Should I Postpone Kindergarten For My Small celiac disease Child?

[jesslynn555]

Hi Everyone,

I have a son who is supposed to enter Kindergarten next year. He will turn 5 at the end of May, so he's not quite a "summer birthday."

A few people have suggested holding him back a year so he won't be so comparitively small. Academically, he is probably just above average. If he started Kindergarten at age six, he would be ahead, but not to the point that it would be a problem. I think it could be great for his confidence to be the smartest kid in class after waiting a year.

He is extremely small and his gross motor skills suffered when he was so sick. He has made great progress after being gluten-free for the past year, but he's still physically behind.

The research I've done is either extremely in favor of, or extremely against postponing kindergarten.

I would love to hear your oppinions on this.

Thanks,

jesslynn555

[ShayFL]

I personally would go ahead and enroll him. I started K at 4 and I was the smallest in the class for many years. I am not a big person now either. My size was never an issue. But I will say that being "the smartest in the class" was actually a negative for me. It was especially hard for me when teachers made a fuss over me being the only one in the class who made 100 on a test. Dirty looks. Punching on the playground. I remember other kids asking me if I had studied for tests. I learned to lie for fear of rejection. And it became even more problematic in H.S. when I got a teacher that graded on a "curve". Everyone hated me then. So I learned to cower. In college a History teacher graded on a "curve" as well and I remember protecting my SS number with my dear life. Only SS were posted with the grades. No one knew who set the "curve" then and I was relieved.

I am great online. The wonderful anonymous world of the Internet, but in person, I never talk about my accomplishments. I still feel like that little kid inside.

If he can be on par with other kids, that might be a good thing. I dont know your child. But wanted to give my perspective.

Just a thought.......

[Darn210]

We held our (nonCeliac but still small) son. He has a May birthday as well. We did not hold him back because of his size. We held him back because of his maturity. He's in third grade now. So far, no regrets and I don't expect to have any. I will say that we live in a school district that had a fairly early cut off date and a LOT of parents held their kids back so it's not like he stands out for any reason. The cut off date has changed but they continue to hold the kids. My neighbor held both her son and daughter (one's an April birthday and the other is a Mar 31st birthday) and she's perfectly happy with her decision. My daughter was MORE than ready to start school. I wouldn't have even considered it for her.

When my son was in preschool, the director (who also recommended that we hold our son for a year) said she held one of her sons but not the other and in hindsight wished she had. In her experience, she has run into many parents that wished they did (hold their child) but has never run into anybody that wished they hadn't.

All in all, it really is a personal choice. The fact that you're considering it tells me that there's some doubt in your mind about starting. An option . . . if it's available . . . is to go to a private kindergarten. This is what we did with our son. He went to a preschool that also had a private kindergarten level. We figured if he caught up to his peers in maturity in that year (it could happen, you never know ), then we would put him in 1st grade in the public school. If he didn't, we would put him into kindergarten at the public school . . . which is what we did. It gave us another year to watch his development.

[jesslynn555]

Thanks for the quick reply. I think you make a good point that it can also be hard for kids to be ahead. I have an older child who is in Kindergarten and reading Harry Potter. He's in an accelerated program with other kids like him, but he would have done aweful in a regular classroom.

My 4-year-old, the one with celiac, has a different personality though. He's behind his peers in size and physicaly abilities. I thought it would be nice for him to have something he was good at. His life is already pretty stressful from his health problems so I want school to be fun and easy for him. But you're right. I do need to consider that being too smart could make things worse.

Keep the comments coming! The more opinions the better

[*lee-lee*]

i don't have children of my own but my first thought is NOT to hold him back. he's always going to be the kid who has to eat differently than the other kids, why segregate him more by holding him back thus making him a year older than his peers? plus, he'll go through a growth spurt eventually and then he'll be the same size as all the other kids.

i think if he's academically ready for school, sign him up and off he goes!

[lonewolf]

I have 4 children, including two kids with June birthdays. And I'm a teacher who has seen all kinds of kids, ready or not, enter school.

My oldest daughter has a September birthday and missed the cut-off to enter Kindergarten by 10 days. I was upset and tried to get her in, since she was already reading and was plenty mature. Now, I'm very happy that she didn't start at 5. She's an A student, doesn't succumb to peer pressure and is very mature. No one makes any type of big deal that she's the oldest girl in her class. She was among the first to get her license (there are several boys older than her). The best part is that I get to "keep" her one more year - she's a delightful 17 year old and I'm so happy that she won't be going off to college right after she turns 18.

