vocabulary. And both of us had been threatened with violence. What a sad sad place to be. So in each other, we found love, acceptance and courage. We grew up, our brothers moved out and we went our separate ways.

So I paid my 9.95 again I didnt expect this time to be any different, but I was hopeful. So off the letters went again. In the letters I told "Robin" how much she meant to me at a time in my life when I felt so alone. I thanked her and let her know that her life mattered to me and that I had never forgotten her. I asked her to call me if she wanted to. A day or so after I mailed them, I forget about it. Life goes on......

Yesterday, I took my daughter shopping after school and had a great time with her at the mall. We got home close to dinner, so I didnt check my messages on my machine until we were through eating and had cleaned everything up. Much to my absolute shock and joy I heard the words, "Hi this is "Robin H" and I am calling for Sharon B. I hope you get my message and call me back at ........" I couldnt believe it! It was her. OMG!! 27 years later and it was her!

I called the number she left right away, but got her cell recording. I left a message thinking I would not hear back from her until today. But she called me back within the hour. We talked for a good 2 hours going over what we remembered from our childhoods and where we are today. It wasnt awkward. I talked about my failed marriages, my bulimia and all of the therapy I needed to recover and get well. She also shared with me her failures and triumphs, albeit with a more sorrowful tone.

And here is where I am so deeply humbled and thankful for my life and all of the blessings I currently have. "Robin" cautiously told me the story of her life where we left off all those years ago. Her family moved numerous time from Florida to Ohio and everywhere in between. She did finish high school, but got into drugs and alcohol. She said she still works the 12 steps program. Her brother left home only to become indigent. He was arrested several times and eventually was required to serve 5 years in the state pen. He used his bed sheet one night to hang himself at the age of 31. It took her many years to come to terms with this.

She worked many different jobs, and while she didnt mind the work, she found it increasingly hard to work with "people". She suffers from extreme depression and 4 years ago was dx bipolar and is on medications and disability. She lives with her Mom and is unable to work now or be self sufficient. She said to me, "Sharon I dont have much. I've got a room, my dog and a guitar. But it's enough for me."

This made me cry because even though we both had similar childhoods, and rough lives, I got to be healed. And I have so very much: a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, 3 dogs, a nice house and a good job. And yet....sometimes I complain.

"I've got a room, my dog and a guitar. But it's enough for me"

I am deeply humbled......and forever changed.

[kschauer]

I'm not sure what to say, but what an amazing post. I'm so happy you found your friend after all that time. You both have overcome something so huge through the twists and turns of life, you've come out at different places, but you've both made it through. You do have so very much, and what she has is enough. I'm glad you had the chance to be healed and I'll bet just hearing from you helped her heal a little bit as well. ((HUGS)) to you both.

[Fiddle-Faddle]

Beautiful story, Shay.

I hope you have an opportunity to tell her that bipolar syndrome and depression have been firmly linked with gluten intolerance.

You two might still have quite a lot in common!!!!

[fedora]

how touching...I am glad you feel you have healed. I hope things improve for her too. It is always so wonderful to hear of someone who survived hardship and feels blessed. take care

[ShayFL]

The address I sent the letter to was in Ohio. I am in Florida. So when she called I was surprised to recognize a FL area code. She is living in Jacksonville FL!! We are only about 3 hours apart. So we are planning to meet half way soon.

I am sure when we talk some more gluten intolerance will come up. I will mention the connection to depression/bipolar.