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Oh, Family And Holidays

The Glutenator

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The Glutenator Contributor
The Glutenator
Posted

Everything looked very promising at the outset of this Easter. My mother had gone out of her way to get me gluten-free eggs (even though I am far too old for an egg hunt), and although I forgot the meal I had prepared to take to a family dinner the host had done a separate chicken for me with steamed veggies, and also didn't put flour in the scalloped potatoes. Great! I was diagnosed celiac 2 months ago and this was my first family event, so I was very pleased with the consideration. However, at dinner a family member discussed how they "completely understand" because they are lactose intolerant and can get bloating too...all this said over a big serving of potatoes with cream in them. I sacrastically said "yes, you completely get what it is like to strictly avoid some types of food". I also got pressured by the host to have dessert multiple times. I mean, HELLO, you went out of your way to make me separate meat and you are surprised I can't have a cupcake or piece of pie!

Thanks for listening to the vent. All things considered my family was very accommodating but it is still hard when they don't realize the extent of the symptoms (it's not just bloating) or the strictness of the diet.

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kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

I'm just sitting here & shaking my head. Ahhh... Family.

My mom has gone the opposite way. She thinks I can't have lots of things. Now that I think about they are all mostly white things - sugar, milk, yogurt. My mom knows how to cook so she should know better. Ahhhh...Family :)

JNBunnie1 Community Regular
JNBunnie1
Posted

I'm just sitting here & shaking my head. Ahhh... Family.

My mom has gone the opposite way. She thinks I can't have lots of things. Now that I think about they are all mostly white things - sugar, milk, yogurt. My mom knows how to cook so she should know better. Ahhhh...Family :)

Well, my boyfrind's family still doesn't get it. I think it's just a politeness thing though, I have not once ever eaten anything they've prepared, I walways bring my own food. But they still try to tell me how they have ham that's not glazed, can you have that? The green bean casserole has a tablespoon of flour, is that ok? Oy. No, I'm eating the lovely food I brought with me, thank you.

On the other hand, my mom is the coolest, amazingest person ever, who totally gets it, and is the only person other than my boyfriend or another Celiac whose cooking I will eat. I can share her with you!

kareng Grand Master
kareng
Posted

Well, my boyfrind's family still doesn't get it. I think it's just a politeness thing though, I have not once ever eaten anything they've prepared, I walways bring my own food. But they still try to tell me how they have ham that's not glazed, can you have that? The green bean casserole has a tablespoon of flour, is that ok? Oy. No, I'm eating the lovely food I brought with me, thank you.

On the other hand, my mom is the coolest, amazingest person ever, who totally gets it, and is the only person other than my boyfriend or another Celiac whose cooking I will eat. I can share her with you!

Thanks. My mom's not mean about this, she's just confused. She doesn't cook anymore, anyway. I usually cook things & bring to her & my dad. Would be nice to have someone else cook for me that doesn't stress me out. Hub tries but I still have to watch like a hawk. I pretend I'm just getting a spoon for my coffee or something & keep an eye on his cooking for me. Its mostly just old habits having to be relearned.

bridgetm Enthusiast
bridgetm
Posted

Most of my family, and quite a few friends, are sure that "just a little bit" won't hurt me. "Be polite and take just one bite of the cookie. It won't kill you." Well, no, not immediately. But I will feel as if my intestines are being ripped apart inch by inch killing me slowly. So, no, I will not be 'polite' and take "just one bite".

I can always feel eyes watching me while I put only one or two things on my plate and constantly questioning why I didn't take more or something else. Eating a meal with friends and family should not be this exhausting.