My 15 yo daughter has a June birthday and is among the youngest in her class. She's tall, mature for her age and is also a straight A student. We though about holding her back, but chose not too because of her size, academic ability and the fact that she has always tried to keep up with her older sister. It was the best decision for her.

My youngest son is 11 and has a June birthday. He's the oldest in his 5th grade class, but not the tallest. It was definitely the best choice for him. I would hold him back again in a heart beat. We always thought that if he "caught up" we could move him ahead, but we never got to the point where we thought it would be a good thing. He is never teased for being the oldest and because he likes sports he physically fits in well with the other 5th grade boys and is on the upper end of athletic ability. This is important to many boys and is an inroad to being accepted.

As a teacher I can tell you that kids who are on the older side "usually" do better all around. Academics are important, obviously, but there is more to school and to a well-rounded child than just academics. Research shows that children with summer birthdays often have higher IQ's, but are more often in remedial programs because of maturity issues.

I was the youngest one in my HS graduating class and I was also Valedictorian. No one ever teased me in a real way, even when I was the only one who got a 100 on a test. I always felt young and hated that I was the last one to get my license, last one to register to vote, etc. If I had it to do over I would tell my mom to hold me back! I spent 5 years in college and joked that it was the best way to "catch up".

Good luck with your decision!

[jesslynn555]

I have 4 children, including two kids with June birthdays. And I'm a teacher who has seen all kinds of kids, ready or not, enter school.

My oldest daughter has a September birthday and missed the cut-off to enter Kindergarten by 10 days. I was upset and tried to get her in, since she was already reading and was plenty mature. Now, I'm very happy that she didn't start at 5. She's an A student, doesn't succumb to peer pressure and is very mature. No one makes any type of big deal that she's the oldest girl in her class. She was among the first to get her license (there are several boys older than her). The best part is that I get to "keep" her one more year - she's a delightful 17 year old and I'm so happy that she won't be going off to college right after she turns 18.

My 15 yo daughter has a June birthday and is among the youngest in her class. She's tall, mature for her age and is also a straight A student. We though about holding her back, but chose not too because of her size, academic ability and the fact that she has always tried to keep up with her older sister. It was the best decision for her.

My youngest son is 11 and has a June birthday. He's the oldest in his 5th grade class, but not the tallest. It was definitely the best choice for him. I would hold him back again in a heart beat. We always thought that if he "caught up" we could move him ahead, but we never got to the point where we thought it would be a good thing. He is never teased for being the oldest and because he likes sports he physically fits in well with the other 5th grade boys and is on the upper end of athletic ability. This is important to many boys and is an inroad to being accepted.

As a teacher I can tell you that kids who are on the older side "usually" do better all around. Academics are important, obviously, but there is more to school and to a well-rounded child than just academics. Research shows that children with summer birthdays often have higher IQ's, but are more often in remedial programs because of maturity issues.

I was the youngest one in my HS graduating class and I was also Valedictorian. No one ever teased me in a real way, even when I was the only one who got a 100 on a test. I always felt young and hated that I was the last one to get my license, last one to register to vote, etc. If I had it to do over I would tell my mom to hold me back! I spent 5 years in college and joked that it was the best way to "catch up".

Good luck with your decision!

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate your insight as a school teacher. If I were to hold him back, what would be a good place to put him in the meantime?

This is already his second year of preschool. He's been in a pretty non-academic preschool that has served its purpose, but he's definitely ready for something more. There are some pretty scholarly preschools in my city which I've never been a big fan of, but they might be a good option now. Although this would mean that when he finally starts Kindergarten he'll be a year older, AND he will have gone to an accelerated preschool. I hope he won't be too bored. Uh-oh, I think I jut further complicated the situation.