BoyzMomma Newbie
BoyzMomma
Posted

i hear you! i've only been gluten free for 3 weeks but already ran into this situation. i told my step mom that i couldnt/wouldnt eat anything with sauce/spices/breading on it and she relayed to my dad not to put ANYTHING on the roast. perfect...roast, potatoes and green beans...im safe. One bite and i knew that SOMETHING was on my meat...

me :"dad, did you put anything on the meat???"

dad: "well yah, but its just bbq sauce and ketchup"

GAAAHZOOKES! and then i went to check the ingredients to see if i could continue to eat and he couldn't tell me which if the 10 bbq sauces from the fridge he had used..

luckily i had brought food and was only a few days into the gluten free diet so the bite didn't seem to kill me anymore that i already was...

lesson learned...you just can not expect others to understand. they try, which is nice...but they will poison you by accident.

Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

My mil does not quite get it, but would always ask what to cook when we go over. At their house the don't get crosscontamination. We are planning a weekend trip this month and I was dreading it. I did talk to her and told her not to even try to accomidate me this trip that I would take care of feeding myself. I thought she might get offended, but to my suprise she was greatly relieved and more than happy to let me take care of myself. My last visit I did not do well. So for me I have the oppsite thing with her so no pressure for either of us now!

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Roda Rising Star
Roda
Posted

On the other hand, my mom is the coolest, amazingest person ever, who totally gets it, and is the only person other than my boyfriend or another Celiac whose cooking I will eat. I can share her with you!

I know how you feel, my mom is great. When I am at their house there are certain things that are there that are dedicated just for me. I usually spoil her and do most of the cooking for the week. However, she does get the contamination aspect and she is really good. We usually are in the kitchen together though so I can watch.

bridgetm Enthusiast
bridgetm
Posted

I think it's driving my mom crazy because my sister is about 2 weeks into a vegetarian diet and was limiting meat and processed foods for some time before. She does most of the grocery shopping so my mom loved to have me home from school so we could buy a package of cookies or hit the McDonald's dollar menu without feeling too guilty since we were 2 against 1. But now we're both looking over my mom's shoulder when she cooks or shops. Neither my sister nor I care if she eats something in front of us that we can't, or won't, eat, but she refuses to. It's thoughtful but I think the poor woman has lost more weight than my sister and I put together.

The Glutenator Contributor
The Glutenator
Posted
  • Author

It is nice to hear, as much as they may not get it a lot of the time, how supportive some families can be. My mom bought a shopping guide and when I go over for dinner she'll buy all gluten-free stuff, watch for cross contamination, and usually even gets a cake mix for dessert and some gluten-free goodioes to send me home with. It really makes me feel OK...but then when it comes to extended family who just don't really get it its awful. They are both a blessing and a burden...they try to make gluten-free food, but without much vigilance. The blessing is they care, the burden that it is so much harder to say you can't eat something when you know they put thought into it!

lynnelise Apprentice
lynnelise
Posted

I don't eat at my inlaws because they have no clue what gluten is. I've explained but they are the type that have selective ADD and they filter out anything not directly pertaining to them. I made fudge a few weeks ago and my mil went on and on about how you couldn't even tell it was gluten free, it tastes the same as her recipe. Ummm because it's naturally gluten free. Oh well. Thank goodness she's only a mile away so we never really have to eat there.

GFLindsey Explorer
GFLindsey
Posted

My family is extremely considerate when they are thinking about it, but sometimes they do things that are unintentionally hurtful. Last week my dad came home from work and brought home boxes of pizza, breadsticks, and beer. Everyone sat on the back porch eating, and the delicious smell alone made me want to cry my eyes out in my bowl of soggy Rice Chex.

On Easter, my family had the usual ham, potatoes, asparagus, etc. I had a gluten free pre-packaged roast to myself and my great aunt had the audacity to complain about not getting any of my gravy. After several comments, I literally said to her, "You are kidding right? You have tables and tables of food to eat and I have one little thing that will not make me violently ill. For some reason, you feel the need to make me feel guilty." Ugh I would trade gallons of the gravy for a slice of the homemade strawberry pie on her plate, yet I don't sit and complain.

Often I will bring my own food to family parties (I brought a single brownie to my gma's birthday party last weekend, or I'll throw a few cookies in my purse for a baby shower) and everyone wants to touch and try my things when they have a plethora of options in front of them. I find it so frustrating.

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