[gfgang]

My Celiac son is 4, and he is really small for his age. It bugs my husband more then it does me, but I don't think size matters anymore. I will be enrolling him next year into kindergarten, for every reason.. Kids will be kids at that age and I don't think they would even be able to notice something like size. I think children are examples of ourselves and if they see us lacking the confidence we need in life it will rub off onto them.. At a time like this were the other kids get to eat pizza and yours doesn't, I think that's going to be a lot harder on him then being the one who cant spell a word or being the shortest kid in class. He needs to gain his confidence early on in life so he can thrive as he gets older and be an example of never letting something like this get to him. My advice get him enrolled into school its the best thing a child could experience. Good luck!

:)

[HAK1031]

I have an october bday, so I actually started kindergarten at 5. Although I am among the youngest in my grade, I DEFINITELY would not have wanted to wait. My parents always said I was more than ready, and actually, I was among the tallest kids. I would not say size alone is a reason to hold your son back, but do consider his maturity level.

As for me, I never felt "younger" and I was always at or above the level of my older peers. It was only slightly annoying when everyone started driving first, but I have friends who, despite being 17 or 18, still don't drive. The voting thing was never an issue. Drinking might be a slight issue in college but I highly doubt it. I have felt ready to graduate since sophomore year, and I can't even imagine if my parents had waited another year.

Also keep in mind that, while not ideal, a handful of kids are held back and repeat kindergarten. But I haven't spoken about this with anyone who's done it, so I can't say if it's a good idea or not.

[The Kids Folks]

Our son is also small. He has a summer birthday, but after talking to our peds and his preschool teachers we decided to send him to school. Yes he is the smallest in class. He's in 2nd grade now. But looking at him he would still be small as a first grader.

We recently discovered that he is gluten intolerant and are hoping for the growth spurt!

But as far as how he is doing education wise, we realize that he would be bored out of his mind if he were sitting in first grade. He is doing an outstanding job in school and loves it and loves to learn!

I also grew up always being the shortest one in school (not just the shortest one in class but many times the shortest one in the entire highschool). I was very shy and awkward about the whole thing and hated it.

For our son we have worked very hard building his self esteem, including him in various group activities, (piano, hockey, baseball, etc) The more friends you have the less likely you are to be teased. We also looked very carefully at the school that he attends. They have a no tolerance policy for teasing and are VERY HIGH ON the RESPECT factor amongst everyone who attends his school.

Its a tough decision, but his preschool teacher told me - "once you make the decision, go with it and don't look back or ever second guess yourself."

Good Luck!

The Kids Folks

[jesslynn555]

Thank you all for you comments. You have all given me so much insight. I especially like the part about "once you make your decision, don't look back." I needed that reminder. I'm one who would lose sleep over this for the next 9 months.

[celiac-mommy]

I have one of each. My dd was able (thank God) to test into kindergarten at age 4-she also missed the cutoff by a bit, but was so ready to start school that there was no question for us (she tested into 2nd grade!!). Our ds is only 3 right now and has an August birthday. Since going gluten-free, he's had an enormous growth spurt and went from an almost 3yo who was the size of an 18mo old to a 3.5yo, the size of a 3.5 y/o (in 7 months!!!!!). Academically/maturity-wise, he is no where near where his sister was at this point. We do have another year and a half to make the decision, but if he's not ready, we won't hesitate to hold him one more year. For me, I feel like I have to do what's right for them right now and not think so far into the high school years.

[lonewolf]

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate your insight as a school teacher. If I were to hold him back, what would be a good place to put him in the meantime?

An advanced pre-school or "readiness kindergarten" would be perfect if you choose to keep him out.

It's interesting reading all these responses and seeing how some people were the youngest and liked it and some didn't. It just goes to show you that there isn't any one right way to do it.

If you have a good school system, boredom should not be a factor. A good teacher will be able to challenge a child who is advanced. My daughter who has a September bday was reading before kindergarten and she actually could pass the public school end of kindergarten assessment before she was 3. She was beyond ready for kindergarten when she started, a week before her 6th birthday. But she had a wonderful teacher who challenged her and kept her interested. Now that she's in high school I am really happy that we did it this way for her. She's so confident and has done so well. She's taking honors physics, honors English, pre-Calculus and other challenging classes and still has next year to take further tough classes that will prepare her for college (and hopefully a scholarship!).

That being said, my daughter who has a June birthday is almost the youngest in her sophomore class, has a 4.0 gpa and is also taking honors classes. Her personality is different and she loves working hard and meeting a challenge. She is confident and happy where she is.

It really is an individual choice and only you can determine what's best for your son.